Chapter 76: Thinkin\' \'Bout Some Friends I Know

November, 1983, Milford, Ohio

On Wednesday morning I had my usual swim and breakfast at my parents' house, then spent some time with my little sister before heading to Anderson Township to see Anna. As promised, she was home with Kyle and he and I continued our tradition.

"Steve!" he shrieked, running to hug me.

"Kyle!" I exclaimed, scooping him up in my arms.

He gave me a hug and planted a wet kiss on my cheek. I laughed and went to hug Anna. It was a bit awkward because Kyle had a death grip around my neck. Anna and I exchanged a quick, soft kiss and went to sit on the couch.

"What's the plan for the day?" I asked Anna.

"French fries!" Kyle interjected.

Anna and I both laughed.

"I suppose we won't get a moment's peace if we don't take Kyle to Wendy's!" she observed.

"Wendy's!" Kyle insisted.

"I would say that you're right," I replied. "Why don't we do that now? Perhaps he'll be interested in an n-a-p after we eat."

"I sure hope so!" she exclaimed. "I have the car seat in my car, so we can just take that."

"That's fine with me," I said.

She grabbed a jacket for herself and one for Kyle, and we headed out to the car. Five minutes later, we were at Wendy's. I ordered my usual double cheese combo with everything except pickles and onions, Anna ordered a single cheese combo with catsup only and then ordered a kid's meal for Kyle. When we sat down, Kyle ate his French fries first, then his hamburger. Anna and I caught up on the last several months of our lives while we ate.

"How was your lunch, Kyle?" I asked.

"Yummy! Will you play with me?"

Anna shot me a look that I could interpret a few different ways.

"Yes, I'll play with you. What do you want to play?"

"Candyland!"

Anna smiled, "His favorite. He learned to play a month ago. He's pretty bright for having just turned three."

I put all the trash on one of the trays, stacked it on the other two, then walked over to the can and dumped the trash. After I set the trays on top of the can, we walked out to the car for the short drive back to the Wilsons' house, where Anna immediately took Kyle to use the bathroom. She was back quickly.

"He's potty trained, and has been for six months. But he still needs reminders from time to time, especially when he's distracted," she said with a smile.

"He's a good kid. I hope you aren't upset about me agreeing to play with him."

"One game will do it, then I'll put him down for a nap. How long are you staying?"

"I didn't make any plans at all for today except to see you."

"Good! Will you take me to dinner?"

"Sure," I said.

Kyle called for Anna and she went to help him finish in the bathroom. They walked out and went into Gina's room and came out with the Candyland box. We sat on the floor and the three of us played the game. It was, from my perspective, the worst possible kind of game — one that was based on sheer luck and with absolutely no strategy of any kind. But, as it was intended for three- and four-year-olds, that made sense. Anna ended up winning, much to Kyle's annoyance.

"Nap time, Kyle," Anna said firmly.

"No! I want to play again!" he said defiantly.

"Kyle," I said softly, "you need to listen to Anna and take a nap. I'll be here when you wake up."

"NO!" he fussed.

"Kyle," I said, firmly, "if you want to play Candyland with me later, you need to take your nap."

He scowled at me, but didn't fight Anna when she picked him up and carried him back to Gina's room. She came out a moment later, closing the door behind her. She stopped by the door to her room and smiled, beckoning me to join her. I got up and went to her, but I wanted to have a chance to talk before things went any further.

"We need to talk first," I said. "I don't want any misunderstandings."

"About what?" she asked.

"Me. Us. You know that Stephie and I broke up and that I'm not seeing anyone seriously at the moment. What I need to say is that I'm not looking for any kind of committed relationship at this point. After everything that's happened, I think that's best for me."

She sat down in one of the beanbag chairs and I sat down next to her.

"So, you're just dating, I guess?"

"Exactly. After everything that happened with Jennifer, Kara, and Stephie, I think I need to kind of take a break. There are a few girls I'm seeing in Chicago, but nothing serious. I just don't want you to get the wrong idea. I promised myself that I'd never mislead you, or anyone, again. Not after what happened before. Especially with you."

"So, what does that mean, then?" Anna asked. "I mean, for you and me?"

"I guess it comes down to the fact that we're four hundred miles apart, you in Athens and me in Chicago. That makes it kind of hard to see each other regularly, so it would pretty much only be when I came to Ohio on breaks, which isn't all that often. After everything that's happened, I promised myself that I wasn't going to commit to anyone before I graduate from IIT and start my first job."

Anna sighed, "I can never catch a break. Every time it looks like there's a possibility of being with you, something happens to get in the way. Part of it was my fault, for not being clear that I'd forgiven you and wanted to see you again when we were Seniors, part of it is all the crazy stuff that's happened in your life, but part of it is you. You don't want me as your girlfriend."

"I can't deny any of that," I replied. "The only thing I'd say is that right now, and for the foreseeable future, I don't want anyone as my girlfriend. Partly, I'm just emotionally worn out. Partly, I'm too busy with school and work. And, partly, I'm not sure being exclusive with anyone is the right thing for me."

"You mean, like ever?" Anna asked, turning to look directly at me.

"That could be. I've had some very deep conversations with some really, really close friends on that topic. One of the things they've said, over and over again, is that my history seems to show that I'm better off in a situation where there are multiple girls, with each one filling a different role and meeting different needs. I'm not sure that they're right, but I'm not discounting the idea."

"And they'd accept this? Accept that you had multiple wives, or whatever?"

"The government won't accept multiple wives, so it would be a situation where I had two or three girls I was with for pretty much the rest of my life. In a sense, similar to what I've done since I was fourteen. Except for a really, really short period with Kara, I've never, ever been exclusive. You know that and at least put up with it in High School."

"It's one thing in High School, or even college, to play the field, or sow your wild oats, or whatever. It's a whole different thing when you're supposed to get married and have a family. How would that even work?"

"That's the same question that I posed. I mean, it'd be easy enough for me to live with a bunch of girls. Heck, I'm doing that now! But it's not like I'm married to one of them and the others are sharing me with my wife. That's where I think it ends up falling apart. Some of the girls say that they'd be OK with that, but I'm not sure. Would YOU be OK with that kind of situation?"

"No," Anna said firmly. "I couldn't do that. I want to be married and have kids and grandkids. And I don't want my husband to be with other girls and I don't want to be with other guys. I just can't see that working out in the end. As I said, it's one thing to be with you when we were in High School, or even now, and know that you're seeing other girls. But I don't think that works in the long run. And as you said, I put up with it when we were in High School, and I can deal with it now, but if that's your future, then I guess it's over between us."

"I don't know what my future is," I said. "I keep coming back to the same thing you said — one man, one woman, for life. Kids and grandkids. A typical, traditional family. And maybe that's where I'll end up. Right now, I have no idea, and that's one reason for not making any commitments. How bad would it be if you and I were in a committed relationship with you expecting to get married and have a traditional family, and then one day I said I was fine with the marriage part, but I wanted to have a lover or two live with us?"

"I'd break up with you in a heartbeat," she said firmly.

"Exactly! So, right now, I can't make any commitments or promises about anything. All I can do is take things one day at a time and see where they lead. If that works for you, we can see each other when I'm in Ohio, and if you happen to have a reason to come to Chicago, you can let me know and we can get together. But I can't promise anything more than dating. And it might not lead anywhere."

"So my options are pretty much give up or wait and see," she sighed.

"That's about it, really," I confirmed. "Would you rather I misled you? I recall that went quite badly when I did that during the Summer before Senior year."

Anna sighed deeply and her shoulders slumped. She looked down and was quiet for a minute.

"In some ways," she said slowly, "a lie would have been better, at least for now. You could have faked it and I would have been happy. But then when I found out, I'd have been angry with you, even beyond what happened before. The sad part is, your honesty is a sign of maturity, and just one more reason for me to hope that things might work out. I know better than to put my life on hold, and I haven't.

"I've been dating and I'll continue to date. Who knows, I might meet someone I really want to be with. But, until that day, I'd like to keep seeing you when you're in town. My other option is to simply let you go and likely never see you again. Maybe that's the smart thing to do, but my heart tells me otherwise.

"I like being with you, Steve. I like what we have together when we're together. Kyle adores you and that tells me that you'll be a fantastic father. And that's super important to me. I've seen how Gina's ex reacted to Kyle and how some of my friends' boyfriends are around kids.

"I guess the bottom line is that I'd like to see you when I can. It's still a year-and-a-half before we graduate and a lot can happen before then. So my answer is yes, I want to keep seeing you within the limits that you've set. I only have one question for you now."

"Which is?"

"Why aren't we making love?" she asked with an inviting smile.

"Why indeed?" I smiled, pulling her to me.

We kissed a bit before moving to her bed to make love. When we finished, we cuddled for a bit and then Anna got up to check on Kyle and came back and climbed into bed next to me.

"He's still sleeping. I think we have time to do it again!"

We did have time to make love and take a shower before Kyle called out for Anna. She got him from his room and we played another game of Candyland. The game ended with Kyle winning, much to his delight, and I suggested that we take a walk. It was a slow walk due to Kyle's short legs, but it was nice to be out in the fresh air. I walked between Kyle and Anna so I could hold both their hands, instead of the usual kid between the adults way that I often saw.

When we got back to the house thirty minutes later, Kyle insisted that he show me his toys, so I went to the basement with him and was given a piece by piece description, including why he liked a toy or didn't like a toy. His favorite toy was a Tonka dump truck. I told him that I'd had one very much like it when I was little, though I didn't point out that mine had been made from steel while his was made from heavy plastic.

His second favorite toy was a pair of cap guns and we spent fifteen minutes running around the basement shooting each other. When we'd each used up two rolls of caps, we put the toys away and went back upstairs to find Anna. Gina came home not long after and scooped up Kyle for a hug. He tolerated it, then demanded to come sit next to me again.

"He sure is taken with you, Steve," Gina said. "I think he'd be happy to have you as a d-a-d-d-y."

"If that's an offer, I think Anna might have an objection to that!" I grinned.

"You're darn right I'd have an objection!" Anna laughed.

"Now, if you two were willing to share, I might consider it!" I deadpanned.

Gina's eyes went wide open as Anna looked surprised at first, then just doubled over laughing, "Oh you would just LOVE that, wouldn't you?"

"You wouldn't happen to have a brother, would you?" Gina asked as she calmed her own giggles.

"Not one that you'd want to be anywhere around, unfortunately."

"Too bad. I'm just not having any luck finding a guy who is as good as you are with kids. And Kyle is a tough sell. He's pretty picky about guys he'll accept."

"My little buddy is a good guy!" I said.

"Buddy! Steve's my buddy!" Kyle announced.

I tousled his hair, and he smiled, then stood up on the couch and did the same to me. A wave of sadness crashed over me when I realized that I might have had a son that I could be doing this with. I managed to keep the emotions bottled up, but for the first time in a long, long time, I felt a great sense of loss. I thought I'd fully put it past me, but spending time with Kyle seemed to trigger those feelings that I'd obviously suppressed. I pulled Kyle down to my lap and hugged him tight, then let him go.

"Are you guys going out?" Gina asked.

"Yeah, Steve's taking me to dinner, and then maybe we'll go to a movie."

Anna's parents arrived home about twenty minutes later, and after I greeted them, Anna and I headed out to my car. Kyle tried to insist that he was going with us, but Gina told him that he needed to eat dinner at home and that Anna and I needed some time by ourselves. I suppressed a chuckle because we'd had our time together earlier, before Gina arrived home.