Chapter 49: Summer of \'84, Part IV

July, 1984, Chicago, Illinois

The week flew by. On Monday, I met with Doctor Alborg and we discussed the relationships that I had with adults, ranging from Jennie McGrath to Ivan Voronin. We talked about my run-ins with Kent van der Meer and Kara's dad, and contrasted those with my relationships with Ben van Hoek, Frank and Trudy Spencer, Robert and Allison Block, and Ivan Voronin. We came to the end of the session before we could talk about my sister. I let Doctor Alborg know that I'd be away the following Monday, but would see him in two weeks.

On Wednesday, Jackie arrived early in the afternoon and we packed up her things. When we finished, we got Cokes from the fridge and went to sit in the sunroom. We talked through my thoughts on Emily, as well as what had happened with Lyudmila. And of course, Jackie's own feelings on the matter.

"It's tough at this point," she said. "I mean, in a week, I'm going to be with Jamie for the first time. But I still have this burning desire that I can't act on with you. I'm guessing from your relationship with Melanie that you understand."

"I most certainly do," I agreed. "There are a few women who I would like nothing better to fool around with, but can't. Or won't, I suppose is the better term. The offer still stands, if you want it."

"Do NOT make it harder on me than it already is!" she declared with a huge smile.

"I thought it was me that was supposed to be hard!" I teased.

"I think I'll leave that for Penny. She'll be here soon!"

"You're a great friend, Jackie. I'm really going to miss having you around the coming semester."

"I made Jamie promise that we'd come here on Sundays. You'll see us pretty regularly, I promise. I might come on some Saturdays to work with Jeremiah. Speaking of him, rather, his dad, I see the porch is almost done!"

"They'll paint the exposed wood tomorrow, and then it's finished. We can't use the front door from tomorrow morning until Friday night, but I'm leaving early Friday for Georgia."

"Say 'Hi' to your Georgia Peach for me!" Jackie said.

"She's not mine anymore. She belongs to Red."

"She'll always be yours, Steve, just as I will, and the other special girls will. You'll have special relationships with us, no matter who you end up marrying."

"I see your point. What do you think I should do about Emily?"

"She was just a fun diversion two years ago, and nothing has changed. Last year, you and Stephie had your issues and so you and Emily ended up not getting together. What would it be this year? Just some fun?"

"I guess that's what's bothering me."

"Do you think there's anything wrong with having sex for fun? I'm not saying just casually fucking anyone who comes along. I'm thinking that those days are slowly coming to a close for you. You offered to do it with me, why not with her?"

"You turned me down. And for good reason. Maybe that reason is enough to tell Emily that I'm not interested any more."

"Maybe. How far do you intend to take this new-found morality?"

"Morality? I don't think that's the right word. It's self-control."

"Either way, you define the parameters and you decide what's best for you. Maybe having a rollicking good fuck with Emily is just what you need to bring back your balance. I say that because you seem a bit off-balance at the moment, at least from what I've seen and heard."

"Off-balance? How?"

"This change in you is pretty damned radical. That's not your normal way. You do things gradually and work into them. That's worked really well for you in the past. When you've made radical changes, that's when things have gone haywire. Deciding to ask Kara to marry you and asking Anala to move in are two examples of radical changes that blew up in your face."

I nodded, "There's a Swedish word, «lagom» that seems to fit. It means just the right amount. Not in the sense of 'enough' or 'full' or 'complete', but in the sense of moderation."

"Yes, that's probably a perfect word if I understand the nuance. Using the two extremes you mentioned from your talks with your Swedish girls, you don't have to be a pussy hound or a monk. There are all kinds of behaviors between those two extremes. I think you were right to refuse your KGB friend's daughter, and not because of the potential for being shot, but because you would have badly hurt Tatyana.

"And that's the thing I think Karin was trying to tell you. And that you learned with the Anala situation with Penny. That you need to consider if your actions are going to hurt someone you love in a way that you don't want to hurt them. I say it like that because, in the end, you are going to hurt Bethany, Karin, Sofia, Tatyana, or Penny. Probably most of them. I guess the question for you to ask yourself is whether being with Emily will hurt her or anyone else. If not, then perhaps that qualifies as «lagom»."

"You turned me down because it would hurt Jamie, didn't you?" I asked, suddenly realizing her true motive.

She nodded slowly, "Yes, I think you're right. Not consciously, but I think that's what gave me pause. I was thinking of you, but I was also thinking of me. And Jamie."

"This is just like Pia and Johan. And it makes perfect sense. Did you plan to stay tonight?"

"I had, but now I wonder if that's a good idea. One thing I've learned from you is that true intimacy isn't about intercourse, and I'm not sure I should be that intimate with you at this point. Friends don't sleep spooned together the way we do."

I chuckled, "Maybe YOUR friends don't, but mine sure do!"

"I trust you implicitly too. But I'm not sure I trust myself at this point. I'll stay until Penny goes home so you two can have your secret tryst!"

As if on cue, the doorbell rang. I went to greet Penny and Alice and once Alice saw that Jackie was at the house, she headed back home. I shut the door and pulled Penny into my arms for a kiss.

"I got my period," she whispered.

"Well, I'll leave it up to you. We can just hang out with Jackie tonight if you want, or we can go upstairs. It's up to you."

"It was kind of messy last time. I think I can wait until next Wednesday!"

"Saturday I'm going to be in Georgia, so I won't be here for our computer programming lesson."

She made a brief pout, then the three of us went to the kitchen to make dinner. We decided to eat in the breakfast nook and when we finished, all three of us pitched in to clean up. When we finished, Penny excused herself to use the bathroom.

"What's up? I expected you two to be upstairs fucking like bunnies, as you usually do!" Jackie teased.

"Period," I said softly, so that Penny didn't hear me.

"That is inconvenient as hell, isn't it?" Jackie said with a smile.

"It comes with the territory. Look at it this way — with no periods, there would be no babies. And I do want kids."

"Eventually," Jackie added.

"Yes, eventually. But if Joyce's abnormal cells come back, 'eventually' might be sooner rather than later."

"How is she?"

"Fine so far, I guess. I need to call her, but I know she'd call me if there was an issue."

Penny came back in the room and the three of us decided to get some ice cream. We walked to the shop on Hyde Park Boulevard and got cones, then walked to Washington Park to hang out until Penny had to be home. We walked her home, and Jackie decided to head home at that point. I said 'good night' to both girls and went inside. It wasn't too late to call Joyce, so I went to my study to call her.

"So far, everything's fine," she said. "But they'll have to keep an eye on it. I'm cautiously optimistic, though part of me wishes I could have that baby with you!"

"Have the baby or make the baby," I teased.

"Bastard!" she said with a laugh. "You know damned well that I want to get back into your bed, but I sure as hell don't want to have to have cancer to get there. Even YOU aren't that good!"

"True. How are things going with your grandfather?"

"Good. I'm running a bakery and a pony keg day-to-day. Of course, Grandfather keeps an eagle eye on everything, but mostly he just lets me do my thing. It's a trial run, so to speak. I do have some big news, though. I'm moving out! I found a nice apartment in Blue Ash and I move in on September 1st."

"Cool. Are you dating?" I asked.

"Off and on. I just haven't met anyone I'd want to be with permanently. Connie is dating Anthony, but I think you suggested that."

"I did. Are you OK with that?"

"Sure. She can have the Sicilian business all she wants. I'd rather be on the legitimate side. That's what Grandfather wants for me, anyway. That way, if you and I ever were to get married, you would be completely shielded from all of that."

"Is that you talking, or Don Joseph talking?" I asked.

"That's Grandfather. If you think about it, his blessing for me to have your baby would certainly give him hope that we might work things out. But I know that's a longshot for a bunch of reasons. At this point, I'd settle for being in your bed on occasion."

"You've brought that up a few times now, Joyce. Is that something you really want?"

"Of course, you shithead! I've wanted that for years. I almost got it before I messed everything up. Are you offering?" she asked hopefully.

"Right now, I need friends, not lovers. I'm trying to sort out so many issues that I can't get involved that way with anyone else, including you."

"But you'll keep your promise if it comes to that?"

"Of course I will! And you're free to enjoy every second of any baby-making we might do!"

Joyce laughed, "You know, life sucks sometimes. The only way I'm likely to get back in your bed is if I get cancer."

"Just be my friend, Joyce. Let's worry about the future in the future."

We talked for a few more minutes and she told me about her apartment and the new car she wanted to buy, and then we said our goodbyes and hung up. I decided to turn in because on Friday I'd be getting up early, and with Anala spending the night before that, I didn't want to be overly tired given I'd be driving for eleven hours.

On Thursday, I packed for my trip and left my weekend bag open on the top of my dresser. On Friday morning, I'd toss in my bathroom kit and be ready to go. I picked up Anala as we'd planned at 6:00pm and took her to dinner in Chinatown so that we didn't have to spend time cooking or cleaning up. When we arrived home, we used the sauna and whirlpool, then went up to bed. We made love once and went to sleep much earlier than usual as we'd be getting up at 4:00am.

On Friday morning, when the alarm went off, I got up and dressed and went out for my run while Anala made breakfast. We ate, showered, dressed, and then headed out to my car. I drove her home so she could get ready for work, then stopped at the Amoco station at 31st and the Dan Ryan to fill my car with gasoline for my drive to Dawsonville.

July, 1984, Dawsonville, Georgia

I pulled into Stephie's driveway just before 8:00pm. She was sitting on the front porch swing with Red, and both of them came to greet me. Red shook my hand and Stephie gave me a quick peck on the lips. I paid careful attention to Red's expression and body language, and it didn't appear that he was uncomfortable with the kiss.

"How ya' doin'?" Red asked.

"Good," I replied. "Psyched for the race on Sunday! I'm hoping Bill has a good day."

"They qualified today, and he's second to Cale," Red answered. "They run fast, 202 miles an hour for Cale. Emily'll be happy 'cause Earnhardt is third. The King and Bobby are further back, but at this track, anything can happen."

"How are you guys doing?" I asked.

"Great!" Red said and Stephie smiled. "I have to tell you, I was so happy when she decided to transfer to Georgia Tech that I 'bout did backflips! How are things for you?"

"Good as well. There are a few changes at the house, but otherwise, I'm focused on finishing my Senior year. Well, except for skydiving. I've made about ten jumps now."

"Out of airplanes? You're nuts!" Red laughed. "And Rose was worried about racin'? That would have really thrown her for a loop!"

"How's your team doing?" I asked.

"Just working in the garage for a guy who runs the local bull rings as well as working at the speed shop. We win some. I'm trying to hook up with one of the Grand National teams, you know, the Saturday guys. There's a new team this year, and the driver's an engineer. Strange enough, he's from Wisconsin. Most Yankees ain't got a clue, but this guy does. He's runnin' just four races this year, but he's going to run more full-time next year. I'd love to hook up with him because he'll appreciate me having a degree."

"What's his name?"

"Alan Kulwicki."

"I'll have to keep my eye on him! I hope you manage to hook up with his team."

"I'm s'posed to talk to him at Charlotte in October. I'll keep you posted!"

We talked for another fifteen minutes before Red gave Stephie a goodnight kiss and she and I went into the house. She offered me a snack, which I turned down because I'd eaten dinner along the way. She poured us both some lemonade, and we went back to sit on the porch swing.

"I arranged with Emily to come by tomorrow around 11:00am. We'll take a picnic lunch and the four of us will head to the swimmin' hole. She's excited to see you."

"Does she have a boyfriend?"

"Nah, she's dated some, but she says the High School boys are all idiots! She's going to be a Senior in the Fall. I guess a couple of them put the moves on her, but she shut 'em down fast. She said she didn't like the way they pawed her when she let them touch her boobs. I guess you spoiled her, Yankee!"