Chapter 55: End of the Summer, Part III

August, 1983, Chicago, Illinois

When I arrived back home, Bethany was waiting for me in the sunroom. She asked me to help her bring her bags in so they didn't sit in the car for four days, so we walked out and brought everything up to my room.

"Anala is very smart and very nice," Bethany observed.

"I agree! She's one of the wisest and smartest people I know."

"How close are you to her?"

"Almost as close as I am to you, but not quite. There are some things I just can't talk to her about."

"Stephanie," Bethany said quietly.

"Bingo. Really, you're the only one I can talk to about that because you aren't involved directly the way Jennifer is. Sofia doesn't know about it, and I don't plan to tell her."

"It is something you're going to have to sort out, Steve. Keeping that secret long-term is going to be very, very difficult, especially if you're involved with anyone other than Jennifer or me."

"I know. It complicates things in such a serious way. There are times when I think it was the biggest mistake I ever made and times when I think it would have been a huge mistake to not do it."

"That first thought is only because of what society says about it, Steve, and the risks you run in continuing it or in someone finding out about it who shouldn't know."

"Well, that and the fact that the girls I'm really close to, girls with whom I could potentially have a long-term relationship, don't and can't know about it. And it's going to be really complicated when she comes to Chicago for college. Can you imagine us living in this house together and not sharing a bed?"

"You did it at home for a long time after you acknowledged what she wanted," Bethany said. "But it is going to be risky. You'll have to establish some clear ground rules."

"We've already gotten to that point, I guess. Before, we just couldn't keep our hands off each other. Now, it's more considered. She's neither as demanding nor impetuous as she was before."

"She's more than two years older, Steve. Granted, she's only sixteen-and-a-half, but those two-and-a-half years have made a real difference. And, to a point, the newness has worn off. I suspect your sex is calmer, more loving than over-the-top."

"That's true," I said.

"That's a normal development in any relationship. And it's not a bad thing, so long as you realize what's going on and don't look for other outlets. In other words, in a marriage, sex will become like that and you'll need to work to make it exciting from time to time. Well, maybe you won't since you've always preferred straight up missionary position lovemaking. But your wife might need something else."

"Remember who you're talking to, Bethany!" I grinned.

"True! Jennifer and Melanie always said you were laser-focused on their pleasure and I know that from first-hand experience."

"If you get undressed, I'd be happy to demonstrate," I offered.

Bethany got up, shut the door, and quickly slipped out of her clothes. I did the same, and we coupled, making love gently and slowly, then cuddled together quietly. The quiet was shattered by the harsh bell of my phone. I carefully disengaged myself from Bethany's arms and answered it.

"Mr. Adams? This is Bill at the IBM store. We have your new computer here and it's ready to be picked up."

"I'll come by in the morning to get it," I said.

I chuckled when I hung up.

"Well, that was fast!" I said.

"What?"

I explained to Bethany about the waiting list and the apparent pull that my customer had to jump me to the front of the queue for a new computer. I let her know that we'd be going into the Loop to get the computer on Tuesday morning. Because I didn't have my office, I needed some kind of setup for my bedroom where I could have my Apple IIe and the IBM PC/XT both set up. The bedroom was big enough for some kind of desk that could fit into the corner, like I'd seen at one of the computer stores. We'd check that out on Tuesday as well.

We showered and went downstairs. I was making a roast for dinner, so I prepared it and put it in the oven, and then Bethany and I took a walk around the neighborhood.

"I have to say I'm impressed with everything so far, Steve. Especially with how you're handling the situations with Kara and Stephie. Now you just need to fix things with Joyce. And I mean fix them."

I sighed, "I know. It's going to take some time," I said.

"That's fine, but don't let it drag on too long. Talk to her. She knows she messed up."

"You know that it might come down to choosing between her and Kara, right?" I asked.

"It could, but it shouldn't have to. Unless you're thinking of getting back together with Kara some day."

"I don't see how that could happen. But being friends with both of them might create some issues with Kara. And I don't want to do anything to mess up her recovery. You know I'll do whatever it takes."

"Will you? What if I told you that telling her that you still loved her, still wanted her, and that you would marry her would help her recovery?"

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"I was thinking about the whole 'Steve Bear' thing and why she's like that. You can ask Doctor Mercer, but I think Kara is using that bear as a replacement for what she wants but thinks she can't have. The real, underlying source of her problem is she WANTS to marry you, but knows it's not possible. And that's why she's in her current state of despair. She threw away everything, literally, when she walked out on you. If she could have it back, that would resolve her core issue. The lesbian encounter could be chalked up to a mistake."

"But Doctor Mercer told me not to get involved with her that way!" I protested.

"Did she? I thought you said she told you not to make any commitments you couldn't keep."

I stopped dead in my tracks. Bethany turned to look at me.

"She did," I said slowly. "And let me guess, professional ethics means she couldn't tell me what you just did."

"Think about how insane the pressure would be if she told you that by you proposing, Kara probably could be more or less cured. She'd still need counseling, but she'd likely snap out of her current mental state. What would you have done in that case?"

"Gone right to the jeweler's and bought the engagement ring."

"Exactly. Don't you think Doctor Mercer knew that's what you would do? And if so, how could she, in good conscience, tell you about it?"

I blew out a big breath, "OK. So now what?"

"Nothing. You can't do that, Steve. Not now, maybe not ever. If you wanted to be with her, you would need to wait until she recovered before you could ask her."

"But if she needs me to do that to recover, then how can she recover for me to do that, assuming I even wanted to."

"Doctor Mercer will have to get her past NEEDING to be with you to WANTING to be with you. Then you can do whatever you feel is best. If you did it now, I think it would end very, very badly. Kara would agree to ANYTHING you asked in exchange for an engagement ring, even if it wasn't in her best interest in the long run."

"This is fucked up, Bethany!" I declared.

"Yes, it is. And this is why I'll never be at a loss for clients in the future. For now, just be concerned for Kara and allow Doctor Mercer to do her thing."

"I guess," I sighed. "I'll call Joyce when we get back. Which reminds me, how the hell did you know I had a gun?"

"I'm sure you know what happened with my brother. He's just lucky it didn't get back to my parents or the police. When I confronted him about it, he admitted that he'd been doing the same kind of things you were. Now, I didn't know about THAT, but I managed to put things together. I knew you had worked for Andreas and that you kept a locked box in your trunk. I guessed what it was and played my hunch. I was right."

"You haven't said anything to anyone about it, have you?"

"Of course not. You aren't working for Andreas any longer, so why keep the gun?"

That explained THAT question, though she had to suspect that Larry's grandfather was involved. But she certainly wouldn't tie that to Chicago.

"Why not? I don't have to use it, but it's a good, quality gun. It's locked up. In fact, I'll bring it into the house and put it in my room. I just never brought it inside at the apartment. And no, I'm not involved with Andreas at this point."

"I'm not opposed to guns in general, but you can be kind of volatile on certain issues, Steve. That concerns me. Will you do something for me?"

I looked at her questioningly, waiting for her request.

"Rather than bring it into the house, put it in a safe deposit box. You'll still be able to get it if you're going to need it for some reason, but it won't tempt you the way it did in Ohio."

"How do you know THAT?" I asked.

"Jesus, Steve. How stupid do you think I am? You would have killed Joyce and not thought twice about it until you were sitting in prison for the rest of your life. How much good would you be to Kara, then? To your friends? You aren't dramatic like you were before, but you take certain things as blood insults. You would have killed Josh Benton if you'd had the chance. You might have killed Becky's mom if you hadn't been in Sweden. You might have killed Joyce if you'd gone there alone that morning with your gun."

"I'm not a violent person, Bethany!" I protested.

"Not when it's about you. But if someone hurts someone you love? God help them. Josh hurt me. Becky's mom, from your perspective, killed your baby. Joyce hurt Kara badly. That's when your blood boils. But you know what scares me? It's that you don't explode. You're quiet, methodical, and ruthless. It's the one thing that gives me pause about you. So long as I'm your friend and don't hurt someone you love, I have no concerns in the world, and I know you'll die to protect me. But if I made a mistake like Joyce did? Then I'd be scared to death."

I took a deep breath and let it out. "Can you help me?"

"Yes. And so can Anala. We got you away from reacting emotionally, for the most part, at least when you're concerned. Now we have to work on that brutal, ruthless streak you have. Don't get me wrong, having you there to protect me is an amazing feeling, but your response has to be measured. Like it was with Gene. You showed restraint there. Granted, I felt you should have walked away, but knowing you, and the insults he was slinging at me, he's lucky he didn't end up in the hospital or, much more likely, at the morgue.

"The one thing your friends know for sure about you is that you would die to protect them. That's honorable and admirable. What I know is that you'd kill to protect them as well. There might be circumstances that call for that, but you haven't encountered one of those yet. Not even Josh Benton. Twenty years in prison is appropriate; being killed is not. Telling Joyce off was appropriate; thinking about killing her was not."

"I did think about it, but I'd resolved not to do it before you asked me for the gun, Bethany."

"Do you know what a 'crime of passion' is?"

"I do. And that's why you want me to put the gun in the safe deposit box."

"I'd rather you got rid of it, but yes, that's why. What you need to do is figure out the proper, measured response, the way you did with Gene."

"You disagreed with that. You just said so."

"A difference of opinion on approach, but what you did was measured, calculated, and appropriate. Somebody can always object and find fault, but notice that law enforcement, well, the campus cops, anyway, agreed with your response. Nobody could agree with killing Josh, Joyce, or Becky's mom in their individual circumstances."

"You're right," I said. "I don't have Pete's cool, collected temperament."

"No, you don't," she said. "Which is why I don't recommend a career in law enforcement for you!"

"Let's go arrange the safe deposit box," I said.

We walked back to the car, and I got the locked box from my trunk. We walked to the bank, and I arranged to rent a safe deposit box. I put my locked box inside, locked the door to the box and added the key to my keyring. Once I'd finished, Bethany and I headed back to the house.

When we arrived, Julia and her parents were moving things into her room. They'd driven out with a U-Haul trailer and brought her bed and furniture from her room. Eduardo was helping Julia's dad carry a desk into the house as we came up the steps. I saw Julia, and we exchanged a quick hug.

"How was your Summer?" I asked.

"Good. Have you heard from Dave yet?" she asked.

"No," I replied. "I saw him once over the Summer, but otherwise, I haven't heard anything."

"He got in today as well," Julia said. "He's supposed to come by when he gets settled."

"Dinner's at 6:00pm. I planned a pot roast so there will be plenty of food."

"Cool! My parents were pretty impressed by the house."

"I bet! I need to go work on dinner, so I'll see you a bit later."

Bethany and I went to the kitchen, and I checked on the roast, and started making a salad. Bethany set the table and opened a couple of bottles of wine. Dave arrived just before 6:00pm and Bethany and I started putting the food on the table, and then walked around, letting everyone know that dinner was ready.

"You need a bell to ring!" Jackie said with a laugh.

"Don't laugh!" I replied. "That's a great idea!"

We had a good meal and after dinner, I took the Simmons to the basement to show them the guest room.

"You know, Steve," Mrs. Simmons said, "this is pretty amazing. Julia's lucky to have a friend like you. And we're grateful for your hospitality."

"You're welcome," I said.

Mr. Simmons handed me a check, which I simply stuck in my pocket. I let him and his wife know that they should make themselves at home, then I headed back upstairs to find Bethany. We spent the evening sitting in the Indian room talking and eventually headed up to bed.

As we were getting into bed, the phone rang. Katy was calling to ask if I could pick her up at the airport at 10:00am. I asked how much stuff she had and when she told me, I told her that we'd be there, but we'd bring Bethany's car because it had a bigger trunk and backseat than my Trans Am. After I hung up, Bethany and I made love before falling asleep.

Tuesday was a crazy day. After my usual morning run and breakfast, we took Bethany's car to O'Hare to get Katy. Fortunately, her flight was on time and after we got her bags, we drove back to Hyde Park and brought everything up to her room. Once she was settled, we headed out again. Our first stop was an appliance store to purchase a deep freezer. I'd planned to get one eventually, but realized that with so many people in the house, we'd need it sooner rather than later. I made the purchase and arranged for delivery later in the week.

"Steve, you really need a loveseat or something for your room," Bethany said.

"I do, but let's find the desk I need first, and then I can see how much room I have left."

We headed to the computer store on Michigan Avenue where I'd seen the computer desk I'd liked and talked to the salesman. After a brief discussion, we agreed that a corner unit made the most sense. It had a main writing surface in the corner and the arms that extended along both walls would be big enough to hold the two computers and their accessories. A wheeled desk chair would complement the desk and make it easy to move between the computers. The salesman also suggested a plastic floor mat to protect the wood floors.

They didn't have everything in stock, but could get it all within a week, and could arrange delivery. I wrote another check and signed the order form. While we were there, I picked up several boxes of floppy disks and a storage box for them. When we left, we headed to the IBM store where I paid the balance due and the salesman helped me carry the boxes to Bethany's car.