Chapter 18

I again thought over whether I was doing the right thing. I kept coming back to the idea that perhaps it would have been better to stay clear of Ann and let her get on with her life without me. She would easily find someone else and judging by her performance with Derek, and would in all probability be in a new man's bed in double quick time.

I reprimanded myself. Though I resented her actions, she had waited a year and it seemed had rejected Derek's gentle advances for a while before that. I couldn't see her getting over my ugliness. I didn't enjoy living with a face like mine, nor a scarred and damaged body like mine either. OK, so my sexual equipment worked (I proved it by hand many times, just to be sure, you understand, and was more than assured so by Tricia and Jenny), my voice was unimpaired though the tone had changed, and strangely, in a face almost totally reconstructed, my lips were untouched. Nevertheless I knew I would repulse her. Neither could I live with her pity. I just couldn't see a relationship between us working out.

Further there was her lack of belief in me. She was only too eager to believe everything that rat told her. No. I couldn't see us getting together, but she would know Derek for what he was before he went to prison.

I felt a wave of utter depression sweep over me. I felt hopeless and dreaded a life lived alone. What woman would want a hideous cripple? I couldn't inflict myself on Jenny; she deserved a better man. I broke down and cried.

My descent into self-pity was halted by the phone. It was Jenny.

"Are you ready for me?" she asked and I realised that time had passed and it was late.

"Yes," I said, though my voice betrayed me.

"I'll be there in minutes."

She was. She enfolded me in her arms and I broke down again, so she took me to bed and I fell asleep being comforted by her warm breasts and stroking hands.

We spent the weekend alone, together. I had half expected Greta to come back but there was no contact from her. I wondered what had transpired at the house.

Like Trish, Jenny knew how to lift my spirits. She did all that in bed and in the shower and back in bed again, but she also took me on long walks and listened to me repeating myself about what had and hadn't happened particularly the refusal of Ann to talk directly to me.

I was telling Jenny that I was almost certain I should let David tell her when she once again hit the nail on the head.

"If you're going to get someone else to tell her the best person would be Trish. She was personally involved with you from when you were admitted. Why don't you phone her?"

I admired her insight and told her so.

"That's why I'm your PA, and your concubine!"

"Concubine! I like the sound of that."

Off we went to bed again.

Afterwards she made an addition.

"Why don't you text Greta and see if there's a pre-wedding party, a hen night? Ann's defences would be down if Trish crashed that!"

"I'm glad I've got you to think for me," I said with admiration.

She smiled contentedly.

"You keep me coming and I'll think some more!" she said, comfortably opening her legs wide.

She came again twice, and 'thought' I should get the phoning done. I phoned Trish and texted Greta.

Trish said she would get time off and come over when needed.

Greta texted back.

I phoned Trish back and she said she would arrive Thursday lunchtime but would need to drive back early Friday. I thanked her profusely for doing again what she had been doing for me since I was brought into the hospital.

On Monday David rang to say he had made another attempt to get a meeting between Ann and me but had been firmly rebuffed. Jenny stayed over on Tuesday night which was comforting, and she joined 'the four' at the Cross Keys on Wednesday.

I got the drinks in and sat down.

"Your DNA was found in the car," said Colin, "though I'm not sure I should be telling you that. There will be arrests soon."

"Do you know when?" I asked, thinking about Ann's wedding.

"Now I know I can't tell you that," said Colin seriously, "but when it happens all the protagonists will be arrested at the same time and sent to separate stations. The lads'll have to get all their ducks in a row before they move on the naughty boys."

"From past experience," said Keith helpfully, "It is unlikely to be this week. Not at the weekend, it will need too many personnel for the budget to stand overtime. Monday or Tuesday at the earliest."

"So the wedding will go ahead," I said sadly, "and Ann will lose Derek as soon as she gets him. Have you considered they may go away on honeymoon? If Derek goes to Spain, he may never return!"

"He'll be watched I'm sure," said Colin. "They won't let him leave the country. I'm sure of that as well."

"I tried to get Ann to meet you, once again," said David. "No luck. I can't believe how obstinate she is."

"I can," I said laughing. "One of my memories is having arguments with her, nothing serious, but she's hard to move once she's made up her mind. Trish is coming over tomorrow and we're going to gatecrash her pre-wedding party. She'll talk to me tomorrow."

"So," said Jenny, speaking for the first time. "It will all come together in the next few days. It'll be a relief for you Allan."

The others nodded their agreement.

"Mind you," said Colin, "while I'm sure O'Malley and the other three will definitely be found guilty, it's by no means certain that we'll be able to nail Derek. With a good brief he might wriggle out of it."

David added: "I'll bet that the three lads will be remanded in custody, but Derek will get bail. O'Malley's fate will depend on whether he shops the others or not."

"Could be six months before the trial as well," said Colin. "The Magistrates will remand them for trial at the Crown Court but there is a waiting list for trials."

"I think you have to resign yourself to the fact that Derek might be able to convince Ann that he's totally innocent of any involvement," said David. "We know he's an accomplished liar."

The meeting descended into a morose silence. We might have known the facts clearly but court cases are never so predictable. Nothing was certain.

I began to feel angry that he might get away with trying to murder me. I resolved there and then that he would not escape scot-free. If the courts couldn't deliver justice, I would find a way. It must have shown on my face.

"Don't cross bridges until you reach them," admonished David. "You don't know what Ann's reaction will be. She's about to learn that Derek's not all that honest but she's always known you are truthful. Please wait and see, Allan."

As usual he was talking sense, I nodded, and Jenny squeezed my arm. Eyebrows were raised; I ignored them.

Jenny decided to go back to her flat. She had a sense of distinguishing herself from Trish, as if to say that I had two totally separate sexual relationships and that there needed to be distance between them. I thought I could understand that.

"I won't expect you at work tomorrow," she said. "Get things sorted with Trish. You'll need to be certain what she's going to say."

When Trish arrived it was mid-afternoon. We went over what she would do, or rather Trish told me how she would do it and I immediately saw she was right. Is there any other way?

Trish and I entered the pub at eight. It wasn't difficult to find the party; for one thing Greta was in the group. There were fifteen people taking up the tables on one side of the main lounge.

I could see Ann's parents, her brother and sister. Yes, I recognised them; remembered them. The rest must have been other relatives and friends. We had entered the pub via an adjoining room out of a direct line of sight by Ann.

Originally each room had a door, but these had long since gone and each room was thus open to the next through a doorway. Trish steered me to a table in that empty room, round the corner and out of sight from the group.

"You'll hear everything from here. I think Ann will come and see you when I've finished with her. You want me to go through with this?"

"Yes. She's got to know the whole thing. I can't have her marrying Derek in ignorance of the true facts. You've got the photos?"

"Yes, and believe me, Allan, I'm looking forward to this."

She got up and left. There was a mirror on a far wall and I could see her at the table.

"Mrs Jonsson?" I heard her say.

"Yes?" There was Ann's voice again, triggering my emotions of anger and resentment.

"I'm sorry to butt in on your party, but this is very important. I'm here on behalf of your ex–husband. He needs to see you. He wants you to know–"

"Not interested. Tell that bastard that he's done enough damage. and he's got a nerve trying to mess with my head just before the wedding. I've got a solicitor, tell him to talk to him."

"Mrs. Jonsson, please. It really is in your own interest to talk directly to him."

"Just leave us alone, Miss–"

"O'Toole."

"Mother!" it was Greta. "Why are you being so unreasonable? Perhaps Miss O'Toole can tell you what he wants to say."

"OK," said Ann, her voice dripping with patience and resignation. "Miss O'Toole. Say what you have to say."

The party went quiet. Everyone was listening.

"May I sit down?" I assumed the answer was yes, for Trish was masking Ann where she stood.

"I have some photographs. Some of them you have seen. Here."

I could see her taking out the photos. She laid them on the table one at a time.

"I've seen them before," said Ann with exaggerated patience. "It's him and his other woman."

"At the hotel. Yes, I know. Look at the date and time. And this one in the restaurant, five minutes later. This is the day he disappeared."