Chapter 68: Equilibrium

July 27, 1994, Chicago, Illinois

“It’s good to see the three of you,” Doctor Green said on Wednesday evening. “How were your trips?”

“Iron Mountain was nice and peaceful,” Kara said.

“And Japan was an other-worldly experience,” I said. “It helped me discover some new perspectives on life.”

“And how did each of you do with the separation?”

“It wasn’t too bad because Kara and I had each other and the kids,” Jessica said. “But we all missed Steve.”

“I missed everyone,” I said. “But I needed the time away from everything to completely recharge my batteries and learn some important things about myself and the world.”

“I don’t want to take too much time, but could you boil it down to a few points for me?”

“Well, the first point is that I was burned out and didn’t know it. The second point is related - I need time away from everything to decouple and decompress. The third point is that I need to spend time with a spiritual advisor. And the fourth point is that even huge cultural divides can be overcome.”

“OK. Where are we relationship-wise?”

“Things are very calm and are going very well,” Kara said. “I think we’ve finally found our equilibrium.”

Doctor Green nodded, “I think so, too. And I think we’re going to start meeting once a month from now on.”

“Did you have your talk with Michelle?” I asked.

Doctor Green nodded, “I did. And other than being a mistress to a married man, I’d say she’s very well adjusted, focused, and realistic.”

“I’m not sure I’d call her a mistress,” Kara said, with a twinkle in her eye.

“OK, within the context of your bizarre set of relationships, she’s not. But to society at large that’s what she is seen as.”

“Doc,” I said. “Pardon my vulgarity, but none of us, and that includes Michelle, gives a flying fuck what society at large thinks. Society at large has its head so far up its ass I’m not sure it can ever be extracted. We’re at a point where we’re just ignoring anyone and everyone who has a problem with it. So, can we agree that Michelle is not a mistress?”

Doctor Green nodded, “OK. Tell me a better word.”

“There isn’t one in English I’m aware of. I think the three of us would agree that Michelle is probably best described as a ‘junior wife’ similar to Krishna’s situation in the Bhagavata Purana. It speaks of women that Krishna accepted as his ‘junior wives’ to protect them from society. Though I have to say, he had one serious advantage over me.”

“What’s that?”

“As a god, he could divide himself and sleep with all 16,000 of them in the same night, then reunite in the morning!”

Doctor Green laughed, “OK, that’s over-the-top even for you! But back to the point, you’re speaking of something similar to how Muslims who have multiple wives create a hierarchy?”

“Yes. I was being flip with the Krishna reference because he allegedly had 16,000 wives and could have sex with all of them every night. I believe Muslims are limited to four in most instances. In this case, Jessica and Kara are co-senior wives, and Michelle is a junior wife. And, in keeping with the Qur’an, in the surah ‘Al-Nisa’, verse 3, the conditions set forth are that the man is able to do justice to the marriage and treat the women equitably.”

“Hinduism and Islam?” Doctor Green asked.

“Why not? You know me; I have a ‘cafeteria’ approach to spirituality. And when I find common threads, such as the ones I find in Buddhism and Russian Orthodoxy, I give more weight to them. Let me ask you this, do you think I’m acting improperly towards any of the three women in the context of what they expect? I’m not asking what Jerry Falwell or Pat Robertson or my mom would say. I’m asking you about Jessica, Kara, and Michelle.”

“I’ll concede your point, though I’m curious why you wouldn’t include Michelle in these sessions.”

Kara spoke up, “First of all, Michelle has no issues I can think of with Steve, with us, or with anyone except her parents. And second, Jess and I are the senior wives. And our trio has the problem.”

“But it’s a foursome, isn’t it?”

“Not in the sense you mean,” Jessica said. “Michelle has a different status.”

Doctor Green took a deep breath and let it out, “OK. I suppose in the end, if you are all happy, and there aren’t any major relationship problems, it’s not my place to tell you not to forge on. I’m curious; could Steve add a second junior wife? Or a third? Or a tenth?”

“Could is an interesting word,” Kara smirked. “We COULD do a lot of things. Like anything else, we’ll address the situation if it arises. But I actually don’t expect it to.”

“Why is that?” Doctor Green asked.

“Equilibrium. If Michelle were to leave, for whatever reason, we’d need to find a new equilibrium.”

“What that sounds like to me is you believe it’s Steve’s equilibrium.”

Kara smiled, “Well, of course! He’s the focus of the relationships. If he is well-balanced and happy, the relationships are well-balanced and happy. He provides for our needs, and we provide for his. Equilibrium.”

“And the kids are happy, healthy, and well-provided for,” Jessica said. “The ones who are in school get good grades and the younger ones are advanced for their years. They have lots of friends and good relationships with other adults.”

“Please don’t think I’m trying to break you up,” Doctor Green said. “I’m simply probing for trouble spots. You know as well as I do, it’s not as simple as you’re making it out to be.”

“Or perhaps it is,” I said, “and making it complicated is where the trouble lies. In other words, we may be doing more harm than good if we try to map out everything to the last detail. Kara’s point about addressing situations when we encounter them is a good one. One of my Japanese friends told me a Japanese proverb - ‘giving birth to a baby is easier than worrying about it’.”

“I hope that friend is female,” Doctor Green said with a smile.

“Yes, though she hasn’t had any babies. But that matches the Scripture that says ‘do not worry about tomorrow; each day has enough trouble of its own’. You can drive yourself nuts with worry and trying to figure things out. Yes, we do need to make some plans, but obsessing is a sure way to ruin. And trust me, I know all about obsessing. My life became much easier when I quit doing that.”

“Well, I would say at this point, we’ll speak again in a month. As always, if something comes up in the meantime, call and I’ll make time to see you.”

We thanked him and left his office. I walked the girls home, then walked the ten blocks to Doctor Barton’s house. Belinda let me in and pointed to Al’s study. I walked in and found him sitting on the leather sofa, wearing pajamas and a robe, reading a medical journal.

“Is that permitted?” I grinned.

“I’m going to use the two weeks to catch up on about a year’s worth of medical journals. Pour yourself some brandy or bourbon if you want. You know where it is.”

I walked over and poured some brandy into a snifter and sat down in one of the overstuffed chairs facing the sofa.

“What did Malik say today?”

“Same as he and Mitch, the cardiologist at Edward, said on Sunday. No permanent damage. I’m taking low-dose aspirin now, the same as Malik prescribed for you.”

“Do they have any idea why it hit you all of a sudden?”

“Most likely atherosclerosis - buildup of plaque in an artery that broke loose and blocked the artery. That’s why it seemed instantaneous. I was talking and then I was down.”

“And the stress test can help find that kind of thing?”

“In some cases, yes.”

“Is stress an issue?”

“For what happened? No, not really. Why?”

“Something dawned on me in Japan. Well, actually on the plane to Japan. I was showing off the pictures of the kids and their moms, and my seatmate pointed out the similarities of some of the kids to their moms. And I noticed Albert has a number of your features. I wouldn’t have seen them if I didn’t know what I know, but I’m concerned that when he’s a teenager, we’re going to have a real issue on our hands.”

“Because of my public relationship with Jessica, and because the truth is hidden, and has to stay hidden,” Al sighed.

“Yep. I’m figuring we have ten or twelve years before somebody asks the question or gossip starts about how you might be the father of her baby.”

“Damned genetics,” he sighed. “Makes me wish she had two girls.”

“Ashley kind of favors my sister,” I chuckled.

“Well THAT is impossible, at least this side of bad science fiction. This is going to be one hell of a problem.”

“Yes, it is. Not to mention we need to tell Albert and Ashley at some point. They don’t see Troy and Angela very often, and Albert is more attached to you than he is to Troy, so I don’t think it’s going to create a nightmare scenario for him.”

“What about Troy and Angela?”

“It’ll be more than forty years since it happened. I can’t worry about their relationship. I need to worry about my kids.”

Al nodded, “That is pretty much how you’ve operated - tell the truth and let the chips fall. But this one is too damned big to do that.”

“It is. I’m not saying we need to do anything now, but it’s something to think about.”

“I should have just acknowledged it when she first came to Indianapolis. Just ripped the bandage off, so to speak and moved forward. It would have caused all kinds of issues for Angela, but Belinda would have dealt with it, as I could easily have said I hadn’t been in touch with Angela since before the baby was born. Now? I don’t know how she’ll respond.”

“Belinda is level-headed. She’s not going to lose it. That said, you did give her a hell of a scare on Saturday.”

“And my daughter, too.”

“Both of them, certainly.”

He nodded, “Jess managed to activate her ‘doctor’ persona.”

I chuckled, “The biggest problem has been getting her to deactivate it. She and Malik just jumped right in and did their thing. Doctor Robertson sprinted to her car to get a medical bag and Tom, Eduardo, and Bo all reacted calmly and did exactly as asked.”

“When did YOU learn to manage a situation like that?” Al asked. “I heard from Doctor Swanson you took charge and did everything exactly right.”

“Being ringmaster of my circus and zookeeper at NIKA has its advantages,” I grinned. “I learned a few things in Japan about myself and about the world. I spent some time with a Buddhist monk.”

“See, I knew you were smart!” Al grinned.

“And he told me to find a Russian Orthodox spiritual guide because in this particular life, that’s probably where I’d get the most help.”

“Interesting.”

“He has a doctorate from Harvard,” I chuckled.

“You go all the way to Japan and find a Harvard Divinity School grad? Only you, Steve!”

“Welcome to ‘A Well-Lived Life’!” I chuckled.

“What’s that?”

“The title of my journal. Of course, Jorge retitled it to ‘A Well-Fucked-Up Life’!”

“I think he might have been onto something,” Al grinned.

“You think?” I laughed. “Hey, can I ask you a totally off-the-wall question?”

“How is that any different from normal?” Al asked.

I showed him my middle finger, but pointing down.

“Can you hear this?” I smirked. “Or do I need to turn it up?”

I rotated it so my finger was pointing to the ceiling.

“What’s your question?” he asked with a laugh.

“When you were doing your Residency at UCLA, did you know any undergrads?”

“A few, but they were all pre-med. Well, unless you mean females. I ‘knew’ quite a few of them!”

“I bet!”

“Why?”

“My nemesis, Littleton, was at UCLA when you were doing your Residency. He was a poli-sci major. I didn’t expect you knew him or he knew you. It was just one of those weird coincidences.”

Al shook his head, “No. I didn’t know any guys who were poli-sci, but there was this redhead...”

“Save it for your memoirs!” I chuckled.

“So how do you know where he went to school?”

“I believe in politics they call it ‘Opposition Research’. I’m looking for a link that could explain why he’s like a dog with a bone.”

“You making him look foolish isn’t enough?”

“Wouldn’t that be reason to leave me alone? I beat him, badly. If I were him, I’d focus on cases I could win and take home the massive payouts. He’s had several of those.”

“You’re calculating and you figure out the percentages and the upside versus the downside. Well, you do now. In the past, you were the dog with the bone.”

“Point taken,” I said.

“You think he’ll come after you again?”

“I think there’s a very good chance. So I’m gathering the information I need to fight back.”

“Just be careful.”

“Always, Al. Always.”

The door to the study opened and Belinda stuck her head in.

“Al, you need to get to bed. Malik’s orders.”

I laughed, “I think that’s my cue to leave.”

I got up, shook hands with Al, gave Belinda a quick kiss on the cheek, and left the house. I walked home to find my wives and Michelle sitting in the ‘Indian’ room. I joined them for about an hour before we headed up to bed.

July 28, 1994, Chicago, Illinois

“Good morning, Vladyka.”

“Good morning, Stephen,” he said.

“Master, Bless!” I replied, holding out my hands.

“The Lord bless you,” he said, and made the sign of the cross.

I kissed the back of his hand.

“Peter, we’ll have coffee, and that will be all, thank you.”

“Yes, Vladyka,” Deacon Peter said.

He was back a minute later with two cups of coffee which he set before us before leaving the office.

“So, this is not a business call?”

“No. A Buddhist monk in Japan suggested I find a spiritual guide, and after talking with him, he felt an Orthodox monk might be the right choice.”

Vladyka nodded, “Taking into account the cultural differences, plus your affinity for the Orthodox church.”

“Exactly.”

“Let us talk for a bit, but I think I have an answer for you. Tell me about this monk in Japan.”

I related my spiritual experiences in Japan, not just with Yoshiro, but also at the Shinto shrine, and my meditation time. Bishop ALYPY was quiet, asking only two questions while I told the story.

“What I would like you to do is go to Boscobel, Wisconsin, and see Father Simeon, the Abbot of St. Isaac of Syria Skete. I think you’ll find him helpful. He was a fireman in Texas before he felt called to the monastic life. When we’re finished, Deacon Peter will provide you with an address and phone number.

“Go, speak with him, and be sure to tell him about your unique impediment. I fear there is no way we could receive you, even using the protocols which are used in Africa, as such extreme ekonomia would cause a grave scandal here. And I understand from Father Basil that you would not wish to place your, well, place Kara in a position where you were not having conjugal relations.”