Chapter 53: Just a Song Before I Go

June 9, 1994, Chicago, Illinois

“Steve, I have Katya Sergeyevna for you,” Lucas said.

“I’ll take it in the ‘Hull’ room,” I said.

I walked down the hall to the ‘Hull’ room to take the call.

“What do you have for me?” I asked.

“Unfortunately, not much. I only found one item, and that is that Mr. Littleton represented Mr. Scuderi in a civil suit.”

“What kind of suit?”

“Mr. Scuderi sued one of his neighbors because a fence was over the property line.”

“When was the suit?”

“Sorry, I should have said that. It was in 1988.”

I had the link between Scuderi and BLS and Scuderi and Littleton, and the link to Littleton was before BLS and before Carla’s paternity suit. The timing was right because it was after the cheating case and civil suit by Callie.

“Thanks, Katya. That’s helpful.”

“I also have information on his three children - two boys, ages 24 and 22, and one girl, aged 15.”

“Perfect. Thank you, again.”

“One last thing,” she said. “And perhaps most interesting, I found that his sister is mother to that young woman who had claimed that her daughter was yours.”

“Carla Rizzi,” I replied.

“Yes.”

“I suspected as much from a few clues I had, thank you.”

“Is there anything else you need?”

“Not at the moment. I’ll let you know if I do.”

“See you later this summer, Stepa.”

We said ‘goodbye’ and I hung up. I still had no idea what to do, but my trip to Japan was only a few days away, which meant any response on my part would be delayed for at least a month. That would give me plenty of time to think about it.

That evening, Jesse came to hang out with us so that Jennifer and Josie could celebrate their ninth wedding anniversary.

June 10, 1994, Chicago, Illinois

“Ready?” Michelle asked, coming into the kitchen on Friday morning.

“Yes,” I said, getting up and following her to the ‘Indian’ room.

“You should read the prayers today,” she said.

I nodded. We prayed together each morning, but this day was special. Sixteen years ago, on this day, Birgit Andersson had died in a boating accident. I lit the incense, and then read the prayers, including the memorial prayer for Birgit. When we finished, Michelle and I sang Memory Eternal and I spent a few minutes looking at the picture of Birgit I’d placed on the shelf next to those of Stephie, Jorge, Nick, and Don Joseph.

“When will you include your daughters in these remembrances?”

“When they get old enough for me to explain my relationships with those girls. Probably at thirteen or fourteen.”

“Don’t you think Birgit will be ready to hear the story before then?”

“Perhaps, but I don’t want to have to hold anything back, and while we’re pretty open with the kids, I just think thirteen or so is the right age to have that kind of talk.”

“Will we invite Kara and Jessica for Jorge’s memorial?”

I nodded, “Absolutely.”

We hugged, and left the ‘Indian’ room so she could head to class and I could head to work. It was a quiet day, and much to Penny’s surprise, I spent three hours programming. It was on the company website and it was HTML and Perl CGI scripts, but it was programming. I managed to get into my ‘zone’ for the first time in years, and thoroughly enjoyed it. Penny had to snap me out of it when Elyse came to the door so we could head home.

“Thanks for letting me have my party here tonight,” Samantha said after dinner.

“You’re welcome.”

“Are you and your wives and Michelle joining us?”

“I told you we would! Are all your friends going to be here?”

“Everyone accepted. Remember we’re leaving for St. Martin tomorrow morning so Liz, Ellie, and Justine are staying the night. They’re bringing their stuff here.”

“I remember. You’re taking the guys with you?”

“John, Paul, George, and Brian will meet us at Meigs.”

“You do realize that Brian’s new nickname is ‘Ringo’, don’t you?”

Samantha laughed, “He’ll kill you! Would you like to go?”

“I’m leaving for Japan on Wednesday, so I don’t think it’ll work out!”

“True.”

“Not to mention all of you are bringing boyfriends!”

“You know full well that Liz would kick John to the curb to ‘adult’ with you again!”

“And if I had no scruples, I’d take her up on it. You know how much I enjoyed ‘adulting’ with her! But you also know my rules. Not to mention my belief she needs a boyfriend with whom she can have a serious relationship, not just someone to fool around with.”

“That’s all John is, actually,” Samantha said. “You got her hooked on ‘adulting’ and she found a suitable replacement. She’s not interested in a serious relationship until she finishes law school.”

“He’s treating her OK?”

“He seems like a nice enough guy. Justine and George are pretty serious. Ellie and Paul are still just casually dating like they were when you saw them just after Christmas. She learned a very interesting lesson from you.”

“And what’s that?”

“Not to settle for second best. I think Paul finally passed the last test. If he hadn’t, she wouldn’t have invited him to St. Martin.”

The doorbell rang and Samantha went to answer it. She came back with Liz and John, who looked to be close to my age, and introduced him to me. We shook hands, and Liz and I exchange a friendly hug.

“One year down,” I said.

“And six to go,” Liz laughed. “Three more as an undergrad and three in law school!”

“When you’re ready for your internship or first job, call me. I’ll put you in touch with just about any firm you can name, in any city you like, and make sure you get an interview. I can’t promise they’ll hire you, but I think I can get your foot in the door.”

“What do you do?” John asked.

“I own a computer software and consulting company, and one of our products is software for law firms. We have most of the biggest firms in the country as customers. What do you do?”

“Road construction. I’m a foreman for the Indiana Department of Transportation.”

“Cool,” I said just as the doorbell rang again.

The flood was unleashed and Samantha’s guests poured into the house over the next thirty minutes. One of the last girls to arrive surprised me - Shelby Temple, who had just arrived home from her boarding school in France. She greeted me with a hug and a kiss on the cheek, then went upstairs to the attic room to join the others.

“Who was that?” Kara asked.

“One of Samantha’s friends, Shelby. I helped protect her from Noel Spurgeon. I called Shelby’s dad and told her dad Noel was hitting on her. She’s one of the ones who talked to the police, even though she wasn’t one of the girls he videotaped.”

“She’s cute!”

“Yes she is,” I said. “But think about the circumstances.”

Kara nodded, “I get it. Shall we go upstairs? I want to dance!”

“I think we can do that!” I grinned.

Jessica, Kara, Michelle, and I headed upstairs to the attic room where we danced, drank, and socialized with Samantha’s friends and each other. My wives and I danced to You’re the Inspiration early on, and then later, to Just A Song Before I Go by Crosby, Stills & Nash. It was a short song; in fact, it was their shortest. And the lyrics seemed to fit, though not perfectly.

When the song finished, we hugged, and went back to get something to drink. I called it an early night because I didn’t want to take time away from Michelle, as this would be the last Friday I could be with her before going away for a month.

Just after 11:00pm, I kissed my wives good night and Michelle and I went to her room.

“I’m going to miss you while you’re gone,” she said as we undressed.

“I’ll miss you, too. Are you going to do anything while I’m gone besides go to Iron Mountain?”

We got into bed and snuggled close.

“I’m going to visit the monastery for a week.”

That was a surprise, and one she hadn’t discussed with me.

“What brought this on?” I asked.

“I want to talk to Mother Christophora and spend some quiet time.”

“Is there a problem?” I asked.

Michelle moved and raised her head to look me in the eyes.

“There is no problem. I love you and I promise I’ll be here when you get back. Call it a retreat or a way to recharge my batteries. I didn’t mean to worry you.”

“I just want you to be happy, and I hope you’d talk to me if there’s something wrong.”

“Steve; there’s nothing wrong! I promise. Call this ‘me time’ if that makes you feel better.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s OK. I know you care for me. And now, how about some ‘us time’! We won’t have any for a month!”

I smiled, nodded, and we began kissing. After we made love, we cuddled together and fell asleep.

June 11, 1994, Chicago, Illinois

On Saturday morning, I said ‘goodbye’ to Samantha and her friends, then left for breakfast, stopping by Dave’s house to pick him up, then by the apartment where Ed and Stephanie lived to pick up Ed.

“I guess we don’t see you for a month or so,” Alex said when we walked into the Bucktown Bistro.

“Probably closer to six weeks, I think,” I said. “And then in September I have a two week business trip to Europe.”

“Are you cancelling your Guys’ Nights?”

“Ringo and Ed are hosting next Saturday. Two weeks later, some of the guys are going up to Devil’s Lake for an overnight camping trip. That’s when my wives, Elyse, Michelle, and the kids are going to Iron Mountain.”

“Ringo?” he asked.

“Brian. Samantha’s best friends’ boyfriends are John, Paul, and George!”

The guys all laughed.

“Perfect!” Alex replied. “You’re missing the camping trip?”

Dave grinned, “Steve’s idea of ‘roughing it’ means staying at Red Roof Inn instead of the InterContinental!”

“What can I say?” I chuckled. “I prefer my creature comforts! And that includes a good breakfast in this fine establishment!”

“Are you going to get to do much sightseeing?” Aaron asked.

“Only from the train, I suspect. In effect, I’m going to try to cram three-to-six months of instruction from a very senior karate master into about five weeks.”

“I take it you can’t get away from work for six months?”

“More from the family,” I said. “Yes, it would cause some inconvenience at work, but my senior management team is excellent and my dad will fill in as CEO while I’m gone. But even a month away from the family is pushing the outer limits of what I can tolerate. The problem is, Sensei Hiro, that’s the master in Japan, is around 80, and if I wait until Ashley graduates High School, he’d be close to 100!”

“Aren’t there other masters? Here in the US?”

“Think of this like a chain of command,” I said. “My sensei, his sensei, and his sensei’s sensei. My sensei is here, obviously, in Hyde Park. His sensei, Robert, is in Japan. And Robert’s sensei is Sensei Hiro. Just as you wouldn’t go out of your chain of command, neither would I.”

“I’m curious,” Jamie said. “What happens if they were to die? I’m assuming this Sensei Hiro is the top guy?”

“Only in our chain, if you will. There are other 9th Dan Masters, and somewhere, there is at least one 10th Dan, but not in our branch, if you will. The top sensei work more like a, well, Synod, is the best term I can think of. It’s like the Orthodox Bishops getting together. They make joint decisions with the top guy holding the gavel. If something happened to Sensei Jim, Sensei Robert, and Sensei Hiro, then I’d find another, higher Dan sensei as my mentor and master. In this case, probably Sensei Ichirou, who’s here in Chicago.”

“Why not switch to him, then? Couldn’t he teach you here?”

“He could, at least in theory. But as I said to Aaron, it’s the chain of command idea. And respect. I have never met either of those two sensei, but I bet Aaron hasn’t met everyone in his chain of command, either, and most likely hasn’t met the President!”

Aaron laughed, “I’ve never been anywhere close to the President, or the Pentagon. Most sailors never see the top Flag Officers, and oftentimes, never even see their own Flag Officer except in formal situations.”

“So where do you go from here?” Karl asked.

I shrugged, “I don’t know for sure. If things go well, I’ll be 4th Dan when I return. What happens then really depends on the course of the rest of my life. I’m not going to dedicate it to karate, so it’s very likely this is my terminal rank, if you will. And that’s OK. But who knows what’s going to happen in the next fifty or sixty years? I sure don’t!”

After a wonderful breakfast, I shook hands with Alex and got a hug from Pam, then shook hands with the guys, telling them I’d see them when I returned. Ed, Dave, and I got into my car and I drove back to Hyde Park. I had just enough time to change for karate, and walk to the dojo with my wives and Michelle. We arrived about five minutes before class started.

“Good morning, Sensei,” I said, walking into his office.

“Good morning, Steve. Have a seat.”

I sat down in one of the chairs opposite him in his office.

“Do you remember what I told you was the most important thing about this trip?”

I nodded, “It’s a spiritual journey.”

“Yes. Make sure you spend time meditating or praying or whatever you do to focus your thoughts and clear your mind. If you take the world with you, you’ll fail.”

“May I ask what Sensei Hiro is going to do?”

Sensei Jim laughed, “You may ask, but I can’t tell you because I don’t know. I had six months, so it was different for me. It’s also the case that my spiritual life was reasonably settled while yours isn’t. You simply don’t have the inner peace I think you need at this point.”

I nodded, “You aren’t the only one to say that.”

“Then I suspect that is what you will need to work on most. Two or three years ago, I would have said self-discipline, but that’s much better. Do you remember what I said I thought about you when I met you?”

I nodded, “You said you would have washed me out of your unit because I was an immature, self-centered, unteachable, insufferable git. And you were right. And I still have a ways to go.”

“We all do. The destination is perfection. We live each day striving for perfection. We’re not there yet.”

I nodded, “I agree, at least for myself. I’m not in position to speak about anyone else’s situation.”

“And that is the beginning of wisdom.”

“Sensei, what are we going to do about the lack of discipline in the kids and young adults who’ve been coming to the dojo?”

“It’s a tough choice, and whichever decision I make has the potential to create problems. You and I have different approaches. My way is to bring them in, take it fairly easy on them, and hope to instill in them a sense of discipline, then advance them as they progress. The plus side is a good number of students; the downside is most of them aren’t progressing the way they should. Your approach is to be strict and effectively wash them out early on. The plus side is, you’re left with students who are disciplined; the downside is that you end up with very few students, and the dojo might not be viable.”

“A horrible set of choices,” I said.

“It comes down to the question of whether or not you are able to find enough truly disciplined students to bring in enough money to cover the lease and other expenses, and take something for your time and effort. I’ll admit I’m not completely happy with my choices, but in the end, I feel the viability of the dojo is important. If it’s gone, then there is no place for those kids and young adults to learn even a modicum of self-discipline.”

“I see this in my son’s hockey league, and in the Freshmen coming into college, and in some of the applicants at NIKA. It’s a serious social problem.”

“Which is one reason I’ve made the choices I have. And which you’ll make for your company.”

“Wonderful,” I sighed.

“Steve, you’re idealistic, but you can be pragmatic when necessary. I’ve seen that trait develop and it’s a good one. Strive for perfection, but understand you can’t always reach it, and may never reach it, at least in this life.”

“Good advice, Sensei. I want to ask a question, but I don’t want to give offense. Promotions?”

He smiled, “A not unreasonable question. For the lower belts, it’s always been more about correct technique and passing tests. You’re a perfect example of the way I think about it. You advanced quickly through the lower belts because you had good technique and learned the required kata. The closer a student comes to their black belt, the more their attitude and behavior affect promotion.

“I think I get what you’re concerned about - ‘social promotion’ where simply showing up to the requisite classes earns you your next belt as some kind of length-of-service award. Some dojos already do that, even at the level of blue, purple, and brown belts. Watch carefully at your competitions. You’ll see evidence of that kind of thinking.”

I shook my head, “It boggles the mind how people expect something they haven’t earned.”

“I agree. All we can do, is do our best to educate and train our little corner of the world. Well, unless you intend to run for President!”

“Oh, HELL no!” I chuckled. “That’s the last thing I need. Or the country needs!”

He smiled, “Don’t be so sure of that. You lead today. I’m going to observe.”