3: Everybody Loves a Clown

I looked at my canes. Lisa and I both had our boxes open in the bank vault as we prepared to step out. We'd been secreting knives around our bodies and I'd strapped on my sword. I was looking more like a warrior and less like an actor with every item I put on my body. I thought about my bow, but decided I could acquire a bow later if I needed one. I didn't need to walk out of the bank with one. What I wanted to take was my cithara. I'd purchased one of the five-string lutes on my second trip to Chaos and it had come in very handy. I was definitely taking it.

"Leave the canes," Lisa said. "Or let me use them. You won't fool anyone. Better that you hide behind the guitar and look all musical."

"We'll need money. How are we fixed? Do I need to make a withdrawal?"

"We're okay for the day at least. In fact, you should have plenty to get a wagon. We'll need to get trappings for the horses, too. Gabe and Raphe probably have money they can give you as a draw against your percentage. If not, we can always make a trip back to the bank," Lisa said. I agreed and we left the canes and our saddles in the boxes. I did take out my colorful hat and vest that readily identified me as a minstrel. Lisa had a recorder that she tested and nodded. We left the vault playing our instruments and walked out through the front of the bank.

The perfumed oil Seph had dabbed on our noses cut the smell of the central sewer. Some. Rock Canyon City was far advanced in terms of waste disposal compared to some of the towns we traversed. It at least had a central ditch that the effluent ran into rather than just being left to stink in the street. Unfortunately, the ditch didn't drain anyplace. The city had employed its prisoners to dip the shit in the ditch at one end and haul the buckets out a mile into the country to be dumped in a field. The forced labor barely kept up with the generation of new waste.

"I smell shit," I complained at once.

"Yes, but it is rose scented shit," Lisa whispered. Officially, she was my mute, male assistant, Lees. Her voice could betray her masculine disguise.

We walked down Main Street in order to reach the next bridge where we could cross the shit canal and go to the inn that I owned. We paused to wait for a wagon before stepping into the street. I felt a tug at my belt and a boy about ten took off at a run. He had my purse.

I started after the little brat but Lisa grabbed my arm and directed me down an alley. We crossed between the buildings to the next street over and peeked around the corner. The kid, glancing quickly behind him to see if we were chasing, turned and ran toward us. What better way of throwing your pursuer off than to circle around behind him? We ducked back as the kid pelted toward us. We could hear the slap slap slap of his bare feet in the mud of the street. He came barreling around the corner and smack into my arms.

"So, little thief, you think you are a cutpurse," I said as I clamped my hand over his mouth. I had no need for a kid to be screaming bloody murder at me in the streets of Rock Canyon City. Lees patted him down quickly and found my purse. And two others. "You seem to have a profitable business here. I am going to release my hand from your mouth so you can answer my questions. I want you to look carefully, however. My companion's knife is an inch from your throat. If you cry out, you will be quickly and permanently silenced. Do you understand?" The kid nodded. I released his mouth. He took a deep breath and stopped short when he felt the point of Lees's knife against his throat. "What is your name?"

"Saul, sir," he whispered.

"Well, Saul Sir," I said. "Do you work alone or do you give your earnings to someone else?"

"I have to take what I find to Uncle. He beats me if I bring less than ten quid a day. He gives me a pinch if I bring more."

"Son, that isn't a working wage. I think we need to set your foot on the straight and narrow. We are going to walk back to the main street and down to the Inn of the Brothers. You will hold my hand like your life depended upon it. Which it does. Lees will be right behind you, ready to stop you. He doesn't speak, but he is very good with his knives. He might give you five steps just to make it sporting."

"Yessir," the boy quavered. He was shaking and I could smell urine where he'd peed himself, but, to his credit, he wasn't crying. We made our way down Main Street with Saul's hand in mine and Lees half a step behind us. I'm sure we made a bit of a spectacle as it is not that common to see a traveling minstrel and his entourage, even in the larger towns like Rock Canyon City. We made it to the inn.

"Minstrel Lincoln!" Gabe shouted from behind the bar as we entered. "Welcome back to your humble inn." I walked to the bar and shook Gabe's hand. "You are looking fit. Good to see you have healed from your injuries. Master Lees, greetings. What have we down here?" Gabe looked over the bar at the urchin and scowled. "You've not been gone long enough to produce this," Gabe said.

"Ahrgh! You caught the foul little bastard!" Raphe said coming out of the kitchen. He zeroed in on Saul and had pulled a knife from his belt.

"I take it you have had dealings with the thief?"

"Three days ago he cut my purse as I headed to the bank. I chased him, but I wasn't fast enough. An entire day's deposit gone. Put his hand on the bar so I can cut it off. We'll see how many purses he picks with just one hand," Raphe said.

"The whole hand? I was going to take a knuckle for every purse he stole," I said dragging Saul up on a stool. He struggled, but Lees had a strong hand on the back of his neck. "Don't wiggle around so much. I don't want to miss," I said. "Now you have three purses on you and one stolen from Raphe three days ago. That's four knuckles. The question is whether we should take them off four different fingers or if we should choose a finger and work our way down. What do you think, Raphe?"

By this time Raphe and Gabe had figured out that I was not going to take any limbs if I could help it, so they joined in a lively discussion regarding the taking of knuckles, getting the maximum pain, deterring further crime. Saul finally broke and began to cry.

"Please don't!" he begged. "Uncle makes us do it. He beats us if we don't bring back enough. He'll kill me for this. There will be no one to take care of my sisters."

"Sisters?" I asked. "You mentioned an uncle before. I believe it is time for you to tell us everything." The rascal looked miserable, but nodded his head. "Let's start with the uncle. Where is he?"

"He camps a mile out of town and sends us in to do our work. One of his three men meets us at the edge of town in the evening and rides back with what we have collected so that we have nothing on us if someone should stop us. We have to walk to the camp making sure we are not followed. It takes us a while because my sisters are little. If we have satisfied Uncle, he gives us food. If not, he sends us back to town to beg after he's beaten us."

"And you have younger sisters who are cutpurses?" Gabe demanded.

"No, sir. I mean. Yes, they are supposed to. I try to keep them hidden during the day and get enough so all three of us can deliver at the end of the day. I promised."

"Whom did you promise?" Raphe asked.

"My older brother. He was killed a few weeks ago when he was caught and tried to fight his way free. Uncle said it served him right, and if he'd gotten free, then Uncle would have set the hounds on him. They guard the camp."

"This uncle fellow sounds like a problem," Gabe said. "If you do not return tonight, what will he do?"

"It depends. If my sisters go back and tell him I was taken, he will break camp and move in the night. We never stay near a town more than a week anyway. If my sisters stay hidden, he'll come into town to find us or to kidnap a couple replacements before he leaves. That's how he got us," Saul said. I looked at the brothers and Lees. They all nodded.

"Saul Sir," I intoned, "you have a big decision to make right now. It is mid-afternoon. Your contact will be at the edge of town in two or three hours. In a few minutes you will walk out that door." He looked at me with wide eyes. "Empty-handed. You will decide whether to attempt to fill your quota and chance that the next mark will be less kind or that your uncle will be merciful when you return empty-handed. Or if you will go find your sisters and bring them here to the inn where you will eat a full meal and be protected to the best of our ability. I remind you of the duty your brother imposed upon you to protect your sisters. You must decide whether the known cruelty of this uncle is a better choice than the unknown treatment you will receive here. At least here, what lies ahead includes a bowl of hot stew and bread. Do you understand?"

Saul looked at me with a puzzled expression and looked down at his hand, still gripped in mine and held on the bar. I released his hand. He slipped down off the stool and backed away. He looked each of us in the eye.

"Yessir!" he snapped and ran for the door.

"Well, that's the last we'll see of him," Raphe said.

"I fear that I have brought trouble to the Inn of the Two Brothers once again," I said. "I would rather not spend a day scrubbing blood off the floor. Lees and I need to prepare to travel and it will take some doing. How is the new constabulary working out?"

"They operate in fear," Gabe laughed.

"Fear? Of whom?"

"Fear of being the brunt of a minstrel's song if they turn out to be—what did you call them?—Keystone Cops. Which means that they are actually quite effective. The city has found that it can function just fine without a mayor. The constabulary reports directly to the people by way of our seven-person council. The council, by the way, is also highly motivated to not become what you called a U.S. Congress. Mockery seems to be a very effective motivator in Rock Canyon," Gabe laughed.

"When the children come back—and they will—we need to make sure that as many people as possible see them and know that they have been taken in here. That will be the easiest way to let 'Uncle' know where they are," I said.

"We've seen gangs like this before," Raphe said. "They keep a very low profile unless they are pushed. Then they respond with force, usually with a knife in the back. If they come into the inn to reclaim the children, they'll speak little, grab what they want, kill whomever is in their way, and run. They don't stop to claim any spoils except to cut the purse strings and run. I heard of such an occurrence over at Twin Falls. They killed a wealthy man and didn't claim any of his possessions but the purse. They'd probably have had to fight a few more people to claim the man's house, but Twin Falls doesn't have much of a guard and they could have taken what they wanted with ease. Instead, they took a very fat purse and ran."

"That would suggest that if they come in here, they will use both the front and back doors," I said. "Saul said there were four of them. Probably two at each entrance. I would guess the ones in back will be armed with cross-bows to take out the most dangerous threats. Then they'll have swords for close work if there is more resistance." Lees scratched a quick floorplan on the bar with his knife. He put four dots on it and pointed to each of us. Lees to be seated by the front door. Raphe behind the back door. Gabe behind the bar, and me by the fireplace. Presumably, I'd be entertaining.

"What about the children?" Gabe asked. We debated that a bit and decided the best place would be in the kitchen so they weren't in the direct line of fire. I didn't think we'd need them to identify their so-called uncle.

And, speaking of the children, Saul came bursting through the door with two ragged little girls behind him. I guessed they were no more than six, but malnutrition and hard life could easily stunt a child's growth. They looked identical, even to the dirty streak on the side of their noses. Twins!

"You said 'stew, ' sir," Saul announced by way of introduction. The girls peeked around his shoulders at us.

"Indeed, I did."

"There is a bucket of dishwater just inside the kitchen door," Raphe said. "Scrub your hands and your faces so you don't leave smears on the bar while you eat. Your stew and bread will be on the bar when you finish."

"Get them some well-watered wine, too," I suggested to Gabe. "They don't look like they've had a decent meal in months. And it will make them sleepy." He nodded.