Chapter 35

So Wednesday was yet another manic day.

Disconnect the phone in the bedroom and shut the door to let Ann sleep. Get kids up for breakfast and schools.

Answer the phone. A reporter. Put phone down. Check everyone had everything they needed. Answer the phone, the BBC, put phone down. See children off after checking we were not once again besieged by reporters at the gate. Answer the phone, assure Geoff we were still ok, but that I would not be in. Answer the phone, ask the police to call later in the morning – like lunchtime – or statements.

Phone Ann's office telling them that she would not be in and that I didn't know when she would be. Make tea for Ann, who I hear using the bathroom. Answer the phone and tell the BBC no comment. Change answer-phone message as before and let it ring.

Take tea to Ann, who's sitting up in bed looking lost. I admire her firm breasts, the exhibition of which she does not notice. Does she want some breakfast? I go down and toast some English muffins.

I tidy the kitchen while Ann has breakfast in bed. There's a knock at the door. A reporter. I invite him to choose his own destination but suggest a couple as long as he leaves here. I invite Ann to dress before the police arrive.

Doorbell. The police, or rather Colin and a female high-ranking police officer in uniform. I feel impressed and honoured by such rank. I tell Colin so. I am told by him not to take the piss. Ann comes down dressed and looking tired but tidy. I make coffee for everyone, after all it is eleven thirty.

At this point everything slowed right down. Making statements to the English police is a unique experience. You travel back in time from the electronic age. You dictate your statement to the officer, who writes it down longhand, often in pencil. Each sentence is discussed. The day stretches before you into the far future as you inch through the events, ensuring that what is written is absolutely accurate.

Ann learned the details of my part in the drama. I learned of the minor sexual assaults of Graham on her, drawing his finger along the gusset of her knickers and his hand over her bra-covered breasts. I became very angry but it was a pointless feeling. The other officer, Joyce Frederick, said I'd prevented a worse assault. It was some help I suppose.

"Well, the Fanshaws certainly saved us the trouble of building a case against them," said Colin. "What they did yesterday, and the other evidence you put together will convict them of your assault and this second attempted murder. Your little gizmo got the whole conversation – all the evidence we need."

By the time we were finished, it was early afternoon. They left and we ate beans on toast, smiling at each other across the kitchen table. Suddenly Ann looked aghast.

"Work!" she cried. "I should be at work!"

"I phoned them," I said. "You're not going in till next week. They were very worried about you."

She relaxed.

After the meal we continued to sit where we were. I suddenly felt exhausted, and as often happened when I was very tired, my various injuries began to play up. This time the pain was stronger than usual.

Strange that it was in that moment I knew. Whatever had been holding me back had evaporated with the events of the previous day and the night we spent together. I knew already that I loved Ann and thought that she loved me: after all she'd made that obvious for weeks.

Now I knew I had to come home, to be with her. There was a feeling of worry about my sudden bouts of temper but even that seemed unreal now. My own actions had revealed my true feelings for Ann. It turned out I was wrong.

"I'd like to come home," I said. "I mean really come home."

Ann looked at me. If I was expecting a rapturous smile and open arms, I was to be disappointed.

Instead she looked uncertain.

"I don't know," she said with a frown.

My anger started to rise again; in pain and weariness it happens easily. I had been right to worry about it.

She could tell I was angry.

"Allan," she said sharply, "you said you would control your anger."

She was right, I had. So I did. Indeed I slumped back in my chair, my posture reflecting my feelings. Suddenly I felt I couldn't take any more of this. I needed to be alone, to take my stronger painkillers and to sleep. I had had enough.

I got up slowly, my joints creaking, turned and made for the door.

"OK, I'm not coming home. I'm going back to the flat."

At this she became animated.

"No, Allan!" she cried, "I'll explain! Please don't go without listening to me."

"No," I said flatly, feeling all her rejection as a heavy weight. "I'm going. I'm exhausted and in pain and you have rejected me. When you're ready to accept me, you'll have to ask. Then I'll decide, and after this, it's not a foregone conclusion. I certainly won't ask you again."

"Please," she begged, her agitation growing, "I really need to explain."

"I told you. I'm too tired. Goodbye," I said and walked out.

Of course, as I entered the flat, I knew this was not the end of the matter. The phone was already ringing.

It was David. He did not waste any time.

"Allan," he said, "Ann has phoned Vivienne, and Viv is keeping her promise not to interfere. What's going on? Ann's in floods of tears and babbling that you've left her. After yesterday she needs you; emotionally she's not that strong."

I sat down with the phone, "It may have escaped your notice that I'm not that strong at the moment either. I was there with Ann you know. I'm very tired and in a lot of pain. I don't need this.

"Last night she begged me to stay overnight in her bed for comfort, David. I nursed her all night through her nightmares, so don't lecture me on how weak she is. You are aware that she's been saying I belong with her and she'll wait until I'm ready to go back? Well, this afternoon I asked her if I could go home.

"She did not say yes, David. She said 'I don't know'. I've had it up to here with her. When she does know she can ask me to go back, and I'm not promising I will, after being kicked in the teeth like that. OK? Now I'm going to bed."

"Oh," he said.

"Yes. Pass the good news on to Viv will you?" and I hung up.

There were no further calls. I took my pills, and crashed. It was four in the afternoon and I did not wake up until six the next morning. I still ached, but felt refreshed. I lay abed until seven, listening to the ramblings of the DJ on the radio, and then got up and went to work.

My reception was, if not frosty, without enthusiasm from my PA. Jenny made no comment but the atmosphere was not warm. I assumed it was to do with Ann and my disagreement. I did not care; in fact it made things easier. There was little for me to do.

Jenny announced that she was going over to see Derek and taking Lucy with her for the first meeting. She did not invite me. Geoff was preoccupied with a tricky little problem. So I decided to go and see my staff at the Health Club. I left a message with Judy where I was going and that I would not be back that day.

I put the terrified girl who had been rude to me before at her ease, assuring her that her job was safe but she would have to undergo training. Then I talked with Martin.

Our meeting was constructive, once I'd told him I wasn't going to interfere beyond bringing in someone for some in-service training in customer relations, and that I thought he was doing a good job. He was intrigued by my latest escapade which he said was all over the local news the night before. I learned from him that Stephanie was remanded to a secure hospital and that her cousin was remanded in custody until their trial at the crown court, which would be lumped in with that of the three thugs and O"Malley.

By the end of the meeting we were getting along well. I told him I'd want to see the books and get to know the staff. Gary was not in that day, so I left a message that his job was safe, provided he underwent training and was less threatening.

I went home. At least something constructive had been done, and I felt better on the drive back. However, on entering the flat all my depression about Ann and our parting the day before surfaced again. I set about making a curry to keep my mind off it as long as possible. I snacked on fruit by way of lunch and let the curry develop slowly in the oven. I took a nap in the afternoon, and was taking the curry out of the oven about four-thirty when the doorbell rang. My spirits sank. Who was coming to tell me what to do?

Greta. She stood nervously at the door.

"Come in, then," I smiled and she relaxed, letting out a sigh of relief. She hugged me and I hugged her. She went and got herself a drink of fruit juice and sat herself down in the living area.

"I suppose you know why I'm here," she said, looking at me anxiously.

"Yep! You're going to tell me about Mum and how upset she is. Well, Chick, so am I. This time she's going to have to come to me."

"Oh, you two!" she grumbled, "both of you as obstinate as each other! I don't understand. You went to bed together."

Did I have to explain? Well, she was nearly eighteen.

She interrupted my thoughts with, "If you think Mum's sent me you're wrong. This is me. I want a bit of peace! Can't you both patch it up?"

"Did Mum tell you why I left?"

"Yes."

"What did she say?"

"She told you she wasn't sure about you coming back."

"Right. After telling me over and over how we are still really married, how she still wants me. Then as soon as I say I want to come home, she says she doesn't want me."

"She didn't say she didn't want you, Dad."

"No she said something which amounts to the same thing. When she's sure, she has to come here and ask me nicely to come home."

"She may want to talk first."

"No more talk. This has gone on long enough. Either I come home. Or I don't."

"Oh." She looked thoughtful. Then she brightened. "But I could come and tell you what she wants to say, couldn't I?"

"I can hardly stop you, my darling daughter, can I?" I laughed, "but it doesn't mean I'll reply to you. She has to come here."

"I still don't understand all this, I mean, you went to bed that night."

"Mum wanted company, comfort, security. That's all."

Greta smiled knowingly.

"No, Greta," I snapped. "I mean exactly that. Just someone to be with her. She was afraid, She kept waking up with nightmares all during the night. I was knackered in the morning."