Chapter 6: Alliances and Conspiracies, Part II

June 1981, Milford, Ohio

On Monday morning, Stephanie and I swam and had breakfast together. Afterwards, we went out to the deck.

“You don’t seem like yourself,” Stephanie said, her voice full of concern.

“I’m not, Squirt,” I said. “Bethany knows you called Karin. She basically said that the Triumvirate is over because they can’t trust you. She also told me that I need to tell Kara. And she told me not to trust you.”

“How did she find out? Did you tell her?” she accused.

“No. She put two and two together. You moved a bit too quickly, I guess. I mean, less than four days after Jennifer drops her bombshell Karin decides, out of the blue, to come to visit. Bethany smelled a rat and asked me about it. I’ve never lied to her and I won’t start now. You created a serious divide between my friends, Stephanie. It’s a total mess now!”

“I said I was sorry!” she wailed. “I was stupid. I made a big mistake!”

“Yes, you did. You broke my trust. And you broke the trust of the Triumvirate. Now you have to work to try to rebuild it, if you can.”

“Are you breaking off our relationship?” she asked, tears streaming down her face.

“No, I don’t think so. But I’m going to take more control and there have to be some rules,” I said.

“What rules?”

“You can’t read my journal. I can’t trust you not to use it against me or feed information to Jennifer. In fact, I don’t think you should talk to Jennifer at all.”

“That’s not fair, Steve!”

“Maybe not, but until I’m sure I can trust you, I don’t want you to talk to her. In addition, you have to confess to Kara and Bethany and ask their forgiveness. And you have to work to regain their trust.”

Stephanie was sobbing now, “I was so dumb! I made a huge mess! I need you to love me! I need you to trust me!”

“I love you Squirt, that’s never changed and it never will. Trust will have to be rebuilt. Just as I had to do with you, Kara, and Bethany after the Becky incident.”

“OK,” she said, in a very small voice. “Melanie called me yesterday. She said the same thing, basically. That I had interfered where I had no business and really hurt you.”

“She’s right. Melanie is someone you can talk to. She’s had her problems in the past and worked through them. She’ll steer you right.”

“Do you still want to be with me this weekend?”

“Yes. I know you need me and I want to be with you. Tell you what? How about I buy you breakfast tomorrow?”

“Yes! Yes! I need you, Big Brother! Yes!” She threw herself at me and hugged me tight, then quickly let go, realizing that we might be seen standing on the deck.

“I need to do a few things, then pick up Kara for lunch. This will be a tough conversation, Squirt.”

“I know. If you want me to talk to her today, just bring her by. I’ll do it for you.”

“Thanks.”

I went to my room and changed the combination on the box that my journal was in. I hated doing that, but I really didn’t have much choice. I called the University of Chicago and talked to someone in Student Services who gave me the name of a couple of large rental companies that I should talk to when I was in Chicago. I made reservations for the trip, deciding to leave on the morning of the 23rd and come home on the 29th. Katt had given me a special code for competitor’s families that cut the rate to less than half the normal rate at the InterContinental Hotel in Chicago.

I went to the office and confirmed with my dad the dates and plans, and that Stephanie was still allowed to go with me. He was a bit concerned that I had extended the trip beyond the original four days, but after a discussion, he agreed that she could still go. He did remind me that my mom completely opposed the trip and that both Stephanie and I needed to avoid any confrontation. I told him about Karin’s visit and the strong likelihood that I’d stay at the Spencers’ house that week.

“Your life gets more and more complicated every day! I wish you would give serious consideration to not going to Chicago. I’m not suggesting you stay at home or go to school around here, just that you reconsider your plans given they all more or less depended on Jennifer.”

“I think it’ll be fine. As I said, Elyse and I will share an apartment, though with two bedrooms. I’ll have her and my friend Kathy close, and Beth, Bethany and my friend Pam will be relatively close as well. And really, it’s not that far to come here to see Kara, Joyce, Larry, Stephanie, and you from time to time. The same is true for Pete and Melanie in Columbus. I’m not going to let Jennifer ruin things.”

He seemed satisfied, and I went to get dressed to go to lunch with Kara. We agreed on the deli because I needed to see Andreas. While Kim made our lunches, I sat with Andreas in his office. We talked about my upcoming move to Chicago and he said that he’d put me in touch with someone there. He knew of a couple of operations that could use the same programs I had written for him and the Don, and that college campuses were good places to scout for people looking for tuition money.

“I assume you’ve been OK with driving Joey,” Andreas said. “Would you like to do it more regularly? I think you’re more reliable than the other kid who was doing it, even though that kid is Italian.”

“Sure. Driving, waiting, and then driving back isn’t a big deal.”

“You do know that at some point you might have to do more?”

“Yes, whatever you ask, Andreas. You know that. I said the same thing to Don Joseph.”

“Good. Go have lunch with your girlfriend! I’ll be in touch.”

Kara and I ate our sandwiches inside because it was drizzling. I’d hoped to sit outside and talk, but it would have to wait. She was being patient, which I appreciated. When we finished, I asked if it was OK to go to the apartment and she smiled and said yes. We stopped at Fazio’s first and picked up some things I needed to restock, then headed up the hill and parked. We went inside and put away the groceries. I got us each a bottle of Coke and we sat on the couch.

“Kara, I need to explain a couple of things about Karin. It’s kind of strange, and there’s a new twist that I need to tell you about as well.”

“I’m listening.”

“I told you about meeting Karin when I went over to Sweden and how she helped me overcome my grief about Birgit and finally come to terms fully with Birgit’s death. Karin and I hit it off, but we never started a relationship. We became good friends with some interest in each other, but that was it. Our plan when I was in Sweden was that we would talk every week and then I’d go to Sweden next Summer. We’d visit and see if we had any chemistry. At the time, Jennifer and I were apart, and I didn’t know how things would work out when I arrived home. Jennifer knew all about Birgit, and I guess she felt Karin was a huge threat. That’s why she did what she did.”

“There has to be more to this,” Kara said. “I don’t see how that’s much of a threat.”

“This is where it gets complicated and strange. When I was there in December 1979, I was still trying to come fully to terms with Birgit’s death. Karin and I had visited Birgit’s grave, and I was upset. One night, when I went to bed, I fell asleep and had a dream that I was making love to Birgit, calling her name, and so on. It seemed so vivid and real. When I woke up the next morning, it was obvious that it wasn’t a dream. Karin had come to me during the night and made love with me, as if she were Birgit.”

“Strange doesn’t even begin to describe that! She sounds like she might be mentally ill!”

“As strange as it seems, I don’t think so. For Karin, it was the chance to do something for her sister that her sister could never do — make love to me one last time, in her bed. I never told you that on the day Birgit died, we had talked about me living with her family while I was an exchange student. I would have slept in Birgit’s room with her for the whole year. When she died, those plans obviously turned to ashes.

“In the end, the circumstances were such that I could have still stayed with them, but I decided not to. I visited three times, total. The first time when I got to Sweden; then in December; and then in June. The sexual encounter happened in December, one time, between me and Birgit, with Karin as some kind of surrogate. I never, ever made love with Karin. I kissed her a few times, but that’s it.”

“So there’s nothing really between you two?” Kara asked.

“Well, she’s madly in love with me and thinks we belong together.”

“Well, she can just take a number and get in line!” Kara giggled. “But that sex thing is really weird.”

“Don’t I know it! To tell you the truth, I had pretty much discounted anything with her. I figured by this time next year, I’d be in a committed relationship with someone, most likely Jennifer. I’d see Karin, but if I was steady with someone, I wouldn’t take it past the friendship stage with her. Karin coming to visit, and precisely when Jennifer had broken up with me, throws a monkey wrench into the whole thing.

“And that’s the other part that I have to tell you. The timing isn’t accidental. My little sister called Karin and basically convinced her that if she wanted me, she had to come to the US this Summer. Stephanie had two motives — to keep me from making a commitment to you or Bethany and to stir things up so Jennifer might have a chance in the future. She violated my trust, as well as yours and Bethany’s. Melanie is pretty upset with Stephanie as well, because my sister basically used the Spencers and dragged them into the middle of this.

“My sister knew that I would delay my decision until after Karin was here. What she is hoping for is that I’ll fall in love with Karin, then, I guess, at some later point, I’d let Jennifer back into my life and she would displace Karin. But Stephanie screwed up badly. While it’s possible that I could fall in love with Karin, that wouldn’t help Jennifer. Jennifer is off the table. Period. I told her that I struggle with even being her friend because of her deception. That’s twice now. I could understand and forgive the first one, but not the second. Kind of like you told me back in January.”

Kara sat quietly, just looking at me. There were no tears, which I saw as a good sign. She finished her Coke and put the bottle down.

“So, what do you plan to do?”

“I don’t know right now. I had everything all lined up before Wednesday. I started working out what things would be like post-Jennifer, then my little sister interfered, and now everything is in turmoil. I guess I’ll see how things go with Karin and then decide.”

“Was Bethany right? Were you going to pick me?”

“Kara...”

“Just answer me, please,” she said softly.

“Let me ask you to rewind to Tuesday. What did you expect to happen? Assuming Jennifer didn’t pull the stunt that she did?”

“Well, I hoped that you would spend the school year in Chicago, figure out it didn’t work between you and then by Summer you would be ready for a long-term relationship with me. I could go to school in Chicago and we could be together.”

“You really believed that was going to happen? That Jennifer and I wouldn’t work out?”

“Of course, silly. So did Joyce. She’s told you that. Bethany was pretty sure that was the case, too. And so was your friend Elyse, if I understand correctly. It would have been less than a year.”

“And you would really decide to go to school in Chicago?”

“Absolutely! I want to be with you. And I’ve been thinking of actually going to a real school and getting a real degree.”

“Wait, aren’t Moody and Trinity real colleges?”

“I suppose they are, if I want to be a pastor’s wife. Or teach in an evangelical school. But after being around you and all your friends, I don’t want that. I want to get a real degree. Maybe teach High School. That would be perfect for a mom. Maybe I’ll go to IIT and get a degree in chemistry and a teaching certificate.”

“Wow!” I exclaimed. “This is all new. When did you decide you might do this?”

“It started back in January when we first made love. I realized I could be like you and your friends. My dad won’t like it, but it’s not up to him. And we could be together. It would work out.”

“What about this next year? What would you want to do?”

“I don’t know. Obviously you’re going to be with Karin this Summer. Do you plan to share an apartment with Elyse?”

“Yes, but a two-bedroom apartment. We agreed that’s the best.”

“Would you sleep with her?” Kara asked, her eyes narrowing slightly.

“It’s possible. Kathy is going to be in Chicago, too. And Bethany will be close.”

“And you might sleep with them as well?”

“Yes, Kara.”

“So, the girl you were going to pick is the only one who would not be sleeping with you?”

“Please don’t put it like that!” I protested. “You are different. It’s OK. What I’m saying is that if I don’t make any commitment to anyone, not to Karin, not to Bethany, not to you, that’s what would happen. It’s more or less what would have happened if Jennifer were still coming to Chicago. You know she was pretty free with my dalliances. All that would happen, I’d see Karin next Summer and if you were right, then we’d be in the same place we’d be in the current circumstances.”

“Are you telling me, for sure, that if I come to Chicago next year for school, we’ll be a couple?”

“You’ll know the answer to that with absolute certainty before I go away this year.

“Would you let me move in with you?” she asked softly.

“What?!” I gasped, startled. “Kara, are you sure about that? Your parents will absolutely freak out!”

“Let them!” Kara said firmly and with determination. “I’m not the same little girl I was a year ago, Steve! You’ve changed me for the better. I can’t be who my dad wants me to be. It’s not his life to live. Can you be who your mom wants you to be?”

I chuckled, “No. Of course not.”

“So then you understand.”

“Not really. This is quite a surprise.”

“It shouldn’t be if you think about it. It makes sense. You know what I want. I’m telling you right now that I will do whatever it takes. And I think that means living together in Chicago. If it takes telling my parents that we’re intimate right now, then I’ll do that, too. I am not losing you, Steve Adams. I have first claim on you, and I’m not going to let you forget it!”

“Do you think you need to move in with me to cement our relationship?”

“Maybe not,” she replied, then impishly added, “but if you and I are going to be fucking, we may as well fuck in our own bed!”

“Kara, you don’t have to do this.”

“There you go again! You spent five months trying to keep me from giving you my virginity. Now you’re trying to keep me from living with you. What is it with you?!”

She was clearly exasperated with me. And quoting Ronald Reagan.

“What? I’m Jimmy Carter now?” I chuckled.

“You make about as much sense as he did! Reagan whipped him fair and square. Quit being so protective of me!”

“Let’s assume for a minute that all that comes to pass. What do we do from now until next Fall?”