"The doctor will be in to see you shortly," said the nurse with a huge smile on her face trying not to laugh.
"So do you think he'll be able to help me?"
"Of course sir, we've seen this kind of thing before."
"Well not that often, but we have seen it before." Her professionalism went out the room with her as I heard her laughter on the other side of the exam room door.
For those of you reading this tale and wondering what brought me her to the hospital, well sit back and "Let me tell you how I got myself in such a predicament."
My wife of 25 years is normally a very nice person unless you do something that really goes against her grain. After being with her for so long I know how she reacts to certain stimuli so I try to avoid those situations at most costs. But the slow death of 13 hour days 5 days a week leaves me little time to live. All I do is drive to work and deal with the bitch of the world (my boss), work, drive home from work, eat dinner, shower, go to bed, wake up and do it all over again. Yeah, I have a bad attitude because of it, so what!
The long days leave me so tired I've lost my desire for sex and my wife is getting very cranky about it. Well boo fucking hoo, how the hell do you think I feel? I like sex just as much as the next guy and I'm not getting any either. I'm just a little pissed off about it too.
I knew I needed to do something to bring me back to the loving husband I've always been, but I'm trapped in a terrible cycle and I can't shake it. Then a thought came to me.
"Since I'm the one busting butt, I'm entitled to take a break." Why not treat myself to a couple drinks during happy hour every now and then. And I did. It would've been OK every now and then, but I always take thinks to the extreme. When I work, I work hard; when I love my wife, I love her long time (when I can get it up); when I play golf, I cuss a lot! So when I stopped for drinks, I stopped every night for a week. Big mistake!
When I piss off my wife, I piss her off ... A LOT! Well needless to say I wasn't on her Christmas list after that week. Boy did I have to do some ass kissing to get back in her good graces. I quit stopping for drinks and I came home right after work and got caught up on my honey do lists. I bought flowers, took her out to dinner and massaged her feet. She loves to have her feet massaged. It went on like this for a month.
After the month I started to get stressed again because I lost my life again. I still had the 13 hour days and no free time to myself. The antsy feeling came back and I wanted me time again but knowing happy hour drinks would just piss wife off again, I didn't push it. Especially since I was warned that consequences will rain upon me if I start the bar hopping again.
I held off for as long as I could and tried to keep her happy, but dammit I needed to de-stress. I asked her to join me and she refused. Now there comes a time when all good men need to stand up for themselves and say "fuck it" and do what they gotta do. So I lied about running errands after work and went to the bar by myself.
I should tell you my wife has a mean streak in her like no other person you can imagine. She is not only devious, but creative in the retribution dish out department. Over the years, I have suffered some humiliating treatment from my little bundle of love. One time I forgot an important dinner that her company was having and I showed up 2 hours late. She made her apologies to her co-workers with a smile saying my job kept me away, but I knew she was hurt by my actions.