Chapter 8: The Think Tank

January, 1983, Chicago, Illinois

The Windy City was certainly living up to its moniker the last full week in January. The newspapers, radio, and TV were full of news and advertising for the mayoral primary that pitted Mayor Jane Byrne against State's Attorney Richard Daley, son of the former mayor, and US Congressman Harold Washington. Every city bus had some kind of political advertising on the side, and billboards had seemingly sprung up from nowhere. From everything I read, it appeared that Byrne and Daley were going to split the white vote and Washington would get the black vote, and in the end, Hispanics would decide who the new mayor would be. Republicans had no chance of winning, let alone getting even 20 percent of the vote in the general election in April.

I was registered to vote but still hadn't decided for sure whether to vote for Byrne or Washington. Voting in the Republican primary in Chicago was a waste of time, and under the Illinois rules, I could vote in any primary I wanted to. I still had a couple of weeks to decide, but I was leaning towards Byrne, because she'd done a respectable job as mayor since beating Mike Bilandic after he couldn't get the snow cleared following the major snowstorms in January 1979.

School was in full swing and we were settling into our routines. I had talked to Stephie and Elyse about what had happened with Gene in Madison, and neither of them could come up with any alternatives to what I'd done except to not have gone to see Bethany, which was a non-starter for me. I just hoped that Gene didn't try to bring some kind of lawsuit against me.

It really was an uneventful week, with the only really important stuff happening on Tuesday afternoon when I met with Anala. I found it somewhat amusing that after three visits, there still hadn't been any physical contact at all — not a hug, not even shaking hands. Well, that wasn't quite true — she had bumped into me that first day we'd met. On the other hand, the conversations were amazing and very thought provoking. She was challenging me to do perhaps the most difficult thing I could do — seek true self-knowledge and true understanding of myself and the world.

"So how does one get to the kind of intimacy you're talking about," I asked her towards the end of our time together.

"Knowledge of each other, of course," Anala said with a smile. "But first, that requires knowledge of self."

"I might be old enough to retire before that occurs," I joked.

"I didn't say perfect knowledge, Steve," she said. "Are you truly that impatient?"

"Sorry, that's not what I was trying to imply at all, nor what I meant. My question was serious."

"I see. Well, one of the other yogas is Rāja yoga, which focuses on serenity and peacefulness, achieved through, among other things, meditation. Are you at peace? If not, then that is where you must begin before we can even think about exploring the Sutra."

"No, I'm pretty far from peaceful, I'd say. I guess I have to learn more about myself before I can figure out HOW to be peaceful, to even begin working on it."

Anala smiled and nodded, "Yes. But you can practice being quiet and peaceful without that. Just to clear your mind and relax."

"A sauna does wonders for me!" I said.

"I am sure. You might try some soothing incense, soft music, and simple contemplation to start with. A mix of knowledge and peacefulness."

"What about the last yoga? That's the religious one and I'm not sure what to do with that," I said.

"Yes, well, given that you are agnostic, you don't really have a god to devote yourself to. I wonder if you shouldn't simply choose one, not from the standpoint of adopting a religion, but to have an object of devotion, whatever or whomever it is."

"If I have to do that, then I think it almost has to be the Christian God. I really don't know any other gods, except the Greek, Roman, and Norse gods, and they seem a bit silly."

"Sillier than a man born of a virgin who dies and rises from the dead? Sillier than insisting that three gods are really only one god? Sillier than going into a little box to confess your sins to a human being who claims to be able to forgive those sins if you say a couple of prayers? Sillier than thinking a piece of flatbread is the body of your god?"

"Touché," I said. "But like you, I am a function of my culture and heritage. I'm a Christian, even if I don't practice, and, in fact, even if I don't believe."

"You've learned something new today, Steve. Remember our first conversation about duty and obligation? Do you feel a duty to society or to your parents to fulfill their religious teaching?"

I chuckled, "No, My dad's an atheist and my mom's a Roman Catholic. It's kind of hard to honor both."

"And yet, you've found a middle way in agnosticism — not agreeing with your father or mother, but, insofar as it is possible, not denying either of their faiths, or lack thereof."

"I hadn't thought of it that way!" I said. "Thanks."

"It's time for you to go. I'll see you next week!"

"See you next week," I said as I put on my shoes, coat, and hat, marveling once again at the depth of the conversation.

On Thursday afternoon, after the tutoring session, I drove downtown to the computer store to pick up the Apple IIe that I'd reserved the week before. I paid for it, loaded it into my car, and headed back to Hyde Park. I brought everything upstairs, unpacked it, set it up and offered Elyse the Apple ][ for her room. She gratefully accepted, and we set everything up so she could use VisiCalc on it.

On Friday night, Julia and Dave arrived as planned, and Cindi arrived a few minutes after they did. I had been a bit worried about how things would go, but all my fears were quickly allayed by the way Dave, Julia, and Cindi interacted with each other. We had a good time and after dinner, talked about some of the stuff that I'd discovered with Anala and Jackie earlier in the week.

"You know," Dave said, "you really should read more about the Orthodox Church. I think you'll find that some of those ideas that you're talking about are not that far away from things the Church Fathers have taught."

"How do you square pre-marital sex with your faith, Dave? I know that the Orthodox Church teaches the same things as the Roman Catholic Church and the Protestant churches that Kara has gone to."

He smiled, "My priest and I have debated that one since I was seventeen and was with Hannah. Obviously the church teaches that it's a sin, and technically, I shouldn't go to communion, but as my priest has said to me, privately of course, that if he excluded all teenagers who were sexually active in any way from communion, none of us would ever come to church. I guess you would call it 'extreme «ekonomia», that word means 'care-taking', for the sake of our long-term spiritual health."

"Interesting," I said. "I had a similar conversation with my Roman Catholic priest, and he couldn't provide anything other than condemnation and exclusion. I'm not sure how he thought that was a good idea, because all it did was drive me from the church."

"Well, I don't think our bishop would approve of what Father Chris says, but Father Chris is a pragmatic man."

"You call your priests by their first names?"

"Yeah, of course. Don't you?"

"No, Roman Catholics use last names for priests, though for the nuns, we use their first names. The same is true for men in monastic orders."

"That's really odd," Dave said. "Anyway, given where you are, I think you might want to read For the Life of the World and Ultimate Questions by Father Alexander Schmemann. He's a Russian priest. Those books might give you some insights into a spirituality that is quite different from what you were taught by Rome. And from what you've said, it has some things in common with the stuff Anala is talking to you about."

I wrote down the names of the books so I could see if the IIT Library had them, or if not, if I could get them from the UofC library, because they had reciprocal privileges.

"I think these Sunday discussions are going to be VERY interesting," Elyse said. "Would you consider inviting Anala at some point?"

"I don't see why not, but at the moment, I think she's really just interested in one-on-one."

"I bet!" Cindi smirked.

"I haven't even touched her, Cindi. Not a hug, not even a handshake. All we've done is talk and drink tea."

"Why is that?" she asked.

"Well, part of it is her view on sex — that it comes after intimacy, which requires knowledge of the other person, which requires knowledge of yourself. It's all from the Hindu wisdom she's been having me read. I honestly thought intimacy was purely about sex when I first talked to her. And in a sense, it is, but not the way you mean."

"So you might never be with her?" Cindi asked.

"Who knows? I'm enjoying the philosophical talks and exploring the different spirituality. If that's all it ever is, that's fine with me. On the other hand, she is pretty hot looking!" I smirked.

Stephie smacked me on the arm, "What am I? Chopped liver?"

"Oh no, not at all! We concluded that you were a juicy, tasty Georgia Peach!" I chuckled.

"Jerk!" she giggled. "What's she got that I ain't got?"

"A really, really interesting tea that her dad makes!"

"But is it better than Peach juice?" she smirked.

"Peach juice?" Cindi asked.

"Think about that for a second, Cindi!" I grinned, licking my lips.

She laughed, "Got it!"

"The Yankee loves peach juice and I'm happy to provide!" Stephie declared.

"Well, this conversation certainly went into the gutter pretty fast!" Julia said, smiling.

"Hey, the gutter is a LOT of fun, Julia!" Elyse teased. "Maybe Dave should get some Orange Julius!"

Everyone laughed hard at that, including Dave and Julia.

"And this is where Kathy would tell us all to cut it out," Eduardo added. "But I have to say it's been pretty funny."

"Kathy is our conscience," I said, "and she does a pretty good job of keeping things from getting too far out of hand. I actually appreciate it."

"Me too," Eduardo said. "It's too easy to take things too far, especially given how free everyone here is. It's not like back home, where everyone is much more reserved and we certainly don't talk this openly about sex, especially about what people do together."

"That's the Yankee's doing, Eduardo. He's taught us all not to be so uptight or judgmental about sex. Honestly, I think it's a good thing. My mom doesn't, but that's too bad for her!"

"My parents would have a stroke," Eduardo said. "They are very traditional, very conservative Spaniards. This kind of thing would scandalize them. So I won't tell them about it!"

"Probably a good idea," Cindi agreed. "My parents would never understand my private life, so I just don't tell them about it, either."

"Same here," I said, "at least with my mom, who did everything in her power to discover what I was doing and interfere in it in every way possible. That's why I moved to Chicago before school started. She's a complete whack-job, and a hypocrite to boot."

"This sounds like a common problem," Julia said. "My parents were more or less like Steve's mom or Eduardo's."

"I agree it is a common problem," I said. "And I think the source of the problem is that adults are treating teenagers like little kids when they aren't. And I honestly think it's going to get worse and worse as time goes on. We need more parents like my friend Melanie's than like most of ours."

"What's special about them?" Julia asked.

"They treated Melanie like an adult, were open about sex and relationships, and let her make her own decisions. That's more or less what I plan to do with my kids."

"Isn't that really risky?" Dave asked.

"Yes, indeed. Melanie tried to kill herself at one point. But you know what? I don't think what she did was because of her parents. Even then, they never judged her and they did what they could to help her. Heck, they let us have sex at their house when I was fourteen, and she was sixteen!"

"I'm not sure I could go THAT far," Stephie said. "I mean, I see my mom's point, at least for kids under eighteen."

"Why? Don't they have as much right to make their own decisions about sex as you do? I'm not talking about really young kids, but certainly a fifteen-year-old should have all the information they need and the freedom to decide for themselves. And parents shouldn't interfere unless there's physical danger. At least, that's how I see it."

"That sounds Scandinavian," Eduardo observed. "I hear that's how parents are in Sweden."

"Yes, pretty much," I confirmed. "You have to be careful not to be too hands-off, but otherwise, it's true they give their kids quite a bit of freedom, and that's a good thing in my mind."

The conversation drifted on to school and current events and around 11:30pm Dave, Julia, and Cindi left, and then Stephie and I headed for my room while Eduardo and Elyse sat on the couch finishing their drinks.

Saturday was typical until about 2:00pm, when Theo came by to talk to me. We walked in the light drizzle and he told me that he needed my help on Thursday night. He had a meeting to go to and wanted me there as backup. He told me to bring my Beretta with me, but as before, felt it was unlikely that I'd need it. He said I should meet up with him at 9:30pm, and then I headed back to the apartment.

"Who was that?" Stephie asked.

"A guy who coordinates the computer work I do for some businesses owned by a guy in Cicero. Stuff I didn't sell to the guys to whom I sold my software company."

"You haven't had to do much with that since you sold it. I thought you were a consultant to them?" Elyse asked.

"Two phone calls, that's it. The programmer is pretty good and Beth and I had documented everything, so there isn't much to do. Krista has been busy, but Beth and I basically cashed out, and I'll end up keeping the retainer for consulting even if they don't use it. Anyway, I have to go to a meeting on Thursday night with one of the main guys. He's busy during the day, so we usually meet late in the evening. I'll be gone from about 9:15pm to midnight."

I was glad that seemed to satisfy them and went back to my homework. I had quite a bit of reading to do for my history class, but a lot of it was review from High School, so I pulled out my book and sat in the bay window with a cup of tea and started reading. When I finally finished, it was time to make dinner, so I went to the kitchen and started working on it.

"So, how's this going to work tomorrow?" Kathy asked.

"Just open discussion. After lunch, I'll ask a question or make a statement and we just let the conversation flow from there. With the gang that'll be here, it's going to be interesting. Dave and Julia will join us, which means that we'll have ten people here. I think that's about the limit, really. More than that can't fit comfortably in the living room, even with extra chairs. The eight of us here right now manage OK because usually a couple of people are at the kitchen table writing and someone's at the computer, or even in my room on the other one. If Jackie or Cindi find boyfriends, we'll have to figure something out."

"If?" Cindi asked, trying to sound offended.

"Sorry, when the delectable, stacked, smoking hot Cindi finds a boyfriend," I chuckled.

"That's MUCH better!" Cindi grinned.

"And me?" Jackie said, accusingly.

"Well, maybe I misspoke. You're still occasionally seeing that guy from Kent Law School?"

"I am. We have coffee or dinner once a week or so. He's so damn busy studying that he doesn't have a lot of time. And they have study groups, so he can't come here. It's not serious, though. But aren't you going to compliment me?" she asked with an arched eyebrow.