Chapter 47: Black Flagged

July, 1983, Dawsonville, Georgia

Other than being long, the drive through Indiana, Kentucky, Tennessee, and Northern Georgia was uneventful. I stopped for gas three times and food twice, and pulled into Stephie's driveway in Dawsonville at 9:10pm. She was sitting on the porch swing and got up to greet me as my car rolled to a stop. I quickly hopped out and took her in my arms, and we exchanged a passionate kiss.

"Hey, Peaches," I said.

"Hey, Yankee," she answered.

"What's bugging you?" I asked, detecting an odd note in her voice, even with just those two words.

"Later," she said. "Let's go to old man Jenkins' place!"

"Your mom still won't let you sleep with me?"

"No! She'll never let me do that unless I'm married. It's just her way."

She got into the passenger's seat and I got into the driver's and backed out of the driveway. I remembered the way to the barn and pulled up on the road where I'd parked last year and Stephie and I got out and walked through the stand of poplar trees to the barn. She'd clearly prepared, since there were two blankets in the loft when we climbed up.

Wordlessly, we helped each other undress and then made love vigorously, trying to make up for the two months we'd been apart. When we finished, I sampled the peaches and cream and Stephie groaned twice more to go with the two orgasms she'd had from lovemaking. We kissed softly for a bit after that, and I pulled her into my arms to cuddle.

"Talk, Peaches," I said.

"I don't want to," she said. "I just want to be here with you right now."

"Come on, Peaches, what's bothering you?"

She sighed deeply, "Life sucks."

"Why? Did something bad happen?"

"I don't know," she said.

"What do you mean you don't know? Just tell me what's bugging you."

"Red and Rose broke up," she said.

"Well, that's not good. What happened?"

"She stepped out on him when he was down in Florida."

"Wow! So that's what's got you all bummed. I totally get it."

"It's not just that, Yankee."

"Oh? What else?"

"He asked me out," she said, turning away from me.

My body stiffened and a ton of adrenaline coursed through my body. My flight response kicked in hard. I took several deep breaths, trying to get control of my emotions, remembering what Anala had said and what had happened recently with Joyce. Once I was sure I wasn't going to run, explode, or, more likely, pass out, I was ready to talk.

"And? Did you say yes?" I asked.

"No, I couldn't do that to you," she said.

I let out a sigh of relief, "Then what's the issue?"

"I'm not sure what to do. I'm confused as hell, Yankee."

"Then I suppose we need to talk," I said evenly.

"You're amazingly calm considering what I just said," Stephie said softly.

I touched her shoulder and got her to turn to face me.

"I'm trying to learn to keep on an even keel when things don't go as I want them to. I admit that I was ready to bolt from here or blow up or pass out when you said that, but I'm here. Tell me what you're thinking."

"You know about my history with Jason. I've known him forever, and if Rose hadn't come along, he'd have been my first. I love you so much, but I got feelin's for Red that I can't explain."

"Do you want to be with him, Peaches?" I asked.

"I don't know," she sighed. "I told you I'm confused. There are so many things to think about."

It dawned on me that one of those things was the house and her living arrangements. The last thing I wanted her to do was make a decision based on fear. I wasn't quite sure how to address it, though.

"Stephie, please look at me," I said softly. "Decide what you want to do. Then we'll work things out. I'll keep my promises to you."

"But if I were to go with Red, where would I live?"

With that, I knew where I stood and that my concerns about how she was thinking were justified. Stephie and I were going to break up. It sucked, but I didn't see any way around it unless she changed her mind. And I was sure as hell not going to put pressure on her by being an asshole about it.

"With us, at the house. The room I have set up for my study is really a bedroom. It has a bathroom with a shower right next to it. I know it's off the kitchen, but if you decide you want to be with Red, it's yours. I'll move my stuff to the study room or my room."

"Why would you do that?" she asked. "It doesn't make sense!"

"Sure it does. I care about you, Peaches. I'm torn up inside right now, but I don't want you to stay with me just because you feel that you're tied to me because of the house."

"You're serious? You really mean that?"

"Yes, I do. Make your decision and let me know. I'm not going to run away. It's up to you."

"How the hell can I decide when you're making it so hard, Yankee?"

"Life's hard, Peaches. It really is. It's all I can do to keep from crying right now, but that wouldn't be fair to you."

"I wish that you would just lose your cool or something! Just get mad! Cry! Be upset!"

"No. That's not me anymore. Well, that's not quite true. I'm learning how to control my emotions."

"Damn it, Yankee! I just don't know what to do!"

"Peaches, if it's that much of a dilemma, then I think you know what you want," I said gently.

"I don't understand! Why are you acting like this?"

"Stephie, listen to me, please," I said gently. "If you are struggling with the decision, it's because you want to say 'yes' to Red. If you didn't, we wouldn't even be having this conversation."

She sighed and slumped against me, tears running down her cheeks. I put my arm around her, pulled her to me, and held her tight. I was close to tears myself, and it was all I could do to maintain my composure. If I broke down, it would only make things worse. It took about fifteen minutes before she was ready to talk.

"You aren't mad at me?" she sniffed.

"No, I'm not mad at you," I said. "I'm really sad because I thought we were moving forward. I'm surprised, because I didn't expect anything like this. But I'm not mad."

"I haven't broken up with you, Steve," she said.

"No, but you're going to," I said gently. "If you weren't, you'd have told Red 'no' and we'd be making love instead of talking."

"Would you make love with me again?" she asked.

"You mean for the last time, Peaches?" I asked.

"I don't know!" she sighed.

She lifted her face to look at me and I kissed her softly. She pulled me towards her and lay back. If this was going to be the last time, I was going to make it last. We stared deeply into each other's eyes as I slowly slid into her. We spent the next twenty-five minutes moving slowly together with Stephie crying out in ecstasy four times before I pushed deep into her and came hard. When my last spurt had fired, we kissed softly and Stephie held me tight against her.

"Now what?" she asked, staring intently into my eyes.

"Now we go to sleep and in the morning we talk it through," I said.

"OK."

I got up and helped Stephie up. We climbed down the ladder and went to the pond behind the barn to wash up. We waded into the water and I felt mud oozing around my toes, but the water was crystal clear otherwise. When we were clean, we went back into the barn and used the blankets to dry off, then got dressed. We walked back to the car and drove back to Stephie's house.

The house was dark; so we quietly went inside, she put on a light so I could see to walk down the hall to my room. When I went in, she followed me and kissed me softly.

"Good night, Yankee. We'll talk in the morning."

"Good night, Peaches. Just remember, no matter what, I love you," I said.

"I love you too, Yankee," she said as a tear ran down her cheek.

Stephie left the room, shutting the door behind her. I quickly stripped off my clothes, turned off the light, and climbed into bed. Between the drive, the lovemaking, and the emotions that were tearing through me, I was physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. I fell asleep quickly and, much to my surprise, on Friday morning, slept soundly until a knock on the door and Mrs. Grant's voice told me that breakfast was ready.

I got out of bed and slipped on shorts and a t-shirt and went out to breakfast. Stephie was already at the table and a plate full of food was waiting for me, along with a cup of coffee that I sorely needed. I poured some orange juice from the pitcher and then dug in to the sausage, eggs, hash browns, and biscuits.

"How are you this morning?" Stephie asked.

"OK, I suppose. I was beat last night when I went to bed. A combination of the trip," I lowered my voice, "the lovemaking," I raised it again, "and the conversation. And you?"

"I didn't sleep very well. I have so much on my mind."

"Are you ready to talk more?" I asked.

"After breakfast, OK?"

I nodded, and we finished eating. I excused myself to take a quick shower, put on some comfortable clothes and then went to find Stephie. She poured us each a cup of coffee and we went to sit on the porch swing. We sipped coffee quietly, just enjoying the fresh morning air and the peace and quiet. There was a storm building, and I realized that all I could do was ride it out.

"Red's afraid to come by," she said after she drained the last of her coffee from the cup.

"Why? I guess I don't see that he did anything wrong, really. He asked you to go out. That's all that happened so far."

"But I'm your girl! How can you not be mad at him?" Stephie asked, exasperated.

"Because your best friend in the world finally decided to tell you how he feels about you? How can that possibly make me mad? As I said last night, it makes me sad and I'm upset, but I'm not going to get angry with someone for saying how they feel! Do you want me to react like Gene? Challenge Red to a fight? I have a pistol, so maybe a duel because my karate training might make it an unfair fight?"

"So you're still OK with going to the race with him? Even after that?"

"Yes, Peaches. I don't want to wreck the weekend."

"Damn it, Yankee, will you please get mad!" she said fiercely.

"No," I said calmly, but firmly. "It serves no purpose."

She got up, set her coffee cup down, and walked quickly up the driveway to the street. I sighed and followed her, catching up with her at the corner.

"Stephie," I said, putting my hand on her arm. "I don't need to throw a fit to show how much I love you. I don't want you to go with Red, but you have to make your own choice here. In a sort of similar situation, Joyce reminded me of the old adage — 'If you love someone, set them free; if they come back to you, they're yours; if they don't, then they never were'. It made sense then, and it makes sense now. I was on the other side of the equation that time."

She turned and moved close, and I took her in my arms and held her. She sighed deeply and put her head on my chest. We stood there, on the sidewalk, for five minutes before she said anything.

"I'm not sure what I want to do, Yankee. Red just sprung this on me on Tuesday."

"Have you talked to him? Or did you sort of freak out when he asked?"

"I freaked out. I told him he was crazy, but he just smiled and asked me to think about it. I ain't talked to him much since, though he called yesterday to see how I was doing and if I was thinking about it. That's when he told me he was worried about you comin' here."

"Then you two need to talk, Stephie. If you need to spend some time with him while I'm here, that's fine. I won't be upset by that. I have my book, it's nice walking around here, and there's the porch swing."

Stephie giggled, "Emily's been waitin' to see you! I told her she couldn't come over this morning, and she's fit to be tied."

"Emily will have to wait. You and I are more important. Do you want to walk or go sit on the porch?"

"Let's walk," she said, taking my hand.

"Peaches, take as much time as you need to think this through and figure out what you want. I'm not going to do anything crazy. I'll give you your space to decide."

"So if I didn't come back to Chicago with you on Tuesday so I kin figure things out, that would be OK with you?" she asked quietly.

"Yes, of course. And if you decide you want to keep seeing me, then we just move on like we were planning. If not, then we'll deal with that. And Peaches, if you need to make love with Red to know, go ahead."

"What?!" she gasped, stopping and turning to face me.

"You heard me. I can't be a hypocrite! Stephie, I've been with lots of girls since you and I started dating. You know that! We aren't exclusive. If you need to be with Red to know for sure, then I won't stop you."

"But if I do that, ain't we done?" she asked.

"Were you and I done when Karin spent a week with me in Chicago?" I asked gently.

"No," she sighed. "How the hell can you be so calm about this?"

"I'm not. But I promised quite a few people who I love, including you, that I'd quit acting like a drama queen. Do I want to go punch something? Yes! Do I want to punch Red? No! In fact, why don't you call him and have him come over. I'll tell him man-to-man."

"Jesus, Yankee. You are crazy. People down here shoot each other over less'n things like this."

"As you keep pointing out, I'm not from down here. And think about this — if Red knew that, he was taking a big risk in telling you how he felt. And he took it, even knowing I was coming here. What does that tell you?"

"Shit," she sighed.

"You've known him since you were two! He was your first kiss and was going to be your first lover, but Rose stepped in. Speaking of which, what the hell was she thinking?"

"I think it's racing. Even though Red isn't driving, she can't handle him being involved in racing. And Red isn't going to quit. I just wish she'd have told him instead of running around like a floozy. She was seen in the local bar hanging all over an older guy and they weren't too quiet about what they'd done."