Chapter 29: If It’s Not One Thing, It’s Another!

January 29, 1994, Chicago, Illinois

“I’m glad to see the three of you,” Alex said when we walked into the Bucktown Bistro.

“Thanks for accommodating us at the last minute,” I said.

“Are you kidding? My best customer? Sam will take you to your table and get your drinks. I’ll have the starter course out in about five minutes.”

“Thanks, Alex,” I said.

Sam greeted us each with a quick hug, then led us to our usual quiet, out-of-the-way table. She took our drink orders, and returned two minutes later to set them before us. As promised, Alex had the first course on the table in less than five minutes.

“Lobster bisque,” he said proudly. “Made fresh in the kitchen!”

“I’d expect nothing less!” I grinned.

We ate our bisque and when we finished, Alex brought out medallion steaks and prawns, with broccoli. As always, the food was fantastic. Dessert was a very decadent chocolate fudge cake with hot fudge drizzled over it and a dusting of powdered sugar.

“I think this is my carbs allowance for the month,” I chuckled.

“You told Alex to ignore your dietary rules, didn’t you?” Jessica asked.

“Of course! Every once in a while I need to get my sugar fix. I assume you can get some insulin if we need it?”

“You have low blood sugar to start with, so I think you’ll be OK, though this will likely give you a ketogenic hangover.”

“But it will SO be worth it!” I chuckled. “Right, Kara?”

“Chocolate is ALWAYS worth it!” Kara giggled.

We ate our cake and drank our coffee, and then I signed the check. We thanked Alex and left the bistro. Twenty-five minutes later, we were in an elevator at the InterContinental Hotel. The doors opened on the eleventh floor and we carried our overnight bags into our suite. We changed into comfortable silk pajamas, then cuddled together on the sofa in the sitting room.

“Did you have a plan for tonight?” Jessica asked.

“Just for the three of us to be together, undisturbed,” I said.

“Too late!” Kara giggled. “All three of us are SERIOUSLY disturbed!”

Both Jessica and I laughed.

“I do believe you know what I meant!” I chuckled. “A bit of time away from the circus is a good thing.”

“Yes, and I think it’s been long enough,” Jessica said.

“A couple of hours?” Kara asked.

I laughed, “That is NOT what she meant!”

“Oh!” Kara giggled. “Sorry. It’s been so long...”

“It has,” Jessica sighed. “And it’s time. And we do need to tell Steve about our conversation.”

“What did I miss?” I asked.

“A conversation about how we ended up as a trio,” Kara said. “About my needs. About Jessica’s needs. About your needs.”

“That sounds like a long conversation,” I said. “Before? In-between? After?”

“You miss it that much?” Jessica asked. “Even with all your other girls?”

“All?” Kara asked, clearly disagreeing. “Me and Michelle. That’s it. And except for a few times with Elyse, that’s been it since he brought Michelle home in August. And other than his birthday fling, which I encouraged, he’s been the model of self-control! That’s WAY better than what you negotiated!”

“Kara,” I said gently. “Please don’t start a fight.”

“It’s not her,” Jessica sighed. “It’s me. She’s right.”

“We’re all trying to find the correct balance; «lagom», as my Swedish friends would say. All of us need to be able to say what we think without worrying about causing a rift. Jess, I know you’ve held back on saying things about my smoking cigars and my pipe. The issue I had before,” I said gently, “was the nagging. I know the issues, but I chose to take the calculated risk. It’s been a source of conflict, and we need to find a way forward or we’re going to continually derail our trio.”

“I guess I just don’t understand how someone so intelligent, who understands the risks, can do that.”

I smiled, “That’s just it, Babe. I understand the risks. Smoking a few cigars or smoking my pipe three or four times a year doesn’t significantly increase my risk of health problems. And before you throw the stats out at me, I know those, too, and they’re misused. To say that smoking very occasionally doubles or triples the risk of certain kinds of cancer is a true statement. But double or triple 0.01% is still a very small number. And nothing I’m able to do could ever reduce the number to zero. The headlines scream ‘double’ or ‘triple’ and everyone freaks out. You have to know the base number to know if that double or triple is really meaningful.”

“I didn’t realize you’d thought about it that deeply,” Jessica replied.

“Because, Jess, you had your mind made up and wouldn’t even discuss it rationally. Just like with NASCAR. Alan Kulwicki had a degree in mechanical engineering from the University of Wisconsin. He certainly wasn’t dumb. And he raced. And guess what? He died in a plane crash. Just like any of us could. It wasn’t racing that killed him. Davey Allison’s accident was really attributed to having too much money and not enough common sense. You’ve met my friend Bill. Minus the ‘Aw shucks’ Southern style, what do you think of him?”

“A very nice, thoughtful man from what I can tell.”

“And Jason?”

“If my car were to break down, he’s the guy I’d want to fix it.”

“And he was working, often, with his back turned on cars going 125MPH just inches away. He knew the risks. Is he dumb?”

“No, of course not!”

I nodded, “Do women die of complications from pregnancy and childbirth?”

“Yes, it’s not that common anymore, but I think the numbers are around 1 in 10,000.”

“And you got pregnant, twice, knowing that. Why?”

Jessica laughed, “I didn’t even think about that!”

“I think I’ve made my point,” I said. “The same idea is true for getting in your car, or walking across the street, or eating breakfast! But we don’t think about it and just go on with our lives until we end up in the ER. Or worse.”

“But isn’t there a difference between choosing to smoke or drive a race car and driving your car to work? Or eating breakfast?”

“On the breakfast one, I’ll concede there isn’t much alternative. On driving? I’m sure I could organize my life to never, ever set foot in a car. But it’s not a life I’d want to live. I’d be miserable. The same goes for flying in a plane. Or a host of other things. Happiness has value. As I’ve said before, and I know that neither of you like this statement, I’d much rather have a happy, successful, fulfilling life and die at 70 then live to 90 having been miserable.

“You didn’t get a chance to really know Don Joseph, my first mentor. But he had a very happy, successful life with children and grandchildren and more than enough money to be comfortable and to share with his friends. On his deathbed he told me not to mourn. For him, his life was a success because he had many children and grandchildren. He smoked a bit, like I do, he drank a bit, like I do, and he lived a full, happy life.

“Something else he said is very true - death is the way of all things. We can’t escape it. You fight it tooth and nail every day in the hospital, and you save nearly everyone who comes in. But, let me ask you, what happens to them eventually?”

“Don’t get all morose, please,” Kara interjected.

“They die,” Jessica admitted. “Eventually. My job is to make sure that doesn’t happen for a long, long time! Which is why I talk to you about smoking.”

I nodded, “Except that’s not what you do, Babe. You lecture. You don’t talk. Maybe that’s good for teaching medical students or PGY1s, but it sure as heck isn’t how to have a relationship. And, if you’ll pardon my intrusion into your little club, I think medicine would be better served by talking rather than lecturing.”

“That’s how you handle almost everything.”

I smiled, “Yes. How much good would it do for me to lecture Jesse or Birgit?”

Kara giggled, “Their eyes would roll so hard you could hear it happen!”

“Exactly! And we’ve gone WAY off track from where we started. Jessica wanted to talk about your conversation.”

“She said she wanted to make love before she said that!” Kara said.

“It’s always about sex with you,” I chuckled.

“If you complain, Snuggle Bear...” Kara said, attempting to be menacing.

“Who? Me? Not a chance! Is that what the two of you want? Are we ready for this?”

“I think so,” Jessica said. “Kara and I are in a good place.”

“And now Jess wants YOU in a good place!” Kara giggled.

“Shall we reprise our honeymoon?” I asked.

“Oh yes!” Jessica sighed.

January 30, 1994, Chicago, Illinois

“You were going to tell me about your conversation,” I said as we ate breakfast in our room.

Kara smiled, “We were all so exhausted last night, or early this morning, I guess, that I figured we should wait!”

“I found it fascinating to hear from Kara why she didn’t simply want to marry you,” Jessica said. “Well, I mean be your legal wife. It does make sense.”

Kara smiled, “I’m glad you think so! Because of what Steve needed then, and still needs, it makes perfect sense. Asking someone else to be the third without being the legal wife would be difficult, and I didn’t need the paper. So by accepting the situation, he could have had Bethany.”

“But you thought she wasn’t the right girl,” I protested.

“That’s true, but that decision had to be up to you.”

“You know,” Jessica said, “I never asked, but why not Elyse?”

Kara smiled, “Because Elyse could NEVER do what we did last night! Bethany could, occasionally, like you and I do. But Elyse? Not even once.”

“And Tiger, why didn’t you take her up on her offer?”

“For a combination of reasons. First, there was Kara. Then there was the whole thing with Jennifer. And, also, I knew I needed someone who would help me find limits. That’s not Elyse’s personality. Remember, she is of the firm belief that I need to have other girls, if not regularly, often enough.”

“Kara’s and Bethany’s belief that you need virgin blood now and again?” Jessica smirked.

“Something like that,” I said. “Though I think Elyse believes a suitably young woman of the appropriate type is sufficient, for the most part.”

“Jess, you need to tell Steve about your needs,” Kara said.

Jessica nodded, “I do, but honestly, they line up with what Steve has to offer, so I don’t see any issues. The real issue is me dropping what he calls the armor enough to let you both in. That’s my real struggle.”

“And it’s solved by talking to us, honestly and openly,” I said. “And that includes things at work that affect you emotionally. Your formal training is almost over, and you’ll be an Attending. Stuff is going to happen at work that you’ll need to talk to your husband and wife about. Heck, even Al talks to me about stuff like that. I think mostly because he doesn’t want to talk to Belinda about it.”

“They do have an odd relationship,” Jessica said.

“Compared to ours?” I asked with an arched eyebrow.

“Well, no; but you know what I mean. They live separate lives during the week, and when they’re together on the weekends they don’t talk about work - his or hers - unless it’s to plan vacations. But that won’t work for us, for obvious reasons.”

“So you’ll do it?”

Jessica nodded, “Yes. My counselor has been pushing me to be more open with the two of you. Just like Doctor Green has. And to be more open-minded on the risk-taking issue.”

“That’s going to be the hardest one, I think,” I said. “But given that every time you’ve taken a risk, Fate has dealt you a serious blow, I think I can understand that. I should have realized it before. Doctor Mercer helped me figure it out when I spoke to her right after Christmas. You took the risk of kissing your friend and were slapped down for it. You drank and raced and had the accident. I think those things taught you to avoid risk, and the only reason you risked a relationship with us is because Al Barton told you to marry me.”

“That’s pretty much the same thing my counselor said. I still wonder why we make the insurance company pay for her when you can do the same thing!”

I chuckled, “Because you still aren’t quite ready to talk to me with complete frankness. We’re getting there. I’ll know when you’re ready.”

“How?”

I smiled, “Because you’ll be able to tell Kara and me that you love us, and that you’re ready to be a wife and mom first, and Doctor Jessica second. THEN, you can fire your counselor.”

“But...” she protested.

“Jess,” Kara said gently, “that is the goal. We know it’s a long, hard path. But we love you and want to help you.”

“I don’t know if I can do that,” she sighed.

“You can do anything you set your mind to, Babe. And guess what, putting us and the kids first won’t detract from your doctoring skills one bit, and honestly, might even improve them!”

“You can’t be serious!” she protested.

“Is Gina a good doctor?”

“Yes, of course!”

“And are Sofia and Alejandra good Residents?”

“Yes.”

“And do ANY of them put being a doctor before their spouses or children?”

She was quiet for a moment, “I’ve been following Doctor Barton’s model.”

“Yeah, and it sucks,” I said. “Pick a new role model. Doctor Robertson would be a good choice! She has kids and a happy marriage!”

“But he’s my dad,” Jessica said quietly.

“Which doesn’t necessarily make him a good role model. I’ll bet you anything you care to wager he’ll agree with me if you ask him. He’s trained you and brought you along and helped you become a very skilled trauma surgeon. Now it’s time to be become an equally skilled wife and mom.”

“I’ll try. I promise.”

“That’s all we can ask for. Did you get March 18th off for our trip to Vermont?”

“Yes. Is Michelle going with us?”

“Absolutely. Kathy and Kurt can’t, obviously, because she’ll be in her ninth month. Bethany and Tom will be there, and Bo and Gina are taking Kathy and Kurt’s place.”

“So no longer a quiet three-day weekend for us?” Jessica asked.

“More of a retreat for the friends to spend time together. Kathy mentioned it to both Kara and me, and I agree with her. They’ll be there next year.”

“And Birgit?”

Kara laughed, “Do YOU want to tell her she can’t go see Katy?”

“No way!” Jessica laughed. “That child is a force of nature! Before I forget, did Pia confirm her visit?”

“Yes. The week of February 13th. She and Marta will be here for a week. They’ll fly in early Sunday evening.”

“And your Japan trip?”

“Assuming Doctor Barton clears me to make it, June 15th to July 20th.”

We finished breakfast, and squeezed ourselves into the Jacuzzi.

“There is one more thing to discuss,” Jessica said.

“I think there’s probably more than one,” I replied. “Which one are you referring to?”

“Your freedom. I can’t be the gatekeeper. Just don’t be stupid, Tiger.”

“You’re sure about that?”

“Yes.”

“They would be few and far between, if any at all,” I said. “And I’m not saying that because I think it’s what you want to hear. As Kara said, that’s pretty much where I’ve been since Michelle came home.”

“She’s going to be an issue in that regard,” Jessica said.

I shook my head, “No, she’s not. First of all, my commitment to her was to love her and take care of her. Second, even though she’s in something like a ‘wife’ position, she doesn’t have the same rights you two have. And that means I won’t discuss things with her unless I feel it’s necessary. One thing I have decided is that I’m not going to flaunt it as I did in the past. If, and I do mean ‘if’, it happens, it will be much more discreet.”

“That’s probably a good thing,” Jessica said. “As I said, just don’t be dumb, Tiger.”

“When do we need to leave?” Kara asked.

“11:00am,” I said. “That’s checkout time, plus I need to go to Jesse’s hockey game this afternoon. I promised I’d be there.”

We sat in the Jacuzzi until the water cooled, then got out, dried off, dressed, and packed our overnight bags. We drank the rest of the coffee from the thermos room service had brought with breakfast, and then headed home.

Jesse did a good job in goal, for his level, only giving up four goals while his teammates scored six. I noticed some issues with his technique, and decided to mention it on the way home.

“You need to keep your stick on the ice, Little Duck! Two of those goals went five-hole!”

“I know, Dad,” he sighed. “Coach told me!”

“So why didn’t you do it?” I asked.

“Coach says I don’t focus on what I’m doing.”

“I saw you talking to your defensemen a lot.”

“If they do their job, it’s easy to stop the pucks!”

“And when they don’t?” I asked.