Chapter 35: Confrontations

May, 1984, Chicago, Illinois

"Did you have a good time tonight?" I asked.

Kara nodded and smiled, "Yes. I had a very nice talk with Katy. She's wonderful, Steve. She really, really likes you, too."

"I can't provide Katy with what she really wants, though," I said. "She's only interested in an exclusive relationship. She once told me that if I gave up all my other girls, she'd date me in a heartbeat, but that just wasn't, and probably isn't, in the cards."

"I can see that. No matter who you end up with, you and Jennifer are going to have some kind of sexual relationship."

"So it would seem, yes. Not what I thought it would be, even a few months ago, but people keep pointing out that basically I'm going to eat my cake and be able to have it, too."

"I'd say! You're a good man, Steve. And lucky. You have lots of girls who love you, and who are willing to accept you for who you are. Speaking of which, what was up with your shadow?"

I chuckled, "Penny? Well, she came for computer lessons. Things kind of developed from there."

"You make a cute couple, though she's pretty young, isn't she?"

"She turned fifteen on the 22nd. We have the same birthday."

"Interesting. Can I ask you a question?"

"Yes, Kara. And you don't need to ask if you can ask," I said, puffing my pipe.

"What's up with you and your sister?"

"That's pretty much over. She's coming to visit in July and we'll make love one last time, and then call it quits."

"Is that your decision? Or hers?" she asked.

"Mutual. When we restarted, right after you walked out on me, it was different from it had been. I don't think we need it any longer. It's kind of been fading away."

"Once you two broke your mom's hold on you?"

"Exactly. The working theory is that it was a defense mechanism. Stephanie and I bonded so closely to protect each other from our mom, and that's what led us to a sexual relationship. For Stephanie, I'm thinking it was her seeing how much I needed love, and deciding that it had to be from her, because my mom was such a bitch. For me, it was being with someone who unreservedly believed in me, trusted me, and loved me. I couldn't refuse her when she came to me. Now? It's run its course."

"Good. I was never comfortable with it, obviously, but I understand why you two think you had to do it. I think it has to end for you both to move on. She'll always be with you, even if you aren't in a physical relationship. I can't imagine the two of you ever being apart."

"I suspect you're right," I said, and took a drag on my pipe. "It's time to let her go and allow her to find a guy to spend her life with. And time for me to seriously work on getting my shit together."

"That's what the thing with Anala is about. I think it's smart. You have been a little too free with your love in the past."

"A little?" I grinned.

"I can't totally condemn it, because I benefitted from it. I told you before that I don't regret what we did, and I am happy that we made love that first time. I'm glad it wasn't just a fuck, Steve. I'm sad that I made so many mistakes."

"You and me both, Honey," I sighed, "you and me both."

"But we're both working on fixing ourselves. Maybe, just maybe, we'll be together. If not, I hope you can be my friend for the rest of our lives."

"That I can guarantee," I said. "Hey, I meant to ask, how's your mom's boyfriend?"

Kara giggled, "I think Mom may have gotten things out of order again!"

I choked on the smoke that I'd just inhaled from my pipe. After a brief coughing fit, I managed to gasp, "No way!"

"Oh, yes!" she giggled again.

"And you're OK with that?" I asked.

"Why not? My dad is dead, Steve. Mom should be happy. And why not? I mean, if you and I can do it without being married, how can I condemn her? She needs someone. Just like I will in the future."

"You really are sounding like me, Kara. I'm amazed. I just wish it could have happened without all the heartache."

"It couldn't have," Kara said softly. "That's one thing I learned from Doctor Mercer. Something had to shatter the glass case I was in. I fought so hard to keep it intact, when it was really a prison that I needed to break out of. I hate to say this, and I hope that you'll forgive me, but walking out on you is what eventually set me free."

"If that's what it took for you to be a healthy, happy, free-spirited young woman, then it was worth it. Even if it hurt me badly."

"It hurt me too," Kara said, "Doctor Mercer compared it to surgery — sometimes pain is necessary for healing."

"Very true. I'm so glad that I bought you that bear," I said.

"Me too," Kara smiled. "It really helped. Maybe we should get Steve and Kara bears together?"

"Or Steve and Kara together bare?" I teased.

"Yes. I want that," she said.

"Someday?" I asked.

"No. Now. Right now. I'm ready. Are you?" she whispered.

Wordlessly, I tapped out the tobacco from my pipe, then took Kara's hand and led her through the house and to my room. I shut the door and motioned for her to sit on the loveseat. She did, and I sat next to her.

"I thought we should continue our conversation in private," I said.

"It's too soon, isn't it?" she asked, her countenance falling.

"I think so. I'm worried about you, Kara. That conversation was probably the best one we've ever had, except maybe that first night we made love. It's a huge, huge step in the right direction, no matter where it leads. If we get in that bed right now, the sex will be out of this world, but it'll interfere with our relationship. We aren't ready for this."

Kara wiped a tear from her eye, "You're right. It just felt like we'd come to some perfect point, and that the next step was making love. But it's not, is it? If we did that, it could mess up everything."

"Yes. Making love at Christmas was necessary, and right. We had to prove to each other that we COULD do it. For me, it was like you taking me to bed after I confessed about my cheating to you. I knew that if I rejected you at Christmas, I'd never, ever have another chance to be with you. And I couldn't do that."

"And that was exactly the right thing to do, Steve. And so was telling me 'no' just a few minutes ago. I think you saved me from severe heartache. I want it so bad, and I want it with you, but the price I might pay for it is far too high."

"I agree. We'll have plenty of time to be together and talk during the Fall, because you're going to be here."

"Maybe I should stay in the dorms?" Kara suggested. "At least the first year?"

"That's up to you, but I'd prefer you lived here. It'll be fine."

"You want to watch over me and take care of me, don't you?"

"Yes, I do. No matter what happens in the end, I want to do that."

"Thanks for loving me, Steve. And thanks for being strong."

I chuckled, "You have no idea what was running through my mind."

"Oh yes, I do!" she giggled. "I've done it all with you! Multiple times!"

"I think it's time for bed, let me walk you down to your room."

"You're the best!" she said, leaning over and kissing me on the cheek.

We left my room and walked to the basement. I stopped at the door to the guest room and Kara kissed me on the cheek again, then went in and shut the door. I returned to the now empty backyard and filled my pipe again and sat quietly, puffing. It was just after midnight and nearly everyone had left. I pondered the revelations of the day. I had thought, earlier in the week, that things were simplified. Now, they weren't. Except that they were. I chuckled at the contradiction.

If I stuck to the plan, I wouldn't be adding any new girls to the mix and, to me, that seemed like it would indeed make life simpler. Certainly, it would avoid repeats of the Charlie, Carie, and Carla train wrecks. I wondered if it was the first initial that was the problem there! If I included Candace and Connie, it certainly seemed like a pattern, I thought, chuckling slightly.

"What's so funny?" I heard a soft feminine voice ask.

"Just thinking about something silly," I said. "What's up, Katy?"

"You OK with some company? Or did you want to be alone?"

"Come sit with me," I said.

"Thanks. Where's Kara?"

"Bed. I just came out here to relax before bed."

"Not the sauna?" she asked.

"I considered it, but it's such a nice night, and it was quiet and peaceful out here. Well, as quiet as Hyde Park can be, but you know what I mean."

"Yeah. She's really sweet, you know?"

"Kara? Yes, I know. I saw you two chatting earlier."

"She loves you very much, but I guess you knew that, too. I'm surprised at how you're handling things, given what she did to you. I don't think I could forgive someone that easily."

"Who said it was easy?" I said softly.

"Ah, yeah, I don't know what's going on in your mind, your heart, or your gut. I can imagine it's pretty much complete turmoil."

"Yes," I agreed. "But, in the end, what value does holding a grudge have? What could it possibly gain? She came back as a friend. I can help her get better. That's all I want. To help her."

"You help all your friends, Steve," Katy said with a smile. "Including me. You've made me see lots of things in a different light. Your love, your open-mindedness, your acceptance, your friendship, everything. I'm just sad that you and I have very different relationship goals. I can even get past the scores of girls that you had, if you didn't have the one impediment that I can't get past. But I never, ever want to lose you as a friend."

"Why, Katy O'Connor, you're becoming sentimental. We're not even in our Senior year yet!"

"It's all going to end in a year," she sighed. "At least this part of our lives. We'll all go our separate ways. I can only hope that our paths continue to cross in the future."

"I'm pretty sure you'll know where to find me. Owning this house basically ties me here, barring some huge upheaval. Are you planning to stay in Chicago?" I asked.

"If I can. There are lots of possibilities for jobs here. I don't want to move away from you or the girls."

"You're always welcome here, Katy," I said, tapping out my pipe. "Now it's bedtime for me, I think."

"Would you like some company?"

"If you want to sleep, yes. If you're looking for sex, not tonight."

"Did something happen that I missed?" she asked.

"Yes and no. It has nothing to do with you. It's just me trying to sort out my life. Ask me in the Fall and I'll be happy to make love with you."

"You are one strange guy, Steve. You know how good it was between us and you're turning it down for cuddles? Whatever happened must have been pretty traumatic. Are you really OK? Or is this just a front?"

"I'm really OK. I just need to sort out some things. I turned down Jackie and Elyse quite a few nights last week."

"I was wondering about that. You guys just slept together, didn't you? And I don't mean euphemistically."

"Yeah," I said, not feeling that I needed to reveal the previous night's activities to Katy.

"Well, whatever it is, I hope you work it out soon. For your sake, not because of what I asked for."

"Thanks. As I said, invite me in the Fall, and I'll come to your room. Now, shall we head up?"

"Yes, we should!" Katy grinned.

I took her hand and led her up to my room. I started laughing when I saw Jackie sitting on my loveseat.

"Oops!" she said. "Sorry. Cindi has company, so I thought I'd sleep in here," she said.

"It's OK, Jackie. You can have him," Katy said.

"No, no. I don't want to take him away from you. You don't come in here very often, according to Elyse."

Katy shook her head and smiled wryly, "Busted. But you two are totally cool about it. He actually turned me down, except if I wanted to cuddle."

"Join the club," Jackie said, not revealing anything either. "If you're game, we can share. Elyse and I did that for almost two weeks."

"I've never done anything even remotely like that," Katy said.

"It's fine, Katy," Jackie said. "Trust me. Go get a sleep shirt or nightgown and come back."

Once again, I slept cuddled between two pretty girls, enjoying the warmth and the love, and feeling very close to them. There was something to be said for this, something that Anala was teaching me. Intimacy had very little to do with sex. And that was a very valuable lesson. I fell asleep fairly quickly, knowing just how lucky I was.

In the morning, I smiled as Katy got up, peeked out the door, then hurried to her room. Jackie just shook her head. When I went to the shower, Jackie joined me and we showered together, exchanging a few kisses and hugs in the process. I asked her what had happened to Jamie, and she said that he'd gone home about midnight, and that's when she'd come upstairs and found the hair ribbon on the door that said Cindi was busy.

"I know Cindi's voice," Jackie said with a smirk. "and Cindi's wasn't the only female voice I heard!"

"Really?" I chuckled.

"Yeah! I'd say Jorge got very lucky!" Jackie declared.

I shook my head, "Well, I did tell him to have fun with the three when I saw Jorge and Cindi with George and Charlie."

Jackie and I went downstairs and started making breakfast. Katy and Kara came in a few minutes later, followed by Dave and Julia. I made enough waffle batter for everyone, and Jackie made waffles while I made eggs and bacon. The six of us ate, then cleaned up.

"Do we know who else stayed last night?" I asked, as I was washing dishes.

"I don't think Jorge went home," Dave said. "And I'm pretty sure that George and Charlie stayed as well. Kurt and Kathy cut out about 11:00pm after dancing a bit. Jorge was putting on a show, as always."

"That guy sure can dance!" Jackie said. "The question for Cindi is whether or not he has those moves when he's horizontal!"

The girls all tittered at that comment.

When we finished cleaning up, I made a fresh pot of coffee and some tea and all of us sat in the great room to talk until 9:00am, when Penny came waltzing in. Jackie got up and took her to my study while I stayed with the rest of my friends. I'd be curious to hear how the conversation went, but I put it out of my mind. I saw Jorge come down the stairs and smiled at him. He smiled back and mouthed 'later' in response to my arched eyebrow.