Chapter 19: Ten Years Later

December 17, 1993, Chicago, Illinois

“Now I want to cut the damned cast off,” I sighed.

“Everyone will understand why you’re wearing casual clothes, Snuggle Bear.”

“Says the woman wearing an outrageously elegant formal gown! And I saw Michelle’s as well! Did you help her pick it out?”

“I might have...” Kara giggled. “I never asked, how are we handling things tonight?”

“Who’s going to say a word? You, Jess, and Michelle will all sit at the head table with me, along with Dave and Julia, Elyse and Eduardo, and Cindi. The Board will be at their own table.”

“Is Cindi bringing a date?”

“I asked Kimmy and she said ‘no’.”

There was a knock at the door of the bedroom. Kara walked over and opened the door.

“The limo is here,” Elyse said. “All the kids are in the coach house with Shanita and Kayla. It was nice of you to invite Jennifer and Josie.”

“They deserve to be there along with the Jaegers, Fergusons, and Carstons. Jeri and Howard will be there, as will Alec and Wendy Glass. Shall we head for the limo?”

The three of us went downstairs and joined Abbie, Jason, Jessica, Jennifer, Josie, and Michelle in walking out to the limo. Just over forty minutes later, I was sitting at the head table, directed there by Al, who refused to allow me to stand and greet everyone. Given he could still pull the plug on my trip, I acquiesced. Michelle and Jessica sat with me while Kara acted as my stand-in at the door.

“You know, the guys will all be happier with Kara there than they would be with you,” Jessica teased.

“Yeah, yeah,” I grinned. “Thank you for coming to this dinner. Does Cook County have a party like UofC?”

“No. There’s a staff-only thing during our shift, so no alcohol, obviously. One of the docs throws a party at his house, but I wasn’t planning on going.”

A steady stream of my staff and their spouses or ‘significant others’ came by the table to greet me. I had to introduce Michelle to many of them, drawing several raised eyebrows, but even more knowing nods. The bistro slowly filled, and eventually, my dad went to the podium that Alex had set up. He gave a very short greeting, then invited Joyce to speak. When she was finished, I, as I’d agreed with Al, gave a very, very short greeting and returned to my seat.

“Eight-and-a-half years,” Elyse said, shaking her head. “And we came to Chicago just over twelve years ago!”

“It seems like forever and yesterday at the same time,” I said. “So much has happened since then.”

“Mostly good,” Kara said.

“But a fair amount of bad,” I said.

“Let’s focus on the good tonight!” Cindi said.

The waitstaff began serving appetizers and salads, and later, the main course, and finally, dessert. As I’d agreed with Al that afternoon, Kara, Jessica, Michelle, and I left as soon as dessert was finished. I felt he was being overzealous, but at this point, I had a single goal in mind - to visit our two remote offices. I had briefly considered trying to sneak out with John to see the Penguins, but I was sure that someone would snitch and then I’d be in serious hot water with Al and Kara, and that was the last thing I needed. I knew they were looking out for me, but that didn’t make me feel any less stifled.

December 18, 1993, Chicago, Illinois

On Saturday morning, Kara and Michelle went to karate and I went to the ‘Indian’ room to sit with Jessica and talk.

“Do you remember our conversation in Indianapolis?” she asked.

“Which one?”

“The one where I warned you how bad this was going to be?”

I nodded, “And I didn’t really pay attention. I heard the words, but I didn’t take them to heart. I know I wrote it in my journal, and I remember it like it was yesterday. But there was one thing you said that wasn’t truthful.”

“Which part?”

“That you would have to compromise and make concessions. You didn’t. And by doing that, you fulfilled the rest of what you promised - to be a total bitch and a lousy wife. But I blame myself as much as anyone.”

“Yourself? Why?”

“Because I should have called you on your bullshit early on. I enabled you. I failed you because, in many ways, I DID cower in a corner instead of insisting you make some basic compromises. But that said, even in hindsight, I don’t know what those could have been. You were right about a marriage and surgical training being incompatible. And you didn’t find a solution to the problem. The thing is, I’m not sure there is one.

“Forget your outsized ego and everything else, and the problem STILL remains that the medical training program is fucked up in a serious way and the men who run it don’t make allowances for families. And it’s not just the female doctors who suffer! It’s the wives and kids of male doctors. The whole thing is total bullshit and I’ve told Al that many, many times.”

“So you blame the system?”

“Don’t I always?” I chuckled. “And not just with medicine!”

“True. But you seem to be contradicting yourself!”

“How? The system is fucked up. I know it. You know it. Al knows it. The problem was, we let that fucked-up system rule our lives. And here’s me contradicting myself again - we didn’t have any choice if you wanted to be a trauma surgeon. This reminds me of Katt in so many ways, and why, in the end, I had to throw in the towel with her.”

“But you didn’t do that with me. Why?”

“Jessica and Kara, I take your hands in mine, yearning for happiness and I ask you both to live with me, as husband and wife and wife. I promise to love you until the ends of our lives, and if it is possible, in the next life as well.“

“You gave your word.”

I nodded, “I did. And remember, before I said that, Mark had asked ‘Stephen, do you come here of your own free will, and with no reservations?‘, and I responded, ‘I do!‘. It’s like the traditional vows where they mention ‘for better, or for worse’. Well, if there’s a ‘worse’ I sure as hell don’t know what it is.”

“But it’s all my fault,” Jessica sighed.

“Is it? Because you had a goal? A worthy, honorable goal? One that, because of a fucked-up system, brooks no moderation nor any compromise? Should Al Barton not be a trauma surgeon? Should he not be Head of Emergency Medicine at the hospital?”

“Of course not.”

“Should Jessica Adams, nee Wilton, not be the best young trauma surgeon in the city?”

“City?” she asked with an arched eyebrow.

“Humor me,” I said with a grin.

“The patients I save would say ‘of course not’.”

“Your training is almost over. You work reasonable hours. Yes, you’ll be on call and have crazy shifts in the future, but we’re over the hump. Fix yourself, then we’ll fix our trio, and you can come back to our bed.”

“And Michelle?”

“She moved back to her room. You belong in our bed, Jess. She pointed that out to me in her usual way.”

“Directly, pulling no punches.”

“Exactly. And that’s what I’ve been doing with you. You’re a mess, Jess. There’s no nice way to put it. You’ll be physically healthy in a few weeks, but you’re seriously messed up emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. You need to fix all of those. THEN we can be a trio again. That’s what I want. That’s what Kara wants. That’s what the kids want. That’s what Michelle wants, for Pete’s sake. How about YOU? What does Doctor Jessica Lee Adams want? And I’m not talking about your bullshit medical career.”

“What?!” she gasped. “Bullshit medical career?”

“Yes. Just like my bullshit company.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I’d give it all up for my wives and kids if necessary because it IS bullshit in the larger scheme of things. It’s a means to an end. I’d rather flip burgers at McDonalds and be a loving dad than be a successful businessman and be like Noel Spurgeon.”

“But you do both!”

“Yes. And what gives in nearly every single case?”

“Anything that interferes with you being a dad and a husband.”

“Yes. Look, I know your vocation doesn’t allow that kind of compromise. I get it. And that means you have to make a supreme effort to not let it ruin our family. You haven’t done that. Guess which is the harder of your two challenges?”

“Not surgery.”

“Bingo. So, Doctor Jessica, are you going to run from this challenge? Or are you going to attack it head on and defeat it?”

“I don’t know how,” she said.

“Well, well, well,” I said with a grin.

“You are a real jerk,” she sighed.

“This is usually where I’d have said ‘I hate you’ to Bethany or Jennifer,” I grinned. “I want to come to your first counseling session of the new year and talk to your psychologist.”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t trust you to tell her the full truth.”

“I hate you,” she sighed.

“Good.”

“Good?”

“The opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference. Will you pardon a NASCAR reference?”

“Oh sure, why not?” she replied, signaling me to say it with a wave of her hand.

“There’s a saying that if the crowd is cheering or booing, you’re doing just fine. It’s when they’re silent you know you’re done.”

“Because they don’t care.”

“Exactly. Hate me or love me; I can work with that. The problem was, Jess, that you didn’t care. And THAT hurt me. And it hurt Kara even more. Despite all of that, we both love you.”

“But you don’t like me.”

“No, we don’t. And that’s what we’re going to fix. Between your counselor, Doctor Green, you, Kara, Michelle, and me.”

“So it’s a foursome now?” Jessica asked with a smile.

“Not that way,” I chuckled. “That’s a bridge too far for Michelle. But she’s going to be part of our lives as the ‘permanent third’ you said you wanted me to find.”

“And dalliances?”

“I agreed with you no more of those, at least until we solve the issues between us.”

“And after?”

“Let’s worry about now and let the future worry about itself. You know the verse that tells us not to worry about tomorrow because each day has enough trouble of its own? I think we’ve proven that time and time again.”

“I don’t know how you do it,” she sighed.

“Do what?”

“Put up with me.”

“Yes you do,” I said gently.

“You love me.”

“Right the first time!”

December 19, 1993, Chicago, Illinois

“Remember what you agreed to,” Kara said as she, Jessica, and Michelle walked with me towards security at O’Hare.

“Yes, dear,” I said deadpan.

“Steve...” she said.

“Look, I saw you huddled with Cindi and Charlie and know you were giving them marching orders. And I know you and Al both called Barbara. I’ll be good. I promise. I’ll call you as soon as we get to the hotel.”

I hugged each of the girls in turn, and gave them each a soft kiss.

“See you all on Thursday.”

“Michelle will pick you up because both Jess and I are working.”

“OK,”

I made my way through the metal detector and x-ray machines, and once I got to the gate, I plopped down in a chair next to Charlie.

“Feel like you escaped from prison?” she asked conspiratorially.

“At least someone understands!” I grinned.

Cindi arrived about five minutes later and sat down next to me.

“Did you bring what I asked?”

She smirked, unzipped her bag, and showed me two bottles of Jack Daniel’s.

“What the... ?” Charlie asked.

“I’m not allowed to go out to a bar,” I grinned. “Cindi was gracious enough to bring the bar to me!”

“So another person who understands!” Charlie laughed. “I was surprised that Penny wasn’t trying to sneak a file to you in a cake!”

“She’s a traitor!” I laughed. “I know who my TRUE friends are!”

“Did Kara talk to someone in Los Angeles we need to worry about?” Charlie asked.

“Barbara.”

“Neither of us is going to rat you out for anything, no matter what Doctor Barton says!” Charlie laughed. “Not with everything you’ve done for us!”

“That is how it’s supposed to work!” I grinned, remembering how things worked with Don Joseph.

“Are you going to the hockey game?” Cindi asked.

“No. Believe it or not, I agree with Al. I’m very sensitive to loud noises, something I noticed at Matthew’s last Go-Kart outing. Loud noise makes me a bit jittery. He said it should go away over time.”

“What about the plane?” Charlie asked.

“I have some special earplugs Al gave me that also help equalize the pressure during ascent and descent. That was actually his biggest worry. I have some noise-cancelling headphones in my bag as well.”

“Why not use those at the game?”

“Have you seen me at hockey games?” I grinned. “I tend to get a bit animated.”

“So vigorous activity is out?” Charlie smirked.

“Let’s just say I’ve been put on rations. Think bread and water.”

“Bummer!” she laughed.

“Yeah.”

Our flight was called and we picked up our carry-on bags and boarded the MD-80. As usual, Barney had comped me a first class upgrade, but he hadn’t done that for Cindi and Charlie, so I wasn’t sitting with them. I wasn’t thrilled with the idea, but hadn’t discovered it until too late to do anything about it, as the coach cabin was full. In the end, because I’d be wearing stuff over my ears the entire flight, and trying to sleep, it wasn’t going to make all that much difference with regard to my traveling companions. On the other hand, it would be easier to sleep in the much nicer first-class seat.

I stowed my weekender bag, opened the box with the special earplugs and put them in, then put on the noise-cancelling headphones. I buckled myself into seat 3A, and closed my eyes. I felt and heard, rather than saw, someone sit down in the aisle seat next to me. The only disturbance was about ten minutes later when the stewardess asked me to remove my headphones for the safety announcements. Ten minutes after that, we were airborne and five minutes after that, I reclined my seat and went to sleep.

December 19, 1993, Los Angeles, California

I woke when the stewardess tapped my shoulder and asked me to raise my seat for landing. Only then did I notice the cute redhead sitting next to me. I laughed silently to myself, knowing just how much grief my friends would give me about missing out on an opportunity to flirt. But, between my recovery from the concussion and my promise to Jessica, I wouldn’t have been able to actually do anything about it. I smiled at her and left it at that. We touched down a few minutes later.

When the plane reached the gate and the captain had turned off the ‘Fasten Seat Belt’ sign, I retrieved my bag, stowed my headphones, and walked off the plane at LAX. I waited in the gate area for Cindi and Charlie who appeared about three minutes later.

“Did you sleep?” Cindi asked.