Chapter 11: Eddie

“Theresa,
“they won’t give us back our phones, and I understand why, but they’ll let us write letters, short ones, and send them out in the diplomatic pouches.

“I love you, and I miss you, and I wish more than anything I was home.

“And don’t think I’m saying that just because I share a room the size of Rachel’s with the rest of the crew.
“The embassy staff is bending over backwards for us, but there isn’t a lot of room for unexpected guests.
“The people dealing with the government are trying to keep our spirits up, but we know the reality – if there’s any deal to be made, Perry’s video and our innocence won’t enter into it. It’s gonna be cash, and a buttload of it.
“Fowler’s promised he’ll pay it, if it comes to that ... but we evidently stuck our heads into a hornet’s nest, and I’m afraid they’re gonna want more than Fowler, and the company, can afford. Won’t do him much good to get his employees back, and lose the company.
“If it comes to that, we’ve decided not to let him do that. We’ll make it home some other way.
“Enough of that.
“I need to close. I miss all of you, so much my heart hurts. Hug and kiss Rachel for me, tell her I want her to be a good girl. Have Karen give her balloon rides. Kiss Annie and Merry, hug Kendry.
“Tell Harry he better take care of y’all or I’m gonna kick his ass.
“Yours forever,
“Edward”

Janet

“China, Artie...
“I’ve got to get out of this fucking country. Please, please, wait for me.
“I don’t say it enough, but the two of you are the best things in my life, and I love you more than I thought I could love.
“Those years in prison ... they were easy compared to this. Yeah, Artie, even my time in the Hole.
“I swear to God, these guys fart more than those cowboys in “Blazing Saddles”! Every night is like living in a fucked-up fog bank.
“I’ll never complain about your gas again, Artie.
“Please, please, don’t leave. I’ll come back as soon as I can.
“Please,
“Janet”

Perry

“Annie,
“Good God, woman, how did I ever agree to leave you? Everything’s sucked balls since we kissed you good-bye.
“I love traveling and all, but this right here’s been the business trip from some weird-ass Chinese hell! And that was before the local Men In Black visited Eddie’s room, and left us love offerings.
“The people are friendly enough, they smile a lot, but it weren’t any secret the national police were watching everybody, most especially us.
“Then there are the damn monks everywhere! I think they’re part of a secret Buddhist plan to make everyone wear orange. Too damn polite, if you ask me. I feel like we’re in “Night of the Zombie Hare Krishnas”. Any second I expected them to start chewing on our credit cards, while shoving pamphlets down our throats, trying to kill us like Ash tried to kill Ripley in “Alien”! About pissed myself!
“They took all my gear, Annie, and it’s about killing me. There’s a whole world out there, and I can’t see it. We could be vid-chatting with you, Janet and Eddie could be talking with their families ... letters are fucking archaic as shit! I feel like I’m in the Old West, and some Pony Express rider’s gonna get damn wet hauling this across the Pacific!
“Anyway, I love you, and don’t worry, we ain’t gonna die, or stay one minute longer in this backwards-ass shithole of a country than we have to.
“Perry”

Bevy

“Beloved,
“Every day away from the light of your smile is an eternity of darkness. Like a flower in the desert, I am parched without your touch – you are my Water of Life. Every odor is foul without the sweet perfume that is your breath.
“We must make it home soon, for without you, I waste away. You are my life.
“Bevy”

Kelly

“Lori, Magda!” Kelly bellowed after stalking into the kitchen Tuesday morning. “Ya know, it’s the goddamned 28^th day of motherfucking November, and there is not one single hint of a Christmas tree, or holiday decorations!
“Now, you whiny cunts are going to complain about busy fucking schedules and a lack of time, and I’m barely going to restrain myself from flogging the literal shit out of you! You set your own schedules, you have goddamn family credit cards, and cars, and drivers!
“You will have a tree, and decorations up, in the foyer by 6 PM tomorrow evening!”

Kelly smiled evilly at the shocked and cowed fiancees.

“If you do not, or if the normal functioning of this household is impeded in any way by your attention to this project, you will be standing up until your honeymoon, because of the bleeding, swollen wastelands that will be your asses!

“I shit you not, the very angels will weep tears of blood at the devastation I shall wreak upon you sweet, young things!
“Now, move!”

Lori and Magda spent a few seconds looking at each other, as if to say “Is this bitch serious?”

“Oh, my God! These ignorant cunts doubt my resolve in this matter!

“Sluts, you have 10 seconds – either get going, or the beatings commence immediately!”

The fiancees were racing for their room to get dressed before five seconds passed.

“Cannot believe the nerve of those bitches, no goddamn initiative, fuck near have to tell them to wipe their goddamn asses,” Kelly grumbled, stalking away, with a bemused Twilla following her.

For the first time since the fire, Kelly felt like she was where she needed to be, doing what she needed to do.

There were issues, of course. Susan was in, talking with Pillow, but Kelly still felt confident she could handle the little bitch. Kelly had talked to Dayna about lessons, similar to the ones Jason was getting, and at some point, she was going to ask Holly to train her as well. She felt she had so much to learn, and not enough hours in the day.
And the deviltry Kelly had planned?
Even Twilla’s eyes had widened, and Kelly’s beloved slave had grown used to her Mistress’s mischievousness ... and her lust.

Kelly saw a handsome, young sub approaching.

“Slave, you like women?”

“Uh ... yes, Mistress.”

Kelly lay down on the hall floor.
“Time to earn some rug burns, boy. Here, slap a condom on that cock, service me well, and you can spend the night in the master bedroom.”

“Yes, Mistress!”

“Fucking in the hallways?” Margo asked, standing over Kelly, and the young sub.

“You know how it is, sweetheart,” Kelly said, stretching. “Sometimes you get an itch ... and I’ll be goddamned if I can think of any reason not to scratch it wherever I feel like it.”

“His knees, perhaps?”
“Madam, no, I am happy to serve whenever and wherever!”

“Do you even know his name, Kelly?”

“Madam, it’s fine, she...”

“Boy,” Margo snapped, “you interrupt me again, and I will have your balls for earrings!”

“I was going to find out his name before I invited him to our bed tonight!”
“Who the hell are you?” Margo said, pointing at Kelly’s lover.

“Andreas, Madam.”

“Fine, you come to the master bedroom tonight, Andreas.”

Margo turned her attention back to Kelly.

“And you!”

“Yes,” Kelly replied, smiling seductively.

“My office, now!”

Kelly skipped along the hall toward Margo’s office, singing, “Kelly’s gonna eat Big Mama, Kelly’s gonna eat Big Mama!”

“Feeling better about my malfeasance?” Kelly asked, as Radhika and Twilla cleaned the two sweaty, naked spouses.

“Yes,” Margo replied, happily sated from two hours of loving. “I just ... Kelly, you can’t be fucking subs in the halls!”

Kelly sat up, and stared at her wife.

“Margo, why the fuck not? We won! These are the spoils of victory! These are the fruits of our success! There’s not a sub in this house who, within their personal preferences, wouldn’t fuck near piss themselves with joy at the thought of directly serving us!”

“Well, what about Jason?”

“What the fuck about him, Margo? Our son isn’t likely to notice if we were all fucking outside his door, because he’s balls or ears deep in his wife, his concubine, or both!”

Kelly scooted closer to her wife, and took Margo in her arms

“Please, my love, stop thinking like a pillar of the mundane community when you’re home. Here, think like a Caesar, and one of the more perverted Caesars at that!

“Here, we can pretty much do what we want, when we want, and with who we want. This whole house, and its grounds, are like our old living room – a free-fuck zone.”

Kelly kissed Margo, deeply, and then continued.

“Do me a favor, humor me ... call Kathleen Marsh, and put her on speaker.”

Margo found her phone, and called Mistress Marsh.

“Kathleen, my crazy wife wants to talk to you...” Margo said.

“Katy, Kelly ... do you hide sex from your children?”

“No,” Kathleen replied, her voice clear through the speaker. “We don’t advertise it, and it doesn’t start if kids are around, but once love-making’s begun, we don’t stop it, like it’s something to be ashamed of, when kids blunder in.

“And to be fair, they get pretty good at recognizing the sounds, and steering clear, once they get to the ‘ew, gross’ stage.”

“Thanks, Katy,” Kelly said, and broke the connection. “You want to call Marcie Hurley, and have the same conversation?”

“Would her answer be any different?”

“I’m not sure,” Kelly replied, “but I’d bet another night of gang-bang it wouldn’t be.”

“Don’t tempt me like that,” Margo said. “So, think like a decadent Empress, huh?”

“Yeah, but more sane, and remember, like me, you can be brought back in line by your spouses if you go too far.”

“Threats?”

“Oh, no, Big Mama ... reassurance.”

Harry

He found he had acquired Kelly’s shadow as his own, and while Esther was another person following him around ... he couldn’t bring himself to say anything to her about it.

She was so fragile, and so vulnerable ... so, he petted, hugged, kissed, and cuddled her often, praised her when she was good, and let her know he was disappointed with her, but still loved her, on those rare occasions she acted up.

Other than trading nights with Carol, taking care of Tamara, and Eddie’s household, Harry had some other tasks to see to.

He knocked at the Tanner-Grimes suite, his escorts behind him. He had to admit, at least to himself, he was hoping to see Donna and Abby naked, and he had to be okay with it. Dr. Lowenstein had recommended he come to terms with it.

And Harry agreed with her ... intellectually. It was quite natural to lust after beauty, to enjoy looking. Those urges didn’t recognize age limitations.

Harry still felt like a dirty old man.

The dirty old man wasn’t disappointed.

Donna opened the door, gloriously nude, threw her arms around Harry, kissed his cheek, and said, “Hello, Father, welcome.”

Harry fought to ignore his growing erection, hugged her back, and kissed the tip of her nose.

“Thank you, daughter. Came to talk with all of you about your honeymoon.”

Donna showed him to a seat in their living room; Camille knelt on his right, Esther on his left.

Jason came out of the bathroom, wet from a shower, wrapped in a towel, followed by Abby, also wondrously nude.

“I was figuring on us staying here,” Jason said, taking a seat on a couch across from Harry. “What with Christmas and all...”

“And,” Donna added, “I have a credit card from my folks for shopping and such, but I wouldn’t abuse it by putting a honeymoon on it.”

“Silly children,” Harry said. “Sit, all of you, let’s talk about this.”

After Donna and Abby joined Jason on his couch, Harry grinned. He loved this part of his life, being able to give gifts to those he loved.

“First off, Jason, you’re our son. You’ll get a credit card, and I trust you not to abuse it, and I trust you ladies to help him avoid abusing it.

“Now, you three, remembering, in spite of your best intentions, you’ll be hard-pressed to leave your room, where would you like to go on your honeymoon?

“Abby?”

“But, Master, I’m not getting married...”

“Yes, you are. Don’t make Father spank, answer the question.”

Abby gave it some thought, finally saying, “I’ve dreamed of traveling, but while that would be nice, this really wouldn’t be that kind of trip.”

“If you don’t mind, Father,” Jason said. “When would we go, and for how long?”

“We figured you’d leave two or three days after Christmas, for two weeks.”

Three very large sets of eyes faced him. No one’s jaws dropped, but it was a near thing.

“Children,” Harry said, “we love you, we want you to be happy!”

“Uh, Father,” Jason replied, “we thank you ... wow...”

“So, Abby, where?” I mean, try to keep it in North America and Hawaii, but otherwise...”

“Maybe Chicago...” Abby said.

“All right, Chicago as an option,” Harry said. “Donna?”

“Father ... this is too much...”

“Nonsense! The groom’s family is traditionally responsible for the honeymoon. Now, seriously, don’t make me spank you, I’d enjoy it too much.”

“Father,” Donna replied, “if you really want...”

“Enough, slave,” Jason said. “Answer his question.”

“I apologize, Father,” Donna said. “Chicago would be nice ... I’d like to go to Chicago, I have cousins there, but this isn’t really that kind of trip, and Chicago can be brutally cold this time of year.

“Las Vegas could be fun...”

“All right, Chicago, Las Vegas ... Jason, your lovelies have made some suggestions, where would you like to go?”

“Anywhere we can order from room service, and not have to go anywhere ... Chicago’s cold, plus ... well, in Las Vegas there’s gambling ... how good are our fake ID’s?”

“Reminds me, They arrived this morning,” Harry said. “Camille? Yeah, here you go, kids.”

He let the two of them admire them for a few moments, then said, “Good point, Jason. They’d probably hold up, but you do still look rather young, Jason.

“So, ladies, Jason ... any other ideas?”

“Well, sir...”

“‘Father’, or ‘Harry’, son.”

“Father ... Mom and my Dad, they honeymooned in San Francisco. Donna, Abby, would that be okay?”

The smiles, and nods, Harry saw told him Jason had picked a winner.

“Good,” Harry said, “two weeks in the City by the Bay. Jason, if you would be so good as to dismiss your ladies, so you and I could speak alone?”

He watched Jason go from ‘happy’ to ‘worried’ in nothing flat.

“You’re not in trouble, son, just some groom business.”

“Donna, Abby, may we have the room?” Jason said.

“Certainly, sir. Your concubine and I will go plan a pre-honeymoon shopping trip!”

Harry chuckled as he waited for a moment. He loved making people happy.

“All right, Jason, first off, groomsmen. Anybody you want to stand with you?”

“Yes, sir ... would you be my best man?”

“I’d be honored, son. Anyone else?”

“Do they have to be men?”

“Not at all.”

“Dayna. I’d like Alice to stand with me in honor of Melvin ... Paul, and Sam, Newton, if that’s okay.”

“I don’t have a problem with it, I don’t think they will either. Ask these people today, if possible, because you need to shop for groomsmen’s gifts – just a little something to show your appreciation, I guess. Probably a hold-over from when they were expected to help you kidnap the bride, and fight off her relatives, or something like that.

“Next, you and the ladies need to look at rings. My only advice is to go elegant, not gaudy. Both your ladies have class, their rings should reflect that.

“Of course, if they decide they want rocks the size of your balls, so be it.”

Jason’s eyes were wide, and solemn.

“Father, are you sure?”

“Son, the only things I’m sure of, where this is concerned, is your love for them, and their love for you.

“That makes everything worthwhile.

“Lastly, there’s going to be a big ol’ rehearsal dinner, yours and ours, and I wanted to know your thoughts on what kind of food. Would you like something ethnic, stick with American, what?”

“Well, Thanksgiving taught me whatever, there need to be vegetarian options. I don’t understand it, but God help us if there aren’t any.”

Harry laughed, and Jason joined him.

“All right, other than that?”

“Meat, sir. I have simple tastes overall, at least for now. That’s a horizon Donna says she’ll be broadening.”

“Okay, a steakhouse work for you? A really nice one?”

“Yes, sir, that’d be great.

The meeting in the master bedroom was something increasingly rare – all four of the Grimes spouses in the same place at the same time.

The fiancees were there as well, for it was a discussion of the wedding and honeymoon.

“So,” Margo said, “we’ve looked at your wedding plans, and we approve. They dovetail nicely with the Newton’s plans for Donna’s wedding the day before.”
Harry said, “Tomorrow, we’ll be choosing rings for your wedding, as well as our own. We decided on separate styles, so we’ll always be reminded of who each ring represents.”

“Or, sir, is it to remind you not all brides are created equal?” Lori Johengen said.

Harry bit back the urge to snap at her. Margo didn’t.

“Lori, where were you when my husband was attacked? Whose dick were you sucking when he sat at Death’s door? Where were you when my prior marriage was falling apart? What stupid teenage bullshit were you playing at when I was on the edge of a nervous breakdown? Where were you when this goddamn House was born? I remember everybody in the room at the time, and your little asses were nowhere to be seen! When we were making our run at the leadership of this area, with no chance of winning, where the fuck were you?“

When Margo began, Lori had been seated. By the time she was finished, both of the fiancees were on their knees, heads down, wrists crossed before them.

“No, precious,” Margo continued, “not all brides are created equal.”

Kelly got up, and walked behind the two young women.

“God, don’t you just want to bend the two of ‘em over, and fuck ‘em in the ass ‘til they scream when they’re this stupid?”

“Leave Magda out of it,” Harry said.

“No, Master,” Magda replied. “I felt the same way.”

“Okay, so don’t leave her out of it.”

“Have your attitudes been corrected?” Kelly said. “Have you got your minds right?”

“Yes, Mistress,” they both said.

“Goddamn, I hope so. The two of you might have noticed I’m feeling rather bloody lately, and shit like the pathetic, mewling crap you let fall out of your fucking mouths just a few moments ago makes me want to hurt somebody bad,” Kelly continued. “So, I’m going to state, for the record, we have no problem with honest issues you feel need to be raised, and while we might get a little grumpy when you raise them, that’s okay, you go ahead, and bring up any legitimate fucking issues you have.

“However, anymore playground bullshit like that, and you’ll be hanging from posts, bleeding. Got me?”

“Yes, Mistress.”

“Now,” Harry said, “do you have any other issues you want to raise?”

Magda spoke, never raising her head.

“I haven’t appreciated the way our staff have been reassigned at your whims.”

“Let me take this one,” Carol said. “First off, you’ve appropriated every unemployed submissive in the house as your staff, excepting our personal slaves.

“I’ve spoken with you about your near-manic efforts to keep everyone busy. This is indeed, for the moment, your household, but these are not your submissives. They are House Chorale’s submissives, and while you’ll soon be partners in the firm, so to speak, you will be junior partners.
“And having vested so much of your identity in this house, what do you plan to do when the seat of power moves back to town? You’re feeling marginalized now, how do you think you’ll feel when we’re all in town, and you’re left out here?

“Putting you in charge of Chorale South may have been doing you a disservice,” Carol continued. “If you want to play a part in Chorale as a whole, you’d best adapt to moving into town, and leaving South to someone else.”

“Who might your recommend, Milady?”

“Let us worry about that,” Margo said. “Any other issues?”

“None that are valid any longer,” Lori said.

“All right,” Margo continued. “Now, your honeymoon. Have you given it any thought?”

For the first time, the two looked somewhat happy.

“Are there any restrictions?” Magda asked.

“Well, as I told Jason and his ladies, try to keep in North America, and Hawaii,” Harry said. “They came up with Chicago, and Las Vegas, but one was too cold for the, and Vegas didn’t really work because of their ages, no matter what the ID’s say, so they’re spending two weeks in San Francisco.”

“Ooh ... either of those sound nice,” Magda said, smiling. “Vegas or Chicago.”

“Yeah,” Lori agreed. “If it were colder, and nastier, here, I’d immediately say Vegas, but our weather isn’t so severe as to make me crave desert, and some snow and cold would be okay, especially as I wouldn’t think we’ll be out in it much. What do the four of you think?”

“Either would work nicely,” Margo said. “We could do some politicking in either town, all depends on your tastes.”

Magda said, “Mom knows the Master and Mistress of Chicago Society, and thinks highly of them.”

“Chicago work for the rest of you?” Harry asked.

“Time to go shopping for warm clothes,” Kelly said, smiling. “Fur ... lots of fur...”

Kelly

“Mom, Dad ... we have a proposition for you.”

An even rarer event of late, all four of the spouses, and the fiancees, had gone into town, and after introductions, were crammed into the Culberson’s modest living room.

“Kelly, if this is about us running out to your mansion,” Earl said, “we’ve told you – we’re staying here.”

“Daddy,” Kelly replied, “it is, but it isn’t. We’re marrying these two just before Christmas...”

“Oh, for fu ... for Heaven’s sake, Kelly!” Earl exclaimed. “Bad enough the four...”

“Earl!” Kissie said. “Not one more damn word!”

“But, Margaret...”

“I meant what I said,” Kissie replied. “Sit down, and shut the hell up.”

Her father wasn’t happy, but he sat back down. His lips were tight, shut, but tight.

“As I was saying before I was interrupted,” Kelly continued, “we’ll be marrying Lori and Magda. They’ve been managing the household out there, but since they’ll be coming with us when we come back to town, we’ll need someone else to manage Chorale South.
“And since, for safety, we’re moving the school out there...”

“You want us to move out there, manage the house, and teach,” her father finished.

“No, Daddy,” Kelly replied. “We want Mom to manage the house, but both of you to teach.”

“You don’t trust me to manage a household?”

“Not one full of submissives who run around naked all the time, no,” Kelly said. “And, even if Mom could see, we know she’d cope with that well, not to mention sex right out in the open, without shame or guilt!”

“Kelly Ann Culberson...” her father bellowed.

“Kelly Ann Culberson-Grimes, Daddy!” Kelly replied, just as loud.

“Whatever!”

“Earl, Kelly Ann!”

Both combatants froze in place. The other spouses grinned, and Lori and Magda hit the floor in their best submissive poses.

“Kelly,” her mother said, in a calmer tone, “quit trying to give your father a stroke. Earl, we’re gong to consider this, and you’re going to put your mouth in neutral, and your brain in gear.”

Mama Kissie sat back, templed her fingers, and said, “Tell me more about Chorale South.”

“We’ll begin packing up the house immediately,” Kissie said, sitting on the couch between Lori and Magda. “We’ll be out there, and ready to go, before your wedding. Isn’t it nice, Earl, we’ll be there for Christmas?”

Earl smiled, but it seemed rather strained.

“Don’t worry about your father,” Kissie continued. “He knows what will happen if he gets out of line. You say there are rooms in the ... did you call it ‘the bunker’?”

“Yes, Kissie, the bunker,” Margo replied.

“Good,” Kissie replied. “We can lock him up down there if we have to.”

On the way back to Chorale South, Kelly thought about the other person – though she disliked referring to Pillow as a person – locked up in the bunker.

In her dreams, she went to the locked door, opened it, and found the room totally empty, no sign Pillow had ever been there.

Those were happy dreams.

There were much darker dreams as well, aspects of Kelly’s personality she’d never wanted to know existed, much less see released upon her family.

She wondered, often, if Pillow was having some sort of unconscious effect on her ... she worried, in her weaker moments, that Pillow’s touch, her very presence, was corrosive, corrupting, poisonous ... and had Kelly already been hopelessly infected, eventually to spread the corruption to her loved ones, or would she sicken and die, a twisted shell of herself?

Kelly knew she’d let the whore get inside her head, the last place she ever wanted Pillow.

She decided she’d talk to Nell, and take a day off from dealing with the cunt. She’d feel much better after a day of rest.

Kelly

She was tempted to simply lay around on her Pillow-less day, but she had so much energy, she tracked down Holly Newton.

Kelly found her watching Usagi’s submissives class.

“Hello, I’m Kelly Grimes, and you’re Holly Newton, Donna’s big sister.”

“Yep, that’s me. What can I do for you, Mistress Grimes?”

“I know you’re here to train Jason ... I was wondering if you’d be open to training me as well?”

“I don’t know. How comfortable are you with self-discipline, and pain?”

“Not very, but I need to be, and not as comfortable as I’m going to be if you agree to train me. How should I address you?”

“Normally, Lady Holly, or just plain Holly. If I train you, you’ll call me Mistress.”

“Certainly, Lady Holly,” Kelly replied. “What next?”

“Go to the gym, start running. Run every day. Run smart, I’m sure there’s someone here that can help you with how to do that. Run every day. Push yourself, but not so far you hurt yourself. Run every day.

“When you get to a mile a day, and have done it every day, for two weeks, come back and see me.”

“Yes, Mistress,” Kelly replied, and headed toward the gym.

Jason

With a virgin Visa card in his wallet, he and the ladies had gone to Zales, and not found anything Donna or Abby really liked.

Dejected, they’d gone to three other jewelry stores, only to find more of the same.

“Maybe we should just go home,” Jason said, as they sat in the car.

Their driver, Wanda, security from the Karghold, said, “Sir, you might want to call Milady Carol. She’s very familiar with local artisans for our kind of jewelry.”

A few moments later, they were headed for Danny de Vere’s.

Jason hadn’t been to a ‘Society’ type of store before – their proposed shopping trip for clothes had been delayed, so he was surprised by the de Vere’s shop.

And, if he was truthful, the huge bear of a man coming toward them as they stood by the door, letting their eyes adjust, rather terrified him.

“You must be Master Jason,” the big man boomed. “I’m Danny. Carol called to tell me you were on your way.”

“Uh, thank you ... this is my ... well, my wife, Donna, and my concubine, Abby.”

“So pleased to meet you all. I understand you’re looking for wedding rings.” Danny’s smile, like him, was large. “It’s always an honor when someone decides my work might be suitable to celebrate one of their most special days.”

Danny showed them to a display case full of beautiful jewelry, in design unlike anything they’d seen earlier in the morning.

“Here we have items for those who want to show their colors, but still keep it subtle, under the radar. You’ll notice the use of BDSM symbolism, but none of it too ‘in your face’.”

He moved one case over.

“And here we have items for those who want to be loud, and proud.

“A word of caution. There’s a tendency among my clients to go loud, and later regret the decision. The world doesn’t look on us too kindly sometimes, and if you’re going to choose a ring, or other item, you want to hide in the outside world, why buy that style in the first place?

“Instead, I advise my customers to think about it, and purchase something they’ll never have to take off, or want to take off.
“Now, can I get you something to drink while you peruse my offerings?”