Chapter 26: Finishing Sophomore Year

April 1983, Chicago, Illinois

On Sunday morning, Larry and Joyce arrived early and ate breakfast with us. After breakfast, Joyce approached me quietly. Stephie and I exchanged a quick glance and she nodded. I led Joyce out walking down the street towards Woodlawn Avenue and turned north, neither of us saying anything.

"Are we going to fix this?" she asked.

"I guess it depends on what you mean by fixing it," I replied.

"It's like there's this huge gulf between us. Even in your worst shithead days, we never had this kind of issue."

"Well gee, Joyce, that's because back then you never had sex with a girl who didn't really want to and who couldn't handle it, thereby fucking over all my future plans," I said with more than a touch of hostility.

"I know you're still upset, but are you really going to hold a grudge against me for the rest of our lives?"

"I have no idea how I'm going to feel in the future, but right now we're friends, but not close friends and certainly not lovers."

"You're putting all the blame on me again and that's just not fair!"

"What's not fair is that Kara is a shadow of her former self and I'm not engaged to her. That's not fucking fair, Joyce. Take responsibility for what you did. You basically took advantage of a naïve girl and destroyed her life and mine. That's what happened."

"Took advantage? Is that how you see it? Really?" she said, clearly shocked at what I had said.

"Tell me how else to see it, Joyce. I acknowledge that I could have set limits, and that Kara should have said 'no', but God damn it, you should have known better. Do you deny ANY responsibility?"

"I just don't see how this is my fault!" she said.

"Then the answer to your question is 'no'," I said firmly with a tone of finality. "We aren't going to get past it."

"But if I accept responsibility, then you'll move past it and things will be back to normal?"

"We can probably be close friends again, but I can't promise you anything more than that. You've always been a good friend and confidante, Joyce. I miss that."

"And the rest?"

"The sex was great, but I'm in a far different place now from where I was before."

"With a houseful of women!" she groused, and sounding like she was making an accusation.

"Who're mostly off-limits. Katy requires an exclusive, committed relationship and I'm not giving up Stephie. Julia is dating my friend Dave and that removes her. Cindi and I have talked about it, and if it ever happens, it'll be a one-time thing. And it may never happen."

"And other girls?"

"Occasionally, but Stephie is my main girl. Hell, she's living with me at this point and I have no plans to change that! So don't try to pull the 'Don Juan' card on me! That's not me anymore. Not like it used to be, anyway."

"I just don't see how you can blame me for something someone did voluntarily!"

"Did she?" I asked, my voice surely showing annoyance and disbelief. "Really? I learned my lesson about THAT assumption with Annie! Remember that fiasco that I told you about?"

"It's not the same! We'd done stuff before."

"Yes, Joyce, with me in the damned room! You got her worked up and she violated her own wishes, which I suspect you knew. And then, she felt compelled to do the same to you. And that destroyed her. Can't you fucking see that?" I asked in exasperation.

We walked quietly past the house, continuing up Woodlawn. I was getting more and more frustrated with Joyce. I could be friends with her, but not close. Closeness would require her admitting her own mistakes. And she was apparently loathe to do so. In a sense, she was like the person I used to be and was trying hard not to be — someone who did what they wanted and didn't pay enough attention to the consequences. I'd learned, the hard way, about that. It appeared that Joyce hadn't.

I could understand better if I was asking her to take complete responsibility, but I wasn't. I wanted her to acknowledge her part in the disaster that had overtaken Kara and me in December. In the four months that had passed, I had mostly recovered from it, though seeing Kara had set that progress back quite a bit. I resolved that if Joyce wasn't going to yield on this issue, even friendship was going to be a problem.

"Nobody made her do a damn thing, Steve!" Joyce protested. "Nobody! She invited me to her room. She invited me to her bed. She didn't object at all. Not once!"

"Yes, and Annie went to the dance with me, danced closely with me, kissed me, and gave me her virginity. And she didn't object at all," I said quietly. "And yet, I abused her. I admit it. Bethany and I talked at length about it and now I get it. You didn't have real consent Joyce. Think about the implications!"

She was silent for a minute, stunned by what I had just said.

"I did NOT rape her!" Joyce exclaimed angrily. "How could you even say that?"

"All I did was draw you a picture. You came to the conclusion, Joyce. I didn't rape Annie either, at least according to the law. But she felt just as violated. Thank God she managed to snap out of the funk she was in afterwards. Kara sank deeper into hers."

"Bullshit!" Joyce said vehemently. "Pure, unadulterated bullshit!"

"Let's go back," I suggested. "I don't see any point in continuing this conversation."

"You fucking asshole! Quit projecting! Just because you made a fucking mistake doesn't mean I made the same one."

"And yet, you did," I said softly, abruptly turning around and starting to walk south on Woodlawn.

I walked about a block, and when I looked both ways before I crossed the street, I turned my head just far enough to see Joyce standing still exactly where I'd left her. I continued south on Woodlawn a few more blocks until I came to the house. When I looked back, I saw Joyce hadn't moved. I decided that because Joyce was in a strange city that I'd better wait for her, so I sat down on the steps of the house.

It was ten minutes before she walked past, looking down. I called her name, because I was pretty sure that she hadn't seen me. She stopped, turned and came and sat next to me.

"I'm sorry," she said. "You're right."

And then she broke down crying. I put my arm around her and she leaned into me. She sobbed for about ten minutes before she got control of herself.

"I didn't know, Steve," she said between sobs. "I really didn't know."

"Neither did I. I learned my lesson the hard way, the same as you did."

"What do I do now? I'm scared, Steve. I might have ruined Kara's life! I certainly messed yours up!"

"Admitting that you did it was the key. Even if you had the best of intentions, the end result was bad. I guess what you can do now is learn from it. Think of all the times I screwed up and you beat me up about it! I fought you on some of it, but in the end, didn't I change most of what you said was wrong?"

"Yes, heck, you even did the 'one girl' thing with Kara like I had suggested. And you were successful until a combination of circumstances blew it out of the water."

"And much of that was of my own making. I should have communicated things better with Jennifer, or, alternatively, broken things off with her and stuck with Kara. Or skipped my Prom. Or not have had sex with anyone for a few months, or broken things off with Karin. I have as much responsibility for how things went badly with Jennifer as she did."

"Wow," Joyce sniffed. "I never thought I'd hear you say something like that."

"You can thank my friend Anala. She has me on a serious quest for self-discovery and self-knowledge. And not bullshit, either. Only the honest truth. I've never met anyone like her."

"Why haven't I heard about her? Another one in your harem?"

"We've kissed maybe four times. And they weren't sexy kisses, but they were intimate. And I don't mean like French kissing intimate, I mean emotionally intimate. It's really odd. She has some views on sex that come from Hindu wisdom literature which make a lot of sense. Stuff I never considered. In fact, I realized that with the girls I have had the best relationships with, I followed that plan without even realizing it."

"What plan?"

"Intimacy before sex," I said.

"Huh?" Joyce asked. "Aren't those the same thing?"

"No. Anybody can fuck. The dumbest jock and the biggest airhead cheerleader can fuck. Intimacy is true knowledge of yourself and the other person. How did our relationship start?"

"We got to know each other. It was a LONG time before we had sex. Oh my God! We were intimate long before we actually fucked. That shower after Birgit died!"

"Yes, exactly. And Jennifer and I were best friends for quite some time before we had sex. The same was true for Bethany. And for Kara. And for Stephie. I did it without realizing it!"

"I never considered that. Ever. At least not that way. Waiting to have sex was, I don't know, I guess it was a way to prove I wasn't a slut."

"You failed," I chuckled. "My mom still thinks you're a slut. Of course, she thinks every girl I date is a slut."

"Your mom is a crazy old bitch, so her opinion doesn't mean spit," Joyce said.

"Well said! My little sister and I agree with you. She's moving out and coming to Chicago when she graduates in two years. My mom is fit to be tied."

"I bet. Are you kicking Stephie out of the master bedroom?" Joyce aske with a sly smile.

"Don't go there, Joyce. That topic is not open for discussion. Got it?"

She looked at me, cocked her head, and then nodded slowly. I wondered exactly what she read into that statement. It didn't matter, because I wasn't going to admit anything to anyone at this point. Well, except Jennifer, who I could tell anything to.

"I need to talk to Kara," Joyce said.

"No," I said firmly. "Not until Doctor Mercer clears it. Kara is seeing my old therapist — the one who helped both me and Bethany. Until she says it's OK, you could do far more harm than good."

"So are you and I OK now?"

"Yes, Joyce. We're OK."

"Would you kiss me? Please?"

"A kiss is fine," I replied. "But I'm not prepared for anything beyond that at this point."

I stood up and helped her stand, then pulled her into a tight hug and we exchanged a soft kiss. She put her head on my chest and I held her for several minutes, then we walked hand-in-hand back to the apartment building. I stopped outside and pulled her close.

"Tell your grandfather 'thanks' for me, please. Let him know that I'll come see him as soon as I'm home, probably on May 22nd. Wait, that's Larry's birthday!"

"His party will be at Grandfather's house."

"I'll probably bring Stephie, because she's coming home with me."

"Grandfather will have a stroke. You're bringing another cute girl to his house!"

"Tell him that Kara is quite ill and that she broke up with me, please."

"OK. Thanks for knocking some sense into me, Steve."

"You did it often enough for me!" I chuckled. "I have the bruises and scars to show for it!"

"How about bite and scratch marks?" she teased.

"We'll see!" I grinned.

We walked back inside and rejoined our friends. I sat down next to Stephie and put my arm around her and pulled her to me. She wrinkled her nose.

"Is that Joyce's perfume?" she asked.

"I hugged her a couple of times. Do I need to shower?"

"No, it's just not your scent!" she teased.

"You are a card, Peaches. You know that?"

"Yep!"

Larry and Joyce stayed for lunch, then left to head back to Ohio. Most of our friends didn't join us because of our announced study time, but Jackie and Cindi joined Kathy, Kurt, Eduardo, Elyse, Stephie and me. We took a break for dinner, but otherwise worked on projects, homework or studying until about 10:00pm when everyone left to go back to their dorms.

The final week of school flew by, and I had canceled my usual plans with Anala, Jackie, and Becky so I could study and finish my projects. I stopped in at the house each afternoon to see what had been completed, and on Thursday afternoon, I met with Gerald Brown to go over the progress as well as the invoices.

"Everything has been delivered except the tub and the steam unit for the sauna. The tub isn't coming until the 8th so that we don't have to leave it sitting for a couple of weeks. The steam unit is supposed to be delivered next Wednesday. I think we're on time. The big issue will be finishing the flooring. We'll put a leveling and sealing compound on the cement floor. That has to set. Then we lay the floor, sand it and put two coats of polyurethane on it. They each have to dry. If everything goes well, we'll be done on the 12th.

"As you can see," he said, pointing, "The electrical is all roughed in, the baseboard heating units are wired in, the studs are up for the walls, the sauna is roughed in and you can see where the tub is going to go because the plumbing is roughed in. All in all, we're on target, Mr. Adams. Once we start working on the floor, please don't come downstairs unless one of us is with you."

"Got it, Mr. Brown. I appreciate all the work you and your crew are doing," I said, then I asked, "Could you tell me what it would take to build a brick barbecue in the back yard?"

"Sure, let's go take a look."

We went out in the back yard and he looked around. He walked over to a spot next to the patio and indicated he felt it should go there.

"Match the house or match the patio in terms of color?" he asked.

"The house, I think," I said.

"Good choice. It'll contrast with the patio brick quite nicely."

We discussed dimensions and options and he gave me a rough price. I asked him to draw up the contract and I'd sign it. We went back inside and went over the invoices for the materials that had been delivered as part of the basement project, as well as the work left to do and I wrote out a check for the materials as well as a portion of the labor that was owed at this point. I handed over the check and we shook hands, my average sized hand dwarfed by his huge hand.

"Mr. Adams, I have to say, you're more professional about this than most adults. What are you? Nineteen?"

"I just turned twenty, Mr. Brown. You can thank my dad and my other adult friends. They made sure I was polite and helped me get a good education."

"They did a good job. I hope you'll be willing to be a reference. If possible, I'd like to have someone take pictures of the basement when it's finished and have you sign a release so I can use them in advertising."

"Absolutely," I said.

We shook hands again and he left. I locked up the house and headed back to the apartment to study and have dinner. After dinner, we studied more, and finally went to bed around 11:00pm.

"Yankee, are you up for a challenge?" Stephie asked.

"That depends! We have a lot of studying to do!" I said.

"After exams!" she said with a small laugh. "I'm your main girl, so will you fuck me in every room of the house before you are with anyone else there?"

"Uhm, if you want me to cum in each room, that'll take a week at least! And are you counting the bathrooms?"

"Hell yeah!" she exclaimed happily. "And the shed! We have a week before we head to Ohio and then a few days before you head to Sweden!"

"Sure, Peaches. I think we can manage that!"

We fell asleep in each other's arms after making love, and both of us slept soundly.

On Friday, we headed to campus for our last day of class. I had a sudden thought about something I wanted to do and told Stephie I needed to stop at the Registrar's office. We walked there and I asked to change my fall schedule. I dropped a class on the Industrial Revolution and replaced it with an introductory Psychology course.

"Kara?" Stephie asked.

"Partly, yes. But also the stuff I'm talking with Anala about, and our Sunday conversations. I think it fits with the philosophy classes and I think it'll come in handy."

She nodded and we walked to class. The day went quickly and we headed home. We'd decided to have our usual dinner with Dave, Julia, Cindi, and Chris that evening; though we agreed we wouldn't go past 9:00pm because Saturday would be a serious study day for all of us. After dinner we sat in the living room, with wine or bourbon to relax.