Chapter 29

I reckoned I had about two hours before Ann arrived. I changed into tee shirt and jeans and gave the flat a good going over. I had been neglecting it, and frankly it looked a mess. However I realised I was doing it because I felt edgy and nervous. For the same reason I couldn't face anything to eat, though I put out a bowl of cashew nuts, which Susan had told me Ann liked.

I had scarcely finished when the doorbell rang.

I suddenly thought, look at me, I look a mess. Then, why am I thinking like this?

I shrugged and went to the door. When I opened it I realised why I had been so worried. Was it something I had been aware of while visiting the house, or was it a memory from before?

She was stunning. No other word for it. My immediate reaction was that it was a bargaining ploy, or an enticement? It was a cynical reaction on my part and I was aware of it as such. It was as if my every nerve ending was sensitised. I recognised the feeling, it was the same one I got as I entered negotiation with a customer.

She was wearing a light green suit, well-cut jacket and a skirt that came a couple of inches above the knee. Beneath the jacket was a light blouse in a paler green with large pink flowers over. It was open to a point just above where her bra would be. She wore no tights or stockings, and there were a pair of two-inch heel open-toe shoes. Her hair was feather-cut and shaped to her head and her make-up was understated but perfectly toned. This was power dressing to impress without appearing sexy, while emphasising that here was someone who was all woman, and of course she was and is a really beautiful woman.

This appraisal happened in a split second, I held the door wide and she walked in, stopping to put a hand on my shoulder and to kiss my cheek, with a smile.

"Hi, Ann," I said, wondering if she felt as confident as she looked.

She walked into the living room. "Where shall I sit?" she asked.

I gestured to the sofa and moved to the armchair.

We sat for a moment gazing at each other.

"Well?" I asked. It wasn't aggressive, but we had to start somewhere, and she was the one power-dressing, so she could make her sales pitch.

She sat for a long moment, as if unsure how to put it, and when she did speak it was calm, and she held my eyes the whole time.

"Allan, can you guarantee that no matter how ugly our talks get, we'll keep meeting, until we reach some sort of agreed conclusion?"

I thought about it. We were joint parents, and would have to work together for the children. So continuing was essential. I said as much. She smiled faintly and her face became even more beautiful.

"Well, here goes. I loved you for many years before your disappearance, and now you're back I still love you as I did before. It is tearing me apart us living the way we are, and I want you back. I want you living with me. I want you in my bed. I want you to wake up with.

"I don't care about how you look, enough of our friends have said you worried that I would just have pity on you. It's not like that. I love you, the man. If you were totally incapacitated and I mean totally [she glanced at my crotch and I got the message], I would still want you, and want to look after you. You were always the only one for me, and now I know you're back, there'll be no one else no matter what you decide to do with your life. There, I've said it."

Then she sat back and with an expressionless face, more than that, a face at peace with herself as she waited for my response.

I felt an immediate flash of anger, no not anger, irritation. So she loved me but seemed to have a peculiar way of showing it. I restrained myself and hoped to remain cool.

"You've just protested your love for me,"

She opened her mouth to speak, but I hushed her, "I listened to you, Ann, now listen to me. You've got all night to reply."

She relaxed back into the seat and gestured to me to continue.

"First. Your behaviour with Viv in getting Jenny away from me was sneaky and underhand. I assume it was her idea for you to bring Peter along last time you came here, but you went along with it. Then there was your combined assault on Jenny herself at the office party. I believe Viv made yet another attack on the age difference and how much more suitable Peter was while your contribution was to extol the size of his cock."

At this Ann began to look guilty, and made another effort to speak. I held up my hand and she once again sank back.

"You split Jenny and me up. That was selfish and hurtful to me, and Jenny was livid when she realised she had been set up. She was all for dumping Peter for good and staying with me. You didn't realise that, did you? You could have ruined it for her and for Peter by your meddling."

This time she did interrupt. "So why are they still together?" she said indignantly.

"You see," I replied, rather sharply, "once again you make me out to be the liar. Getting to be a habit of yours.

"I convinced her that she shouldn't let Viv and your interference affect a very good relationship. I told her to go to him and to finish our relationship. Yes, he's a better match for her; yes, they're good for each other. That's why I sent her on her way.

"That doesn't absolve you. What you did was self-seeking and in my view despicable. If you think getting rid of Jenny would make me more likely to come back to you, let me tell you, after your behaviour, the opposite is the case."

Now she looked woebegone. "Allan, I'm sorry. Viv's had this campaign going since she knew about you and Jenny. I'm not trying to excuse myself, I was wrong to follow her advice. I feel a fool."

I ignored her intervention and continued.

"Second. There's your relationship with Derek. That's a big stumbling block for me. There are so many unanswered questions there I don't want to even start. Not tonight, not until I've done a little more research and a little more thinking, but at base I have no intention of getting together with the woman who entered and stayed in a relationship with the man who tried to murder me."

"But, I've finished with him completely. You know that, don't you?" she said urgently.

"I remember after you came back to the house after your all night stay with him, you said you had finished with him for good, but you were going to help and support him. That's right isn't it?"

"Yes, that's right."

"Then explain why you couldn't wait for me to leave with the children on holiday before you were back in his bed."

There was a stunned silence. I let it develop a little before continuing.

"Are you going to give me the famous line, 'It's not what you think?' because it was what I think. Especially the second night, and you did spend the night with him twice, when you did a striptease for him."

"How did you–"

"Ann, I didn't believe you, so I employed Keith's firm to watch you. I was right not to believe you, wasn't I?"

"You had me spied upon?" she was becoming angry.

"Yes, and it's saved me from believing all that crap about you loving only me. Oh, and by the way, Derek came to see me last Friday. He had a lot to say."

"He did what?" Now she was floundering.

"He told me a lot, and you said yourself that he's absolutely truthful and honest, he would never lie. He told me he wrote the letter, that letter, the one that got you into his bed. He told me a lot more. I assume you'll tell me the same things as our talks proceed?"

She was speechless. Then she shook her head.

"Why did he go to you?" she asked. She looked dazed.

"He wanted me to give you up to him, to let you go. I was keeping you under my spell because of your pity for me and because you felt guilty at being with, what was his phrase? Ah yes, 'the better man.'"

There was another silence. I broke it.

"I think that this is a good time to call a halt for tonight. You can go home and think through what I've told you. In the meantime I have other people to see, to find out if what Derek told me is true, and if it is, we're finished, not that we have ever started."

"Please, Allan," she begged, "tell me what he said!"

"No Ann. Go home and work it out. By the way, I am aware that after sleeping with him on those two nights, you did finish with him. If you want us to talk again you'll not contact him again nor allow him to contact you. However, as you said, you're a free woman; you can and have done what you wanted. It's just the consequences you have to think about."

She stared at me hard. "You hate me, don't you?"

"No, I don't. I'm puzzled by what you've done. I'm confused by you saying one thing and apparently doing another. I'm disappointed, after all everyone has been telling how honest you are. So go. I'll be in touch."