Chapter 7

After breakfast we all set to to clean the house ready for the feast day, and after coffee I made to leave. Lorraine joined me.

"I'm coming too," she said. "I'll disappear if you need me to. Moral support."

We walked; it was not far.

We entered the pub, which was not very crowded even though it was lunchtime. We looked round and found her. She saw us and gave a half wave and a half smile. She looked uncomfortable and uncertain. We went to her table and before either of us could speak Lorraine busied herself asking what we were drinking, and then departed bar-wards.

"Hello, Nicola," I said and I smiled. She looked tired, thin and beaten, but still very beautiful.

"Hi, Kevin."

She patted the bench next to her, but I sat in a chair at right angles to her, and turned to face her.

Silence. I studied her. Once again I was captivated by those blue, blue eyes, lustrous hair piled on the top of her head, showing that slender neck to best advantage. She had shed her coat and had on what used to be a tight sweater which nevertheless outlined her perfect breasts, rounded in what I supposed was a teeshirt bra. What she saw in me, I don't know, but she sat still and gazed at me as I did at her.

Then she spoke.

"You didn't answer my letter, Kevin."

"It was a lovely letter. You really opened yourself up to me, and I was very touched by your expression of love. But, you know, if you want an answer, you really need to put your address at the top of the letter – or indeed anywhere."

I smiled again; I could do no other after the memory of her words in that missive.

She on the other hand, put a hand to her mouth. There was no ring on her finger.

"Oh what a fool I am! Lorraine told me about mother's lie to you. If you'd known, we could be..."

"And instead you're engaged to Barry."

"I can't go through with that. Seeing you had made me realise agreeing to marry him was a dreadful mistake. I'm grateful to him, he's been good to me over the weeks. When you didn't answer my letter, I lost it really and agreed, but it will never work now I know you tried so hard to find me and was so worried about me."

Lorraine arrived with the drinks. She saw a friend and left us to talk to her.

"You've lost weight," I said, and let the statement lie.

"Yes, these last months ... I suppose you could say I've been sad."

"Because of me?"

"Yes, and my own stupidity."

"Nicky," I said earnestly, "You must stop beating yourself up over this. Look. We are here, in a pub, together. First time we've even seen each other (apart from last night) since you came for that weekend. We can talk about how we feel now – Lorraine told me all about our misunderstandings last night – so we can leave all that out."

"I don't know about that," she said, and a frown creased her forehead. "Perhaps later..."

She sighed.

"Kevin," she said, "I sort of laid my heart on my sleeve to you in my letter; you know how I feel about you. I do want you. I do love you, but I don't know how you feel about me. I thought you had written me off, but all those misunderstandings ... Now I don't know where I stand with you."

"Before we get into my feelings for you," I began, "I don't understand how you can love me so much. We were friends in school. Then there was that 'deflowering' weekend and after that I cut you off completely.

"Ten years pass and you get in touch, we have one weekend and then again we are cut off from each other. How can you say you love me so much, that I'm the only one for you? It can't be one weekend of sex when we were sixteen. It would be nice to have delusions of my sexual prowess, but I know I'm not that good! If all you're looking for is another sexual experience like your first, you're bound to be disappointed."

"You're wrong about some things and right about others," she stated. "I've had plenty of time to think about this. It did start with our walks to school. We were friends first and foremost. Nobody listened to me like you did. The other boys were always looking at my boobs or my bum or my legs, you looked into my eyes..."

"You do know how arresting your eyes are?" I grinned.

She sighed in annoyance, "Yes, yes, If I had ten pounds for every man who told me..."

She collected herself and continued, "You looked into my eyes when we talked. You've no idea how many men look anywhere but at you when they're talking to you! They look out of the window, at the wall, at my tits, never making eye contact. You did, and it showed you really listened. I know I must have rabbited on about all sorts of girly things. I remember when I thought I was failing in maths, you buoyed me up and you were the class maths master. At the time I took you for granted, you were a fixture in my life. I felt secure with you.

"Kevin, I've thought about that weekend in High School a lot – the one where you made me a woman and I finished us as a couple. What made the experience different that first time wasn't the sex, or the novelty, it was our relationship as friends. I think we could agree that you loved me as a friend. No, you loved me full stop; you didn't use me. I missed you so much afterwards, and I knew it was my own fault.

"It came home to me at your place last May. We hadn't seen each other for ten years and yet I felt completely relaxed with you, as if we'd aways been close instead of cut off. I felt safe, secure, and I think I knew then I could live with you for ever. Perhaps I've said too much but there it is."

She put her hands on mine on the table with a satisfied look on her face.

"Your turn," she said with a loving smile.

It was at that moment that 'my turn' evaporated. There was an exclamation behind me.

"What the fuck?" Then Barry was by my side. "Take your fucking hands off my fiancée!"

His voice was menacing, but Nicola was smiling.

"You're not very observant, Barry," she said. "I've got my hands on his, not the other way round. I see you've brought our friends. Please everyone, sit down."

'Everyone' was Lee and Julie, and Craig and Viccy. It seemed that Lee the Neanderthal had become Homo Sapiens in the intervening years!

"What's going on, Nick?" Barry asked, quite aggressively, as he pushed past me and sat next to her, between her and me. "Your mother said you were meeting someone in a pub, but she didn't know who. I've been bothered and we've been looking all over. I thought you were seeing Clive, but why him?" he said this nodding at me.

"Hello Barry," I said. There was an element of sarcasm in my greeting. He ignored me. Nicola's face clouded at his insult but she said nothing.

"Well," continued Barry with some aggression. "Why are you sitting in a pub with this loser?"

She said nothing, her anger showing. Barry looked confused, then he turned to me.

"OK, wimp," he snarled. "I don't like other men coming onto my fiancée. Get that? So why don't you leave?"

"If he leaves," Nicola said quietly, "I leave with him."

"The hell you will, you belong to me now girl."

"How are you going to stop me, Barry? Force? I don't think so. If you must know, I invited him here to talk with him. We're only half way though our talk, so if he leaves, I leave."

"But, what d'you want to talk with him for?" asked a now puzzled Barry. "He's a nothing, a pen pushing geek!" He smiled at the group in his superiority.

He leaned back on the bench seat. "Hey Connors, how's things in accountancy? Still a pen pusher?"

"Barry," I smiled back. "We office types stopped pushing pens a long time ago. We have clever machines called 'computers' now you know, and we have a habit of doing rather well in the big world. Now I believe you are a builder. How's business?"

He scowled at that.

"Oh, not too good, eh?" I said seriously. "The banks aren't lending are they? Puts you in a bit of a bind? Cash flow? If you need a bit of financial assistance, I may be able to help; keep the wolves from your door. But I'm off the point, I rather think Nicola would like to finish our discussion in private."

Nicola made to speak, but Barry was in full flow.

"Well, sorry about that, squire, but if you've got anything to say, she's here and we're along for the ride. Got to keep an eye on my fiancée, you know." Another grin and a wink at his friends.

"Barry," Nicola said, getting a word in edgeways at last. "I wanted to see Kevin about a private matter, by myself. I came here by myself and you've barged in. The person I want to talk with is Kevin, alone."

"Go ahead!" he said. "But we'll listen."

Nicola looked at me with despair in her eyes. She shrugged. "What d'you think Kevin?"

"Well," I said with a naughty smile, "It could be very embarrassing for Barry, especially with his friends here."

"Nothing you could say will embarrass me," laughed Barry, but the friends looked uncomfortable, the girls especially. While at school I had bedded both of them (separately).

Things were moving rather too fast for much reflective thought, but something in me relished the idea of bringing Barry down. He'd trodden on me all through school, now I was physically fitter, taller and financially in a much stronger position. Nicola had all but committed herself to me, and looking at her and her discomfort, I wanted her. Perhaps it was ignoble, but I wanted to take her away from Barry publicly. A plan formed.

"OK Nicola," I said, "where were we?"

She smiled as if she knew my intention, but it seemed she wanted to give Barry one more chance; after all, as she had told me, he had been good to her.

"Barry," she said. "I really don't think you want to hear this. I'm urging you to leave and see me later, and I think Kevin agrees."

I nodded, "I'd much prefer that, and I think when you hear what we have to say, you'll wish you'd left us alone to talk."

Barry made a mistake. He thought we didn't want him to hear what we said, whereas we didn't want to humiliate him, at least Nicola didn't.

"I'm not moving," Barry said. Nicola sighed and shrugged.

Lee had got a round in, and I appreciated that he bought me another pint as well and thanked him. He smiled at me, as did Julie.

"I think I'd finished my side of the conversation," Nicola said to me. "I think I said it was your turn when Barry arrived."

"OK," I said.