5: Jokers to the Right

We had a splendid meal and some spontaneous singing and dancing. Legs acquitted herself nicely and even her uncle was making catcalls at her. I used my canes to do a dance with her and the Duke's senior officers and their women were, judging by their laughter, highly entertained. I noticed that although Legs sat at the Duke's left during dinner, Guardian sat at his right. It seemed as though inviting his niece to visit was primarily a way of getting her guardian to attend.

I was curious about the appearance of royalty in the society. In general, there were Lords of Manors and both Sid and Malcolm had organized Kingdoms. There was the Rider Clan with its unique style of leadership, but there was very little hierarchy regarding titles. I suspected that the Duke had simply established dominance over an area and created a title for himself. His domain was still rather austere, though it undoubtedly did a great deal to add to the stability of the region.

After dinner, we put the children to bed and told them not to go wandering about. Then Lees and I returned to join Niccolò, Guardian, and Legs in his private chamber for a beer. I would have to be careful with this. Beer here tended to have a higher alcohol content than the Earth brew. Niccolò's chamber was elegant with layered rugs to mitigate the cold of the stone floors. Tapestries hung from the walls and soft leather furniture surrounded the fireplace. When we had been served, the Duke dismissed his servant.

"Now," he said, "tell me who you are seeking, Hero Lincoln. I will do my best to assist you." I was stunned. I was aware, of course, that there were people on Chaos who knew of heroes and damsels, though I had never encountered one. Still, to have a native be so bold as to inquire who I was going to rescue was a little disconcerting.

"I will not try to hide my secret identity," I said, "though I ask that you not let word of it spread." I looked at Legs, whose eyes had gone wide. Guardian wore a smirk. "Before going into details of my quest, might I ask how you became aware of heroes?" The Duke chuckled.

"Fair is fair. I know I have taken you by surprise and have shocked my dear niece. She has known of heroes only as legends and had no idea she was dancing for one. You may wish to bar your door tonight if you do not wish to sleep with her." Legs huffed, but also blushed and sank into her chair to nurse her beer. "My father. You see my sister Carlotta and I are the product of an unholy union of a hero and a Chaos native. They met, fell in love, and propagated. He would disappear for months as he returned to Earth, and then make every return to Chaos via my mother's farm. When I was about the size of your young protégé, I started traveling on his adventures with him, filling my time between adventures with training. He identified an area between the south and central lands that leaked brigands like a sieve. A damsel that he was to rescue was taken into the south. That would eventually become an area that Danny Sun operated in until his untimely death in the Slaver War. But my father gained incredible wealth and quite an army on that mission. His damsel was also unique. She insisted that he stay after her rescue and fortify the crossings of the Risk River. It took two years to build this citadel and leave me in charge of it."

"I thought heroes were not allowed to have relations with Chaosians," I said. "That was certainly the impression I got."

"It seems to be frowned upon. However, when a man is stuck in a war for years with no comforts of home, it is inevitable that he form certain liaisons that are more than temporary. And so it was with my parents. Though not common, offspring of heroes and Chaosians are not unheard of. There are enough, in fact, that my sister managed to find and marry one. Sadly, I have not been so fortunate, but I admit that I haven't looked all that hard." He put a protective arm around Guardian. "So, we watch and observe. Tell me who you are seeking and I'll gather intelligence while you are performing here. However, we watch and observe only. We do not take an active part in rescuing a damsel."

"Well, that being the best I can hope for, I am seeking a damsel called Cathy Temp. She has had a very uneven sojourn on Chaos for nearly three years. Most recently, our information was that she was in Mule Crossing. Her rescue was prompted by reports that she had been injured and needs to return to Crossroads or possibly die of her injuries," I said.

"Hmm. Mule Crossing is a foul place. The most pleasant thing about it is its name. I hadn't heard of a damsel in that part, but if she was in the hands of the manor lord or one of the merchants, I'm sure she was not having a good time of it. Mule Crossing is a day's hard ride from here. I'll send a scout in the morning and have him gather information as to her location and condition. You are sure she is still alive?"

"I would be called back to Crossroads if she were not," I said.

"Then we will have information for you in three days. I hope you will be able to entertain all the troops in that time."

I left part of a glass of beer, as did Lees. Legs rose to leave with us and was obviously tipsy.

"Young lady," Guardian snapped. "Minstrel Lincoln and Master Lees may escort you to your door, but they will not enter, nor will you progress farther. Do I need to accompany you?"

"No, ma'am," Legs sighed. "It's not fair. You get a lover. Why can't I?"

"When you know what you are getting into and I have doubled my troops so my sister cannot attack me for your honor, I'm sure you will get your lover," the Duke said. "For now, thank you for bringing my love to me." He kissed Legs on both cheeks and showed us out. Legs gripped my arm in both her hands, partly to stabilize her walking and partly to press her breasts into my side. It was a pleasant feeling. I bent to kiss her on the cheek at her door and she latched onto my mouth with her own as if she would suck my brains out.

"Mmm. I will dance for you tomorrow," she said suggestively. When her door closed I sagged against Lees.

"Do you suppose we can find a separate room for the children?" I asked.

The three days passed quickly. We did three shows a day in the courtyard where soldiers, merchants, families, and children gathered to laugh at our antics and enjoy Legs' dancing. And we proved once again that humor translates across amazing cultural barriers.

"Duke, I'm here to deliver your message to the field," Saul piped up to me. We had silly costumes and pretended to be Duke Niccolò and his page.

"Fine. These are dispatches to the officers. Who's the General."

"That's what I need to know."

"So deliver this dispatch to Who."

"I don't know."

"He's a Lieutenant. Who's a General."

"That's what I'm trying to find out."

"What's a Captain."

"An officer in charge of a company."

"So this dispatch goes to What."

"I don't know."

"That's the Lieutenant."

Saul demonstrated a real talent for comic timing. I'm not sure the Duke appreciated our humor.

"Minstrel Lincoln," he said when I was called into his chamber. "My rider has returned from Mule Crossing and I have bad news."

"She's not dead."

"No. She's been traded south."

"Traded? South?"

"It seems her master in Mule Crossing had no use for a crippled damsel, so he traded her to a circus for a donkey."

"Niccolò, please tell me you are making a joke at my expense."

"After your routine with the officers, I sincerely wish I was. Unfortunately, I am deadly serious. It seems that Cathy Temp was indentured to a local merchant and he sold her papers to a southern circus. This happened about three weeks ago."

"Before we even got out of Rock Canyon City. Do we know where they were headed?"

"They headed back into the South. I don't believe you should follow them. It's not a safe place to travel."

"I have to follow them. You know enough about heroes to know that I have to go rescue the damsel," I complained.

"Wander around the North until she dies and then go back home," Niccolò commanded. I looked at him in wonder. He sighed. "I didn't think that would work. The problem is that I cannot support you once you cross the Risk River. My father invaded there once, and while he came back a rich man, we had to build this citadel in order to keep the retaliation under control. It is all I can do to maintain a large enough force that the horde doesn't cross to this side of the river."

"But they have entertainment. A circus, you say. We have circus acts," I said.

"You'd better. They won't understand your humor nor most of your songs. Their language is distorted," he said.

"Great. What kind of circus acts do they have?"

"Lots of acrobatics. Some clowns. Mystics."

"Where is the nearest crossing? We need to get started as soon as possible."

"Mule Crossing will be the best. You can get your wagon across there. I'll send one guard with you. I know your man Lees is as good as any I've trained, and I've heard about how the two of you defeated five men trained here."

"Sorry about that," I said.

"No loss," Niccolò said. "They'd been dismissed from our training program. They were skilled enough, but were essentially thugs. You did everyone a service. But the guard that accompanied my niece wishes to attach himself to your service if you will have him. He has convinced me that Master Lees can teach him things that our soldiers should know."

"So we take your guardsman and train him so you can have better soldiers."

"And you get the added protection on the road. It is the best I can offer."

I thought about the offer and the situation. We could use the extra man if it came to a fight. I hoped it did not. I would have to retrain the kids and take the emphasis off our verbal humor. If the language created a problem, we would have to depend on the more physical types of humor. One thing was certain. We needed to leave in the morning. I nodded.

"We will continue his training and move as quickly as we can to intercept the circus. Tell me more about the people we are about to encounter and we will be gone in the morning."

There were tearful goodbyes. Legs clung to me and then to the children. When we actually went with the Duke to load into the wagon, she ran off in tears. I finally had a name for Bodyguard. He entered our service as Thorin. He and Lees rode beside the wagon and we camped for the night long before we reached Mule Crossing. I had no desire to actually go into the town or to meet the merchant who sold Cathy's indenture.

That, of course, was the moment of unveiling. When we opened the wagon, Legs stepped out. The twins were giggling.

"Oh, no," I moaned.

"Minstrel Lincoln, I must protest," Thorin stated. "I cannot be a party to the kidnapping of the Duke's niece. I must take you into custody."

"Please do," I said. "Better yet, take her into custody and go back to High Castle." Legs stomped her foot.

"That's a poor welcome after all the work I went to in order to get here. Stand down, Thorin. I have not been kidnapped and I am not going back," she declared.

"Nor were you invited to go with us," I said.

"Yes, she was," Melody and Harmony chimed in. "We like her."

"Saul, were you a part of this, too?" I asked.

"No, sir! I knew nothing of my sisters' treachery!"

"Way to throw 'em under the bus, kid," I muttered. "Nonetheless, the Duke will be furious. I have no wish to be on his bad side."

"Oh, rubbish!" Legs exclaimed. "Have we been overtaken by the Duke's guards? Do you think we have traveled so swiftly that they couldn't catch us after he read the letter I left him this morning? It's a day trip to Mule Crossing and we are still five miles away."

"You mean the Duke knows you ran away to join the circus?" I asked. "And he is okay with this?"

"He might not be okay with it, but he won't interfere. Georgia, my guardian, won't let him. I want to be here with you. I would make everyone miserable if I were not allowed," Legs said smugly. Lees walked over, grabbed the young woman by the ear and dragged her off into the woods. Thorin moved to intercept them and found me blocking his way.

"Let them go," I said firmly. "Lees will not rape her and if he paddles her ass it will simply mean I won't have to." Thorin glanced after them and then back to me. Slowly, a grin broke out on his face.

"I would pay a pinch to see that," he laughed. "I think the journey might be different than what she expected." We turned back to the wagon and horses. The children had already moved to make the camp, including getting a fire started and unpacking the tents. They were studiously engaged in their tasks and no doubt contemplating their own punishment for deceiving me. I'd let them stew on that for a while.

It was nearly an hour before Lees and Legs returned to camp. Legs' eyes were puffy and it was obvious she had been crying. Lees gave her a rough shove in my direction and she fell on her knees before me.