Chapter 40: Thanksgiving, Part II

November 1982, Milford, Ohio

On Wednesday morning, after taking Kara to work, I headed back to my parents’ house to spend the day with Stephanie. After lunch, we went for a walk and I asked her advice in dealing with Kara and Joyce, after we agreed to set aside our rule about talking about sex between me and any other girls for the afternoon. Stephanie wasn’t sure what the best approach was, but she did say she understood what Kara might be going through.

“You know how much I wanted to be with Jennifer and how amazing it was, but I’m just not sure I could ever be with anyone else that way. It would feel really strange, and if it happened the way it sounds like things happened with Joyce and Kara, I might even be a bit freaked out.”

“What about Trish and Shelly?” I asked.

“That was different. It’s one thing to have them lick fudge and whipped cream off my boobs, and a whole different thing to have sex with them. Think about Melanie, Jennifer, and Mary when you were with them. It was about the same, right? Mary was OK with the ice cream sundae part, but that’s all she would ever do. And think about Elyse and Stephie or Stephie and Emily. You told me a bit about them, but it sounds similar.”

“Yeah, it does. So what the heck do I do? How do I fix this?”

“I guess you keep doing what you’re doing, Big Brother. Just love your girlfriend and be there for her. Hopefully, she’ll come to terms with what she did and be at peace with it. If not, I’m not sure what might happen.”

“That’s what concerns me,” I sighed. “Kara’s pretty distraught about it, and I don’t even want to raise the issue with her for fear of setting her off again. She won’t even let me into her bed.”

“You two haven’t made love since then?” Stephanie said, shocked.

“Sorry, that came out wrong. The lovemaking session between them happened in Kara’s bed and she told me she didn’t want to sleep with me in that bed.”

“So you guys are sleeping at the Spencers’?”

“Yes. She’s been very clingy and cuddly, but otherwise, our relationship seems the same. The sex had been a bit more sedate, but it’s been that way with Stephie and Elyse as well, come to think of it.”

“Interesting,” Stephanie observed. “Has all your sex become tame?”

“Now that you mention it, yes, it has. Well, mostly. Stephie has asked me to, quote, fuck her brains out, unquote, on a couple of occasions, but for the most part, just plain lovemaking, you know, soft and slow.”

“Any idea why?” Stephanie asked.

“Honestly? I have no idea. I suppose it might have something to do with Kara coming to live with me in six months. Both Elyse and Stephie are holding out hope that doesn’t happen, and maybe this is a way to show me that they love me, rather than just enjoy sex.”

“That would make sense, Big Brother. You and I have fucked each other unconscious, but really, the best sex was when we just made love. When every movement, every touch, screamed ‘I love you’. That very last time, after we had been with Jennifer, was amazing. I knew then and there how much you loved me and how much I loved you. And nobody else could ever touch me the way you did. Sex with Ed is good, and I love him deeply, but he’s not you, Big Brother.”

“So, I guess I don’t have too many real options here, do I? I just have to wait it out and talk to her when she’s ready.”

“If things were different, you might be able to have her talk to Jennifer,” Stephanie suggested, “but not when it’s clear that Jennifer still wants you.”

“And how do you know that?” I smirked.

“Dumb boys!” she sighed. “How do you think? We talk about once a week now. You know what she wants. You’ve known it all along. Are you surprised that I know it, too?”

I chuckled, “No, I’m not. I think Jennifer has changed a lot, and for the better. She’s gotten rid of those demons that were haunting her and she can move on with her life. But you know where I am and what I want.”

“I do. And the fact that you’re not seeing Anna or Ruth or any of your other girls when you’re home this week — including Bethany — tells me everything I need to know about it. Can I ask you what’s going to happen with Stephie after May?”

“She’ll be a friend, as Joyce is, and like Bethany and Kathy are. I’m planning on going to the races again with her next Summer, but it’ll just be as friends.”

“Can she handle that? Can YOU handle that?” Stephanie asked.

“She says she can. And I certainly can. It’s Emily who’s going to be the difficult one!” I grinned.

“Do you think she’ll try to kidnap you?” Stephanie asked with a sly smile.

“She just might,” I chuckled. “I suspect her dad has at least one shotgun and someplace out of the way where he runs his still!”

“From what you say, she’s super cute and pretty wild, so maybe that wouldn’t be a bad thing!”

“And you think Kara wouldn’t come looking for me and try to rescue me?”

“Would you WANT to be rescued?” Stephanie teased.

“Yes, you brat, I would! You know what I want.”

“I do. And I’ve watched you change for Kara. Sure, you still have sex with other girls, not ME, but other girls, but otherwise, you simply do whatever you can to make Kara happy. Heck, you went to CHURCH with her Big Brother. An evangelical church! I thought I’d never see that. In fact, of the things you’ve done, that’s the craziest.”

“What?! How so?”

“Steve, you can’t stand what her church, even the new one, teaches. And yet, you went to church with her. And you’re going again next Sunday. If that’s not the ultimate sacrifice for you, I don’t know what is. I know what you believe and what you think of the moralistic crap they push, and yet you still went to church with her.”

“What about you? You go to church every Sunday.”

“A small price to pay to keep Mom happy. I could stop and Dad would back me up, but why cause trouble? It’s 45 minutes on Sunday morning. She insists I go to confession, but there are things that I’m NOT going to confess because I’m not sorry for them. Just as you didn’t!”

“True. I suppose, for the sake of peace, it makes sense.”

“Obviously, given that’s exactly what you’re doing with Kara!”

“A very good point. We’ve talked a bit about it. I told her that when she comes to Chicago, we’ll start visiting churches. I’m not sure what kind of church we’ll find that will work as a compromise, but it wouldn’t surprise me if it’s Lutheran or Episcopalian. But that’s a question for next Summer, after our trip to Sweden for Katt’s wedding.”

“That one surprised me, but not as much as Josh and Mary! Tracey and Marty are talking about living together, but not getting married, but the rest? You’ve got Pete and Melanie, Josh and Mary, Kurt and Kathy, Mikael and Katt, and of course, you and Kara. You had some hand in all of those.”

“I suppose. What about you and Ed?” I asked.

She was quiet for a moment then said, “I think Ed’s a good High School boyfriend.”

“Oh? Is there something wrong?” I asked.

“No, not really. It’s just I feel something is missing. Right now, that doesn’t matter. We’re Sophomores and there are still two more years of High School after this one. I might even stay with him during college, depending on where we both go to school. But I just don’t think he’s the guy for me.”

“Does he know that? I’d hate to see him crushed if he was planning a life with you, even at this point.”

Stephanie smiled, “He’s not you. He’s not even thinking about that kind of thing at this point. Well, not that I’m aware of, anyway. But I don’t think so. We love each other, and we’re having a good time, but I don’t think either of us is crazy enough to think about it being permanent at this point.”

“I sure was,” I said, as we walked down the driveway to the house.

We went inside and went to my old room. We sat side-by-side in beanbag chairs.

“Big Brother, you were thinking about that in eighth grade. Eighth grade! You’ve always thought about it. It’s always been your top priority — to find the girl you were going to be with for the rest of your life. And you found her. And then the asshole in charge of the universe decided to kick you in the balls. Honestly, I can see why you aren’t so sure about God existing. You’ve been looking hard ever since.”

“I have. And I’ve made a hell of a lot of mistakes along the way.”

“Yes, you have. But so what? Isn’t that what they keep telling us growing up is about? Learning from our mistakes. I’d say you have.”

“I suppose. I wonder, though, if I’m making a mistake now.”

Stephanie gasped, “About Kara?”

“No. Well, yes, but no. Sorry, that makes no sense. What I mean is that I wonder if I’m making a mistake by not committing completely to her right now. Maybe I should call Tatyana and tell her not to come visit me in January. Maybe I should go back home and tell Stephie that we need to end it. I’m pretty sure Karin and I are completely done at this point.”

“Jesus, Steve!” Stephanie gasped. “You’re serious about this, aren’t you?”

“I am. The only fly in that ointment is that Bethany will kill me.”

“What?! Why? You two aren’t doing anything, even though she broke up with Gene.”

“No, but she got me to promise her one last time before Kara and I are permanent. The plan was for her to come to Chicago on the way home for Summer break. I’d stay a couple of extra days before I came home and she’d come see me and we’d screw ourselves silly for a day.”

“You’re right. Emily and her shotgun are nothing compared to how pissed Bethany is going to be if you go back on your word.”

“I know. As I said, that’s the fly in the ointment. Stephie and Tatyana would both be upset, but Tatyana is practical and pragmatic, and so she wouldn’t be devastated. Stephie, on the other hand, is going to be a problem whether it’s now or May. At least at the moment, she’s prepared for May and as tough as it will be, she knows it’s coming. Moving it up would likely crush her.”

“Steve, can I make a suggestion?” Stephanie asked.

“Always. That’s why I’m talking to you. You read my journal for years and gave me good advice. Why should that stop now?”

She nodded, “Don’t change anything like this on the spur-of-the-moment. Be sure that’s the right course of action. Think about it for a few more weeks. Come home at Christmas. We’ll talk again and you can decide.”

“What about Tatyana? She’s booked her tickets and she’ll buy them before then,” I said.

“Didn’t you say that she would visit you even if you two weren’t screwing?”

“Yes, she would. But I’m not sure it’s fair to let her think that we would be sharing a bed when we won’t be.”

“Make your decision, talk to Kara and then you can call Tatyana and tell her that when you and Kara were celebrating Christmas, you decided to go steady. If what you’ve told me about Tatyana is true, she’ll get the picture, but she’ll also take her long-term view of things and still want to see you.”

“That is true. And Stephie?”

“That’s tougher. I guess you need to tell her face-to-face, but you can’t do that beforehand if you wait to decide as I’ve told you. I suppose you would have to tell her when she comes back to Chicago after Christmas. It’s not going to be easy. But, and this is important, don’t burn any bridges until you are absolutely sure that’s what you want. Thinking about something is not the same as doing it, Big Brother.”

“But is it fair to Stephie that she thinks we have until May, when it might end in December?”

“Big Brother, for once, just once, think about what’s right for you and don’t worry about anyone else. Please. You’re going to hurt someone, actually several people, no matter what you do. So, for once, please, look at your own heart and do what you need to do for you, and not for anyone else.”

“How the hell did you get to be so smart at fifteen?” I grinned.

“How difficult is it to be smarter than a dumb boy?” she giggled.

“Oh, we’re back to that now, are we?” I chuckled.

“It never stopped. I just don’t bother to remind you all the time!”

I got up out of the beanbag chair in my room and pulled Stephanie up into a tight hug. She sighed deeply and put her head on my chest.

“Thanks, Stephanie,” I whispered.

“You’re welcome, Big Brother,” she responded, then kissed me softly.

The kiss was electric, like I’d touched my lips to a wall outlet. But it was a kiss of love, not sex, and the electric feeling was our love flowing between us — just from our lips softly pressed against each other. Stephanie broke the kiss and put her head back on my chest.

“That was an amazing kiss,” I breathed.

“I love you so much, Steve!”

“I love you too, Stephanie. Thanks for the talk.”

“You’re welcome! Now, go pick up your girlfriend from work!”

I nodded, “I’ll see you tomorrow for swimming and breakfast, but I’m having Thanksgiving dinner at Kara’s grandmother’s house. Kara and I will come to Grandma’s on Friday for the family gathering.”

Stephanie walked me out to my car, we hugged and I headed to pick up Kara from work. The evening was basically the same as Monday — dinner at Kara’s and talking with her mom. We headed to the Spencers’ around 9:00pm and took a sauna, made love, and then cuddled.

“Kara, is there anything you need me to do for you?” I asked.

“You just did!” she giggled.

“True! But I meant anything I can do to help you?”

She sighed, “I don’t think so. I’m just not sure what to do about Joyce and the whole situation.”

“Are we ever going to sleep in your bed again?” I asked.

“Does that bother you, Snuggle Bear? If it does, we could.”

“As long as I’m with you, I don’t really care where we are. I’m only concerned about you.”

“Tomorrow night, we can stay in my room,” Kara said softly.

“Only if you’re totally sure.”

“I am. It’s OK. It’s kind of silly of me.”

“No, it’s not. I’d say it’s understandable. I just wonder if I’m doing enough to help you and to be what you need me to be.”

“Steve, why are you worried? You’re exactly where I need you and doing what I need you to do. Are you afraid of something?”

“Not afraid, but just concerned about you, honey. I don’t want anything to come between us, ever. You’re the most important person in my life, and I want to make sure you know that.”

“I do, though your little sister is really the most important.”

“It’s different, Kara. She’s my sister. You’re the one I’m going to spend my life with. Yes, Stephanie and I had a special relationship, and we still do, but it’s changed. You know that. And you’re my priority. She knows that. We even talked about it yesterday.”

Kara twirled her fingers in the small amount of chest hair that I’d developed, then trailed her fingers lightly down to my groin, and raked her fingernails lightly over my quickly growing erection. Without a word, she moved down and slowly took me completely into her mouth. She cupped my balls with her hand and then began moving up and down on me, gently sucking and swirling her tongue along my shaft and over my glans. I relaxed and allowed the pleasure to build quickly, ending in an intense orgasm. Kara swallowed each spurt and continued the blowjob even after I’d cum. The feeling was so intense that it bordered on pain that I moaned continually as she sucked and licked me.