Chapter 4: From Russia With Love

January 1983, Chicago, Illinois

After watching Jennifer walk through the door of the Jetway, I turned and headed back to my car. In about sixteen hours, I'd be right back in this terminal meeting Tanya's flight. As I drove home, I thought about the people who I needed to call, and at the top of the list was Melanie. I should have called her earlier in the week, but with visits from Jackie and Cindi, as well as from Stephanie, Bethany and Jennifer, I simply hadn't thought to do it.

When I arrived home, I finally turned on the answering machine and reconnected it. I dialed the Spencers', prepared for a tongue lashing from Melanie, and not one that I'd enjoy.

"Steve, you are lucky that Bethany, Stephanie, and your dad kept me posted, that's all I have to say," Melanie said angrily. "If you do this again, I'm going to have Pete track you down and bounce you off more than just the hood of his car. Do you hear me?"

"Yes, Melanie. I'm sorry. You aren't the first one to point out that I acted thoughtlessly."

"Good. At least the only dumb thing you did was drive to Chicago while you were so emotionally charged. I take it everything went well with Jennifer?"

I chuckled, "We kissed one time. When she left. That's it."

Melanie laughed, "That is NOT what I meant! But good to know. I'd say that was smart, Steve."

"Then Jennifer gets the credit, Melanie. I wanted to make love to her after I cried in her arms all day, but she was wise enough to not allow that to happen."

"What's up with you and Kara at this point? I know what happened from Stephanie, but has Kara talked to you at all?"

"No. She won't talk to me. She won't even talk to Susie. And she can't talk to Joyce. Her mom was going to see if she could find someone that could talk to Kara, but I'm not holding out much hope. She's become like my mom, with her view on sex at this point."

"Oh God, Steve. I'm so sorry. And because of that, she can't even talk to you. Shit. What a mess."

"Yeah," I sighed, dejectedly.

"So, what are you going to do?"

"Well, I told my dad to hang on to the ring for a bit, but he'll return it for me fairly soon. I'll get most of my money back, so that's not a concern. Honestly, if she called me right now, I'd take her back with no questions asked and give her the ring as soon as we could get together."

"Would that be smart?" Melanie asked.

"Smart or not, I'd do it," I said. "I love her, and that hasn't changed. I'm not holding out hope, but if a miracle happens, I'm going to grab on and hold tight."

"You love her that much?"

"Yes, I do. I screwed up, Melanie. Probably a lot. Kara made me happy, and I let her down."

"Steve, you aren't perfect. She's not perfect. Nobody is. The test of the relationship is if you can recover from the mistakes. You helped me and Pete do that. It works because we overcame the mistakes — mostly mine. Think about you and Jennifer — what are you two trying to do?"

"We're trying to overcome a huge number of mistakes on both our parts."

"Exactly. You're working on it. That's the sign of a healthy relationship. What you had with Kara looked good, but the first real difficulty blew it apart."

"It wasn't the first one, Melanie," I said. "Not even close. But I see your point."

"If she comes back, please, please, please, be sure the issues are out in the open and talked about."

"I will. The advice I've received from everyone, including some friends here that you don't know, has been pretty damn good."

"You have friends I don't know? Well! I never!" she huffed.

"Sorry, Melanie, but you haven't been the center of my universe since I was fourteen. Well, except for your Prom!"

"That Prom night and the next day were beyond belief! Those memories are some of my best and are etched into my brain forever!"

I chuckled, "Just don't say that to Pete!"

"I know better than to do that! Come see us, Steve. I know your main reason for coming here is gone, but don't forget us."

"I won't."

"I put the ornaments away for you. I'll hang on to them for you, in case you get your wish."

"Thanks, Melanie. You're the best!"

We said 'goodbye' and hung up. I prepared a light dinner and then double-checked that I had everything I needed for Tatyana's visit, and that everything was clean. When I was sure, I picked up the phone to call Joyce and see if she was ready to talk. Her mom answered and called her to the phone.

"You still want to talk to me?" Joyce asked softly.

"Yes, of course. Why wouldn't I?" I answered, trying to keep my voice as calm and friendly as possible.

"Because I ruined your life! I wrecked everything because I thought we all had feelings for each other! Because of my stupid desire to experiment! You and Kara were perfect, and I wrecked it!" she said, starting to sob.

"Joyce, Kara had a choice. You didn't force her to do anything. I blame myself for not setting limits the way she asked me to."

"But if I hadn't done this, you two would be engaged!" she sobbed.

"Probably, yes, but there would have been this deep, unresolved problem. I wish she'd given me a chance to work it out with her. I still do. But she won't talk to me, so there isn't much I can do about it right now. I'm hoping she's willing to talk to me eventually, but it doesn't look good."

"I guess I shouldn't even call her. It might only make things worse. I tried a couple of times, but she would never come to the phone."

"Please don't call her Joyce. Just let it be for now."

"OK," she said, and softly added, "I'm sorry."

"I know. Me too."

We said 'goodbye' and hung up. I really didn't have anything more to say to Joyce at this point and didn't really feel like talking to her beyond that short call. Despite my assurances to her that I didn't blame her, I did. I held Joyce responsible for what had happened and it had completely changed our relationship in a way I didn't know if we could recover from.

After the call, I sat down at my Apple and started working on the program changes for Frank, including some stuff for an auto repair business they had. Other than getting up to get tea, and taking Jennifer's call to say she'd arrived home safely, I didn't leave my chair until well after midnight. I completed all the requested changes and additions, saved my changes to multiple disks, and started to shut everything down. I stopped and put in a disk for my journal and spent the next two hours writing. Just before 3:00am, I finally went to bed.

I slept a bit later than usual on Monday morning and after breakfast I set up the small Christmas tree and the decorations, I'd purchased. I also set out two wrapped gifts under the tree. I made a quick trip to Jewel to buy some flowers that I put in a vase on the kitchen counter, checked that everything was straightened, then headed for the airport.

Tanya's flight was about ten minutes late, but she was one of the first off the plane from Washington. She walked directly to me and we greeted each other Russian style, with kisses on the cheek.

"Good morning, Stephen Rayevich!"

"Good morning, Tatyana Ivanovna! How was your flight?"

"Was fine. I have bag to collect."

We walked to the baggage claim and waited about ten minutes for Tanya's bag. I retrieved it from the carousel and carried it to the car.

"You still have decadent American sports car, I see," she said with a smile.

I chuckled, "Says the girl who just flew First Class!"

She laughed, "Is so! Do you not think I deserve?"

"You deserve only the best things in life, Tatyana Ivanovna!"

I asked about her father and school and the conversation filled the time it took to drive to Hyde Park. I took Tanya's bag to my room, and she promptly began unpacking. I pointed to the drawers she could use and showed her some empty hangers in the closet and went to put on water for tea. When she finished putting her things away, we sat on the couch and drank tea from the Russian tea set.

"So you must tell what happened with Kara," she said.

I began explaining what had happened, and she interrupted me almost immediately.

"You decide to propose to Kara and you do not tell me?" she said, a touch of anger in her voice.

"I didn't tell anyone, really, except my dad, my sister, and my flat mate. I was going to tell you once I had done it. Would it have changed anything to tell you before?"

"I suppose no, but we agree you would tell me important things in life. Do you not think proposal is important?"

"Very important. I was going to tell you right after. I would never lie to you about something like that or hide it from you. But I wanted Kara to know before anyone else. Doesn't that make sense?"

"Yes, I suppose I prefer to know about proposal before friends!" she smiled. "Continue story, please."

I explained what had happened, leaving Joyce completely out of the picture because I had no reasonable way to explain that to a very conservative Russian girl that wouldn't go horribly wrong, at least as I saw it. When I finished, she sipped her tea for a moment before speaking.

"I do not understand attraction of religion or why she lets old book decide how to act."

"I assume that you don't believe in God, Tanya?"

"Correct. Makes no sense that magic being exists that we not see. Is like stories told by mothers to children about Baba Yaga."

"Who?" I asked.

"Is old woman who lives in forest in house with legs of chicken and is used for scary stories."

"Like a witch?" I asked.

"I suppose, yes. Do you believe there exists such beings?"

"I have no idea, Tanya. I'm an agnostic. It means I don't know. I don't go to church, but unlike my dad, I don't insist that no god exists. I'm not an atheist."

"I suppose is reasonable to say you not know. But Kara believes, and this belief makes her leave you."

"Yes."

"Is silly, I think. She has good man — man who wishes to marry her — and breaks with him because she thinks making love without being wife is wrong? After having done for long time? From man who wants to be husband? Makes no sense!"

"I agree with you on that one. I would have thought that asking her to marry me would have solved that problem, but I never had the chance. Her mom found out when I left Milford in the middle of the night and my friends were worried about me. My friend Melanie found the ring and spoke to my dad, who talked with Kara's mom."

"So she now knows and still refuses to speak to you? This is wrong, Stepa."

"Yes, but I more or less did the same thing. I drove to Chicago in the middle of the night and refused to talk to my friends or family. My friends were worried and came looking for me."

"You call me next day. You keep promise."

"Yes, it happened Christmas Eve, I took a day to try to calm down, some friends arrived to make sure I was OK, and I called you on the day after American Christmas."

"And we are to celebrate Christmas Friday? Russian day?"

"That was what I had planned. I assume you're OK with celebrating Christmas in a secular way?"

"What is 'secular'?" Tanya asked.

"It means not religious, just as a social tradition."

"Yes, of course. I suppose you believe in Де Мороз, I think is Grandfather Frost? He give presents."

"Santa Claus does that in America, but the same idea, I think. He's named for Saint Nicholas of Myra, a Christian saint who cared for the poor."

"Yes, of course. I am not ignorant of history, Stephen Rayevich! City I am from was named for Peter, friend to Jesus, but changed to honor Comrade Lenin."

I chuckled, "I'm sorry, Tatyana Ivanovna, I didn't mean to insult you! Anyway, I don't believe in Santa Claus. That is a tale like your Baba Yaga. But now I think I should make lunch."

"Yes, is good idea."

I made cream of mushroom soup and set out black bread, butter, and chips. When we finished, Tanya helped me clean up and wash the dishes, then we went to sit in the living room again.

"So, Stepa, what do you do now you are no longer with Kara?"

"Go to school, work, be with my friends and family. I don't know what else I can do other than that."

"Do you look for new girlfriend?"

"No. And not any time soon, either. I will date, and be with my friend Stephie here in Chicago, and see you when I can, but no steady girlfriend. Not for a long time."

She nodded, "I like this. I do not wish you to be sad, but I am happy you are not engaged."

I smiled, "I completely understand, Tanya. You told me some time ago, before we first made love, that anything that happens with us long term is far, far into the future, given we both have to finish college and you have to go back to Russia to your diplomatic school."

"Is true. Will be difficult, but if you are strong, wise man, you will manage. I have said husband of important diplomat is good job! You travel, you meet people, you go to parties, and you make love with beautiful Russian girl whenever you wish!"

"How about right now?" I smirked.

"Yes, Stepa! Is my wish, too!"

I took the tea glass in the silver holder from her and set it on the kitchen counter, then took her hand, and led her to my room. A few hours later, we showered together, washing the signs of our coupling from our bodies. We dressed and decided to go for a walk in the brisk, cold air. We put on our coats, hats, and gloves and walked hand-in-hand down the street.

"Is like Leningrad in Winter, though is more snow in Leningrad."

"We can get quite a bit of snow here, too, but this year there hasn't been too much. A few years ago we had a blizzard that dumped more than a half-meter of snow in one day."

"Such storms come to Russia quite often. Do you think will snow before I go home?"

"The forecast in the paper this morning didn't show any snow for the next few days, at least."

"Is too bad. I have question. Do you come to visit me in Boston?"

"I might be able to do that on Spring Break in March, if you wish."

"I wish! If it's March 14, then is same week I have. I stay in Boston instead of going to Washington. You come?"

"I think that's the same week. Yes, I think I will come see you in Boston then!"

"Good," she said, squeezing my hand.

When we got back to the apartment, I made some hot cocoa for us and we sat together on the couch.

"What is needed is fire, Stepa!"

"I agree. In any house I build, I'm going to have both a sauna and a fireplace for sure."

"Sauna? Like steam bath?"

"Yes, though most people who use a sauna, don't use a lot of steam. I prefer lots of steam."

"Is Russian style. In Sweden and Finland is more dry."

"Yes. I can't turn up the heat nearly as much when I use that much steam because it might scald, but I love the steam."

"You say build house? You build yourself?" Tanya asked.

"Sorry, in English it means one that is constructed to my specifications, not one I build with my own hands."

"Makes sense! But you assume you live in United States? If you are husband to Soviet diplomat, you must live in Soviet Union! I am sure you know this!"

I chuckled, "Let's take one day at a time, Tanya. I'm no more ready to defect than you are!"

She was suddenly serious.

"Please do not say such things. I know KGB is not here, but is not funny joke. Is very serious offense in Soviet Union."

"Here too, but we have freedom of speech guaranteed by the Constitution, so I can talk about it without worrying about what anyone thinks. Now, if I were to actually try to do it, then yes, that's a crime."

"I do not understand why you allow people to say subversive things. This does not make sense."

"Actually, it does. The US was founded on subversion. And Tanya, so was the Soviet Union. There were several attempts to remove the Tsars before Kerensky's provisional government took over. That government was then subverted by Lenin and his friends."

"Perhaps is better if we save politics for later time!"

"Perhaps," I said with a smile.

That short exchange told me that any future with Tatyana would depend on one of us changing our politics, and that was NOT going to be me! If she followed through with her career plans, politics would be just as much of an impediment between us as religion was between Kara and me. Of course, only time would tell. If the Soviet Union was indeed 'consigned to the ash heap of history', as President Reagan had predicted the previous June, echoing Trotsky's words against Kerensky, then perhaps Tatyana and I had a future. At this point, though, I wasn't going to worry about it. I enjoyed being with her, and she with me, and she was pragmatic and practical. A lot could happen in the five or six years before she was done with her education and training, which would be sometime around 1989.

"If we are to have children, how many do you wish?" Tanya asked with a smile.

"Two, but I think we're getting ahead of ourselves again!" I grinned.

"Is just talk, Stepa! And the names?"

"Well, a girl I would want to name Birgit, after my friend who died, but I'm not sure you would approve."

"I see no problem with this name, Stepa. She was very important to you. And boy?"

"Perhaps Matthew, but I don't know for sure."

She smiled.

"Matthew Stepanovich Adams. Birgit Stepanova Adams. Tatyana Ivanovna Adams."

I laughed, "Yes, but you're getting way ahead again! And I'm not sure that 'Adams' is a good name for a Russian diplomat!"

"We shall make Russian, then. Tatyana Ivanovna Adamskaya!" she said with a bright smile.

I laughed, "We'll worry about that in a few years!"

Chapter 5 »