Chapter 31: Babies!

February 5, 1994, Chicago, Illinois

“Are there still problems with Jessica?” Michelle asked as we climbed into bed on Saturday night.

“No,” I said. “She’s simply acknowledging her struggles, just as you are. I have them too, you know.”

Michelle giggled and snuggled close, “Your struggles are resisting the young women who want to get into bed with you!”

“It’s a tough life,” I chuckled.

“If I tell you something, will you promise not to get upset or do anything in response to it?”

“It’s tough to make a promise like that without knowing what it is. How about I promise not to do anything without talking it through with you?”

“I suppose that’s reasonable. Elyse forbade me from objecting to you having other girls.”

I sighed, and pulled Michelle even closer, “Elyse has her own agenda. And her own opinions. Just as you do. Just as Kara does. Just as Jessica does. And just as I do. That sentiment she has isn’t unique to her. Jennifer and Bethany agree with her, at least in principle. So does Kara, to a lesser extent.”

“And they’ve known you the longest.”

“Yes. I knew Jennifer, Bethany, and Elyse before I went to Sweden, which was before I met Kara.”

“Do you think it’s because of the pattern of behavior you demonstrated?”

“I’d say it’s more complex than that. I mean, sure, they base their opinions on what they’ve observed and what I’ve said. That’s what most people have to go on. They’ve also read, at least in part, my journals. The one thing I think all of them have missed, Kara included, is that over time my behavior has changed incrementally. There have been enough big incidents, mostly related to my severe mood swings, that overshadow the incremental change. And they also know I don’t do well with rules imposed from the outside.”

“You do tend to be a very good example of a stubborn male of the species,” Michelle giggled as she slid her hand down from my chest and over my stomach to gently fondle me.

“Double-checking that I’m male?” I teased.

“Just thinking of an activity which would confirm it,” she said, raising her head for a soft kiss.

“But you’ve seen what happens when I internalize something. Think about all of our conversations.”

“Yes, of course. And today, even. I half-expected you to reject any limits on sparring, but you listened to reason from Doctor Barton and I believe Sensei did what Kara said - deftly helped you come to a point where you were comfortable with the diagnosis and prescription.”

Michelle’s gentle grasp and slow strokes had the desired result and she moved to straddle me. She grasped my shaft, rubbed the tip of my glans along her labia to lubricate it, then slowly sank down until I was fully embedded. She lay down on top of me, stretched out her legs, and I wrapped my arms and legs around her.

“Al Barton pushed me to think about the actual risk calculation,” I said as I savored the feel of her tight, silky tunnel on my rock-hard dick.

Michelle tightened and relaxed her muscles a few times, creating delicious pressure that was designed not to take me too far along the path to orgasm, but to maintain the glorious feeling.

“And, in the end, you decided to do what was best for you, but you had to be led to it, carefully and gently. Just like Kara was saying.”

“Yes. Much like you led me in our conversations.”

“But not to the destination. Not yet.”

“I haven’t been with anyone except Elyse and my wives since you came home.”

“But you might,” she said, grinding softly against me causing gentle spasms to ripple along my shaft.

“Yes, I might,” I admitted.

“I’d prefer you didn’t.”

“I know,” I said. “And that is an obvious consideration.”

“I find it amazing you can talk coherently while we do this,” Michelle giggled, contracting her muscles. “My brain always feels like it’s about to short circuit!”

“And yet, you’re talking coherently!” I teased.

“Would you do something for me?” she asked.

“Sure, what?”

“Roll us over and fuck me hard until I scream,” she sighed.

I did, and she did. Twice.

February 6, 1994, Chicago, Illinois

“How long have you been awake?” Michelle asked after she silenced the alarm on her clock radio.

“Probably a good hour,” I said. “But I enjoy cuddling next to you. I use the time to think about the previous day and decide what my goals for the day are.”

“How about a shower?” she offered.

“I think that’s an outstanding idea!”

We climbed out of bed and went to her bathroom. I turned on the shower and adjusted the spray. We got in and began washing each other.

“What’s missing?” Michelle asked as I ran my soapy hands over her small, firm breasts.

“Missing?”

“From our relationship and yours with Jessica and Kara?”

“We’re back on the topic of new girls?” I asked.

“Yes. And I’m just trying to understand, not have an argument about it.”

“We don’t argue,” I said.

“OK, a debate, then. Will you answer the question?”

“I’m not sure that’s the correct question,” I said, sliding my hands down to soap her stomach. “I had quite a few lengthy talks with my therapist about it. The bottom line, for all my issues, if we discount the medical problems for the moment, is an unhealthy family environment with an abusive mother and, until I became an adult, an aloof father who had trouble showing any kind of emotion or affection for me. Add to that my mood swings, and my attempt to medicate them with sex, and I think you have a better explanation. It’s not what’s missing NOW; it’s what was missing while I was growing up.”

“But things are better now,” she said, sighing as I slid my finger between her legs to remove the remnants of our activities the previous night.

“Yes, but who I am, who we all are, actually, is directly related to our formative years. So much of our personality is formed in youth, that at times I wonder if even intense therapy can actually change it. We can change behavior, but changing who we are is a very different thing. And that’s where Elyse, and the others, come into play. Who I am, inside, versus what I do and what I’ve done.”

Michelle sighed deeply and turned so I could wash her back and her very firm butt. She rinsed off, then took the soap from me and began gently washing my shoulders.

“That makes sense. But you aren’t using sex as medicine now, are you?”

“Not like I was. The diet and exercise have the mood swings under control. It is still a way of bonding closely with someone. Doctor Mercer once suggested that if I was bi I would bond with my male friends the same way. She’s probably right, but I’m about as straight as they come.”

“But we bonded without it. And Gina is a perfect example. You two are very close, but you’ve never so much as kissed. Well, I mean beyond friendly kisses on the cheek.”

“Except you and I didn’t,” I said. “From the moment we saw each other naked, we were on a collision course. You knew it. I knew it. We both just denied it. Or rather, we both struggled mightily to avoid that obvious destination.”

“If I admit that...” she sighed, washing my chest and stomach.

“What? You admit you’re human? That you had desires? That you spent a year working up to the point where you could ask me to make love with you and bond closely with you?”

“It runs so counter to everything I professed,” she said softly as her hands moved below my waist.

“Every single person on this planet is confused about something,” I said gently. “And most of them, in addition to other things, are confused about sex. Which brings us back to the conversation about Jesse and Birgit. They aren’t confused about sex. They have a very healthy attitude towards it. And Matthew, once he decides girls aren’t icky, will have one as well. I’m sure the same is true for the younger ones.”

“Did you ever think girls were ‘icky’?” Michelle asked as her hands moved to my butt.

I chuckled, “No. It probably won’t surprise you, but in kindergarten I got a girl to show me her private parts.”

Michelle swatted me on the butt and laughed, “Of COURSE you did!”

“And I played some very serious games of ‘doctor’ from second through fifth grade!”

“I bet!” Michelle giggled. “Before you were with the older woman, had you done anything?”

“Some kissing. My seventh-grade girlfriend broke up with me for trying to feel her up.”

I rinsed off and we got out of the shower.

“But once you were with this older woman, that unleashed the Tiger?” Michelle teased.

“No, that was Melanie Carston. She hooked me up with her twin cousins, and then more or less started shopping me out to other girls. Jennifer continued that.”

“But why?”

“Melanie? Because she got off on it for whatever reason. Jennifer? Probably because she was completely confused about her sexuality.”

“And it was every teenage boy’s wet dream!” Michelle giggled as we walked back into her room so we could dress.

“True,” I said, taking clean underwear from ‘my’ drawer. “But all of that helped shape who I am. And, to be honest, while you were away, I became completely happy with who I am. That’s not to say I can’t improve, but to say that after nearly thirty years of struggling, I’d found «lagom».”

“That’s the Swedish word that means ‘just right’?”

“Yes.”

“And ‘just right’ includes sex with other girls?”

“Possibly, yes. No, I’ll be honest, probably, yes.”

“Probably?”

I nodded, then pulled a sweatshirt over my head, “Yes. I’m sorry.”

“For what? You’ve never lied to me nor have you tried to trick me. You’ve been nothing but honest.”

“But?” I asked.

She smiled, then pulled a fuzzy pink sweater over her head, “But nothing. I gave myself to you, freely, and completely, with the only condition being that you love me. Nothing about this situation is ideal, except for how much you, and everyone here, loves me.”

“And above all things, have fervent love for one another, for love will cover a multitude of sins,” I said. “That’s 1 Peter 4:8, but he’s citing Proverbs 10:12 - Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all transgressions.”

“How DO you do that?!”

“I read the Bible a lot when I was younger, and recently I’ve been following the daily readings on the calendar when I do my morning prayers.”

“May I pray with you before I go to church?”

“Of course. You will have to run the gantlet of Birgit. You got part of her usual cuddle time!”

Michelle laughed, “She can have hers when I go to church!”

I kissed her, and we headed downstairs where I was immediately accosted by a young woman who I was sure resembled Kara at that age, hands on hips.

“You missed cuddle time!” Birgit declared.

“I’ll cuddle you when Michelle goes to church,” I said. “I need to do my prayers now.”

“Fine!” she huffed, turning away and heading towards the sunroom.

“She’s a stinker!” Michelle said quietly.

“That she is! Can you imagine the poor young man who wants to ask for her hand in marriage? God help him!”

Michelle laughed, “That’s a few years off!”

“It is! And honestly, she’s not going to be asked. And she’s not going to ask. She’ll simply TELL the young man he’s getting married and that will be the end of it!”

Michelle laughed and I took her hand and led her to the ‘Indian’ room where we said our prayers and I read the Scripture readings for the day. Michelle left for church with Jesse and I went to the kitchen to make breakfast for the rest of the family.

“Is she OK?” Kara asked when she and Jessica came into the kitchen.

“Yes. She’s struggling with the same thing every young woman who ever wanted to be with me has struggled with.”

“The fact that you aren’t wired to be monogamous.”

“Yes,” I said, taking eggs, bacon, butter, and milk from the fridge.

“How will she react when you have your next dalliance?” Kara asked.

“You say that like it’s a sure thing!”

Kara smiled, “I know you well enough to know it will happen. It’s simply part of our reality.”

“Which is exactly the situation Michelle finds herself in. Obviously, if she could wave a magic wand, she and I would be married to each other and raising our own large family, with me having no other girls.”

“The same thing Samantha and Penny wanted.”

“Yes, minus the large family! Penny is done now that she has Amber and Andrew. And I don’t see Samantha having more than two kids. I like our large family!”

“And it was MUCH easier to have those kids by four women,” Jessica said. “Ugh!”

“I’d have done it,” Kara said. “Happily! But with all the other kids around, two seemed like the right number. And all of them treat me like a mom. Well, except Jesse, who seems to have decided he doesn’t need ANY moms!”

I chuckled, “Jesse believes he should be in charge of his own life.”

“Gee, I wonder where he got THAT idea,” Elyse asked, coming into the kitchen.

“Is that a problem?” I asked.

“No, but it certainly makes things interesting around here with all the kids wanting to run things their way!”

“Speaking of which, after breakfast I need to cuddle someone who was very cross with me this morning!”

The girls laughed and when I had breakfast ready, they rounded up the kids and we ate. As I’d promised, I cuddled Birgit while Kara and Jessica cleaned up the kitchen.

February 7, 1994, Chicago, Illinois

“Lomax & Milton has ten days to file their reply brief to our motion to dismiss,” Jamie said.

“What’s your take?” I asked.

“Honestly, I’m at a loss. I went over everything you sent me, talked to Sam, Charlie, Eve, and K, and I cannot fathom what they’re going to claim.”

“Could they change it or add something else?”

“Sure. At this point getting leave to amend your claim is pretty much automatic. But what?”

“No idea. I was just thinking that if these claims won’t stand up, they’d try to find something else. What really has me wondering is Littleton knows how fastidious we are and how detailed our records are. He saw that with the whole BLS thing.”

“That has me perplexed as well. All we can do now is wait. Did you hear anything from Ms. Rizzi?”

“She talked to Dustin Brady’s mother and is supposed to meet her for coffee later this week. Beyond that, we’ll have to wait and see.”

“Before I forget, do you have your schedule handy? I want to know what dates you’re available for depositions if we get that far.”

I chuckled, “I’ll chew him up and spit him out. Again. Let me put you through to Kimmy. She’s working on my March visits to Pittsburgh and LA.”

I transferred the call, then went back to work. That evening, rather than going home, I headed for Shaw’s for dinner with Dante. It had required a bit of juggling, but Jessica had picked up Albert and Ashley from daycare so that I hadn’t needed to make a trip home.