Chapter 79: Three Exciting Weeks, Part II

December, 1983, Chicago, Illinois

I went back inside and up to my room to change the sheets on my bed and then started a load of laundry. I found Katy sitting in the sunroom drinking coffee and reading a book. I let her know that I was planning on making dinner for around 6:00pm, and that I was going to go to Jewel to do some shopping for the next week. She said that she'd rather stay home, so I headed out alone.

I thought about what to cook when Connie came to visit, as well as what I'd need for the week Anala would be staying with me. I made a mental list, checking it off as I walked through the store while selecting the items. When I had everything that I needed, I went through the checkout, paid, and then loaded the bags into my car.

Back at the house, I carried in the groceries and put everything away, then started making dinner. Katy wandered into the kitchen while I was cooking and I opened a bottle of wine for us to share.

"Can I ask you a question?" Katy inquired.

"Of course."

"What's with you and Jackie and Elyse?"

"That's really a question for them, isn't it?"

"Why do you say that?"

"Because it's one-hundred percent on their terms. They sleep with me when it suits them, and don't when it doesn't. Other than Saturday nights when Charlie's here, my bed's available to them on whatever schedule they want to work out. Sometimes they're there, sometimes they aren't. It's up to them."

"So you're just like some sultan waiting to be serviced by his girls?"

I put down the spatula and turned to face her.

"That's bullshit and you know it, Katy!" I objected. "I treat all of you the same, and I'm not sleeping with you or Julia. Stephie received special treatment when she was living with me, but afterwards she was treated the same. And she defined the terms of the relationship — she decided when to start sleeping with me and when to stop. Did you see me treat her any differently after she told me that she wanted to be with Jason?"

"No, I guess that you didn't."

"Exactly. She didn't move back to Georgia because I was treating her badly. In fact, she moved back to Georgia because I was treating her nicely! She was conflicted, and the only way to solve the conflict was to go back home and be with Jason. And I supported her doing that."

"How could you not be upset with her breaking up with you?" Katy wondered.

"You mean like she was when I broke up with her because I was going to propose to Kara?" I asked sarcastically. "She was so upset with me that she took me back the second things went to hell with Kara."

"I don't get how you could be so calm when she broke up with you."

"You mean the girl who was living with me to whom I couldn't commit? The one who I had broken up with once already? That girl? Not to mention that I wasn't calm. I was upset. But what would it gain me to have thrown a fit? Would a tantrum have changed her mind? And if it had, then was that REALLY a relationship worth having? You didn't know me before, Katy. I've done a lot of stupid things because I became emotional and let my emotions run away with me. I'm not Mr. Spock, but I've learned to get some control over my emotions and, more or less, stay on an even keel."

"I don't get why she took up with you in the first place when you had Kara back in Ohio."

I picked up the spatula to keep working on dinner, but kept talking to Katy.

"You should have asked Stephie that question before she left," I said. "She had her reasons, and she was happy with how everything turned out. I love her and she loves me, but she belongs with Jason. Just as Kathy belongs with Kurt and my friend Melanie belongs with Pete, the guy you met a couple of weeks ago. And why Katt Sundström belongs with Mikael Westberg. I dated all of them, and I loved all of them. I still love all of them, but in the end, they needed something I couldn't provide. I'm still good friends with all of them."

"I can't believe you let Katt Sundström go! She's amazing!"

"She is, but I couldn't give her what she needed — a constant companion on the skating tour. I'm not someone who lives and breathes ice skating. I met her in Sweden and we really hit it off, but she and I both knew that she put skating first, ahead of everything, including me. And I was fine with that, Katy. Every one of the girls made their own decisions, and I supported those decisions. In some cases, I actually did something proactive to make it happen, like with Katt and Mikael. Katt and I are very close friends; just as I am with Kathy, Melanie, and now Stephie. In fact, you won't be able to find a girl who I've dated who isn't a close friend."

"That makes no sense to me. Haven't you had a bad breakup? So bad that you hated the person?" Katy asked.

"You're referring to Becky van Hoek, I suppose. But even with Becky, we eventually reconciled. And you've heard the story of what happened and about everything she did to me. Or perhaps you're thinking about Jennifer, but that breakup didn't involve hate, so much as despair, and a bit of furor. Jennifer and I have reconciled as well. I'm not sure why you see me as some kind of monster, or abuser, or whatever it is you see me as. Ask the girls, Katy. I know you've asked at least some of them."

I put the spatula down again and refilled our wine glasses, then continued my monologue.

"I guess I'm wondering exactly what point you're trying to make. If nobody is being hurt and I'm not lying to anybody about the future, or the past for that matter, and we're all consenting, then just what the heck is your concern? You've never struck me as some moralizing prude, so I don't think it's that. I know at least one of the girls thinks you are because you won't act on your desires, but that's not prudishness, that's common sense."

Katy laughed, "Wait a minute! Common sense? You want me, but then you call me not wanting to be with you 'common sense'?"

"Yes, because it IS common sense! You're smart, you know what you want, and you know what you believe. You've decided, for your own personal reasons, that you shouldn't do something. It's common sense to not go against your principles unless there's a damned good reason to do so. And even if you have a good reason, you still have to think it through."

"For a guy who says he wants to get into my pants, you sure don't seem like you want to get into my pants."

"Didn't we have this discussion already?" I asked with exasperation. "It's called self-control. If you have it, and can keep from acting on your desires, why can't I do the same thing?"

"Guys are different," she replied.

"Oh for Pete's sake!" I exclaimed, becoming annoyed. "Are we going to fall back into tired stereotypes? Aren't you the one who took the human sexuality class? Do you think guys who have multiple sex partners are studs and girls who have multiple sex partners are sluts? That girls don't have sex just for fun? What the hell is REALLY bothering you, Katy?"

Something dawned on me just then. Why was she still in Chicago now that exams were finished? There was no reason I could think of that she hadn't flown out the previous night or earlier in the day, or worst case, late in the afternoon.

"Wait!" I said quickly. "Before you answer that question, tell me what you're still doing here."

"What?" she asked.

"You heard me! Why didn't you fly out last night or today? What are you doing here, Katy O'Connor?"

She blushed but didn't say anything, which told me instantly what she was thinking. And why she'd stayed after everyone else had left. She was thinking about breaking her rule and had arranged her schedule so there wouldn't be anyone else around if she did. I had no idea what she was thinking beyond that, but there was no way this was going forward without a lot of talking.

Eventually she answered, "I don't know."

"You don't know?" I asked skeptically. "You're the one who booked your tickets for Sunday, so you had to have a reason. Something is bothering you and something caused you to want to stay an extra day or two. I'd say that you do know, and it's pretty obvious, based on the conversation we just had. Look, I'm not going to dance around this conversation, or play games, or tease, or any other thing. We agreed months ago on how to handle this and if it's going to change, YOU have to change it. And then we'll talk."

"What the fuck?" Katy asked angrily. "You tell me you think you know what's bothering me and what I want, but then you tell me that even if I say that you're right, all that means is we'll talk about it? Didn't you just say that we were already talking about it?"

"We are. But I also said I'm neither dancing around it nor playing games. And that's what it seems that this conversation has been. Dinner's ready. Let's eat and then you can decide if you're adult enough to admit what's going on and have an adult conversation about it."

"Asshole," she growled.

I had pushed her pretty hard and understood her reaction. It didn't bother me, but I was going to push back by accepting the name-calling with flair. I bowed deeply and smiled.

"At your service!" I said.

I set out plates on the table in the breakfast nook, got drinks, and served dinner — chicken breast with garlic and butter served over a bed of pasta, and cauliflower on the side. I poured the last of the wine into our two glasses and we ate in silence. When we finished, I cleared the table and Katy helped with the dishes.

"Dinner was really good," Katy said. "I'm amazed at how you can take simple ingredients and make so many different things, all of which taste pretty darn good."

"Thanks. It's not really difficult, it's just something that takes a bit of time to learn and a bit of creativity. The hard part is big meals like Thanksgiving, when you need everything to be ready at the same time so you don't have to try to keep it warm, which hurts the quality."

"I'm sorry I called you an asshole before," she said softly.

"Why? It's how you felt at that moment."

"Do you know just how annoying you are? You take insults like that as if they were nothing!"

"Water off a duck's back," I said. "Or, more colloquially, 'sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me'. Just don't call me a hypocrite — that's a blood insult."

"That is one thing that I don't think anybody could ever successfully accuse you of."

"Bethany could. And she has. And she was right. But I fixed that, too, by admitting it and apologizing to the person who I'd been hypocritical with."

"Is there ANYONE who doesn't like you?"

"Besides my mom, my brother, Kara's former pastor, and Bethany's ex, Gene? Not that I know of. If there were, I'd try to find out why and do what I could to fix it."

"Why?"

"Why? Because it's the right thing to do! I did it with you, Katy, when we came to our agreement. We worked out a modus vivendi. And it's worked. Well, at least until today if what I surmise to be the case is actually the case."

She didn't respond until after we'd finished the dishes and I'd put the kettle on to make tea.

"I guess it has worked pretty well," Katy admitted. "You've kept your part of the bargain."

"And so have you. But it seems to me that you might want to change it. And that's what we have to talk about."

"Will you promise me one thing?"

I chuckled, "Yes, whatever we talk about, and whatever happens, if anything, is between us and nobody else."

"How did you know I was going to ask that?" Katy asked in disbelief.

"Because I know Cindi well enough that if she ever found out, she'd tease you mercilessly about it. Jackie might as well. But I do have a caveat to any promise I might give. There's one person who I absolutely have to tell everything to. And I can't leave this out."

"Jennifer?" she asked.

"Yes. That's part of our deal because we spent years being less than honest with each other."

"I have a friend like that, too. I also wondered if yours might be Bethany or Anala."

"For those two, it would depend on a bunch of things and I can probably demur with them. You have my promise. Now, are we going to talk about it?"

"I suppose we should," she sighed.

I got up to pour the water into the teapot and added the tea to steep.

"You suppose? Look, let me be blunt. I am not going to make any moves on you, even if you're sending signals that you want me to. I'm also not going to let you do this without talking to me about it, and not in a round-about way."

"I take it back," she said with a wry smile, "You are an asshole!"

"Katy, if you can't talk about it, you sure as hell shouldn't do it! You, of all my friends, except maybe Bethany, should know that best. You've taken a bunch of electives that have to do with human interaction! I'll tell you what. I'll cut you a small amount of slack and start the conversation.

"You know I'm not steady with anyone right now, and I have no intention of becoming involved in a serious way with anyone in the near future. You know about me, and my relationships with Jackie, Elyse, Charlie, Anala, and Bethany. I'm not monogamous and I have no plans to be anytime soon, and maybe I won't ever be. I can't really offer you anything more than what I already have — my friendship. So the question you have to ask yourself, assuming I'm right, of course, is can you handle a casual fling or not."

She sighed, "That's the real question, isn't it? And I don't know the answer to that question. If I did, this would be easier. You were right; I changed my flight once I figured out that everyone else would be gone and that you would still be here. And I did it because I was thinking about sleeping with you. Well, that's not quite accurate. I was obsessing about sleeping with you."

"Obsessing?" I asked.

"For the better part of the last two weeks, if I wasn't studying or in class, it's all I could think about. I don't know why, either, and that bugs me. I started feeling jealous of Jackie and Elyse and," she stammered with a blush. "And I, uh, rubbed myself off thinking about you."

"There's nothing wrong with fantasy, Katy. I've had more than a few myself. But sometimes the fantasies just have to stay locked away in our brains for our own good. Sometimes, it's not worth it to pursue them because of the problems that might ensue. I'm pretty sure you're concerned about how you'll feel afterwards, assuming we do anything at all."

"It all goes back to my stupid Prom. If I'd just said 'no' that night, I wouldn't have the problem I have now."

"Then the question you have to answer is whether the problem was with the casual nature of what happened, or the assumption that your agreeing to go to Prom meant agreeing to have sex."

I poured us each a cup of tea. She lifted hers and sipped carefully. I could see in her eyes that she was trying to figure out the answer to my question, and that she was struggling to decide how she actually had felt.

"That's the sixty-four dollar question, isn't it? But whose fault was that? His for assuming, or mine for yielding?"