Romancing the Clown - Cover

Romancing the Clown

Copyright© 2016 to Elder Road Books

4: What Kind of Fool Am I?

Action/Adventure Sex Story: 4: What Kind of Fool Am I? - A Story in the "Damsels in Distress" universe. Hero Lincoln escapes to Crossroads with his Caretaker Lisa when violence erupts in his home on earth. But his companion, Cadence is left behind. He must get back to her and protect her from her lunatic father, but first, he and Lisa must take their adventure on Chaos performing magic and illusions as they join a traveling circus. This story has eight chapters.

Caution: This Action/Adventure Sex Story contains strong sexual content, including Ma/Fa   Consensual   Heterosexual   Fiction   Science Fiction   Oral Sex   Pregnancy  

We started work in the morning. I had to acquire materials in order to modify the wagon. I didn't dare make it too heavy because the axles and wheel hubs with leather bushings would wear out faster. We would be greasing the axles every mile or two and trying to keep them clear of dirt. Traveling by wagon was slow, but we estimated that it would be only two or three weeks to Mule Crossing where the damsel was supposedly recuperating from her accident.

While I worked on the wagon, Lees worked with the kids. She started them on basic self-defense. We decided it was more appropriate to our roles with Lees as my bodyguard than to have me teach them how to use weapons. By mid-morning, though, I started working with the two girls as Saul went with Lees. We began assembling the stage floor. I taught the girls some music and found that their voices were as perfect as I had imagined. They weren't going to carry the show, though. First, I didn't want to exploit them and turn them into little divas. Second, I needed to keep the emphasis off anyone who would be left behind when Lees and I returned to Crossroads. Instead, I taught them to be backup singers. We even got a little doo-wop going. The key was to have them able to improvise as I sang and performed.

As we gathered for dinner, we discussed the day and I suggested that tomorrow afternoon, the girls would help Lees on the wagon and I would work with Saul on his first magic trick. This excited all three of them. Then it was show time. As long as I was resident at the inn, I needed to keep entertaining at night. We would have a couple weeks of high profits as Gabe shuffled drinks and Molly served food with the help of the serving wench. Gabe had a long stick behind the bar and was liberal in applying it to hands that strayed to either woman's derriere. Most of the clients were well-behaved.

And so it went for over a week as we worked, built our wagon, and trained our charges.


We'd had a good day and were ready for a fun evening. The sisters were doing well as my backup singers and Saul proved to be an adept acrobat, tumbling and clowning around. Lees and I had done one of our dumb shows, and although it was new for the audience, they seemed appreciative. We'd need to make it broader.

A young woman and her guardian were guests of the inn that night. It was unusual to find women traveling unescorted, but I was informed that their driver and bodyguard were rooming at the stable.

I was well into a new rendition of the Rapunzel Rap when the young woman stood and began to copy my drumbeats with her feet. Shortly, we were working together. I would set a beat with sticks on any convenient surface and she would answer with an equally complex pattern for me to mimic. We were having fun and got carried away. Before long, we were dancing together to the cheers and coin tosses of the crowded common room. Our kids were earning their keep by gathering the coins as they hit the floor.

We went later than usual, not saying goodnight to the last guest until near eleven o'clock.

"Legs, hi thee to bed now," the older chaperone said. "The minstrel will think ill of you if you throw yourself at him."

"Goodnight, Minstrel Lincoln," the woman called Legs said to me. "I'll see you at breakfast in the morning." She then accompanied her guardian to the second room above. Lees and I gathered up our charges and carried them to bed. Gabe locked the doors and went home with his wife.

Once we had the children in bed—a room scarcely larger than a closet, but adequately supplied with blankets and a straw mattress—Lees dragged me into our room. She began stripping at once, something she hadn't done since we arrived on Chaos.

"Goodnight, Minstrel Lincoln. I'll see you at breakfast," Lisa mimicked. "Or perhaps you'd like me for breakfast. I make a very good midnight snack." Lisa had me out of my clothes and in her mouth in no time. I pulled her away from my cock and kissed her.

"I love you, Lisa. You needn't worry about me falling for a Chaosian woman."

"I'm not worried. I just wanted to remind you that I am here to take care of all your needs when you want me. And you could be taking care of some of mine. I would even make love to you now, but not until we have time to talk to Cadence. It's one thing to agree in theory. Another entirely to have your mother fucking your boyfriend," Lisa said. "As to Legs—can you believe that name?—what happens on Chaos and all that. We'll be here for at least a month. If you want her and she wants you, what difference than if she were a damsel?"

"I believe there are rules about fucking the natives," I laughed. "Lisa, as long as I have you, I have all I need on Chaos. I'm still worried about Cadence, though."

"I am, too, my love," she said as we cuddled into bed and began gently fondling each other. "We need to finalize our strategy for our return. We may have another damsel to rescue when we return to Earth."

"It would help if you would tell me what is really going on. Lisa, I've loved you since I met you. I've loved Cadence since she was born. But there has never been love between you and Wilson. What has finally changed that you were able to serve him with divorce papers at last?"

"Two things," Lisa whispered. "Cadence turned eighteen. She will graduate from high school this weekend. Those are the terms of the will. The second is what makes them important. Her grandfather died."

"When? I didn't even know your parents were alive," I said. I'd never heard them mentioned.

"Not my father. Her father's father. Cadence is Al Pesciano's granddaughter. When I got pregnant, Al was furious. His son Cosimo, my lover, was married and childless. I was sixteen and thought he was the most wonderful and beautiful man on earth. And he returned my affection. He was going to divorce his wife and marry me. Al forbade it."

"This is the twenty-first century in America. How could he forbid his adult son from divorcing and marrying the woman of his dreams?" I said. Just from the look on Lisa's face, I knew she had loved the man and she was the woman he dreamed of.

"Family is very important. Al was adamant that he would totally destroy his son if he dared disgrace the family. I believed he meant he would have his son killed. He had that kind of power, you know." Lisa kissed me and for a long time I was unable to think about the origins of her love, so long ago. I wasn't willing to let it slide, though.

"So that's why you ran off and married Wilson?" I asked at last.

"We didn't run off. Wilson worked for Al. No matter what you have heard, Al Pesciano was a shrewd businessman with many legitimate businesses. Wilson was employed in sales for one of his manufacturing firms. Al made him a deal he couldn't refuse. If he'd marry me and stay with me, he would be his second in line of succession. First his son, then Wilson. Wilson agreed and became the heir of the heir."

"That doesn't explain why you put up with it."

"Al always hedged his bets. I was sixteen years old and pregnant. He hauled Cos and I into his office and laid down the law. We were to have nothing more to do with each other. I was to marry Wilson. Cos was to stay married to his infertile wife. But, there was one other bit of bait. If I would stay with Wilson and remain faithful to him until Cadence turned eighteen and graduated from high school, he would allow Cos to legitimize her and claim her as his heir. The visitors I received on Sunday were to let me know that Al was dead and to deliver his revised will naming Cadence as his heir."

"Shit. What about her father? Cos?"

"Sadly, he died just a year after the bargain was made. It was very sudden and hit Al hard. I think Al regretted since that day that he didn't make his son's last days happy."

"I'm so sorry, Lisa," I said.

"Hey. Your midnight snack is ready."


I did see Legs at breakfast in the morning and she was just as flirtatious as she had been the night before. Her guardian threatened to have her doused with cold water if she did not behave. Although severe in her threats, the older woman had a good sense of humor and reminded Lees and me that the same would apply to us.

I took the twins to work on the wagon and found a very different story there. Two men had my wagon up on blocks and were working at removing the rear axle.

"What goes here?" I demanded.

"Just stand aside, son," one of the men said. "The Duke of High Castle has need of this to transport his niece."

"Then his niece will have to ride next to me," I said. "Get out from under my wagon."

The man who had spoken drew his sword and faced me.

"Boy, don't question and don't interfere. I was trained as part of the Duke's military force by the best swordsmen known on Chaos. You can live to find another axle or die trying to prevent us taking this one."

"I see," I said. I stepped back pushing the girls behind me. "It happens that I've already killed five trained by the Duke's best swordsmen." I whipped out my sword. "Perhaps I should make it six." He attacked at once and I recognized the same style and flair exhibited by Rapist so many months ago. I'd easily bested four of the five in the bar—Lees had dispatched the fifth—but only one of them had even had a chance to draw his sword. This was honestly the first time I was head to head in a swordfight. And he was good. He anticipated a quick victory, though, and found himself hard pressed to maintain the fight. Like most swordsmen of the planet, he was trained to move in and kill at once, not to fence.

I was momentarily distracted when my twins began a chant behind me, harmonizing a soundtrack to the clanging of our swords. Their voices, however, spooked my assailant. It was as if he suddenly found himself in an enchanted battle with no way to win. He began to fall back.

"Cease this nonsense at once!" a voice shrilled from the door of the stable. I recognized the voice and cautiously stepped back, keeping my sword at the ready. The guard did not press for an opening, but stepped back warily. "What is going on here?" Legs demanded imperiously.

"This boy has interfered in replacing our axle," the guard said.

"This man is robbing my wagon of an axle," I replied. I slapped the fellow under my wagon with the flat of my sword and he scrambled out from under the wagon.

"Just doing my job, your highness," he said.

"You are stealing from a minstrel?" Legs said.

"We have the right to take what is necessary to repair your carriage, milady," the guard said. "He is interfering."

"And do you think my uncle would look kindly on you doing battle with a minstrel?" Legs exclaimed. "Can you imagine what a laughingstock would be made of him from the sea to King Sid's domain? If you won, his guard slew a minstrel. No one would ever trade with High Castle again. There would never be entertainment and he would be vilified by every minstrel in the land until someone took umbrage enough to attack and conquer him. And if you lost, he would be ridiculed for not being able to train a soldier even capable of defeating a minstrel. He earns his keep by training soldiers. Not one would ever come to him again. How stupid can you be?"

"But my lady, we need an axle," he said, still trying to justify his position.

"Then go make one!" she screamed, stamping her foot. "If we are lucky, the minstrel will bear no ill will toward us and will escort us to my uncle's house. Apologize!" The guard groaned, but turned to me and nodded his head.

"My apologies, Minstrel. We did not know the wagon belonged to so worthy a personage."

"And you!" Legs said, addressing the mechanic. "Get back under that wagon and repair the damage you have done!"

"Yes, milady," he said. He looked at me doubtfully as he started under the wagon but I nodded and he set to work.

"And Minstrel Lincoln," Legs continued, turning her wrath on me. "If you are quite finished humiliating my guard and my driver, perhaps we could discuss a mutually beneficial means of travel to High Castle, where I can assure you that you will be warmly welcomed. Would you care to join me?"

I bowed slightly to her and scowled at both the guard and driver who looked exasperated and defeated. Legs took my arm and directed me out of the stable. Her guardian and my twins fell in behind us. We'd no more than hit the street than the twins started harmonizing vocalese, creating a soundtrack for our trek through the market to the inn.


I found her name was Allegra. She'd come by the nickname Legs because of her love of dance.

"And I have great legs, if you are interested," she whispered in my ear. "I'll show you if you'd like." Oh, fuck!

We entered the inn and Raphe shook his head.

"Are those freeloaders back?" a shrill voice called as she entered. "Raphe, stand up for yourself and demand payment!"

"Woman! Get under the bar and do your duty for your lord and master," Raphe demanded. The woman froze for a moment. She was beautiful, though older than Raphe. So this was the former wife of the mayor and mother of the rapist I skewered. I could see what attracted him to her. She was spilling out of her clothes. She gave a nervous look at us and nodded. Then she disappeared under the bar. Raphe leaned against it and smiled at us.

"Is she sucking your cock?" exclaimed Legs. Raphe looked innocently at the princess.

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