I'm Getting Nothing for Christmas

by Stultus

Copyright© 2015 by Stultus

Humor Story: A short (almost) Flash length story and a satirical variation of a vintage Christmas song about a cheating slut wife who has been caught one time too many. Warning: naughty language, snarky humor and very bad poetry! The return of a holiday classic to SOL!

Tags: Cheating   Revenge  

Author's Comment

Awhile back, several author friends of mine were rather overindulging in the writing genre of the Flash story and I decided for reasons that entirely escape me now to try my hand at a few. None of them were masterpieces! Flash stories are supposed to be strictly limited to just 1000 words or less and it takes me at least that long just to find my voice for a story and properly introduce the main character. Codes used are minor, mostly humor about a cheating slut wife ... and bad poetry!

This story is also loosely based upon the great American humorous classic song best performed perhaps by Spike Jones. And with sincere apologies to the original song writers, Sid Tepper and Roy C. Bennett

"I'm getting nothing for Christmas!" Janet Egan sadly spoke out loud to herself, rocking back and forth in her chair. Quite all alone in her misery on this quiet Christmas Eve her voice didn't echo hardly at all in her small motel room. Her fingers endlessly caressed and probed the empty ring finger at the spot where her wedding band of over ten years had been until just recently. Alone and nearly destitute, she was just sitting in her little dumpy motel room waiting ... just waiting for the official divorce notification paperwork to arrive the day after Christmas.

She had nothing to do now except sit and rock away in the little desk chair. Even the old vintage television set was broken and the surly motel clerk showed no signs of replacing it anytime soon or even moving her to another room with a working one. Or a room where the faucets didn't also leak and the electric heater was only barely putting out enough warmth to be felt a few feet away, at most. She couldn't go anywhere else. In fact she was quite surprised that her nearly maxed out credit card had enough available balance to allow her to check into this flea-bag motel for a week. What she'd do next week, she had no idea.

With the lawsuit that her soon to be ex-husband had filed against her previous employer, she wasn't even sure that she'd have a job to go back to on Monday. Her final severance check might have to last her for a very long time.

It just wasn't fair at all! Alright, she had violated nearly every single one of her marriage vows, but it wasn't like she had rubbed all of her numerous affairs in her cuckold husband's face. Somehow, he had discovered that she had been cheating on him a bit ... well rather a lot actually. But it wasn't like all of her ex-marital relationships were done on purpose just to humiliate her husband. Besides, he was taking these little tiny indiscretions all a bit too seriously. Maybe she could try talking to him again in a few days after he had cooled down.

He had definitely over-reacted anyway on the basis of just a handful of photos taken by a snooping private investigator while she entertained an old boyfriend in their own bedroom ... well that and all of the video footage. And then there were those numerous witness statements and all of the hidden camera footage from those two hotels. Still, hardly anything worth getting all bothered about! Coming home from her business trip to find her remaining clothes packed in suitcases on the front doorstep and her remaining things already packed into moving boxes had really given her a quite unexpected fright.

And worst of all, the fine pearl necklace that he had already bought for her and wrapped under the tree for Christmas had been already returned to the jewelers. She's snuck a peek inside the Christmas paper wrapping the day before she'd left on her last business trip.

Now it was gone too, like everything else in her marriage!

She had fooled him so well and so completely for so long that the shock that he knew all about her recent affairs, well most of them anyway, came as a quite unpleasant surprise. Someone had ratted her out and snitched on her, informing her husband of her minor little indiscretions. But who?

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