Chapter 24

Jenny noticed I was somewhat abstracted at work. Thankfully she ably discussed the implications of the Austria trip with Geoff, and I was relegated to keeping a watching brief. There was a good deal of planning to be done and the complications of acquiring the building next door were, well, building.

At the end of the day, Jenny asked if I wanted her that night. What a silly question! Then I realised I hadn't asked her to be there when Ann arrived.

I pointed out that Ann might well be coming to talk about her attitude over the past week and predictably Jenny took it that I wanted to be alone with Ann.

"Jenny," I said, "I think it would be a good idea if you were there in evidence so to speak. In any case you need to meet Ann properly. You could disappear while we talk and then return at the end. Then bed!"

She looked thoughtful and uncertain.

"Please?" I begged. "She's been pretty cold towards me and I don't know why. She needs to know that I'm independent of her and she can't manipulate me."

She thought some more and then agreed.

At seven, after we'd eaten, the doorbell rang.

Jenny had changed out of 'office wear' into a loose tee-shirt which exposed a lot of attractive chest, and a pair of jeans which looked sprayed on, and which I wondered how I'd ever get off. So attired she went to the door. I heard them from the living area.

"Peter! How nice to see you again! Ann! Great to see you!"

I heard muffled male and female replies and the Jenny entered the room with Peter and Ann in tow.

We all greeted each other. Ann kissed me on my cheek, casting a glance at Jenny. Peter's smile was wide, though Ann looked by turns puzzled or worried, but thankfully not annoyed. I busied myself getting drinks for everyone. Peter was driving but everyone else had red wine, and I poured myself a malt whisky.

Then Ann looked at Peter and Jenny. Jenny smiled a lovely smile at Ann.

"Peter," Jenny said, "come on, they want to talk." He sprang up and followed her out of the room.

Ann looked round the room. "Nice flat," she said. "Viv and David have good taste."

I waited.

"Allan." She said, and stopped.

I waited.

"We've never had a chance to talk properly."

I waited. She became flustered.

"Allan, please?" she begged.

"Now is not the time for a long talk, Ann," I said in a flat tone. "This meeting is to clear the air and to allow you to explain your behaviour to me over the past week,"

"Allan, please don't be awkward–"

"Ann, just explain yourself."

At this tears started at her eyes.

"Allan, I'm sorry."

"You're forgiven. You should know that, but please explain because I don't understand."

"There are two things. I've been rehearsing them all the way here, and I can't remember any of it."

"Ann, just talk."

"OK." There was a long pause, then, "Well, It was when we were all together again at the house. You were playing in the garden with the children. It had happened so often before ... well you know ... but before we were one loving happy family and this time you were no longer my husband and I had let you down so badly.

"So now everything looked the same but we were missing, or rather I was. Then later you said something about being always here for the children, but you never mentioned me. It hurt so much, Allan. I wanted so much for everything to get back to where they were, and that's impossible.

"Allan, darling, I've just been very upset. Then this weekend I knew we couldn't be together, and I was upset and angry, not at you, at the situation. It came out wrong, and I distanced myself from you. I'm sorry. I'd give anything for you to come back to me and you can't."

She began to cry.

"Ann," I spoke softly, "it's not that I don't want to try to get back. It's that at present there are too many unsaid things; too many mysteries in my mind.

"I'm with someone else who needs me. You won't see that but she does need me. I will not let her down. I can't sort out my feelings for you. Everyone is pushing me to just go back to the way we were. I can't. It's not that I won't, it's that I can't. I've so little memory to go back to. You understand?"

She nodded, looking woebegone.

I continued, "Give it time. I don't want to go through all my worries and feelings now, but I am willing to meet you and to talk through them all in the future. How's that?"

She nodded, "Yes, I'd like that."

"I don't know whether you will. In fact I rather think it will be painful. This Derek business–"

"Allan, can we talk just a little about that?"

"I'm not sure that's a good idea, but go on."

"When I went back to his place on Sunday, I was very upset and lonely. I had walked out on you after saying I'd be there till Monday morning. My pride wouldn't let me come back. Then I hated Derek for what he'd done, and yes I had to spend that night away from the children and away from you. But I wasn't ready for what I found when I got there."

She stopped and looked at me, as if to make sure I had understood. I gestured for her to continue.

"Derek was slumped in a chair. He was very drunk. He greeted me with, 'Oh you're back.' I said yes I was. He said 'For good', and I said no. Then he burst into tears. He sobbed and sobbed and begged me to go back with him. He said he was so lonely and he had no one to turn to.

"I said he brought it on himself and then he started ranting that he had done nothing to you. He hadn't organised anything. All he'd tried to do was help. He begged me to believe him. He said he couldn't understand why you were trying to frame him, it wasn't his fault I'd been with him.

"Allan, I know this hurts you, but I've lived with him for over a year and he's tried to lie to me before. I know when he's telling the truth. He really doesn't know what's going on, and he thinks you and Colin are cooking up evidence to put him away out of revenge. He's desperate and he's got no friend other than me to lean on. I think he's innocent. I wish you'd give him a chance."

"So what did you do?"

"Well, I–"

"Let me guess," I said, more aggressively than I intended, "you 'comforted' him."

"Well, yes..."

"All the way to the bedroom."

She became angry, "Yes! I took him to bed and I let him make love to me, though he was so drunk he couldn't get it up, satisfied now?"

"Satisfied that I know what happened. That I know the second reason that you've been acting distant. So are you going to go back to him?"

"No Allan," she spat, "I am not going back to him, but I am going to see him. He needs me."

"OK," I said, "It clarifies a few things. Ten minutes ago you were telling me you wanted me with you. Now you're telling me you're continuing your affair with him. I don't think that gives me much incentive to work with you to come back, does it?"

"Allan," she cried, "I do want you to, but he needs me at the moment. I'm sure he's not the one who wanted you dead. I'm sure!"

"Well, that's just fine," I grumbled, "There's a mountain of evidence pointing to him, but you take his part. That's where your loyalty lies, not with me."

Suddenly she looked panic-stricken, and was silent. I was not going to break the silence. For one thing I couldn't work out what I'd said to provoke such a reaction; for another, after her once again taking his side against mine, I felt there was nothing to say.

Then she stood up, "I'd better go," she said.

"Ann," I said with some urgency, "just sit down for a minute."

To my surprise she sat.

"Listen," I said, choosing my words, "We have a family together. They need us to be at least friendly, they don't need one of us upset or silent or resentful. They come first, don't they?"

She nodded. I could not read her expression.

"So let's say we disagree on some fundamental matters, and keep those matters for when we have our talks. You still want us to talk this through?"

"Yes, Allan," she answered, "but you just said you saw no point in it."