Chapter 21: A Reunion, of Sorts, Part II

April, 1983, Cincinnati, Ohio

"How are you doing?" I asked.

"OK, I guess," Kara replied with downcast eyes as we went into the living room to sit with her mom.

"How is Chicago, Steve?" Mrs. Blanchard asked. "Are classes going OK?"

"Yes, absolutely. Straight A's for the first three semesters and this semester looks good as well. I have one class that bores me to tears, which is making it tough to keep my level of effort up, but I'm in that class with my roommate, so we encourage each other."

"I'm glad you're doing well. I'm also very glad you came by today."

"Me too. I've missed seeing you and Kara. How is the job at the bakery?"

"Very good. I've learned so much. According to Alex, one of Mr. Grossi's other businesses needs an office manager, and he thinks I should accept the position. It would be so much more responsibility, but it would also be a good increase in pay."

"I'm sure you can handle it, Mrs. Blanchard," I said. "You should accept."

"I'm thinking about it. What about you and your business?"

"I sold the veterinary part of it, along with the computer dating stuff. I'm doing some consulting work in Chicago and have some clients for other software that I've written. Basically, I'm covering all my bills, paying for school, and I'm able to save some money as well."

"Are you still living in the same apartment?"

"Yes, for now. My dad and I bought a house about a mile away and I'll be moving there in May."

"A house?!" Kara said, speaking for the first time and sounding surprised.

"Yes. Five bedrooms, a basement that we'll finish before we move in, and lots of space for me and my friends."

I noticed a quick look of what seemed regret breaking through the overall sadness of her countenance.

"Steve, that's amazing!" Mrs. Blanchard said. "At your age, to own a house? That's almost unheard of."

"Well, my dad and I are buying it together and I'll owe him for my portion, but he's handling it like a mortgage. For him, it's an investment. For me, it's home."

"So you'll stay in Chicago when you graduate?" Mrs. Blanchard asked.

"Yes, that's the plan. My little sister is planning to attend college in Chicago, so she'll share the house with me. I'll be working by then. My closest friends are pretty much all in the Chicago area now, or will be, except Larry and my foreign friends."

I didn't want to mention Joyce because I didn't want to say anything that might set Kara off. Even this basic conversation could set off some kind of reaction. It was a strange situation for me, and I didn't really understand what I should do, except try to watch my words.

"I suppose that's true," Mrs. Blanchard allowed. "I believe I should let you two to go to lunch. Please keep in touch, Steve."

I nodded, "I will. Kara, are you ready to go?"

She nodded and got up. I said 'goodbye' to her mom, and we walked outside. I opened the passenger door for her and she got in, still clutching 'Steve Bear'.

"Is Frisch's OK?" I asked.

"Yes," Kara replied.

She was quiet for the rest of the drive to Frisch's. I wondered if she would even be able to talk about the situation, or anything, for that matter. To me, she seemed almost like a zombie. When we parked, I got out and opened her door for her. As I'd suspected would be the case, the bear came with her. When we were seated, she set the bear in her lap and put her arms around it.

"Thank you for the gift," she said.

"You're welcome. I'm glad you like him."

"I do. He keeps me company."

I fought the urge to shake my head. She needed a friend of some kind and a stuffed bear was not going to cut it. On the other hand, if it was a first step, that was a good thing.

"Good. How have you been, Kara?"

"I don't know how to answer that," she said.

That didn't surprise me at all. She was just going through the motions of life at this point.

"Are you still working?" I asked.

"Yes. And I'm going to stay there. The woman who had the baby decided to stay home as a mom."

"That's good. And you haven't been sick?"

"No, I haven't."

"What do you do besides work and church?"

"Nothing," she said.

The waitress came and took our orders. I half-expected Kara to simply ask me to order something for her, but she ordered what she usually did for lunch — a 'Big Boy' platter that included a burger, fries, and coleslaw.

"Are you still seeing Stephie?" Kara asked.

There was no use in hiding the situation, even though it might upset Kara.

"Yes. When she came back to Chicago in January, she moved in with me," I said. "We're living together."

A single tear ran down Kara's cheek.

"Are you happy?" she asked.

"I suppose, yes. But it was pretty tough at first, Honey," I said, without thinking.

She smiled, almost imperceptibly, then frowned, "I'm sorry."

"I know, Kara. I never thought you did anything out of malice or because you hated me or anything like that."

"How are Elyse, Kathy, and Bethany?" she asked, quickly changing the subject.

"Fine. Elyse has a new boyfriend, and Kathy and Kurt are still together. Bethany is dating, but nothing serious."

"And you?" she asked softly.

"No commitments. Not to anyone. My friends have done a good job helping me through this. Jennifer flew out from Seattle, and Karin came to visit as well. And I've seen Tatyana twice."

She nodded, "Your friends all love you, Steve."

I thought that I detected an implied 'and so do I' in her tone, but I couldn't be sure.

"Yes, and I love them, too. There's a group of twelve of us that get together every Sunday at my place. Plus, we have a small dinner group on Fridays, and a small study group on Saturdays."

She nodded, "That sounds nice."

Our food arrived and Kara waited for me to pray. I did, using the rote Catholic prayer that I used, though my heart wasn't in it. Despite my spiritual growth through my conversations with Anala, praying with Kara just didn't seem right. But I did it for her. We ate in silence and when we both finished, the waitress cleared the dishes and left the check.

"Why did you want to see me today?" I asked.

"Because I missed you," she said.

"You could have fixed that at any time, Kara."

"I only realized it when I opened the gift and found the bear with your name stitched on his shirt. I wasn't going to open the gift, but my mom made me. I cried when I saw what it was, because it perfectly reminded me of you and how I used to call you 'Snuggle Bear'."

Which was exactly why I had chosen the gift. I'd successfully breached the wall that she'd erected, but now I didn't know what to do. I hadn't been prepared for success, nor for seeing her in the state she was in.

"After you didn't answer my letter, I struggled with sending it, but in the end, I hoped it would tell you that I missed you and wanted to talk to you, even if it was just one more time."

"Do you not want to see me after today?" she asked softly.

"I guess that's up to you. I wanted to see you every day for months, but I more or less gave up. I'm in a very different place right now."

I could see her fighting back tears.

"And that's my fault," she sniffed.

"Kara, there's plenty of blame to go around. I didn't take care of you the way I should have. I made some very serious mistakes."

She was silent for a bit.

"Will you talk to me after today?" she asked, almost inaudibly.

"Yes, if you want. It's up to you. It's been up to you since December."

"Were you really going to propose to me?" she asked, a tear running down her cheek.

"Yes, I was. You left just as I was about to take the ring out of the drawer."

She was crying freely now.

"That was the only thing I ever wanted, and I threw it away!" she said between sobs.

I wanted to take her in my arms and hold her, but I had no idea how she'd react to that. There was also nothing I could say in response that wouldn't sound self-serving, mean, or trite. I just kept quiet. Kara dabbed tears from her face with her napkin, then blew her nose.

"What happened to the ring?" she asked.

"It was returned to the jewelry store," I said.

"Oh. Do you want me to give you back the necklace?"

"No! That was a gift, Kara. I want you to keep it. I gave it to you because I loved you. I still do."

She smiled and nodded, and dabbed tears from her eyes, "Thank you."

"Is there anything I can do for you?" I asked.

"Be my friend, please?" she said, sounding like she was begging.

"Of course I will!" I replied. "Do you want me to call you?"

"Yes! Oh yes!" she said, perking up. "I was afraid you hated me and would never want to see me again."

"I don't hate you, Kara. I could never hate you. I was sad, I was upset, and I was confused. But I've always loved you."

"You really mean that, don't you?" she asked.

"Of course I do. Shall I take you home?"

"I suppose," she said.

I paid the check and left a tip on the table, and then we walked out to the car. I opened the door for Kara and after she got in, I went to the driver's side and then drove back to her house. At her house, she waited until I opened the door for her and then we walked into the house together.

"Kara, do you mind if I talk to your mom?" I asked.

"No. I'll say goodbye now and go up to my room. I'm kind of tired and want to lie down."

"Thanks for having lunch with me. I appreciate it. A lot," I said.

"Thanks for seeing me, Steve. And thanks again for the bear," she said.

Kara turned and walked up the stairs, and I went into the living room to talk to her mom. Mrs. Blanchard offered me a cup of coffee, which I gratefully accepted.

"She needs professional help, Mrs. Blanchard," I said.

"You know what, Steve, please call me Nancy. It just seems stilted for you to keep calling me 'Mrs. Blanchard'."

I nodded, "OK, then. Nancy, she needs professional help. I know you have a problem with the mental health profession, but I think she needs to see Doctor Mercer, the counselor I and my friend Bethany both went to when we had our troubles."

"What happened, Steve? What caused my beautiful, vibrant daughter to fall apart? I don't understand?"

"I wish I could tell you the details, but I can't. Only Kara can tell you that when she's ready. What I will say is that I have some responsibility in the matter because I didn't properly look out for Kara. And that led directly to what happened. In all honesty, a pastor isn't going to help solve this one. She needs a secular counselor."

I had debated for a moment saying Joyce's name, but that could have given Nancy an indication of just how far we'd gone with Kara, and seriously turn her against me, and might lead to other complications, like Nancy quitting her job, because it was provided by Joyce's grandfather.

"I don't know, Steve," Nancy said.

"Do you want your daughter back? Or are you going to be happy with the zombie I was with today for the rest of your life? Assuming she doesn't kill herself."

"What?! Why would you say that?"

"Because she has no will to live. She's just going through the motions. If you want your daughter back, take her to see Doctor Mercer as soon as possible. I mean that. Otherwise, she's going to end up in Greenlawn with her dad, not here with you."

The look of horror on Nancy Blanchard's face told me that I'd made my point. But would Kara go along with it? I didn't know if she would or not, but that was up to her mom at this point.

"I'm not sure she'll go, Steve. Would you wait here? I'm going to tell her and I want you here to back me up. I think she'll listen to you."

I nodded. I cared enough for Kara that I wanted her to get better. She'd helped me so much that I had to do what I could to help her. Nancy got up and went upstairs to get Kara and bring her down to the living room. Kara sat next to her mom on the sofa, and I sat on the loveseat.

"Kara, honey, Steve thinks you should go see Doctor Mercer, the lady who helped him with his problems."

"What?! I'm not crazy! I don't need a psychiatrist!" she shrieked.

Actually, Bethany thought she had some kind of diagnosable condition, but that remained to be seen. I did agree with Bethany that she'd had some sort of mental breakdown that needed professional attention.

"Kara," I said gently, "She's a psychologist, which is a different thing. And nobody says that you're crazy. You just need help dealing with everything that happened last year. Honey, I want to see you get better. And you need help from someone like Doctor Mercer. Would you talk to her, please? For me?"

"But I'm not crazy!" she protested.

"No, but you're hurting very badly. She can help," I said gently. "Do you think you're actually OK?"

She shook her head but didn't answer, only hugged her bear even tighter.

"Then please see her. Your mom will call to make an appointment for you on Monday. Go and talk to her. For me."

"Can I take my bear with me?"

I began to wonder if even Doctor Mercer was going to be enough. There was something fundamentally broken about Kara, and I didn't know who would best be able to help mend that break. I hoped that Doctor Mercer would know if she couldn't do it herself.

"Yes, Kara. I'm sure that you can take Steve Bear with you," I said.

"OK," she said.

Her mom took her hand and helped her back to her room, then came back to sit with me.

"She's in worse shape than I thought. I totally missed it, Steve. I just figured she was upset about the breakup and that she'd come around, especially after she asked to see you. That question about the bear really floored me. How did you know?"

"Because I've been there, Nancy. When Birgit died, I lost all will to live. My friends Jennifer and Melanie, plus my little sister, realized how badly I was hurting and did their best to help me. Eventually, I realized I needed professional help for that and other issues. My friend Bethany and I talked about it as well. She saw Doctor Mercer to help her recover from a serious emotional trauma.

"It might be difficult, but you need to make sure Kara goes. I'm going to call Doctor Mercer's emergency number when I get home and tell her about what happened. I'm sorry that it seems like I'm sharing with a stranger and not you, but Doctor Mercer needs to know because Kara may not tell her."

"What could possibly have happened that caused this?" Nancy asked, clearly frustrated with not knowing.

"I hope someday that Kara can tell you. Don't pressure her, though. That might cause her to withdraw even further."

"You still love her, don't you?"

"Of course I do! But I don't know if that matters in the way you mean it. Three months ago, it would have mattered that way, but not now."

"Don't give up on her, Steve. That wonderful, vibrant, free-spirit is still there. I'm sure of it. And I'm sure she still loves you!"

"Let's focus on getting her healthy and then worry about everything else. You need to know that my friend Stephie is living with me, and I mean that the way that it sounds. Once Kara broke things off, when Stephie asked to move in, I said 'yes'."