Chapter 17: The Gazoo Trickbag, and Real Big Birds, Too

“Well as soon as I walked into the cave I quickly saw the ‘Trick Bag’ that Gazoo and his crowd just dropped me into without the benefit of any kind of any kind of warning, whatsoever. “Listen up ladies, there seems to be no way I can get around talking about a few things that I would rather not talk about, now or ever. Most of what you all know about me is true, though some of the things I am about to say are things that you wouldn’t believe unless you saw proof that you can touch with your hands and see with your own eyes. We would call it ‘IRON CLAD PROOF’ back home, living on Earth most people live 60 to 80 years. Before I go any farther, let me say that I know for a fact that we are nowhere near Earth. With that said, I have no idea where Earth is to us, either. I also have no way to ever return to Earth, I was told that I wasn’t ever going to be able to return to Earth if I chose to make this trip. Any questions so far?” I asked my family. No was the answer that I got from my ladies, so I continued on.

“Do people really live that long on this Earth place?” Balla asked.

“Yes, and some live to be in their 90’s, with a small number of people living 100 or more years, and you never know who will live that long, either. Some want to be blessed to live that long, though most are ready to die, as all of their friends and mates may have died long before them, as well as any children they may have had.” I said.

As our world aged we made new things to help life be better, as it were, like if you lived in the 1800’s you never would have seen anything like those trucks Challa and I drive around. Mr. Ford, whom the company is named for, never saw those trucks outside either, as he started the company in 1903, but he died in 1947. He was 83 years old, almost 84 years old, he died shortly before his birthday, and he was born in 1863. As you can tell, we give a number to each year that goes by to keep track of things that happen during that particular year. I was born in the 1950’s and I left Earth in the year 2016, things had changed a lot during my lifetime, there on Earth. People have jobs just to think of things to improve anything and everything in our lives, that is what made our lives so much better than ever before, each year, or every few years. In other words the trucks Mr. Ford saw in the 1940’s can’t compare with the trucks you see every day that were made in 2016. And these trucks are both bigger, and much more powerful, as well as comfortable to sit inside of, and to drive also.” I said.

“I was living my life in a worn out body, not really enjoying life any more, and a thought came to me from something had I read a day or so before that day. What would you do if you were given the chance to be young again and live in a strange land? I said this out loud to nobody, as I was all alone in my living space. So imagine my surprise when I took a nap a little while later on. I was told if I really wanted to go on this adventure, I should make a list of things to pack up; things I would need to live comfortably, that could and would best help me to stay alive and well, wherever

I ended up continuing to live plus get all the additional training that I would also need to survive in this much harsher land. As you all can see, I brought along some foods from Earth to go along with all the foods that either grows here or that walks around here. Now for the parts that you all are wondering about, when I was on Earth I was given a choice of caves that could be prepared for me. At that time I had no idea what my friends could do with these caves, namely the things that we have all now have seen that they can do, very easily. Just before the first of you came to live here I became aware of the way they could change this cave in any way they wanted or needed to do, and as you all can now see that these changes can happen very fast as well.” I said.

“I think we need to keep this conversation to ourselves in this cave. Nobody not in this cave right now needs to know what we are talking about. Think about how you all feel, both the good and the bad, about learning that not only am I not from any group that any of you were born to, but not from anywhere that any of us could set out to find anywhere around here as well. Some of the people living who really don’t like me could demand that I leave, or just plain cause trouble simply because I am so different, much different than they had even thought of before now. That is the main reason I am asking all you to keep what you know to yourselves, namely not talking about it to other women on what you know I call the ‘Women Grapevine’. Nothing good can come from you telling everyone something like this.” I said.

“Can we talk about this among ourselves, as we don’t really like keeping secrets this big from our people, please?” Malta asked.

“Ok for now. But to go on, the changes to the kitchen, it is what a modern kitchen area would be like for a leader’s home on Earth. I will show you the ways to cook with these twin ovens that you would use in place of cooking in the fireplace. And the island with the burners to use instead of the cook fires that you are used to. As soon as I show you how to cook in the new kitchen, I will leave you to your cooking areas once again. As you can see, the two separate sink areas, has its own water source and its own drains for when you fill the sinks. The refrigerator and the freezer we already had, plus the walk-in frozen cave. I am sure that I will find out why the upgrades just suddenly happened to the kitchen. I will tell you if it is something worth knowing, if I found out the reason. Though as shocking as this is, this is the reason the drinks you enjoy like Kool-Aid, Root Beer, or even the new and improved Bruga itself, that never seems to run out, as my people would say back home. Don’t be upset about what you can’t explain, as long it is benefitting you, and costing you nothing, while at the same time benefitting all your ‘Friends’ too. Now if you want to cut off these good things happening for us because you want all your ‘Friends’ knowing everything that is going on around here, then when the extra things run out those same friends will blame you, and all of them will say that you should not have said anything if we can’t have the things we have come to like so much. I am at the very top OF THAT LIST, FOR SURE! {} list, for sure.” I said.

Well everyone understood they didn’t want the different foods I had that could not be gained naturally was reason enough, all by itself, to keep a lid on the new information, that they just learned. _*ALL OF THE WOMEN UNDERSTOOD*_ one thing, that was for damn sure, and for damn certain, that all of the _*MENFOLKS WOULD BE MOST*_ *_DEFINITELY HIGHLY UPSET IF ALL OF THE NEW, GOOD BRUGA*_ suddenly stopped appearing! Along with the things my friends had been providing for them unbeknownst to me. All these women had to do was quit worrying about my friends, and whatever else it was that I wasn’t willing to share with them, after I made it clear that they would not be meeting them, anyway. Add to the fact that those sewing rooms were a hit, and none of the ladies wanted their sewing areas disturbed in any way whatsoever. I wondered in the back of my mind why Gazoo and company would have set up the new modern kitchen, all the while Gazoo had always stated that he wanted to remain a silent partner to me, and definitely wanted to remain unknown to everyone besides Challa and me, especially the Asorians. One thing was definitely for certain, women were women no matter when, or where they born, as their love for the new fashions that they were making, as well as their clothes like mine, including their chainmail. Thus they had no intention of giving up their new hobbies, and all the things that went with those hobbies.

I want to tell you that all this talking about wanting to tell the entire camp everything hit a major roadblock. In the end wise words from Queen Kamora may have saved the day. She told Malta. “As the camp leaders sometimes you have to make choices for the camp that helps them, without them having to know everything that takes to make their world so much better than it ever was before.” Queen Kamora said.

Challa, at this point, stepped in and went on to tell her own story, as nothing besides Gazoo’s actual name was being kept a secret. Balla was shocked to learn that her real daughter had in fact died, but she was glad she still had Challa as they had bonded, and the overall differences between the two different Challas’ was not something Balla really cared about at this time, as Challa had proven many times that she loved Balla as if she was the Challa originally born to Balla.

“Now before we go to bed we still have a lot of things to work on. We all want you and Balla, Tarna and Athena, to take our guests home as you can have them home in a day or two, instead the many weeks it will take for them to walk back home. They would be forced to consume all of the foodstuffs that we are working so hard to send them home with. Not to mention all of the attention that their slow travel will indeed, bring upon all of them as well.” Malta said.

“The hell I will!” I shouted. “Yes you will, because we women are asking you to do this for us. I know that they came here with bad intensions, but they need to get back home safely. Remember that there are women and children in those groups needing to get home. The women and children carry no weapons, and they have no real training, so if they get into trouble they don’t have enough hunters to deal with a prolonged battle. _*IF YOU JUST*_ _*ASK EVERY WOMAN*_ in this camp, they will all tell you as a woman they would hope to get home safely! When Kang dreamed up this wish to catch Queen Kamora he did not talk to any of the women in his camp when he made the choice to move the entire camp.” Queen Kamora said tensely.

“I said I don’t care how they get home! _*That STUPID SON OF BITCH*_ _*MADE THIS CHOICE ON HIS OWN!*_ He never thought that he would get his ass handed to him, and still be alive to both see and feel the many _*ERRORS IN HIS*_ _*DUMB-ASS THINKING!”*_ I shouted. _*AS THE LEADER OF THIS CAMP.*_ _*THAT IS WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO DO, OR IT IS GOING TO GET*_ _*REAL COLD UP IN THIS WHOLE DAMN CAMP, FOR ALL OF YOU*_ _*MENFOLKS!*_ Your menfolk leading the other groups are getting all of this information tomorrow morning. And I promise you they will be asking you to do this for their sakes, even if you really don’t want to do this!” Malta shouted.

I could not believe these women were trying to either force me or worse to guilt trip me, into taking this rogue camp home. Yes, they claimed it was for the safety of the women and the children, and to make sure all their foodstuffs are consumed after they are back home rather than be consumed just to get them home. I will admit that some of their reasons had more than a little merit. But I really did not want to help them in any way to return home, because it is not my fault that they are here in my camp at all.

I will soon be standing around kicking my own ass, as a 21st century man, plus when the fact that I had more respect for women, far more than any man in this world, as far as I know of. I knew they are right with all of their answers, I just hated having to deliver them back where they came from, but knowing that they had lost more than a few members that would be needed for camp strength in more ways than you can easily count as they had lost hunters / defenders, also a few mothers of child bearing age. And plenty of the young and unmated women too, plus widows who would be additional teachers for their camp. Now you know that I had to stomp around and make a total _*ass*_ of myself. Even doing my own cooking and cleaning, as well as moving into the machine cave to show the women how they couldn’t push me around. Malta and Challa told the ladies in my cave what I was going to do in the end. “Because he stopped fighting us and just took his food and clean clothes after his bath. And we are still in the cave he has not made us move someplace else. This is how a man on Earth acts sometimes when he has to give in to do something that he knows he has to do anyway, even though he really does not want to do what he has been asked to do.” Challa said.

On the third morning I just walked up to Malta and said. “Tell them to pack today and we will leave after breakfast in the morning.” Malta smirked and Pia and Pippa were standing close enough to hear what I had said. Not waiting to be told by Malta, the two of them headed over to Tran’s outfit to let them know they would be leaving to return to their old campsite in the morning and how they would be traveling as well. “Thank you Alex, please go have a seat at the table and we will put together a big breakfast for you. You look as though you have missed a few meals lately.” Malta said. I just rolled my eyes as I still felt as though these women were trying to run the show too damn much, even though all the while, they were patting me on my head letting me think that I was really in charge, around here. You could just see the looks on their faces, knowing that I was going to have to give in eventually, but not before proving that I am still a man, even though I was not as bad as most of the men in camp before they joined this camp.

“Tran, I am sorry you guys won’t be as comfortable as you have been while you have been in camp lately, but I want us to get gone as soon as we get through with breakfast. We will stop often enough for you folks to move around and water the bushes and what not. It is our hope to have you back at you old camp in a day or two at the most. I want to be sure that we are all clear about this trip to take you back home, I will be leaving you with your weapons when we leave, but make no mistake, when we start killing we won’t be waiting to care if we hit any innocents when the killing starts. So make sure Kang and any of his friends understand whomever we leave behind has to survive, and you know that you have lost part of your hunting force already. I truly want to get you folks home and without anything bad happening to anyone with you or me.” I told Tran as we stood away from everyone else.

“I understand, Alex, I can’t afford to lose any more hunters, and will be stressing that point also. I give you my word that I will stop any trouble that I can, too.” Tran said.

Although I spent the night sleeping in my own very comfortable bed, I wasn’t ready to resume fucking anyone who was in bed with me. In fact, I went to bed dressed to be sure no accidents happened during the night; I was civil to my bed mates, though. The next morning I loaded up my truck with foodstuffs for us, while Challa carried most of our water supply. Hopefully we will pass a water hole or two along the way, even though they did have water in the back of both trucks. But with all of those mouths, that water would need to be replenished if we did not get to their place in a few days. “Listen up, the women and children all get in one trailer, while you men folks get into the other one.” I said. If we need to put folks in one or the other we will get to making that choice if we need to, I kept Tran and his mate with me if we needed to mix in a few men along all those women. The men were a little tightly packed in their trailer, while the women were definitely more comfortable, but they had children with them, so they would need the extra space for those restless children. Trust me, none of them will be traveling in comfort per se, but the tradeoff is all the weeks they wouldn’t be walking, and dragging all their possessions all the way back home.

As we started off I once again missed 20th / 21st century paved roads, as we could not drive with the speeds I wished we could travel to end this trip even faster. We had to knock down a few saplings here and there along the way, thankfully that was the extent of our tree trouble so far. When we stopped the first time, folks had no idea just how far that we had actually traveled. “How do you know just where we came from? As none of us can see where you are going, how can we tell you if you are going the wrong way? Or tell you if you are getting close to where you are taking us?” Tran asked me. “When we get a little closer I will be asking for some directions.” I said. Now after about thirty minutes they all loaded up for another couple hours. When I saw water I stopped so food could be made, and it was at the two-hour mark anyway. After lunch I let them get a nap, after all that bouncing around in those trailers, it was the right thing to do. After two hours I woke everyone up to load up so that we could roll out. Three hours later I stopped so folks could set up a camp for the night, and get a fire going to cook some kind of stew started on for their dinner.

Tarna slept in my truck, while Athena was in Challa’s truck for the night, we all slept the best way we could in bucket seats anyway. We ate and drank our breakfast in the trucks while our passengers got theirs fixed and eaten so we could get ready for the day. Well, just before breakfast was over a group of hyenas stopped by, looking to help eat our breakfast or to make a meal of some of us. Well they required me to educate about 4 or 5 of them, plus kick up some dirt around the feet of a few more of them, before they all decided that we were entirely too much trouble, to keep getting in the way of my bullets for a meal. A short while later we all heard the screams of those hyenas I had wounded, as they became breakfast for their pack as we were busy loading up to leave.

When we stopped a couple of hours later Tran let me know he thought that we were on the edge of their hunting grounds, but it seemed way too soon to him for us to be this close so fast. We had lunch two hours later, and Tran said that we were not too far from their caves now, still unbelieving that we had traveled all this way so fast. After the show with the hyenas, folks were once again aware that I could kill without pause, considering most of them were looking for where to run to when quick as a flash of light I began to show those hungry hyenas the facts of life that they had never been shown before. In other words, the brave ones that were used to eating first, got their feelings hurt when I wounded them with those 9mm teachers. I was not shooting to kill them; I just wanted to wound them bad enough that they didn’t wanting any more of the treatment that I was so willingly giving them. After I doctored on them, they either limped off or dragged themselves off, away from our group. Soon they were in no condition to keep their friends and family members from helping them make the ultimate sacrifice to their clan. That once useless Jeopardy fact that scavengers have no problems eating their own kind was like the gift that just keeps on giving, to me. I had watched the movie Quigley Down Under more than a few times, and these guys acted just like the hyenas, or wild dogs in the movie.

Tran walked over to me with a few of his associates to ask me. “Why, Alex, didn’t you kill them when you had the chance to kill them just now?”

“Because they are hungry and looked at us as a potential meal, just like we treat the different animals that we kill to eat. Those screams you heard as we were leaving were some of those same wounded hyenas that were now becoming the meal that none of us wanted to be.” I said. Tran couldn’t believe that I would know to do that to make those hyenas leave us alone by giving them something else to eat, and it actually worked as I thought it would. And the thought that they would eat their own kind was not as strange to him, as me knowing that they would willingly eat their kind, after he had time to think about it. Tran and company walked back over to their people to tell them just what all I had done with the hyenas, as though this was something new. Rather just helping to relieve the stress of not having weapons to defend themselves.

After resting up, we pressed on and arrived at their caves about an hour later. I had Tran sit up front with me; it was a little funny showing him how to get in the truck, as he didn’t understand that you have to bend your body to get inside the truck. Then we had to do the whole temperature setting deal, because Tran became instantly cold from sweating from being outside in the heat. Plus standing closely to other warm bodies did not help any of them keep cool in that trailer. After we had been rolling a few minutes I turned the CD player on, knowing that he would not be expecting it, even though he heard music at the feast. Today I was listening to the Spinners greatest hits, by the time we arrived at our destination poor Tran was trying to pat his foot like he saw me doing. I was just glad that the trip was over, in the morning we could leave and be back home, that was my plan, I said that was the plan, until I got out of the truck and a guy named Ubo rushed up to Tran.

“Go, try, and save yourselves! Luteus will be back out of that cave any minute, trapping you people here just like we all are. He is a people eater, and they are feeding off what is left of my once large camp. Luteus has been much worse on us since his men came back from somewhere far off, after they were soundly defeated by an army of men. They found us here shortly after we fled our old campground,” Ubo said.

“I see, well I am not one to rush off after I have came such a long way, too. I bet I can make Luteus leave willingly on a trip away from here; I am going to make him an offer that he just can’t refuse. I make sure that he understands not to return after I help him understand he wants to leave here as fast as possible, too.”

Right along about then, four very large men came out of the cave that Ubo had pointed to earlier. “Ubo, what are you doing outside, I thought I told you to stay where I told you to stay inside that cave! Are you ready to die so soon? I thought as the leader of your clan you would try and keep you people calm before their deaths!” Luteus shouted.

“Please don’t blame the man for trying to warn us about how you treat passing strangers.” I said calmly.

“And just who are you?!” Luteus shouted at me.

“Tran and his people are not strangers to me, but they will now be facing the same fate as Ubo’s clan.” Luteus proudly stated.

“You I don’t know, but by the size of you, we should be able to make more than one meal off of you, all by yourself.” Luteus bragged.

“I don’t think so, partna, I have a group that I lead somewhere else. By the way, ‘I Just Heard It Through The Grapevine’ that you lost a few of your men not too long ago?” I asked Luteus, knowing that I was about to start some shit.

“I did lose a few men to a great big army, as one of my warriors is the worth of three average men in battle.” Luteus informed us.

“None of them must have made it back to tell you what really happened to them, then. I mean the real story, because some of them died at the hands of women!” I said. “You are lying! There is no woman capable of defeating any of my men. The few that made it back telling some kind of wild lies were put to death for their failure of the mission I sent them on.” Luteus said.

“Well son, you wasted the lives of your men for nothing, then. And I don’t just mean the ones you sent that did not return, and those you killed because they returned to you trying to warn you like I told them to do. I am talking about the brave souls that tried to follow your orders, that died so quickly, for blindly following you_*STUPID-ASS!*_ “ I said.

“Most of your men actually died because I released them where I knew a pack of hyenas that were always looking for an easy meal, and were known to sometimes be at, or near that location. The problem was that not all of them were really armed well enough to defend themselves properly. So when the hyenas did attack them, death came quickly to a good number of those men that could not defend themselves properly. But after having heard them state their plans for my camp, I really didn’t give a good shit, about their fucking well-being, or if they lived or died. Where I come from, that is called, ‘It’s every motherfucker for himself’.” I said.

Of course Luteus did not understand the last few words that I had just said, by the sudden strange look that came upon his face suddenly. I just kept on speaking, because I just didn’t care if he understood all of the words that I was saying to him, anyway.

“And the way some of your men quickly ran off, they seemed to have believe in that same thing too. Just maybe, though, some of those men that ran off so quickly believed in another saying that I have heard of, and have also said many times myself. Somebody has to be alive to tell the story of what happened to those that are no longer alive to make it back to camp. Well now I find out you killed a few of those men that ran away from the hyenas’ attack simply for telling the truth to you, just like I had told them to do, man, that is so sad, what a shame! You killed them for nothing, because everything that they had told you really was indeed the truth.” I said, simply just shaking my head. Luteus looked as though his confidence was shaken just a little bit. Hearing from me that exact same things he was told by his men that survived to make it back to him, some of them were wounded while others were totally unharmed. But all of them were both tired and very hungry and thirsty as well.

“Now, all that said, you can go back to where your old stomping grounds were before you took over around here, or I can help whoever takes your spot as the new leader to make the same choices that I am offering to you right now. You, of course, will no longer be in charge, as you will be dead. Now I am a ‘live and let live’ type guy, and since all three camps here have lost enough men that none of you are as powerful as you once were, you man-eating people may have to start eating the types of meat the rest of us do to survive this winter. I don’t think these other two camps are going to let you slowly kill their people to feed yours, just because of the type of meat your camp prefers to eat. I know that I wouldn’t just let you eat through my camp willingly, especially when I know that your numbers are not strong enough to do what you used to be able to do.” I said. Tran and Ubo looked like that idea of joining their two camps together just might be the answer to some of their manpower problems. With a few looks, most of Luteus’ top men along with a good number of his other men found themselves surrounded before they realized the other two camps were even in any possible position to surround them, right then.

“Luteus, if anything bad happens here we promise you that you will be the first to die. And the rest of the men standing around here with you, should know their death will soon follow your own, quickly. I don’t know why, or care to know why, you and your camp enjoy eating people, just know that if you don’t want any trouble with the people around here you need to leave the area. If those of us find out that you are still killing and eating people, we will get the other tribes nearby to help hunt you down and kill you all, down to the last man, woman and child in your camp. This is something that should have been done before, but it will be done now for sure. It will be many years before you are anywhere near as powerful as you once were, but all of our camps’ size will be growing as well. So our power will grow as well, if not more so, as other groups will not want to mix with your group until we are all very sure you have given up the taste of eating people for good.” Tran said.

Luteus didn’t look too happy to hear the things that he was hearing right along through now. Though Luteus could see no way out of the corner that he suddenly found his whole camp trapped in. He had enough sense to realize that if his camp was being given a chance to flee and return to near where his camp use to be, he was willing to get gone while the getting was good. Alive with hurt pride, beat the hell out of dead, because you have so much pride you can’t see you are making a deadly mistake. Luteus was far from stupid, but for generations his camp had enjoyed hunting and feeding on other camps, but he understood that in his weakened position his camp’s hunting’s practices were about to change. This was a change that he was willing to do, because he could see that these people were very serious about taking lives. Luteus had noticed the change in leadership in Trans’ camp, and that Kang was still alive but badly injured, and Kang had the look of a defeated man. There had to be a story there, but he thought that he would never hear about it, though.

The desire to get away safely was almost overwhelming to Luteus’ entire camp. “Tran, I will hunt for your camps if you will let me give a little more than half of your meat supply to Luteus to help with the conversion to normal eating habits. I suspect that your camp will have to help them learn to hunt to help themselves learn the best ways to get the job done. I mean for you to teach a few and let them teach the rest of their camp, to be sure that no accidents happen to anybody. And any hunting deaths that do occur, no matter the reason, please burn the bodies. By burning any and all of the bodies, Luteus’s camp will not end up with the bodies and do what would come naturally to them. This includes all deaths, even if the dead body is someone from Luteus’ own camp.” I said to Tran and Ubo.