Chapter 67: A Change in Attitude?

October, 1983, Chicago, Illinois

On Saturday morning, during my run, I replayed the conversation that I'd had with Cindi and Katy in my mind. Something was bugging me and I couldn't exactly put my finger on it. There was something in the conversation that had triggered an uncomfortable feeling, but I couldn't identify it. In the end, I decided to talk to Anala about it on Thursday, as she'd likely be able to help me figure out what it was.

After my shower and breakfast, I read the newspaper while I waited for Penny to arrive for her computer lesson. She was catching on pretty fast and we were quickly coming to a point where she'd be able to move forward on her own, learning more by doing than by my teaching. That afternoon, I was supposed to talk to her dad about the computer and figured that an Apple IIe was the best option.

Penny arrived right on time and we went into the study room and sat down at the Apple II. So far, she'd mostly used the TRS-80 because the 'How To Program' book was for that computer. I started off by showing her some differences in how the computers worked, and then about some of the differences in the BASIC that they used. I gave her the challenge of getting a program that she'd written for the TRS-80 working on the Apple II, then went back to reading the paper while she worked.

Just before the end of the session, after only asking for help a couple of times, she had the program working. She'd worked fast, and I was impressed at how quickly she'd learned. The way she was going, she was going to surpass my skills at age fourteen. I had her save her work and then talked to her about getting her own computer.

"I'm going to suggest to your stepdad that he get you an Apple IIe. It's like this, only faster and with more RAM. I actually have one upstairs if you want to see it."

"Sure!" she said brightly.

We went upstairs to my room so that I could show her the computer.

"Oooh! Taking me to your room?" she giggled. "Are you sure it's computers you want to talk about?"

"Penny!" I said sharply.

"What?" she said, acting innocent.

"Just keep your mind where it belongs, OK?"

She giggled, "Oh, it is!"

I suppressed a sigh and showed her the Apple IIe, then left my room as quickly as I could. I should have thought about having one of the other girls come with me, and I wouldn't make that mistake again. We walked down the stairs to the front door.

"Don't be such a stick in the mud!" Penny exclaimed. "What time are you coming over to talk to my stepdad?"

"About 1:00pm. I have to go to karate practice, then shower and eat lunch. I'll be over after that."

"OK. Bye!" she said with a big smile.

I shut the door behind her and went to get dressed for karate practice. When I was ready, I went downstairs to meet Stephie, and we headed out. I wondered if Stephie could help me sort out my concerns, but I didn't want to violate any confidence that Katy had put in me, so I kept that to myself. I did mention the incident with Penny.

"She has a crush on you," Stephie said. "That's pretty durn obvious."

"You know, I remember now that Bethany did say that Penny was looking at me like a lioness sizing up a zebra for a kill."

"I haven't seen enough of you two together to know if that's true or not. I don't judge you, Steve, but fourteen might be a bit young for you at this point. A few years ago? No big deal. Back in the Spring you were arguing that fourteen is old enough to decide, but you do have to take the age difference into account, don't you think?"

"I suppose, and I'm not saying that I'm interested in Penny that way, but isn't that up to the girl?"

"Yes, but within reason. I'm not implying that you would do this, but you have to think about the age difference. You're six years older than she is. If you were twenty-seven and she were twenty-one, nobody would blink an eye. But for teenagers, it's a big gap. You're WAY more mature than she is, I suspect. You know exactly what you're doing. She most likely doesn't. And you have to consider what her parents would say and do if they ever found out."

"Good points, of course. I'll just make sure I keep one of you around when I'm with her. That should keep her on the straight and narrow."

"A wise idea," Stephie agreed.

When we arrived home after karate class, we both went to our rooms to shower and change. We grabbed some lunch and got out our books. Charlie and George arrived just after 1:00pm with their overnight bags, which they left in the foyer. It hit me just then what had bothered me after my talk with Katy. It wasn't about me using someone, but about me being used! I needed to talk to Charlie before anything happened. I'd more or less simply let her talk her way into my bed without any real preliminaries or relationship beyond the tutoring. But that was an issue for after dinner.

I headed next door for my talk with Bart Nichols just after the girls arrived. We went into his den, which looked like a lawyer's office with leather chairs, a big desk and bookshelves lining the walls. A quick glance showed that it was mostly theology books, which made sense, given that he was a professor of theology.

"Penny has managed to keep her grades up, so we're ready to buy her a computer. She said you had a recommendation."

"Yes. I'm thinking that your best bet is an Apple IIe. Of all the options right now, it's the best choice. I don't see RadioShack making much progress, really, and the current Commodore line isn't that great, either. That means it comes down to the Apple IIe and the IBM, and the IBM is much more expensive. If they don't figure out a way to get the price down, it won't last."

"That sounds good. Where's the best place to get the computer?"

"I usually go to a computer store on Michigan Avenue. I have their number and a list of what you should get with me."

"Perfect. Let me check this out and decide what to do. I'm sure Penny will tell you when she has it."

"No doubt about it!" I said. "I have a school project to work on, so I need to head back to my house, but if you have any questions, just call or come by."

"Thanks, Steve," he said.

We shook hands, and I walked back home. I spent most of the study time with Dave, Katy, and Cindi, working on our computer graphics assignment. We'd need to find some time to get into the computer lab for one of our assignments, but the rest we could mostly do on the computers that I had. We'd decided that our video game would be done on the Atari 800 because besides being a full-fledged computer, it had some good features of a gaming system as well. Dave, Katy, and Cindi were learning 6502 assembly language, as that was what we'd be using for the final project.

My other classes mostly involved reading and writing. I was spending extra time on the psychology texts, and reading some of the suggested, but not required, texts as well. That took up a bit of extra time, but I was gaining some insight into my own behavior and thinking, and it helped me by providing some alternate perspectives on many of the issues I was dealing with. While I didn't buy everything that the textbook claimed, it was still helpful.

Dinner on Saturday was hamburgers and corn on the cob on the grill. While I got the grill ready, Elyse and Stephie wrapped the ears of corn in tinfoil, then prepared the lettuce, onion, and tomato for the burgers. While the corn cooked, the three of us made the hamburger patties, which I eventually took out to the grill. Katy helped bring everything out to the patio, and when the burgers were done, I served them up.

"Can I have one?" Penny asked, peering over the fence.

"If your mom or stepdad says it's OK, then yes, you can come over and have a hamburger," I said.

Penny disappeared.

"Careful, Steve," Stephie whispered.

"There's a yard full of people, Stephie. It's safe."

"Sure. But she might take it as encouragement. Just be careful. Unless you WANT to encourage her."

I sighed, "I can't walk through life on eggshells, but I'm also not taking Penny to my room again!"

Penny was back at the fence a minute later.

"My stepdad said I could come over for one hour," she said.

"The front door is open. Come on over," I said.

She was bouncing into the backyard two minutes later. I served her a hamburger, and she went to sit on the grass next to Jackie and Jeremiah. Right next to them were Jorge and Cindi, sitting pretty close together, I noted with a smile. I made my own burger and went to sit at the table with Dave, Julia, Kurt, and Kathy.

"With all these people showing up, I don't get to talk to you as much," Kathy said. "It feels like we're losing touch a bit."

"I know what you mean," I said. "It was more intimate in the apartment, and now that we're here and I have six housemates instead of two, there's less time. Not to mention the extra people coming to study groups. I'd hate to cut back too much, though. I know you guys have your dates on Friday night; otherwise I'd invite you to come on Friday. I don't even get to talk to Elyse and Stephie as much as I did before."

"Stephie not sleeping in your room might have something to do with that, don't you think?"

"Yeah, some. That did change the relationship, but still, I'm just feeling a bit out of sorts, I guess, with all the people. I'm discovering I do better with six to eight than fifteen or so. It's the lack of intimacy, I guess, that's the problem. I just don't have a good solution."

"What about Sunday morning," Kurt said. "Usually everyone just kind of does their own thing. What if some of us just got together in the Indian room and drank tea and talked? Just hanging out, no deep, philosophical questions, but the kind of stuff we used to talk about at the apartment."

"That might work, given most of the rest of our friends don't arrive until around lunchtime."

"I've been going to church with Dave," Julia said, "so I wouldn't be there, but don't worry about me."

"Let's just start with the three of us, and if others want to join, that's fine. Even if everyone but Julia shows up, we're only talking nine or so people. Or we could really limit it if I changed my rule, and we hung a 'nude only' sign on the sauna door!"

Julia laughed, "Yeah, that would do it for some people, like Katy, but it sure wouldn't deter Cindi!"

"Just out of curiosity, what about you and Dave?" I asked. "Is that a problem for you?"

"I guess it depends on who's there," Julia said. "It's a comfort thing. You and Kurt don't bother me at all. What do you think, Dave?"

"I've never been naked in front of a group of girls before," Dave said. "It's a bit unnerving, actually."

"OK, so maybe that's not a good idea at this point," I said. "Kathy and Kurt, let's just go in the Indian room in the morning and if other people drift in, that's OK with me."

"Sounds like a plan," Kathy said.

When we'd all finished eating, Kurt, Kathy, Jackie, and Jeremiah cleaned up the kitchen and back yard while I scraped the grill. The temperature had dropped to the low 50s, so we decided to head inside and up to the 'party' room in the attic. As usual, Dave and Julia went out, as did Elyse and Eduardo. I remembered that I needed to talk to Charlie, so I took her by the hand and we went to the sunroom.

"Charlie, about tonight," I said.

"What about it?" she asked.

"I'm just feeling a bit uneasy. I mean, we haven't gone on a date; in fact, we haven't even kissed and you're planning to sleep with me."

"You've never met somebody and thought 'Wow! I'd like to be with that person!'?"

"Well, of course I have! That's a pretty normal reaction for guys!"

"But not for girls?" she asked, putting her hands on her hips.

"Sorry, I didn't mean it that way. I was just vouching for how guys often think. And yes, I've met some girls like that for sure. I guess I'm just curious what you want out of this."

"Does it have to be anything other than making each other feel good? Having someone to keep warm with? You already told me that you didn't want a relationship, so that's out."

"Is that what you were hoping for?" I asked.

"Well, I was hoping you would ask me out. Beyond that, who knows? You just seem different from most of the guys I've met here. Then, after being here and meeting all your friends, I decided I wanted to be part of the group."

"You don't have to sleep with me to be part of the group."

"Is that what you think I'm doing?"

"I don't know, actually, and I guess that's the concern."

"Remember what I said about being bored back home?" Charlie asked. "When I was fourteen, I wanted to find something exciting to do, but there was nothing, and I mean nothing, going on in Muskogee for kids my age. So me and some friends drove out to the lake one night to hang out. It was three couples, and we all discovered just how much fun making out and stuff was. Only I did more than make out. Since then, I've had four guys I've been with.

"I had no plans on being with any of those guys long term. It was more or less something to do on Saturday nights. We'd go to the lake and make out and stuff. I did lots of the 'and stuff' and I like doing it. When I met you in the computer lab, I liked you right away. You're nice, you're smart, and you didn't hit on me like a crazed chinchilla in heat. In fact, you didn't hit on me at all. Now I know it's because you don't want to mix business and pleasure. Fine. The business is done. Now it's time for pleasure."

"So it's that simple? We hang out with my friends, then go down to my room, take off our clothes and screw?"

She laughed, "That is kind of how it works! But seriously, are you changing your mind? It seems like you might be."

"I don't know. I guess I was just concerned about what you were thinking."

"Well, I was thinking we could make each other feel good. That's all. I guess it's up to you."

I nodded, and we went back upstairs to the attic room. I still wasn't totally sure what I should do, and there were several options, including having her use the sleeper sofa. When we went into the room, I went to pour myself a drink and then sat with Charlie and George on either side of me. I looked across the room and saw Jorge sitting behind Cindi, massaging her shoulders and neck, and smiled. He was in for what I expected was a hell of a treat if he ever got the nerve up to push things further.

When Kurt and Kathy headed down to bed just before midnight, I asked them to show George to the other guest room and she went with them. A few minutes later, Charlie and I headed down to my room. I got a knowing look from Jackie as she went into her room. I shut the door to my room and led Charlie to my loveseat, where we sat down, but not too close.

"You seem nervous, Steve. Was all that talk about fooling around in High School just a lot of talk?" Charlie asked.

"No, not at all. I guess you're sensing my innate caution. I just want to make sure I'm not making a mistake."

"You've made mistakes before, haven't you?"

"Yes," I said.

"I'm sure this is what I want. I want to do it. I think it'll be a lot of fun. Come on, let's get in bed, make each other feel good and keep each other warm."

I still had a niggling feeling about the situation, but I wondered if I was simply being overly cautious. Part of it was the talk I had with Katy, and I wondered what it was about that. It wasn't about being used. It was something else. But, in the end, I didn't think it was specifically about the cute brunette sitting on my loveseat. There were no warning signs and no good reason not to be with her that I could think of.

"You're right," I said with a smile.

She did indeed make me feel good, and I did the same for her. I explored her firm, young body and enjoyed her silky warmth. After the second round, she snuggled close, and we kept each other warm until morning. She waited in bed for me to complete my run, then beckoned me for a third round when I returned. When we finished, I led her to my shower.

"I chose the right guy, for sure," she said, as I lathered her hair with a floral shampoo I kept in my shower.

"I take it you enjoyed yourself?" I asked, gently massaging her scalp with my finger tips.

"Are you kidding?! Your stamina is pretty damn amazing. After the second time, I was kind of raw. I've never done it that long before, ever! And when you ate me after the first time we did it, I was shocked. But damn, that felt good! I guess I didn't disappoint you?"