Chapter 46: Summer of \'84, Part I

July, 1984, Stockholm, Sweden

Sitting at the gate at Arlanda airport, I thought back over the final six days of my trip to Sweden. They had been filled with sightseeing, talking, and dinners, both in the apartment and out, with Karin's parents. And, of course, making love.

I did, finally, on the last evening, take a trip, alone, to see Birgit. I put flowers on her grave and knelt there, imploring her for answers to the difficult questions that were swirling around my head. She, like the other girls, was silent. Only I could answer those questions.

There had been no pressure and no hints about the future from Karin's parents. I was sure that Karin had spoken to them, at least briefly, to let them know how things had gone. I'd had a great time with the Anderssons and was truly sad to be leaving.

I'd said 'goodbye' to Lars and Annika in the apartment before they left for work, and, because Karin wasn't allowed through security, we'd hugged and kissed before I had entered the queue for the metal detectors and x-ray machines. We held that hug for some time, looking deep into each other's eyes, and Karin encouraged me to keep calling her regularly and I promised to do so.

I had no idea what to do about my relationship with Karin. But, ultimately, that was true of the other girls as well. Karin had given me her terms, so to speak, and as Anala had pointed out, I had a decision to make. I wasn't ready to make that decision, but if and when I did, it would be as an adult, asking another adult to have an adult relationship. One that was grounded in reality.

I boarded the plane, hoping for a businessman as a seatmate because that would pretty much guarantee a nice, quiet flight home, which was what I wanted. My fervent hope was rewarded when the middle seat in my row was empty and the aisle seat was taken by a mid-50s American businessman. I couldn't have hoped for a better outcome. Except for when I needed to get past him to use the lavatory, he didn't talk to me and I didn't talk to him. I read, ate, and quietly contemplated everything that had happened in the past month.

July, 1984, Chicago, Illinois

About nine hours later, the tires of the plane screamed in protest as they contacted the tarmac at O'Hare. After easily clearing customs and immigration, I hailed a cab to take me to Hyde Park. The temperatures were scorching, in the mid-90s, but fortunately the low humidity made it bearable. When we arrived in front of the house, I paid the driver, then we got out of the cab and he retrieved my bags, placing them on the sidewalk beside me. I thanked him and then walked up the steps. I unlocked the door and let myself in, calling out to Anala.

There was no answer, so I walked to the kitchen. There was a note on the chalkboard that Anala was next door. I decided to take a shower and start some laundry, and if she hadn't returned after I finished my shower, then I'd walk next door to get her and say hello to Penny. I showered, got the load of laundry going, made quick calls to let Karin and Sofia know that I was safely home, and as Anala hadn't returned, walked next door and rang the bell.

I was nearly bowled over by Penny, who launched herself through the open doorway when she saw me standing there. She showered me with kisses, wrapping her legs around my waist and hanging from my neck. I moved inside as quickly as I could, lest anyone see her attacking me, as she had promised to do.

"Hi, Steve!" Anala said, laughing.

"Hi, Anala! I seem to have been missed!" I grinned.

"Not just by her! How are you?"

"Good. I have some interesting things to talk to you about," I said.

"Talk?" Penny said. "No way! Come on!"

She dropped to the floor and tugged my hand, leading me towards the stairs.

"Penny?" I asked. "Where are your parents?"

"Milwaukee! They won't be back until tonight. Come on, I want to make love in my bed!"

I looked over at Anala, who smirked and rolled her eyes, then shrugged. I let Penny drag me to her room and nearly rip my clothes off. I was a bit too slow in removing hers for her taste, and she pushed my hands away and had them off in seconds. She pulled me onto her bed, wrapped her legs around me, and urged me into her dripping pussy.

"Oh yeah," she sighed. "I missed this!"

"Me too!" I replied happily, slowly moving inside her.

"But you got to do this in Sweden and I've been lonely without you!" she growled, humping her hips against me.

"Hard or slow, Penny?" I asked.

"Hard!" she demanded. "We can go slow later. Make me cum. Now!"

So I did. We pounded hard against each other with Penny groaning four times before I emptied myself into her. She held me tight for several minutes, her legs locked around mine and her arms around me.

"I really, really missed you," Penny sighed. "I hope you know that."

"I can see that! Can you come for dinner tomorrow? And for your usual lesson on Wednesday? Jackie will be here Wednesday and Anala will be here tomorrow."

"Yes!" she giggled.

We got out of bed and she led me to the bathroom across the hall where we showered together, and then back to her room to get dressed. She changed the sheets on her bed and took them down to the washer right away, so that there was no evidence of any kind that we'd been in her bed.

"Happy now?" Anala teased Penny.

"No! One time doesn't make up for five weeks!" Penny said fiercely.

"Penny, Steve has to be really tired from his flight. Do you think you could let him relax and get some sleep?" Anala asked.

"I guess," she said, frowning.

I had an idea.

"Penny, what time will your parents be home?"

"8:00pm," she said.

"I'll tell you what, why don't you come over and nap with me. You can have some dinner with us, too, then come home. Anala's here, so I don't think your parents would get mad."

"No. They let me hang out with her during the day on Saturdays while you were gone."

The three of us went next door, and I went to change my laundry load, but Anala stopped me.

"Let me, Steve," she said. "Go rest."

I took Penny's hand and went up to my room. I set the alarm for 6:00pm and the two of us got into bed. She snuggled close to me while I napped, and when the alarm went off, she rolled on top of me and kissed me deeply. She lay on my chest and I held her for a few minutes before we got out of bed and went down to dinner, which Anala had prepared.

The meal was excellent and afterwards, I tried to help clean up, but Anala shooed me away. She suggested that Penny and I use the sauna while she finished in the kitchen and put away my laundry. I didn't argue with her, because I knew she wanted to do those things for me, but I saw Penny giving Anala strange looks. I took her hand and led her to the sauna, which, to my surprise, was pre-heated. I chuckled and thought I could get used to this.

"Why are you making Anala do all the work?" Penny asked when we were sitting naked in the sauna.

"I'm not," I said with a soft smile. "She wants to do those things for me."

"Why? Who wants to do laundry and wash dishes?"

"It's about doing those things for me. That's what she likes doing. Just as I like to teach you about computers."

"And sex!" she giggled.

"Penny, be serious, please," I said firmly.

"Sorry," she said, looking down.

"Anala does these things because it makes her happy to do them for me. You know I do those things for myself and I don't mind doing them. Anala told me that she wants to do them. In fact, when she was going to move in with me, she insisted that I let her do those things. I suspect that your mom does them for your dad because she loves him."

"OK. Now I'm confused. You said that you think the husband and wife should share the duties, but you let Anala do them. Why?"

"Because it makes her happy, and I want her to be happy. Just as I want you to be happy."

"Oh," Penny said, not sounding convinced.

Anala came into the sauna just then, and I looked appreciatively at her golden-brown body with the perfect triangle of black pubic hair, and thought about resuming our relationship later in the month. And for the first time, I wasn't sure I wanted to. I'd talk with her later about what had transpired with Karin, and maybe she could help me sort out my feelings. It was important that I do that before I left for DC on Thursday.

I suggested to Penny that she ask Anala about what she'd asked me and the two girls talked while I closed my eyes and relaxed. Rather than trying to clear my mind, I tried to get my thoughts in order. I really had missed Penny, and I hadn't had a second thought about making love with her. That made me wonder what exactly was going on deep in my mind. I didn't know, but I did have Anala here to help me, and Jackie would be here on Wednesday. And of course, I'd see Doctor Alborg on Monday afternoon after coming home from Washington.

Later, after Penny had gone home, Anala and I sat in the Indian room with tea and burning incense, and talked.

"How is it that you can be here during the day? Aren't you working?" I asked.

"Yes, but I have very flexible hours. I finished my current set of drawings this morning, so I don't have to go into the office tomorrow. I do have to go in on Wednesday, so I need to be home by 8:00am."

"Sounds good," I said.

"Tell me what happened with Karin," Anala said.

I chuckled, "What usually happens with Karin — something completely unexpected!"

I recounted the surprise trip to Dalarna, the conversation, and how Karin had left things with me. Anala nodded but was quiet while I told the tale. When I finished, I sat quietly and waited to hear what he had to say.

"You let her call you a self-centered asshole, and let her slap you, and didn't run away? And you didn't lash out at her?"

"I reacted calmly, and accepted the criticism, including the unspoken criticism of the slap for accusing her of intentionally ambushing me."

Anala smiled, "Most adults would not take such direct criticism as well as you did. And you agreed with her assessment?"

"Yes, because she was right, and it was my phrase, after all. She's perhaps the one person on the planet that I would meekly accept such blunt criticism and physical correction from. I've argued with you, Bethany, Jennifer, and others. I've argued with Doctor Mercer, my therapist back in Ohio. But not with Karin."

"Interesting. And she's told you her terms. It's up to you to decide what to do. Does that sound familiar?"

"Yes, it most certainly does."

"And?" Anala asked.

"I don't know. I'm not ready to make a commitment to anyone at this point. I still need to grow up."

"Not as much as you think you do. I think that ten-day conversation with Karin was a watershed. You may not marry her, but she just helped you define your life and helped you move forward in a way that, as you say, perhaps only she could have. Maybe that's her role in your life, just as my role is to help you discover your Atman. And your sister's was to help you discover love. And Jennifer's was to help you discover tolerance."

I smiled, "And Penny, Tatyana, Sofia, and Bethany?"

"They each have a role to play, and have each played a role. Bethany helped you break your connection to your abusive mother. Tatyana has broadened your horizons and given you a view into a very different system of thought. Sofia has shown you what love can achieve when it sets its mind on something."

"And Penny?" I asked.

"She appears to have saved you from yourself by breaking your addiction to Becky."

"Very interesting. So what does all of that mean?" I said.

"It means that despite being a 'self-centered asshole,' as you and Karin put it, you have good friends who love you. And it's not just the girls I mentioned, either. Jackie loves you more than you realize. So do Cindi and Katy. But those three are different in some way."

"Kara wasn't mentioned," I said.

"That one you need to answer yourself. What do you think?"

I was pretty sure I knew what it was.

"The importance of knowing our own limits and ensuring that we have a way to tell right from wrong. I don't mean in the overall moral sense, but what is right or wrong for us, guided by the idea of doing no harm and loving others."

"Yes. And?"

"The dangers of religion when practiced as a list of rules and regulations, instead of as a life of loving and worshiping whichever god you wish to serve."

"Very good."

"Now, tell me which of them I should marry!" I asked with a goofy smile.

"Not a chance!" Anala replied with a small laugh. "But you knew I wouldn't before you asked. If I made you decide right now, who would you choose?"

"I have no idea," I said.

"Exactly."

"You'll stay tonight and tomorrow night. I'll take you home on Wednesday morning."

"As you wish," she smiled.

We went up to my room and changed into our silk pyjamas and got into bed. We cuddled close, and I quickly fell asleep, despite the nap I'd taken earlier. I expected to wake up very early because my body clock was misaligned and that's exactly what happened. At 4:00am, I slipped out of bed and went downstairs and made coffee. I took the pot and a mug into my study and turned on the computer so I could write in my journal.

I noticed that the light on my answering machine was blinking and listened to the message. It was from Gerald Brown saying that he'd have the crew start on the porch on the 17th and, if I had any concerns, to please call him as soon as possible. I made a note on my calendar and then erased the message.

I'd written long-hand journal entries in Sweden, as was my practice when I was away from home, and I typed them into the computer verbatim. When I finished doing that, I began working on a new entry. About 6:45am Anala appeared at the door to my study.

"Why don't you exercise and I'll make breakfast?"

I agreed and went up to my room and put on shorts and a t-shirt, along with my sneakers, and went out for a run in the very warm morning air. I ran my usual route, but was winded when I arrived home, as I hadn't really exercised in over a month. I went up to shower and saw that the bed was made and my shaving kit and clothes for the day were laid out. I thought about Penny and chuckled. She'd be very unlikely to ever do things like this for me. I quickly showered, shaved, and then dressed. I went down to the kitchen to find my breakfast ready and tea brewed.