Chapter 42: Talkin’ About My Generation

April 17, 1994, Chicago, Illinois

“Stop!” Mitsuko commanded.

“What?” I asked, turning to face her. “I did the steps correctly.”

“Technically. But you’re too mechanical. It’s like ... like watching a robot try to do martial arts.”

“In Shōtōkan, the point of kata is to learn the steps of the stylized fight.”

“And would you really fight that way? Pausing between each movement? Making snap movements that do not flow together?”

“No, but...”

“You’ve raised technical form over beauty. That’s wrong. They must be in balance. It’s not just making the correct moves, but about doing so in a way that looks and feels beautiful. Do you compete?”

I shook my head, “No, but you know I judge.”

“And you judge purely on technical merit, don’t you?”

I smiled, “Flourishes don’t impress me; correct steps impress me.”

“Is that how you make love?” she asked with a silly smile. “Correct steps with no flourishes? No feeling? No heart?”

“No, of course not!” I laughed.

“Do you see the point? It’s a dance, Sensei Steve! Everything should flow from one movement to the next, like choreography. And it has a spiritual component; it’s not simply rote repetition of specific moves. That is what you are lacking. Perhaps that is what you will learn in Japan.”

And that fit the pattern that I followed in life that Elyse, Jennifer, and Kara had taken me to task over. Mitsuko was seeing the same thing.

“So, now you are the Sensei, and I am the student?” I asked with a smile.

“In this matter, it would seem so. Normally, I should not speak to a person of higher Dan this directly, but I honestly feel you are completely missing the spirit of karate. Find that, and perhaps you will also find inner peace.”

I bowed, deeply, to Mitsuko, and she returned the bow, not quite as deeply. It was a complete breach of etiquette, but it was also the right thing to do.

“Do you need to get back to your dorm right away?” I asked.

She shook her head, “No. Why?”

“I have something I want to give you. Let’s get our showers and get dressed.”

Twenty minutes later Mitsuko and I walked into my house and I led her to my study. I opened the top-left desk drawer and extracted one of the ‘Lucy’ nickels and handed it to her.

“A nickel? I don’t understand.”

“Do you know the saying ‘5¢, please’?”

“Sure. Lucy, in the Peanuts comic strip.”

I nodded, “That’s for the advice you gave me.”

“But why the plastic case?”

“It’s not to spend, but to keep. I know you met my friend Jorge several times before he died. He used to give me advice, and at the end say ‘5¢, please’. At his memorial service, each of his friends received one of these from me to remind them of him. I want you to have one, not because he was your friend, but because the advice you gave me today was something he would have said. You never saw him dance at my parties, but he was the best dancer I knew. And he would have given me the same kind of grief you gave me today.”

Mitsuko smiled, “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Shall I walk you back to your dorm?”

She nodded and I walked her back to campus, then returned home for lunch.

“What was that about?” Kara asked with an arched eyebrow.

“I gave her a ‘Lucy’ nickel for some good advice she gave me today about being too mechanical in doing my kata.”

“Jess has the same problem,” Kara said. “But Michelle doesn’t.”

“And you?” I asked.

“I dance better than you do!” she laughed. “At least vertically!”

“Nobody dances better horizontally than Steve!” Elyse added.

“I have no intention of testing that theory!” Kara said firmly. “Though Kathy seems to think Kurt does a competent job!”

I laughed, “That’s just what we guys want to hear; that we do a competent job! Come to think of it, that’s how Gina always talked about it before Bo!”

Jessica laughed, “And now?”

“We avoid that subject. I’m not giving dating advice and I’ll leave the marital advice on THAT topic to someone else! I’m her relationship counselor now.”

“They aren’t having problems, are they?”

“No; sorry, I didn’t mean to imply that. My job is to help make sure they don’t have problems. Gina asks me how guys think and how they’re likely to react, and so on.”

“Guys? Think?” Elyse tittered. “That’s an oxymoron if I ever heard one!”

“Don’t you have someplace to be, Belgium?” I asked testily.

“Actually, yes. Eduardo is taking me and the boys to Brookfield Zoo. Also, I assume you’re cool with Eduardo coming to the track next Sunday?”

“He IS your boyfriend, Ms. Clarke. I’m very glad he’s started coming to the Sunday ‘Family dinner’, as well.”

“It’s getting a bit crowded! Between Bo and Gina, Brian and Samantha, Tom and Bethany, Ed and Stephanie, and all of us and the kids, even that huge dining room seems a bit small! And there will be more kids soon enough!”

I nodded, “Fortunately, the way the house was designed, we can overflow into the great room without making it seem like people are in another room. We’ll need that when the kids start bringing boyfriends and girlfriends to dinner.”

“Any idea what we’re talking about today at the Rap Session?” Kara asked.

I shrugged, “Not really. They’ve turned more into an ‘open house’ at this point. There’s also something different about the kids who’ve started to show up.”

Elyse laughed, “Besides the girls not wanting to jump you?”

I chuckled, “Part of that is the age difference, but there’s also been something of an attitude change I’ve noticed. It’s subtle, but they don’t seem quite as obsessed with sex as we did when we were in High School and college. In fact, I bet if we poll the Freshmen and Sophomores, more than half will still be virgins or only have had one partner.”

“The late 70s and early 80s were something of a ‘fuck fest’,” Jessica said. “I remember how it was in the mid-70s, and it certainly has changed. HIV has had a huge impact.”

“It also seems to go in cycles,” I said. “That said, I’m not sure we’ll see anything like we saw before because society has become even more puritanical and more obsessed with preventing sex of which they don’t approve. Hell, about a third of the states have laws which purport to make homosexual sex illegal. Those are bullshit, mind you, under the ‘Equal Protection’ clause, but they’re still on the books with no end in sight. And don’t even get me started about the ever-increasing freak-out amongst the neo-puritans that teenagers actually engage in sex, and, horror of horrors, sometimes prefer older, experienced partners. Add in the continued trend toward infantilizing teenagers and coddling college students, and we’re speeding headlong into a social nightmare.”

“Maybe we can talk about that,” Elyse suggested. “You know, attitudes towards sex.”

I shook my head, “These kids don’t want to talk about it. I think part of it is they’ve been bombarded with ‘safe sex’ messages and everyone is so focused on the mechanics and the disease prevention, that they’ve missed the point that it’s supposed to be fun!”

“Tiger, are you bothered by that? Has HIV testing taken the fun out of it?”

“You know, now that I think about it, it has. You can’t just be spontaneous except in long-term committed relationship. It has to be planned and discussed and it does take some of the fun out of it. I mean, not with you, Kara, and Michelle, obviously, but with new girls? Sure.”

“Which,” Elyse interjected, “probably contributes to you not being all that interested in new girls and could explain, at least in part, your change in attitude.”

I nodded, “It’s so different now. Back then, so long as I had some rubbers with me, I could find a willing partner and just have fun and not worry about planning it all in advance. To be honest, I think the planning requirement sort of ruined it for some of the girls.”

“And for you?” Kara asked.

I nodded, “Yes, though in a couple of instances it did put the brakes on something that needed to be slowed down, but I’ve learned to look for those signs.”

“You’re not asking to relax the rule, are you?” Jessica asked.

I shook my head, “No. I mean, sure, I read the newspaper, and I’ve snuck some looks at some of your medical journals and Bethany’s psychology and counseling journals, and the evidence is pretty strong that using rubbers is very effective. And if your partner is not an IV drug user and doesn’t engage in unprotected sex, it’s very safe. And it’s even safer if your partner is a virgin and has never had a transfusion or used drugs. But it’s not perfect and given our situation, my risk analysis says stick with the rule. But...”

Jessica completed my thought, “ ... you can’t just have any random girl you fancy on the spur-of-the-moment as you could have before.”

“That’s right. And it’s probably not a bad thing in most cases, in the sense that it has helped me move towards «lagom». But otherwise? If I was between fifteen and twenty-two, I’d probably have a similar attitude to the ones the kids who are participating in the Rap Sessions. Sex used to be scary because it was unknown. Now it’s scary because of HIV. And the neo-puritans are using THAT to try to control everyone’s behavior.

“The other problem, which affects college kids more than High School kids, is the whole issue of ‘consent’. You know my position is pretty hardline, but Bethany’s is even harder. And compared to some things she’s told me about, she’s a damned libertine! If you look at it one way, it’s almost impossible to know if someone REALLY consents or if their judgment is impaired. We know alcohol does that, and so do drugs. But so do emotions. And hormones. And peer-pressure. And blood sugar levels. And a whole host of other factors, many of them intangible. Can anyone, ever, REALLY consent to sex?”

“Of course!” Elyse said. “But I see your point. How could you ever know? What’s your fear?”

“That the ‘consent’ notion will get so out of control that we’ll get to a point where you’ll be able to retroactively withdraw consent, and point to some random factor that ‘impaired your judgment’.”

Kara giggled, “I did that to Steve back in High School! Impaired his judgment, I mean!”

“You still do!” I chuckled. “And I daresay there are scores of Freshmen chemistry students with addled brains as well! But my point is, you’ll always be able to find something, and our version of the ‘Junior Anti-Sex League’ is doing its damnedest to get us to a point where people will be afraid to have sex.”

“I know that reference,” Jessica said. “But I can’t place it.”

“Nineteen Eighty-Four. Julia, Winston’s lover, was a member. But she said she was a ‘rebel from the waist down’!”

The girls all laughed.

“A woman after your own heart!” Elyse said through her laughter.

“What did I miss?” Michelle asked, walking into the kitchen.

“Just a long discussion about sex, consent, and being a ‘rebel below the waist’!” I grinned.

“It’s always about sex with you, isn’t it?” Michelle asked, her face set.

“Michelle?” I asked gently.

She couldn’t hold it and cracked a smile, “And me, too!”

The girls all laughed harder. Michelle fixed her lunch while I went to hang out with my kids until our students arrived for the Rap Session. As I’d expected, it turned into mostly a social gathering and I pulled Elizabeth, Trish, and Henry aside.

“I’m looking for ways to get us back to good philosophical conversations. Any ideas?”

Elizabeth shook her head, “No. The new kids just don’t seem to be interested in deep conversations. And don’t even get me started on their views on sex!”

I nodded, “I had that conversation with my wives and Elyse earlier.”

“Maybe we need another naked session,” Elizabeth smirked.

“And I bet you anything you care to wager that at least half the Freshmen and Sophomores walk out before we even take off our socks.”

“No bet,” Elizabeth said. “Though if I DID take the wrong side of that bet and win, I know what the prize would be!”

I chuckled, “And you could have it on one condition.”

“Which is?” she asked with quizzical look.

“In the middle of the great room, during the Rap Session!” I chuckled.

“You’d shock all those little kids,” Trish said. “Their brains would short circuit! I bet you they haven’t even seen a porn movie, let alone two people have sex!”

“You know, we’re starting to sound like old people,” Henry laughed. “I can just imagine my parents having a conversation about the ‘wasted youth’.”

“Forget it,” I chuckled. “That’s been around forever! I’m pretty sure the quote is apocryphal, but it does seem like something Socrates or Plato would say - The children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise. Children are now tyrants, not the servants of their households. They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up dainties at the table, cross their legs, and tyrannize their teachers.“

“One of my professors had that outside his door when I was a 3L,” Trish said. “You say it’s not accurate?”

“Jorge and I tried to track it down, and the earliest reference we could find was by a couple of psychologists in the 50s. Bethany helped us find the quote in something called Personality and Adjustment. But they don’t give a reference to look up, and I’ve read a lot of Greek philosophy and never run into it. Forbes magazine in ‘66 had an article that summarized the failed attempts to verify it. Think of it like ‘Keep your friends close and your enemies closer’.”

“Sun Tzu, right?” Trish said. “Only you’re going to tell me it’s not, given the context.”

I chuckled, “It’s not Sun Tzu; it’s Michael Corleone!”

The three others laughed.

“Perfect!” Trish said. “I’ll remember that one! Anyway, as much as I hate to sound like I’m old, I think Elizabeth is right. We need to do something to shake these kids, but anything we could do would be lost on them. There is something fundamentally wrong with the generation after ours, and I’m not sure how to fix it.”

“Said every generation in history,” I grinned.

“True,” she agreed. “But something has changed. Most of these kids were four or five when that idiot Reagan was elected.”

“Hey now,” I chuckled. “I like Reagan.”

“OK, so you’re an idiot, too!” Trish grinned. “But you like the pseudo-libertarian Reagan, not the one who actually governed.”

“True. But what really worries me is the group after this one, the kids who are four to eight now. I see the kids Jesse plays hockey with and just shake my head. He does, too! They had a mini-tournament in December I couldn’t go to because of my head injury. His team didn’t do so well, but they got ‘participation’ medals. He refused to accept his and had a debate with the organizer. I wish I’d heard it, but according to Jennifer he quoted Dale Earnhardt, saying ‘Second place is just the first loser’.”

“I bet THAT went over like a lead balloon,” Elizabeth laughed.

“Yeah, they didn’t appreciate it, but I teach my kids about losing. You can’t be a gracious winner without knowing how to be a good loser. And if you never learn to lose, you’re going to expect to ALWAYS win and ALWAYS get something for your effort, no matter how poorly you perform. Think about how THAT is going to fuck up society!”

“Baseball bats,” Elizabeth said with a glint in her eye.

“We might get in trouble for beating the kids senseless,” I chuckled.

“Who said anything about the kids? I was talking about beating some sense into the parents!”

“Oh, well, in that case...” I grinned.

“You know,” Elizabeth said in a conspiratorial voice, “there is a way to test your theory without getting naked in the great room.”

“What did you have in mind?”