Chapter 2: Reactions

August 18, 1993, Chicago, Illinois

As I expected, bedlam erupted when Michelle and I walked in through the back door. Birgit squealed when she saw me, but there were gasps and stunned looks from the girls in the great room.

“Steve?” Kara whispered.

I went over to her and took her hand, pulling her up from the couch and hugging her.

“What’s going on?” she asked.

“Michelle decided to leave the monastery. I promised if she ever did that, I’d make sure she’d get home.”

“She’s going home?”

Before I could answer, Birgit was at my feet demanding a hug and kiss. I picked her up and kissed her forehead. She kissed my cheek and I hugged her and put her down. The other kids had come over by then, and as I hugged and kissed them, Birgit went over to Michelle.

“You came back!” Birgit said.

“Yes,” Michelle replied, crouching to receive Birgit’s hug.

“Kara, let’s get Michelle settled in a guest room, let us get something to eat, and then we can talk.”

“OK,” she said warily.

I took Michelle to the basement and she selected the same guest room she’d lived in before. She dropped her bag, and followed me back up to the kitchen. I made us each an omelet and fortunately we were allowed to eat in peace, though Kara sat next to me the entire time. Once we’d finished eating, Michelle excused herself saying she wanted to take a shower and go to bed. We said ‘good night’, but didn’t exchange a hug or a kiss, and she headed for the basement.

“What the heck is going on?” Elyse asked, coming into the kitchen.

“Michelle decided to leave the monastery,” I said. “Let me talk with Kara and I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

I quickly washed the dishes, grabbed my bag, and then Kara and I went up to our room.

“Did you know she was going to do this?” Kara asked the second I shut the door to our room.

I shook my head gently, “No. I had no idea. Not even a clue. You’ve seen her postcards. That’s the only communication I’ve had with her. But the more I think about it, the more I realize this was a likely outcome.”

“Why?”

“I think I need to tell you more about what she said, but the bottom line is that the abbess likely deduced very quickly that Michelle wasn’t going to stay.”

“How?”

“Because of the postcards. Michelle asked her parents not to write her unless there was some major issue. She said she didn’t want to be distracted by the outside world. And yet, she wrote to me every three or four weeks. And the abbess knew that, I’m sure, and let her continue to send the cards and receive cards and letters from me. Why do that otherwise? Wouldn’t I be a bigger distraction than her parents?”

Kara smiled for the first time since Michelle and I walked in the door, “You can be quite distracting!”

I smiled and pulled her into my arms, “I love you.”

“I love you, too!”

I released Kara from my arms and led her to the loveseat.

“So my take is that the abbess understood Michelle’s struggles and provided her with the tools to address them. In the end, Michelle decided she’d gone to the monastery for all the wrong reasons. And I think the abbess might have known that, too.”

“What is Michelle planning to do?”

I spent twenty minutes telling her about the conversation I’d had with Michelle, and the brief interactions with the abbess. Kara listened quietly, not asking any questions.

“She is very much what I might have become,” Kara said when I finished.

“So what do you think?” I asked.

“I think you and I should be making love, not sitting on the loveseat!” Kara said brightly.

“We could make love on the LOVEseat!” I grinned.

Five minutes later I was perched on the edge of the seat, fully embedded in my wife, with her legs wrapped tightly around me. Kara’s hard nipples traced short tracks on my chest as we kissed and she flexed her hips slowly, causing intensely pleasurable friction that inexorably brought both of us closer and closer to our release.

“I need you to fuck me hard!” Kara gasped after a small orgasm.

I wrapped my arms tightly around her and she tightened her legs around me. I stood up and moved her to the bed. Kara released her legs and I put her ankles on my shoulders and proceeded to pound her as hard as I possibly could until we both groaned as orgasms swept over us.

I lowered Kara’s legs and she scooted further up the bed.

“Lick me while I suck you,” she gasped.

I got into bed and lowered my head between Kara’s legs as she began gently licking my softening member. Her lips and tongue felt so good that a few minutes later, I felt myself hardening again. I felt Kara’s hand on my butt, encouraging me to move on top of her. We’d done this a few times before, and she really liked it. As I licked and sucked and nibbled on Kara’s pussy, I slowly fucked her mouth. Kara had a few small orgasms, and when she had a big one she grasped my butt and pulled me down firmly, taking my full length into her mouth. She sucked hard, lashed me with her tongue, and I came, hard, her swallowing milked my cum from me.

“That was out of this world,” I whispered in her ear when we cuddled a few minutes later.

“I love how we taste together,” Kara sighed. “I always have.”

“Me too,” I said.

“Pretty naughty for a girl from Grace Church, don’t you think,” she giggled.

“I remember that girl telling me that once she’d had sex with me, she was hooked!”

“And I still am!”

“What are you thinking?” I asked.

“That we need to talk. You and me. You and her. Me and her. It’s such an unexpected development.”

“No kidding! Before I forget to tell you, I need to call Al in the morning and report a near-syncopal episode.”

“You fainted when she told you?”

“No, it was like I short-circuited, but never actually passed out. I think I understand more about the process. It was like all of my body functions shut down, including breathing and heartbeat. It was very weird.”

Kara rubbed my chest softly and asked, “How do you feel about her?”

“I’m not sure. Other than holding her hand, I haven’t even touched her. No hugs. No kisses. That kind of stuff is forbidden on the monastery grounds for what I think are obvious reasons. After we left, all I could see was Michelle the Novice. I built that picture of her last year out of self-defense and a desire to ensure that I didn’t interfere with her calling.”

“And any kind of physical affection would be with a nun, so to speak, and that is just beyond the pale.”

“Exactly. We didn’t really discuss it or even hint or tease. I think there might have been one or two slight nods in that direction, but it certainly wasn’t the focus.”

“You said she’s still in love with you.”

“Yes. It was so obvious I would have noticed even if she hadn’t said it directly.”

“And you love her?”

“In my own way, yes. But you know I haven’t really felt I was ‘in love’ since our issues at Christmas of ‘82.”

“You mean my meltdown.”

“No, I mean OUR issues. That whole situation was as much my fault as yours, maybe even more mine than yours. May I ask you a potentially difficult question?”

“About what happened back then?”

“Yes, but it’s more about right now than back then. You were talking about adding a third, with everything that implied. That indicated that you would be OK with having sex with another girl besides Jessica. True?”

“Yes. The problem with Joyce was that you weren’t there and I wasn’t ready for what happened. We talked about that.”

“We did. The difficult question is this - how would you not be cheating if you think Jessica having sex with Jorge WOULD be cheating?”

Kara was silent for a moment, then moved to prop herself on my chest so she could look me in the eye.

“I hadn’t thought about it that way,” she sighed. “I suppose it’s because she left us and we’re together, and I think we’re incomplete.”

“Really? Just you and me is incomplete?”

“It feels that way,” Kara sighed. “Maybe it’s just that I miss Jessica.”

“But not enough to invite her back?”

“Not unless she has a serious change of heart. We’ve talked about this before.”

“I know. One thing that Michelle said to me was that joining the monastery was about running away from the world, running away from herself, running away from her fears, and running away from me. What if THAT is Jessica’s real problem? Jorge seemed to think so.”

“Does it matter?” Kara sighed. “No matter what the reason, she has to make the effort.”

“I wish it weren’t the case, but I agree with you. So what now?”

“We make love, sleep, and tomorrow is another day.”

August 19, 1993, Chicago, Illinois

After my run with Gina and a shower, I went to the kitchen for breakfast. As she had when she’d lived here the previous year, Michelle came in, made toast, poured some tea, and quickly ate and drank. She was gone less than ten minutes after she arrived, with the only words spoken being ‘Good morning’.

“Start talking!” Elyse ordered when we got into my car.

“There isn’t really much to say. After a year at the monastery, she concluded she didn’t belong there, and chose to leave rather than take her vows. She plans to register for classes at UofC. If you remember, she didn’t leave school, she simply dropped her classes.”

“You know darn well it isn’t that simple! I read your journals and I know how you feel about her.”

“And yet, all I did was hold her hand.”

“All you did? Seriously? You wrote in your journal that her taking your hand in that sauna was the emotional equivalent of her asking you to take her to bed! She just didn’t voice it until some time later, and you loved her too much to even think about making an advance.”

“And we’re back in that same situation again. But it’s a bit more complicated given everything that’s happened in the past year. There’s a lot of talking to do.”

“Did you see Tara?”

“Yes, I did. But honestly, I’m seriously considering Kara’s plan.”

“Just the two of you and me?”

“With potential ‘dalliances’, but few and far between.”

“What about her idea of the two of you needing a third?”

“I pointed out that if she objected to the possibility of Jessica being with Jorge as cheating, then what she was asking for might be cheating as well.”

“Oh for Pete’s sake! Will you both quit caring what Jessica thinks? She’s quit on you. She’s not even talking to you!”

“And yet, she’s still my wife.”

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Elyse roll her eyes, but she didn’t say anything. She knew that I knew her thinking on the matter, and I was happy she didn’t want to start an argument.

When we arrived at the office, I put in a call to Al Barton, but he wasn’t available. I asked Victoria to have him call me and she promised he would. About an hour later, Lucas put him through to my phone.

“I had an incident yesterday,” I said.

“Tell me what happened.”

I described what had happened and Al asked several probing questions.

“I think we want to do another EEG on you,” he said. “Honestly, I think your comment about a ‘short circuit’ might be onto something. Some sort of electrochemical reaction that interrupts your system. That information you gleaned by staying conscious the entire time is very helpful. When can you come in?”

“I don’t have any travel or any other events planned for a month, except over Labor Day weekend. You tell me.”

“I’ll have Victoria set it up and call you with the details.”

“Thanks, Al.”

We hung up and I got to work. Victoria called back just before lunch and asked if I could come in on Monday morning. I promised I would be there. I decided to make a second call, one I knew Elyse wouldn’t approve of.

“Cook County Hospital,” a female voice said.

“Doctor Jessica Adams, please. This is her husband.”

I was transferred twice before I reached a nurse who called her to the phone.

“Jess, it’s me,” I said.

“Yes?” she said flatly.

I suppressed a sigh, “I had a near-syncopal episode. Al Barton asked me to come in for an EEG on Monday. I thought you should know.”

There was silence on the other end of the line for a moment.

“Let me know the results, please,” she said. “I’m in the middle of something and need to go.”

That sounded like a line, but I wasn’t in the mood to argue with her.

“OK. I’ll call you with the results,” I said.

She hung up without saying ‘goodbye’ and THEN I let out a sigh.

“If you were anyone else,” Penny said. “I’d ask ‘Why bother?’. But I know you well enough that you’re never going to give up. Even if she divorces you.”

“I love her,” I said.

“I know THAT, you dope! That isn’t the problem. I know Elyse thinks it is, but the problem is Doctor Jessica. Not you.”

“It’s never one-sided, Pretty Penny. Never. Remember that.”

“I don’t agree with Elyse. I think you have to try. Anything else betrays everything you’ve ever taught me and everything you’ve ever stood for.”

“Penny, if you weren’t married to Terry, I’d kiss you right now. Properly.”

“Melanie kisses you like that,” Penny smirked.

“Yes, she does. She has an exemption from High School! You don’t!”

Penny shook her head, “You are just no fun!”

“Sure I am!” I grinned. “Just not with you!”

“Come over to the house Friday night. Bring Kara. You’ll find out just how much fun the ‘Gang of Four’ can be!”

Visions of Tasha and Penny flashed through my head. I quickly banished them to the area of my brain reserved for fantasies that could never be fulfilled.

“All four of you work here, and you know the rules!”

“No fun, like I said!” Penny teased.

I smiled, leaned over, and kissed her cheek. She smiled, and we both went back to work.

That evening at home, everyone wanted my attention - the kids, Kara, Elyse, Abbie, Samantha, and Michelle. I probably should have skipped karate, but I had missed too many classes over the past few weeks. I spent time with the kids before and after dinner, and then Kara and I left for the dojo. That gave us a chance to talk.

“I spent some time with Michelle today. She was super busy getting registered for classes. I was surprised when Samantha stayed home and went with Michelle to do that.”

“And?”

“What she said matches everything you said to me last night. I didn’t doubt you, but hearing it from her was both important and interesting. You can’t give her what her heart truly desires.”