Chapter 41: Betrayal

July 1983, Milford, Ohio

My drive to Ohio was filled with wild swings of emotion. After quickly driving Anala home, I had set out for Milford, driving as fast as I thought I could get away with, slowing only when warned to do so by my radar detector. I'd told Nancy that I'd come straight to her house and asked her to call my dad and let him know so that Stephanie wasn't worried. I pulled into the Blanchards' driveway at 3:30pm, having managed to avoid any run-ins with the Indiana State Police or the Ohio Highway Patrol.

I quickly walked up to the door and rang the bell. When Nancy opened the door, we hugged, then she locked the door and followed me to my car. We headed to Clermont County Hospital and Nancy tried to explain what had happened. Kara had been fine, seemingly doing better until that morning. When Kara hadn't come down for breakfast, Nancy had gone up to Kara's room and found her curled up in a ball, tightly hugging her bear and crying. She hadn't responded to anything Nancy had said and wouldn't move or budge.

Nancy called Doctor Mercer's emergency number and after a brief discussion, they'd had Kara taken by ambulance to the hospital. Doctor Mercer had been to see her earlier in the day, and was going to meet us there at 4:30pm. I headed down Route 50, trying to make heads or tails out of what happened, but Nancy couldn't think of anything that had happened that might have set things off. I fervently hoped that Joyce hadn't called, or that Kara hadn't talked to Kent van der Meer. Either of those could easily cause this setback. But that was no more than idle speculation, and I hoped Doctor Mercer could explain.

We arrived at the hospital and went straight to Kara's room. Nancy had been there most of the day, but had come home to meet me when Kara had been taken for some tests. We walked into her room and found her sleeping, her bear in the bed with her. I didn't see an IV, which I thought was a good thing, though I also realized that if she wasn't eating or drinking, they'd have to do something. We sat quietly in the room, waiting for Doctor Mercer, who arrived about twenty minutes after we did.

"Steve, let's speak in the corridor; Nancy, you stay with Kara, please."

I followed Doctor Mercer out into the hall and then into a small room with several chairs.

"What happened?" I asked.

"I suspect it had to do with our talk last week and what we were going to talk about today."

"Joyce," I said evenly.

"Yes. She finally told me the whole story last Monday. Her version was pretty close to yours and matched the major points. That was at the end of the session, and I promised her we'd discuss it further today. She seemed fine, honestly. She was, in my opinion, making small improvements each week. Nancy said she'd told you about how the bear was not constantly with her."

I nodded, "Yes. That's why her call today shocked me."

"I think the fact that a week passed just let the whole thing build up again and the fear of talking about it overwhelmed Kara. In hindsight, I should have canceled my session after hers and kept going."

"I guess she's sedated at the moment?"

"Just slightly. Just something to take the edge off and let her sleep. I think she was awake all night, crying and feeling lost."

"Damn!" I said. "I wish she'd called me or you or someone!"

"That would have been best, but it didn't happen, and here we are."

"So now what?" I asked.

"Well, the most important thing is to see if she'll eat some dinner in a bit. I'm going to try to talk to her, just say 'hello', that kind of thing, and have the nurse get some food brought in. Would you stay? It might help. If she reacts badly, you can always leave, but I don't think she will."

"Whatever it takes, Doctor," I said. "I have a friend coming from DC the day after tomorrow, but until then, I don't have any specific plans."

"Good. Let's go see her."

We walked back into the hallway and I saw my little sister at the nurses' station. I went over to her and hugged her.

"How is she, Big Brother?" she asked.

"I don't know yet. What are you doing here?"

"Loving you and supporting you! What did you expect me to do?"

I smiled and hugged her again, "Thanks, Squirt. I think you'll need to wait out here for a bit. Doctor Mercer isn't sure how she's going to be when she wakes up."

"OK. Let me know."

I went with Doctor Mercer into Kara's room and stood by the bed with Nancy. Doctor Mercer spoke softly and called Kara's name a couple of times. Kara's eyelids fluttered, and she opened them.

"Snuggle Bear?" she said softly when she saw me.

I looked up at Doctor Mercer who gave a slight nod, which I took as an indication that I should just go with it.

"Hi, Honey," I said.

"What are you doing here?"

"Your mom called me and said you were in the hospital."

"And you came all this way to see me?"

A little white lie wasn't going to hurt, and I could technically count driving from Milford as 'all this way'.

"Yes, of course! Doctor Mercer wants you to eat. Will you eat some dinner?"

"Yes. Will you stay with me?" she asked, clutching the bear tightly to her chest.

"Sure. I need to go out in the hall for a minute, but I promise I'll be right back."

"OK."

I stepped out into the hall to talk to Stephanie.

"I think you should head home, Squirt. Kara is in pretty bad shape, and Doctor Mercer wants me to stay to make sure she eats."

"Come see me no matter what the time is. Dad knows, and he's concerned."

I hugged my sister and turned to go back into the room and almost ran into Doctor Mercer, who was coming out.

"Stay out a moment, Steve. I'm going to talk to the nurse about her dinner."

She went to the nurses' station and came back after a quick conversation.

"Obviously I'm not an MD, so I'm working with a Doctor D'Silva who's on staff here. He'll be by to see her and decide if she needs any further medication or anything. Probably just something to help her sleep."

"What's with her calling me Snuggle Bear? That was her pet name for me when we were dating."

"I was a bit surprised by that, too. Until I have a chance to talk to her, I won't know what's going on in her mind. Just roll with it for now, but don't make any promises you aren't prepared to keep."

"Understood. She's in bad shape, isn't she?"

"Yes. Somehow I have to get her past the lesbian encounter and past the idea that she's going straight to hell. The first one I've dealt with before. The second one is a much harder nut to crack. It's against my professional ethics to interfere with her religious beliefs, even if they seem destructive. It would be one thing if she was in a dangerous cult or trying to harm herself, but she's not."

"She's been brainwashed just as badly as those Peoples' Temple folks who followed Jim Jones to Guyana! Or the Manson girls!"

"Maybe so, but some things I just can't interfere with directly. Would you want me to try to change your friend Jennifer so she wasn't mostly lesbian?"

"Hell no! She can't control who she loves any more than I can. Calvinism, on the other hand, is a nightmarish theology that has caused no end of grief to people I love! Jefferson was right!"

Doctor Mercer smiled, "I see you've read his letter to John Adams. I agree with you. Being Jewish, I'm no fan of any of the forms of Christianity, but some are much easier to deal with than others."

"Are you religious?" I asked.

She laughed, "No. I'm a scientist at heart. The family traditions are nice touchstones, but I don't let notions of G-d control my life any more than you do. Let's go back and see her before she worries."

We walked back into the room to see Nancy standing at the side of the bed, rubbing Kara's arm and telling her that she loved her no matter what. I went over and stood by the bed.

"I'm back," I said quietly.

A few minutes later, an orderly brought a tray with food and set it up for Kara. She prayed over her food and then started eating. When she finished, Doctor Mercer stepped out to call Doctor D'Silva. Ten minutes later, he arrived and asked Nancy and me to step out so he could examine Kara.

"Can you tell me now what's going on?" Nancy asked.

"Not really," I replied. "It has to be Kara's choice, Nancy."

"What in the world is so secret that her mom can't know when it's hurting her this badly?" she groaned with desperate frustration. "Did she cheat on you?"

That was an interesting question, and some people might see it that way, but I certainly didn't. I could answer that question truthfully, with no evasion.

"Absolutely not!" I said firmly. "There is no way Kara would have done that! She's never even kissed another guy!"

"I'm sorry, but I have to ask, but did you cheat on her?"

I had, but that was two years before her meltdown, so I was sure that wasn't the issue here. Because it wasn't relevant, I felt I could answer negatively. And it wasn't really any of Nancy's business.

"This wasn't caused by either of us cheating. And I understand why you had to ask. And those two things I could answer, but we can't play Twenty Questions."

"This is so frustrating! My little girl is sick and I can't help her!"

"I'm frustrated as well. I know what the problem is and I can't help her! We have to hope that Doctor Mercer or someone she knows can help Kara."

"Just tell me what it is!" Nancy pleaded, totally exasperated.

"I'm sorry, but I can't," I said softly.

We stood there quietly for about ten minutes before Doctor D'Silva left and Doctor Mercer came to talk to us.

"All her vitals are fine and she's eating. We'll most likely release her in the morning because it doesn't appear that she's a threat to hurt herself or anyone else. Doctor D'Silva is going to prescribe a mild sedative and suggest she take at least a few days off work. I'll see her tomorrow and Wednesday and then decide if she should go back to work."

"Will she be safe at home?" Nancy asked.

"Yes, I think so. Somebody will need to stay with her, though."

"I'll call and get the time off," Nancy said.

"Steve, if she wants to see you, can you see her tomorrow or Wednesday?" Doctor Mercer asked.

"Yes, of course. My friend is coming Wednesday morning, but I can work it out."

"Why don't you go back in to her, then? I want to talk to Nancy."

I nodded and went into Kara's room and walked over to her bed.

"What happened, Kara?" I asked.

"Do I have to tell you?" she asked plaintively.

"Yes," I said.

"Joyce called me last night," she said.

I took a deep breath and blew it out. Then another. And a third. I planted my feet firmly on the floor. I didn't move, because if I did, I knew it would be to go to my car, drive to Loveland, remove the 9mm from my trunk, and put a bullet into Joyce Abbadelli's head, consequences be damned.

"And that upset you, honey?" I said evenly, trying to maintain calm.

"Yes. I don't want to talk to her! She made me do things I didn't want to do!"

"It's OK, Kara. I'll make sure that she doesn't call you again. I promise you that."

"Will you stay with me?"

"You mean here?"

"Yes. I feel safe with you here."

"Let me see what Doctor Mercer thinks about that," I said.

I walked back into the hallway. My hands were sweating, and I was within a second of simply bolting for the door to the hospital with the intent of committing murder.

"Doctor Mercer, may I speak to you?" I asked.

She took me back to the small room we'd been in before.

"I know what happened," I said.

"What?"

"It wasn't what you thought. Joyce called her."

"I thought you told her not to call!"

"I did. She said she wouldn't. I'm beyond pissed off at the moment."

"Please don't do anything you'll regret. Do you hear me?" Doctor Mercer said sternly.

"Right now, the only thing I'm going to do is stay with Kara, if you can get that approved. She asked me to stay."

"I can approve that myself; Doctor D'Silva will agree with any request I make."

"Good. I'm going to call my dad and let him know what's going on. I have my bag in the car."

"Go take care of that. I'll make the arrangements."

I went out to my car and got my bag. I was tempted by the Beretta in my trunk, but I took a couple of deep breaths and instead walked back into the hospital. I went to the pay phone and dialed my parents' house. I quickly explained to my dad that I'd be staying at the hospital and asked him to please call Trudy Spencer and let her know what was going on. He promised to do that and asked me to call him with an update.

I went back to Kara's room and found her mom and Doctor Mercer with her. It dawned on me that I hadn't eaten since breakfast, so I dropped my bag by the chair and let Kara know I was going to get something to eat and that I'd be right back. I went to the nurses' station and asked where I could find the cafeteria. I walked down several hallways, found the glass doors, and went in. I picked up a roast beef sandwich, a bag of chips, an apple, and a bottle of Coke. I paid for everything and walked quickly back to Kara's room.

I sat in a chair and ate while Kara and her mom talked softly. I heard Nancy promise to call Kara's work and let them know that she would miss a few days and that she would come back in the morning to get Kara. When I finished eating, we all said 'goodbye' and Nancy and Doctor Mercer left.

"I'm glad you're here, Steve," Kara said.

"I'm glad I can help you," I replied. "I'm so sorry you aren't feeling well."

"Would you just hold my hand for a few minutes, please?" she asked.

I moved to the side of the bed and took her hand in mine and held it for a few minutes, then sat back down in the chair. I had no idea what to do or say at this point, so I just sat quietly. Kara seemed content to just have me close to her. I lost track of time just thinking about the situation and a nurse came in to give Kara a sleeping pill. She took it without any resistance and lay back on the pillow. I pulled the blanket over her and sat in the chair.

I pulled out the Merton book and started to read while Kara lay still with her eyes closed. I was happy that she wasn't on a monitor and didn't have an IV, and hoped she could sleep comfortably. I tried to concentrate on the book, but I kept coming back to Joyce. I couldn't see how she and I could have a future of any kind, friendship or otherwise, after what she'd done. I'd give her a chance to explain, but I was at a loss for what possible explanation she could have for doing something I'd asked her not to do.

I sighed deeply and put the book down because I couldn't concentrate on it. Just then, the door to the room opened and my best friend in the world walked quietly into the room.

"Hi, Sweetheart," I said softly.

"Hi, Steve. Your sister called me. She told me not to come, but you can see how well that worked."

"She was right, but I do appreciate you being here. They gave Kara some kind of sleeping pill and she's been out for thirty minutes or so."

"I know it's not really my place to ask, but what happened?"

"I'm kind of violating a confidence, but I need to talk to someone besides Doctor Mercer. I can't exactly tell her that I'm going to commit murder."

"The pastor?" Bethany whispered urgently, clearly shocked by my words. "Don't do it, Steve!"

"Oh, he's on my shit list for sure, but not him," I said quietly. "Joyce."

"What?! Now I'm confused. What the hell does Joyce have to do with this? And you can NOT kill anyone, Steve Adams!" she whispered fiercely.

I explained everything to Bethany, leaving out nothing. I gave her every detail I could remember and laid my soul bare before her. I ended with what had happened today and what Kara had told me.

"What was Joyce thinking?" Bethany whispered.

"I have no idea. Joyce was freaked out about Kara's reaction and I think it finally got to her, too. This whole thing is complicated and I don't really understand it. Jennifer spent nearly two years in therapy because she likes girls instead of guys, with me being the exception. Melanie almost killed herself because of a same-sex encounter gone wrong. Kara is a shell of her former self and going through life like a zombie because of the same thing. On the other hand, Stephanie and Jennifer are deeply in love and show it physically, with no reservation or concern. You and Kathy seemed to handle it just fine, and you and Pam were over the top. I guess I just don't get it."

"Steve, with me and the other two girls, it was because you were there. I wouldn't touch either of them one-on-one. Kathy and Pam feel the same way. They did what they did because they knew you liked it — they did it for you. Jennifer, on the other hand, did it because she's actually attracted to girls. Your sister, well, she has a love-life that I could write a doctoral dissertation on. Deflowered by her brother at her own insistence and in love with her brother's future wife."

I chuckled softly, "Don't get ahead of yourself there, Bethany. Jen and I have a long way to go if that's going to happen."

"Sorry. In Kara's case, the first time was with you and she made it clear it was only OK if you were there. The same as it was for Pam, Kathy, and me. Joyce pushed Kara into doing something that was a very private lesbian encounter and something in Kara's brain short-circuited. She can't deal with it. You realize that she may never be able to have a physical relationship with anyone, don't you? I'm just warning you for the future."