Chapter 32: Summer Vacation, Part V

May, 1983, Milford, Ohio

On Sunday, after swimming and breakfast, Stephie and I spent some time with my dad before leaving for Don Joseph's house. We stopped at the Tri-County Mall on the way so I could get Larry a card and a small gift, and arrived about 1:00pm. Joyce was already there and a small nod from her told me that she'd explained things to her grandfather. I put Larry's card and gift onto the table that was already overflowing, and went into this office to greet him.

"Steve! «Figlio mio»! How are you?"

"Very good, Don Joseph. Thank you for the kindness you showed me with your gift."

"Ah, it is nothing. As I said to Joyce, you should have your house properly set up to reflect your success."

"I appreciate it. And, should you ever need anything, I am at your service."

"You're a good man, Steve. I was sorry to hear that your girlfriend, Kara, is quite ill. I do have to ask, did you dishonor her by breaking up with her when she became sick?"

"No, Don Joseph. She broke up with me right before that happened. I was about to propose to her. I had the ring and everything."

"This is quite strange, but who can understand women?" he said with a shrug. "My granddaughter is a mystery to me!"

"And to me, Don Joseph!" I grinned.

"And this young woman who is with you? Joyce says she is a friend from school?"

"Yes, we've been friends for about two years. She's from Georgia and she'll be living at the house with me and a few other friends."

"Keep your friends close, Steve. They are all you will ever have in this world, except for your family."

I nodded and accepted the offered glass of sambuca. We drank a toast, and he asked me to bring Stephie in to meet him and his two friends.

"Steve, where do you find these girls?" Don Antonio chuckled. "Each one is as pretty as the last!"

"Our wives would never stand for it," Don Carlo said. "So do not get any ideas!"

"Please ignore my friends," Don Joseph said to Stephie. "They are simply jealous. As am I!"

After introductions, Don Joseph invited us to enjoy ourselves and we went back out to the living room. I was a bit bummed that it was raining because I hadn't played bocce in some time, and I very much enjoyed playing with Don Joseph and his friends. We found Joyce and Larry and sat with them. A minute later, Connie joined us.

At eighteen, she was drop-dead gorgeous and had a good-looking Italian guy on her arm. She winked at me, but otherwise behaved and was actually quite pleasant to talk to. She seemed to have turned into a very nice young lady, despite her behavior when she was younger. Mrs. Grossi served a light lunch, and we all got up to make sandwiches to tide us over until Larry's birthday celebration. Connie stood beside me, making a sandwich.

"I owe you an apology, Steve. A heartfelt, meaningful one, not a phony one like before. I hope you can forgive me for the way I behaved when I was younger."

"I can. All is forgiven and forgotten. We all do foolish things when we're younger. Your boyfriend seems like a nice guy, at least from the short conversation."

"He's a good guy. He works for Grandfather," she said, telling me everything I needed to know.

"And you've matured into a beautiful young woman," I added. "Not that you weren't good looking at fourteen!"

"Forget it, Steve," she said in a tone that made it clear she was teasing. "You had your chance!"

"And I'm sure I missed out on something special," I replied with a grin.

She winked again, licked her lips lightly, then went back to join her boyfriend. As I finished my sandwich, Joyce quietly asked us if I'd talk to her. Stephie nodded OK and Joyce and I walked in the light rain to the guest house.

"Have you seen Kara?" Joyce asked.

"I have. She's still in bad shape, Joyce. I have no idea when, or even if, she'll snap out of it."

"I just can't believe how this affected her," Joyce said.

"It's not just what happened with you. It's what happened with me, it's her dad, her pastor, and her upbringing. I think she just snapped when all the conflicts and contradictions became so great that she couldn't handle it anymore. So she retreated into herself. She sees herself as a sinner destined for hell with no way out."

"Damn," Joyce said soberly. "I hope your therapist can help her."

"Me too, Joyce. Me too. On a positive note, your little sister has undergone a real transformation."

"So it would appear," Joyce replied, her tone indicating she disagreed.

"Huh? She seemed as sincere as could be, was polite and even joked a bit with me."

"Ever hear the phrase 'you catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar.'?"

"Yes, but really? She has a boyfriend and pointed out that he worked for your grandfather. You know damn well that even under different circumstances, I wouldn't mess with that! And she'd have to know it, too. Are you sure this isn't just some sibling rivalry thing with you misunderstanding her motives?"

"I don't think so. I think she still wants you," Joyce said.

"I don't. Or if she still does, she's not going to be a bitch about it. And either of those is fine. You want me and you aren't being a bitch about it."

She smiled, "True. Can we ever get back to that point?"

"I don't know. Let's just take things one step at a time, please. Other than the problem with Kara, things in my life are going pretty well, and I don't want to make any mistakes."

"And you think I'd be a mistake? Is that what you're saying?" Joyce demanded, suddenly very annoyed with me.

"No, that is NOT what I'm saying. I'm saying that I'm being very careful about what I do and with whom I do it. Things are stable again now, and I like that. The problem is that every time things seem stable, something just goes completely wrong. I swear, making my life calm seems to tempt Fate to kick me in the balls. Every fucking time, Joyce!

"I'm doing a lot more thinking about what I'm doing, who I am, what I believe, and what I want. I'm not the same person you met five years ago when I first came here and we started flirting. I'm not the same person you helped in the shower. I'm not the same person who you made love with or to whom 'Bad Joyce' was introduced. I'm not even the same person who had sex with you and Kara. And that's a good thing."

"I think you took my advice to be a cold-hearted bastard too far," she said.

"What?! This is anything but that. Being coolly analytical is very different from having no heart! Hell, I'm worried about how I'm treating Becky and what it might do to me! On the plus side, I'm safely on the computer side of the business and nothing more at this point. I had a couple of close calls that gave me pause and convinced my captain to keep me doing just 'safe' stuff, completely out of the street business."

"Close calls?" Joyce asked with an arched eyebrow.

"Don't ask. I can't tell you and you know that. Just forget I said anything. Honestly, if you're just looking for a fuck, you've come to the wrong guy."

"So you've completely given up on that kind of thing?" she asked.

"I'd be lying if I said I had, but I'm WAY more circumspect about it, and I think about it a lot more. Yes, I'm up for a good, wild fuck with a new girl in certain circumstances, or even with a girl I've been with, but not just at the drop of a hat. I've had some real soul-searching to do and gotten a lot of help from my friend, Anala."

"Who is this mystery woman? A couple of the girls mentioned her when I was in Chicago, but she wasn't at the party or at your house."

"Correct. I sort of have her partitioned off. It's a very, very different kind of relationship and it needs to be that way. And no, I haven't been with her. We're intimate, but not the way you always think of that word."

"Huh?"

"Remember what I said? Think of you and me before we made love. The shower. The deep heart-to-heart conversations. THAT is true intimacy. Sex isn't intimacy, and shouldn't come before intimacy, except if it's just a good fuck for pleasure, and I wonder about those, too."

"Interesting. So you and I are intimate?"

"Yes, Joyce. You're one of my oldest, closest, and most intimate friends. You've given me good advice in the past, in fact, some of the best I've ever received. You listen and help me. Going back to a physical relationship would change things again, and I'm not sure how. Until we're sure, until we know, you have to be an intimate friend and confidante, not a lover."

She sighed, "You have turned into a VERY interesting man, Steve Adams. Can I ask you a serious question? I think you're at a point where you can handle it."

I nodded, knowing what she was going to ask.

"Do you think it's possible," she said slowly, "that you and I could end up together?"

"Possible? I suppose. Lots of things are possible even if they aren't probable. I can't answer the question the way you want me to. Stephie more or less asked me that question and I told her we'd take things one day at a time and see where they lead. I simply don't know. And before you lay out the arguments, I know them all. Right now, right at this moment, they don't matter.

"Let's just see where things lead. But, and this is important, you absolutely should not put your life on hold for me. I plan on telling every single girl the same thing, except Tatyana, Jennifer, and Karin, and those three all know the situation, and with Tatyana and Karin, I have a timeframe to basically decide to move forward or not."

"You're that committed to Stephie?" Joyce asked.

"No, but I've said she has inertia in her favor. I love her, Joyce, and if things keep going the way they're going, she has the inside track. Bethany and Kathy think Jennifer does, but I don't think so. I mean, sure, they could be right, but you know the gulf that exists there. Trying to cross that gulf is like walking through a minefield without a mine detector. We might make it, but one misstep and we'll blow our future to hell, if we even have one. The other side of the minefield could just be an abyss."

"You really have thought things through, and in ways that you never would have considered years ago. I like the man you've become, Steve. I like him a lot."

"Thanks, Joyce. My girlfriend is going to think we're screwing if we don't go back soon."

"I wish!"

I pulled her into a hug and we exchanged a soft, intimate kiss, like the kind I shared with Anala — just our lips touching softly. We broke the hug and went back to the house. Stephie arched her eyebrow, and I gave a soft, almost imperceptible shake of my head. She smiled, and I went to sit with her.

Dinner was a typical Grandma Grossi masterpiece and after we had all eaten far too much, she brought out a cake for Larry's birthday. After everyone wished him «Cent' Anni» ('May you live 100 years'), we sang the traditional American Happy Birthday and he blew out the candles. When we'd all had our cake, we went to the living room, and he opened the huge pile of gifts. Larry was a year older, so he was turning 21, which was why this was such a big deal. He'd been sick early in his life and had missed a year of school, which was why we were in the same grade in High School.

"You realize that there has to be a couple of thousand dollars' worth of gifts on that table?" Stephie whispered.

"You aren't even counting the check I'm sure he received from his grandfather. Think about my 'housewarming' gift," I whispered back.

"Holy shit! How much money does that guy have?"

"Enough, I guess. And he certainly understands that he can't take it with him! So he takes care of his friends and family. Money is a tool, just like a hammer. Applied correctly, it does a lot of good. Applied incorrectly, it can cause a lot of damage."

"From meeting your dad and now Don Joseph, I'm starting to understand you better. Those are the men you are emulating."

"Yes. If I can be like my dad and Don Joseph, I will feel that I've become the man I should be. And that includes a wife and kids, and, eventually, grandkids."

"Sign me up, Yankee!" she exclaimed, looping her arm through mine.

The rest of the evening was uneventful, except for the vigorous lovemaking session when we arrived back at the Spencers'.

On Monday we followed the usual early-morning routine and at 8:00am I called Doctor Mercer's office, hoping to catch her before she saw her first patient. I wasn't able to, but her receptionist promised that she'd call me back. Stephanie had gone off to school, so Stephie and I hung out in my room, hoping to avoid my mom. About 9:00am the phone rang, and I answered it right away. It was Doctor Mercer, as I'd expected, and I quickly explained what had transpired between me and Kara and then asked her opinion on how to handle it.

"You did the right thing," Doctor Mercer said. "Obviously, you're on to something and it's exactly what I suspected from all of our talks so far. Right now, the best thing you can do for Kara is just be her friend and allow her to make any changes to how you interact. Just listen to her and love her, Steve. I know you can do that from how you did it with Bethany. But, and this is vital, do not in any way get involved in a deeper relationship with her now, or any time soon. That would be a disaster."

"Doctor, you and I are on the same page. I'm doing my best to be her friend and help her however I can. I guess I'm counting on you to fix what's broken. Can you do that?"

"Maybe. You know as well as I do that Kara has to want to fix it. Right now, she doesn't think it can be fixed, and probably for exactly the reason you've identified. As I said, that's what I'm seeing. The problem we have is with her core belief system, and if someone pushes too hard on that, we might lose her forever. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"That she's as fragile as the blown glass ornaments my mom has," I said.

"Yes. So be her friend, but be very, very careful."