Chapter 5

I will always remember clearly how I met Lilith. Or how she met me. Hard, as we crashed together in a crush, she on the top of me, looking irritated. Then I touched her little hands while trying to help her back upright. At the same time I looked into her eyes, and I was sure that I'd been struck by lightning. It came from her eyes and traveled through my body and then back to her through our hands. It was love on the first sight - and touch.

That gentle wipe by nurse Novak didn't start like that. It started like a tingle on my cheek; but whatever it was, it started spreading throughout my body. Apparently it had happened to her, too, since she didn't move her hand away. When I opened my eyes, I noticed that she was shaking. Her other hand was trembling when I put my hand over it. The analytical part of my mind tried to make sense of what I was feeling by telling me that I was in emotional turmoil and those young women were related. Another part of me connected that feeling to Lilith and the activities we performed together - and the civilized part of me was yelling that it was not right to feel like this, when you fiancée had just died. So, it was like I was getting electrical shocks. I had a hard-on, and guilty conscience, when I got lost in those deep blue eyes.

"Kimberly. My first name is Kimberly."

Then she let go.

I have no idea how long I just sat there staring at her. I finally gulped and managed to blink my eyes.

"Kimberly, Kim - may I call you Kim or is that too awkward?"

"No, I'm fine with that."

Damn. Even hearing those few words coming from whose lips made me shiver. I closed my eyes for a moment and gathered my thoughts.

"Kim, I think that there a few things we should discuss together, about Lil."

I followed those eyes while I spoke to her and I was quite sure that I could see some conflicting feelings flashing through them. I knew that, as the same things was happening with me.

"Yes. Yes, I agree with you. Look, would it be okay with you if we visited Lil's apartment, together... ?"

"Sure, but I forgot all of my keys inside my desk at work. I didn't even go back to get my car keys. I took a cab here."

"Oh, I have a copy of her keys. I just haven't been there for a while."

We both blushed a bit after that. Then I noticed the amount of rust I had passed from my hand to hers

"Uh, Kim - I'm sorry about the rust in your hand."

Kimberly looked at me like she'd see my disorderly appearance for the first time.

"I saw you first from the security recording made at the info desk. Then you disappeared for a while, and the guards were sure you didn't go out - or in. When you came back, you looked almost like you had been through the mill. What happened to you?"

For a second it all came back; hope, false delight, confusion and horror. I looked at her and shook my head.

"Not now, Kim; and not here, please. Maybe we can trade our histories at some point. Now I should make myself a bit more presentable before leaving this room."

That was exactly what I did. I used the sink in that room and washed my hands. Then I took some paper towels and tried to salvage my clothes as much as I could. I noticed that she looked as fresh as pure snow when we entered the lobby again while I was barely presentable.

When I sat down in a chair in the lobby and started to wait for Kimberly to change her clothes, I didn't dare to think on what had happened during the last few hours. This morning I had woken up next to my fiancée - the girl I was going to marry. Now when I tried thinking about her, those old memories mixed together with the ones I got this afternoon. That raised another question. What had happened to me? Was it real at all or had I been dreaming inside that small janitorial closet? Maybe I was just delusional or maybe I had some tumor inside my head. But it had felt so real.

When I looked around I got a feeling that there was something odd with the surroundings. I tried to keep it low-key when I looked around, but I just could not figure out what was wrong. There were the same walls with the colors I didn't like, and there was the same basic smells I knew so well. Then my stomach rumbled, which reminded me that I had eaten only a light lunch since we had planned on returning to Lil's place and eating something that had been taken from the freezer. Then we'd make something nice for Halloween, which would be tomorrow. For some reason Lil had considered Halloween a very special day. I smiled grimly since this Halloween certainly would have some special meaning for me in the future.

Those little men seemed to have moved from my head to my stomach since it rumbled again so loudly that the people sitting close to me noticed it, too. Only then did it come to me. Before this I could never even have thought about eating or food while inside a hospital. I still didn't like the colors or the smells; but instead of being something almost overwhelming, they were only minor nuisances, now. I didn't have time to think about that, as Kimberly rushed to the lobby, and very carefully took my hand in hers before heading to the door.

The security guy standing by looked at me with an angry scowl on his face. Somehow he reminded me of Cerberus. As soon as that thought came to me, I wondered where it had come from.

However, I could not really concentrate on those thoughts, since Kimberly was holding my hand. Somehow it reminded me of how it had been with Lil, yet this was something totally different. There was this tingle but it was not at all unpleasant. It was something that made you aware of the other person, that she was there, walking next to you. I wondered if she felt the same. Just as though she had been reading my thoughts, she took a quick look in my direction. After an almost a shy smile, she was looking forward again. Suddenly my hand tingled a bit more.

Her car was not big, but it was new. It was a small SUV. It was, in fact, better than mine; and way above something I would have expected from a young nurse. I didn't say a thing, but sat next to her in the front seat and more or less openly watched her as she handled the heavy traffic without any difficulty. Our ride to Lil's apartment was silent, but it was clear to me from the beginning that Kim knew the way. When she was about to park the car a few houses away I opened my mouth.

"Kim, I'm sure you can use Lil's parking spot in front of the apartment. I know that she has one there."

I did my best to prevent my voice from breaking, but yet the air inside the car was thick with emotion. My emotions were coming like big slow waves - and from the bottom of the wave you could not see the saving land. Kim didn't say a thing but she nodded to me and drove quietly the last short stint before parking the car. True to her word she really had keys to Lil's apartment but she seemed really astonished to notice that there really were my shoes and an extra jacket in a closet next to the front door. I had a feeling that she had not really believed me, before she saw the hard evidence.

It was the open bedroom door that caused me to break down. Suddenly I remembered our morning rush, and now I understood why she had been in a hurry - and why she had blushed so deeply just before we left together. It had not been unusual for us to make love in the morning but most likely she had not remembered that she is going see her gynecologist in the afternoon. The morning session had even taken a bit longer than usually and we had had no time to make the bed not to speak of changing the sheets. That all came rushing back, and I had to take some support from the wall and close my eyes.

"Ryan, are you okay?"

I wanted to hit the wall! I wanted to scream, yell and curse! I wanted my Lil back. I wanted back to my Lilith. Then Kimberly took my hand in hers and it was like my anger and despair started evaporating. It was not like it had discharged through our connecting hands, no. It was more like something came from her to me that turned the anger into sorrow, despair into sadness.

"You know, Ryan - I didn't really believe you. Not until..."

There was nothing hostile in the way she said that. I turned to look at her and I could not help whining a bit.

"But why? After all, in normal relationships..."

She took my head between her hands and pulled me down for a kiss. Okay, that stopped me from whining in the first place. The next thing I noticed was how she smelled. It was not her hair nor it wasn't any perfume - it was just her own odor. If someone could make a perfume out of it that would be proclaimed illegal since it would cause riots. I could almost feel the blood running down from my head but not before the little guys inside my head had woken again and started yelling that 'this is what happened with Lilith!' I almost pushed her away right then, but a fraction of a second earlier she had opened her lips a bit more and I could now also taste her.