Chapter 53: An Intriguing Idea

August, 1984, Chicago, Illinois

Anala had pushed me hard to decide what I wanted from Penny. The thing was, no matter what I wanted, the fact that she was only fifteen presented what appeared to be insurmountable problems. In theory, she could marry at sixteen with parental permission, but how did a twenty-one-year-old man approach the parents of a fifteen-year-old and ask to marry her without potentially disastrous results? And even if I overcame that problem, was Penny really in a position to make a decision like that? I sure as hell wasn't at age twenty-one, and I'd been thinking about it for more than seven years!

"It doesn't matter what I want at this point, really. Any option except more or less releasing her to kids her own age creates problems for both of us. Problems that I don't think can be overcome."

"Then you have to tell her."

"I know," I sighed.

"If it's meant to be, then maybe five years from now it'll happen. When she's had a chance to figure things out. Can we change topics?"

"Sure."

"How are you feeling?" Anala asked.

"Physically? Better. I don't ache, and I've been walking at a good pace without any ill effects. Another week or so and I'll try a brief jog to see where I am."

"Good. Are you feeling up to making love yet?"

"Physically, mentally, or emotionally?" I asked.

"Answer however you like," Anala said with a smile.

"Physically, who knows? I've been avoiding anything strenuous, as well as being careful with caffeine. I suppose the only way to answer that one is to try. Mentally? I've been struggling with the whole concept of striking the right balance. I don't want to be like I was before, but I've also been counseled to not take it to the opposite extreme, which certainly has been something I've thought about. As for emotionally, I think what I need is closeness, not sex."

"You're becoming much more aware of your interior life, and that's a good thing. Remember, in the end, you can't satisfy anyone else unless you are satisfied yourself. You can't make anyone else truly happy unless you are truly happy yourself. You can't meet anyone else's emotional needs if you are needier than they are."

"Do you think I'm needy?" I asked.

"Yes, in some ways. Just as you're unhappy in some ways. And just as you're unsatisfied in many ways. I'll add in the whole struggle with submission/dominance and say that in all of these things, you must find the right balance. Life is dualistic, pulling us towards one extreme or the other. It is a constant struggle to find the proper balance."

"«Lagom» again," I chuckled. "A Swedish word for balance, more or less."

"May I ask how you plan to balance Bethany, Sofia, Kara, and Tatyana?"

"I think, in the end, Tatyana is going back to Russia. My sister suggested that she's waiting for me to ask her to stay, and I'll never do that because it's not what she wants."

Anala smiled, "Just as you won't ask me to marry you because you know I want a devout Hindu husband."

"But you would say 'yes' if I asked?" I said, surprised at the revelation.

"Yes. Of course. But you will never ask because you know that I would have issues giving up that part of my life. Not that I would have to stop praying, but that I would give up being able to pray with my husband. Tatyana would say yes if you asked her to stay, even though she would have to give up being a diplomat. But you won't ask, and I suspect she knows that as well."

"This conversation seems to be seriously narrowing my options," I said.

"Is it? Yes, there are Bethany, Sofia, and Kara, but they are not the only girls you know, and you might meet someone new. And, perhaps, things will change down the road, and Penny will be back in play. But I can see your point. Could you choose between the three girls now?"

"No way!"

"Well, then you have your work cut out for you because you keep implying that there's a chance you'll get married next Summer."

"I could be happy with any of them. Making the right choice is difficult."

"If you don't make a choice, one might be made for you. Karin showed you what will happen. None of them will wait forever, though I suppose if you wait long enough, you could have Penny, assuming she doesn't move on. Do you have any criteria for your decision?"

I thought about it for a moment. If I was honest with myself, the answer was that I didn't have a list of criteria. I had just always assumed that I would know. And I didn't know.

"No, I guess I don't."

"Then how do you propose to choose? Maybe your first step is to figure out what you want from your wife. Besides children, of course."

"Do you think I know myself well enough to be able to answer that question?"

"If you're asking the question that way, then the answer is 'yes'. Why did you ask Kara to marry you?"

"Because I felt it was the right thing to do, and that she was the right person for a life partner."

"And was it the right thing to do?"

"As it turns out, no."

"You acted hastily and without thinking it through. Don't make that mistake again. You'll live to regret it if you do."

"I think we've talked about this as much as I can stand for tonight. Shall we go to bed?"

Anala smiled and stood up. I got out of my basket chair and took her hand and led her upstairs. We got ready for bed and climbed into my queen-size bed and lay close to each other.

"Anala, I want to try to make love," I said.

"OK. Just take it very slow and easy, and don't try to hold back. If it lasts two minutes, so be it."

Anala gently grasped my flaccid dick and gently stroked me. We started kissing, softly, and I cupped her firm butt cheek, squeezing gently. When Anala had me hard, I slid my hand over her hip and gently massaged her clit. When I felt her juices begin to flow, I pushed her onto her back and moved between her legs. I put my glans against her labia and pressed forward slowly until I was fully embedded in her.

I began with long, slow strokes, allowing my pleasure to build without trying to hold back. Anala moved with me, and we kissed softly. About five minutes later, I felt the familiar pressure in my groin and simply allowed it to happen. Jets of cum spurted from my dick and I felt only a mild throbbing in my temples, instead of feeling like someone was pounding the inside of my skull with a sledgehammer.

"How are you?" Anala asked.

"Fine. Just a mild pressure in my temples. I think I'm OK."

I kissed Anala and slid down between her legs. I swirled my tongue around her clit and gently sucked on it. Anala bucked her hips gently against me and moaned softly as I pleasured her. I alternated between running my tongue along her labia, pressing it into her, and teasing her clit with it. When she was close, I latched onto her clit and sucked hard. Anala groaned and her body shuddered. I continued pleasuring her until her orgasm passed, then moved up to kiss her softly. We held each other tightly and fell asleep in each other's arms.

In the morning, I took a brisk walk, then showered and went to eat the breakfast that Anala had prepared for me. She ate as well, and just as we finished, Kara came in to make herself some breakfast. Anala made some tea, and we went to the Indian room to sit until Penny arrived at 9:00am. I brought Penny to the Indian room and Anala went to sit with Kara, who was in the sunroom.

"Penny, do you remember me talking to you about seeing boys your own age? Or at least High School boys?"

"Yes. And I told you I don't want them!" she said firmly.

"Who's going to take you to Homecoming? To Prom? To the Sweetheart Dance if you have one?"

"I go to an all-girls school, so we don't have all those things. But we do have mixers. But I don't need to go to those."

"Those are all part of being a teenager, Pretty Penny. There's lots to do in High School that I can't do with you, like the dances, and going on dates, and being with you and your friends."

"What are you saying? Are you breaking up with me?" she moaned, a tear running down her cheek.

"I'm just talking to you about how things are. I want you to think about these things so we can talk about them. It would be irresponsible of me to not talk to you about these things. I want you to be happy, but I also want you to have a fairly normal High School experience."

"What if I don't want to date anyone else? What if I just want to be with you, even if you can't take me out on dates?"

"I'm not sure that's wise, but I can't decide for you. You know there's a risk that your parents will find out and that could be a disaster. It's illegal for me to be with you."

"What? Illegal?"

"Yes. In Illinois, the age of consent is seventeen. Given I'm twenty-one, I could go to jail."

"But I wanted to do it! I asked you to do it with me! You pushed me away at first and made me wait!"

"That won't matter, Penny. The law says you can't agree to have sex because you're too young."

"That's dumb! Who made that dumb law?"

"The parents of fifteen-year-old girls!" I chuckled.

"Can I get permission from my mom?" she asked.

"No. Well, if you were sixteen, you could get permission to get married, but not to have sex."

"That's dumb! Wouldn't I have sex after I got married?"

"Yes," I chuckled. "It's dumb. And no, Penny, I'm not going to marry you when you turn sixteen, even if you get your mom's permission. You're too young for that."

"So, what can we do?" she asked.

"I don't have all the answers. That's why we're talking about it. I like being with you and I enjoy your company very much. I'm not just talking about sex, either. The problem is that I can pretty much only see you twice a week, and even then, it's really limited and we have to sneak around."

"This sucks! I don't want to break up. But I don't want you to get arrested, either!"

"We won't solve this today. Let's go work on computers."

We went to my study so that Penny could work on my Apple IIe while I wrote in my journal. I checked her work occasionally, and I was convinced that she was going to be an ace programmer when she got out of college. In fact, with the experience she had, she might be able to skip college and go straight to work, though I wouldn't suggest that to her. If things went the way I expected them to, I might even hire her.

Penny headed home at 10:30am as she usually did, and I went to find Kara and Julia to talk to them about the plans for the morning. We'd be leaving at 3:30am, so I suggested that everyone get to bed early. The departure time was set so that we could have the maximum time in the garage without having to try to book a hotel room. Once we agreed on the plan, I drove Anala home. We spoke briefly about my conversation with Penny, and after I dropped Anala at her apartment, I headed back to my house.

We had a fairly quiet day around the house. Around 3:00pm Dave arrived. He was going to eat dinner with us and then sleep in Julia's room so that we could leave directly from the house. Just after he arrived, the phone rang. I answered it and was surprised to hear Alice Nichols, who asked me to stop over. My blood froze, and I felt nauseated. If Penny had told her mom about us, I'd be dead meat. Of course, if she had, I most likely would have had a visit from the police, rather than a phone call from Alice. I told the girls and Dave I was going next door for a few minutes and walked to Penny's house.

Alice let me in, and I wasn't surprised that neither Penny nor Pete were anywhere to be seen. I suspect that my young lover and her dog had been banished to her room so that Alice could talk with me. It was all I could do to keep my hands from shaking when Alice offered me a cup of coffee. I took it carefully and sat down at the kitchen table as requested.

"Penny asked me something today that concerns me. She said that she wants to be allowed to do things with you and your friends outside the house. I told her that she's awfully young to be hanging out with college kids, but that I'd talk with you about it. I'm curious, what do you think about her request?"

I kept my expression as neutral as I could. This was a crazy situation and just about anything I said could blow up in my face. I had to be extremely careful with my choice of words and how I responded. Navigating the rocks and shoals here was going to be more than a little difficult.

"I think I have the same concern you do," I said carefully. "She's fifteen. Most of us are twenty-one. We do adult things, like drink, go to R-rated movies, that kind of thing. The age gap is pretty big."

"Yes, it is. You've been very nice to her, and she and Jackie have become friends. You've taught her a lot about computers, too. How is that going?"

"She's a top-notch programmer. If she chooses any career other than computers, I'd say she'd be making a huge mistake. She's really that good. Give her some college training, and she'd be a lock for a fantastic, well-paying job. It'll be an interesting situation, too. I know very few computer science majors who are female and at the place I work, except for the receptionist, there are no women on staff. The same is true for the engineering firm where my friend Kara worked. But I think Penny has a strong enough personality to deal with that when she grows up."

"And how do you feel about Penny?"

I thought about how to answer, and a dose of truth seemed to be the best way to defuse what was a loaded question.

"I like her. She's smart, learns fast, likes computers, has a good sense of humor, and I'm pretty sure she has a crush on me."

Alice smiled and nodded, "I wondered if you'd noticed. I thought perhaps the age gap was so great that you might not notice or think about it. That's what has me a bit concerned, and why I always liked Jackie being there to keep Penny from, well, you know. Misbehaving, I guess, is the term. Does she flirt?"