Chapter 56: End of the Summer, Part IV

August, 1983, Chicago, Illinois

At O'Hare, I parked in the short-term lot as I usually did, and walked into the terminal. I checked the arrival board and saw that the flight from Atlanta was listed as on-time. I walked to security, passed through the metal detectors, and then walked to the gate. I sat down to await Stephie and, hopefully, some answers.

The jet pulled onto the ramp and parked, and the engines shut down. The Jetway was extended and shortly after, the first passengers began to file out. About two-thirds of the passengers had come into the gate area before I saw Stephie. She saw me and walked over to where I was standing.

"Hi, Yankee," she said, holding out her arms.

"Hi, Peaches," I said, hugging her, "let's go get your bags."

Our greeting had seemed forced, and it was telling to me that she hadn't moved to kiss me. I was confident in my belief that our romantic relationship was over.

We walked quietly to the baggage claim listed for her flight and stood next to the belt to wait for her things.

"How was your flight?" I asked.

"Smooth. How have things been in Chicago?"

"Pretty good. Everyone is here. I haven't seen Kathy and Kurt, but I know they're in Evanston. I suspect that we'll see them at the house on Saturday."

"Cool."

Ten minutes of awkward silence between us followed before the belt began to move. Five minutes later, we had Stephie's bags and walked out to the car. She didn't have a lot, given she'd left most of her things in Chicago — things that were still in my room, at least for the moment. I suspected they'd be moved before the day was out. About forty minutes later, we parked in front of the house and carried her things inside. I didn't know for sure what to do with them, so I set them down in the foyer.

"Shall we talk?" I asked.

"Yes," she said.

We went to the kitchen and got a couple of bottles of Dr Pepper, then I led her to the Indian room. Fortunately, it was empty, so I shut the door, turned on the boombox, and tuned to a smooth jazz station. We sat in the basket chairs, and I waited for her to speak.

"Interesting decor in the room. You did this for Anala?"

"And for me. I like it a lot. Everything else I have is sort of Scandinavian modern, I guess. Light-colored wood, lightweight and light-colored fabrics. There's no Early American or French Provincial stuff in the house. And this room is really, really comfortable."

"I like this chair," she said. "I can curl up in it and if I pulled a blanket over, it would be super warm. I can see why you bought them."

"Are we going to discuss furniture and decorating, or us? You seem to be stalling, Peaches."

She sighed, "I am. It's because I'm confused, Steve. I didn't sleep with Jason."

"That's the second time you've said that, but it's not the answer to the question you know I have. And whether you did or didn't doesn't factor into how I see you, Peaches. You know I've been with lots of girls, so it would be really hypocritical of me to object to you making love with someone besides me."

"You know," she sighed, "sometimes you can be an insensitive asshole, Yankee."

"Say what?!" I asked, rocked by what she'd just said.

"Do you think I'd just spread my legs for anyone? That I'm some kind of slut?"

"Where is this coming from? All I said was that I couldn't object, not that you were actually going to start sleeping around. What I've done has really hurt you, hasn't it?"

"Yes. No. Shit! I don't know. I told you I was confused. It's not just about Red, or you, or me. It's about everything going on in my life, and in your life, and back home with Red. It's not just you having lots of girls, trust me."

"Pick someplace to start and let's talk it out," I suggested. "I have plenty of time. The only thing I think you need to do is get your books, and then we have the race to go to on Sunday, assuming you still want to go."

"I still want to go. I guess I'll start with Red and Rose. The best way to describe it is that it's like you and Bethany and Jennifer, only I didn't know it until he asked me out."

I smiled, "He's been in love with you forever, and Rose figured that out and that's why she cheated on him. She knew that in the end, he'd want to be with you, even if you were with me."

"Yep. And she was thinking I was coming back when I get out of school and that Red was just more or less passing time with her until I did."

"But you didn't know what you were going to do. In our case, you could look at a bunch of different relationships — Karin, Kara, Bethany — and see how they were all affected by Jennifer. But that was out in the open and everyone was aware. In your case, you didn't realize he was in love with you, did you?"

"No. He was just my best friend."

"And do you love him?"

"Hell if I know, Yankee," Stephie sighed. "I can't figure out if I love him like a friend or like a boyfriend."

"Anala has an answer for that, if you want to hear it."

"I do."

"The first one is more important. The second one develops over a lifetime. I think she's right, too. Look at you and me. Did you love me romantically when we first started hanging out together? Or even when we started sleeping in the same bed?"

"I guess not," Stephie admitted. "I was, well, comfortable with you. I started loving you later."

"Exactly. The same is true for me. I love you, Peaches, but that came later, after we started living together most of the time."

"You seem to be able to love a lot of people, Yankee. I'm not sure I can do that."

"Sure you can. You're thinking romantic love versus friendship-type love. You love me, Red, Emily, Martha, the girls here, and others. What you're doing is confusing real love with romantic love. Romantic love isn't the real thing. It comes and goes, and it fades with feelings. Real love, what the Greek's called «agápē», is the love that lets you die for someone if need be. I love Pete, Josh, Kurt, and Dave. Think about that."

"Yeah, you're the last person on the planet who I'd think was gay! But you do love them. Maybe I'm thinkin' all wrong about this."

"I'm assuming you talked to Jason a lot?"

"Yeah, we hung out together 'most every day after you left. Just talkin' and doin' stuff together. We went to some races at the dirt track, went to the swimmin' hole, and sat on our porch swing. We didn't even kiss, though."

"And why is that?"

"After what Rose did to him, he didn't want to do the same thing to you. You and I hadn't called it quits, so he said it would be too much like cheating. As for me, I don't want to be his rebound. I don't think that's what it is, but I need to be sure."

"Do you know what you want to do?" I asked.

"Hell no!" Stephie exclaimed. "Life ain't that easy! I'd pretty much set my mind on stayin' in Chicago when I graduate and seein' if you and I could make things work, but knowin' the whole situation with Jennifer. I know Elyse is all cool with that, but for me it's not so easy. I want to be with you, but I don't know that I can accept your terms. Then toss in the fact that me and Red has been best friends since forever and he's not like you in that he could be with me, and me only, and I got a real dilemma."

"How did you leave it with him?" I asked.

"That I'd see him at Thanksgiving and we'd talk about things."

I chuckled, "That sounds like me and Jennifer. We've done a lot of talking."

"And you didn't fool around with her when she was here?"

"No."

"She's still the main piece of this whole puzzle for you, isn't she?"

"I believe so, yes. Bethany pushed me pretty hard on that. I think you all are right. I have to work things out with Jennifer before anything else can happen."

"That was always going to be the case. I talked to Elyse and Kathy about it. You know Kathy went with Kurt because she knew you would end up with Jennifer, right?"

"I got that impression," I replied. "And as I said, it's why Kara behaved the way she did at the end of my Senior year. And I think it's why you're confused now. You would prefer I commit to you and only you, but you know I can't do that now and maybe not in the future. Your struggle is between some sort of group relationship with me and a monogamous relationship with Red. And you don't know what to do."

"Yeah," Stephie sighed. "Can I ask you something?"

"Always!"

"What do YOU want, Steve?"

"I want you to be happy, and I don't want you to compromise your values. Please don't be upset, but I wonder if you really belong here in Chicago long term. Maybe you should think about going to graduate school at Georgia Tech."

"That would mean giving up on you," she sighed.

"Maybe. Jennifer and I have been apart for three years and we haven't given up. But you should probably give up any notion that we'd be together, just us two. I'm just being honest with you now. If you did that, you could have a couple of years with Jason and figure out if you two belong together. In all honesty, I think you might. I asked you about that two years ago, Peaches."

"You did. And I didn't see it. I was hung up on Daryl and excited about being with you. But you didn't answer my question."

"Well, I listened to what you said and how you said it, and how our conversations ended, so I bought you a bed and stuff and set up the study as your room. I didn't move your things from my room, though, but I was pretty sure you were going to break up with me, or at least change things between us."

"But is that what you want?"

"I told you what I want. I want you to be happy. If that means we break up, I'm prepared for that. If it means our relationship changes, I'm prepared for that. If it means I turn the study back into a study, then I'll store that stuff away for the future. But I do think I know the best course of action."

"And what's that?"

"To break the inertia. We were kind of on cruise-control and if we just go back to how it was, we'll fall right into that same pattern. I don't think that's good for either of us. I'm not kicking you out, but I do think you should move into your own room, at least for the time being."

"By not kicking me out, does that mean I can still sleep with you if I wanted to?" she asked.

"If you think that's the right thing to do, I'm not going to kick you out of my bed, Peaches. I like peach juice!" I grinned. "But in all seriousness, you need to figure out what your situation with Red is. If sleeping with me would make him feel like you cheated on him, or YOU would feel like you were cheating on him, then we can't do it."

"We actually talked about that. He told me that when he asked me out, he knew what was goin' on with us and knew he was throwin' a real wrench into the works. He told me he kind of figured that if'n I was to go with him, it might take some time and he couldn't tell me what to do if'n I wasn't his girl."

"That's different from saying it's OK," I said.

"Yeah, we know. But he and I ain't together, Yankee."

"And neither are we, Peaches. You're dancing around that simple truth, trying to keep your bases covered and your options open. Trust me, I've done it way too much myself. My opinion on this is you should move into your own room until you decide what you want to do."

"You got someone else to keep you warm?"

"Nobody in particular. If you and I aren't living together, I'm not going to look for someone else. I need to sort things out with Jennifer. But you know me, I have some options."

"Some?" she giggled. "That's an understatement. I bet you weren't too lonely while I was in Georgia."

"Jackie and Bethany kept me company, and Anala was here a few times, but she and I haven't moved beyond a bit of kissing."

Stephie took a deep breath, "I think you're right. Let's put my stuff in the study, but on one condition?"

"What's that?"

"An arrangement like you had with Elyse, at least until I see Red at Thanksgiving."

"And you think I would pass that up because?" I asked with a smile.

"I'm still amazed at how well you're taking this, Steve."

"You can thank Anala and Bethany for that. And, Stephie? I knew this was going to be the result that first evening with you in Dawsonville. I've had a couple of weeks to get used to the idea."

"You're a good man, Steve. And thanks."

"Shall we move your stuff? Or did you want to go to the IIT bookstore? Today would be better to go out because there are deliveries tomorrow."

"Let's go out, then we can take a look at my new room and you can help me move and put stuff away. And if we accidentally fell into bed, well, that would be OK, too."

"Accidentally?" I chuckled.

We walked out to my car and drove down to IIT so she could buy her books, then headed back to Woodlawn. We carried her bags from the foyer into her new room, then went up to my room and gathered her things. It took two trips to bring her clothes and a third trip to bring her things from the bathroom. I helped her get settled in the new room and we did indeed accidentally fall into her bed and make love. We used her shower in the bathroom next door to clean up and then I started on dinner.

While I was cooking, Jennifer called to say that she was at Stanford and was settled into her room. We talked for a few minutes and then I went back to the stove to finish making our meal. Only Jackie and Cindi joined us for dinner, and I wasn't surprised when the conversation turned to my relationship with Stephie.

I let Stephie explain things, which gave me an opportunity to gauge her feelings. When she'd finished, I was pretty sure what was going to happen either at Thanksgiving or Christmas — she was going to tell Red that she'd go with him. I was also sure that if she did that, she'd decide to go to Georgia Tech for graduate school.