Chapter 15

“ ... And you’re sure?” Daisy asked me over the phone.

“100%.” I respond, my voice full of confidence I didn’t know I had. “Anything to update from home?”

“No, everything has been pretty normal. I have barely heard from her.”

“Are you doing alright?” I asked her as a formality.

“I appreciate your concern, but I think you don’t need to worry about me right now,” she answered honestly. “You need to worry about both my sister and yourself.”

“I mean, that’s what I’m doing, yeah?” I asked her with a shrug.

“Yeah.” she answered softly. “For what it’s worth, I think you’re doing the right thing.”

“I sure hope I am.” I replied. “So, I guess I’ll talk to you when I ... talk to you next.”

“Yup. Daisy replied. I waited for her to hang up, but she didn’t. Instead, I heard a chuckle from the other end of the line. “You know, I’m not sure if I want to see you again down the road or never again.”

“I guess that won’t be up to us to decide.” I told her.

“Yeah. Fate can be a funny thing. I’m content to let it guide us, just this once.” she said. “Well ... goodbye.”

“Goodbye, Daisy.” I told her, and heard her hang up. After the call ended, I went to her contact page and pressed ‘edit.’ I held my finger above the ‘delete contact’ button for a few seconds before thinking better of it and just shutting my phone off.

I drummed on my knees in mock excitement, looking Mira straight in the eye. “Yup, everything’s been arranged.” I let her know.

Mira nodded and wrote a few things down. She didn’t say anything for a bit. “I commend you on your initiative.” she told me.

“I hear a ‘but,’ in that sentence.” I told her humorously.

She smiled. “You heard right. I’m just wondering if you’re changing your life too drastically to service one issue. You have a right to your own life. You are your own person.”

“I mean, this is a decision I made myself.” I told her. “Plus, it’s not like I don’t have other things I’m working on in life.”

“Yes, I remember that.” she told me. “Do you want to talk about your situation with your father?”

“I did exactly what I said I wanted to do with him too. Blocked his number. My stuff was all moved out of his place anyway. I don’t know if there’s any way he can force himself into his life, but anywhere I can resist, I will.”

“Well done.” Mira told me, writing some more notes down. “How are you feeling about that?”

“Free. Exhilarated. I should have done it years ago.”

“It also means he won’t be paying for your tuition anymore, correct?” Mira asked me.

“Correct.” I answered, surprisingly full of confidence. “I’d rather have student debt for years than continue to live feeling like I have to appreciate that guy anyway.” I continued. “I’m ... you’re right. Setting healthy boundaries is fucking great.”

Mira laughed supportively. “I am glad you’re accepting the practice of realizing and limiting negative influences in your life. Would you say you’re feeling less trapped?”

I had referred to feeling ‘trapped’ multiple times in our last few sessions. “Absolutely.” I answered. “Dad had this coming for a long time coming. In terms of the thing with me and Molly, I’m holding fast. This is the best thing for us.”

Mira blinked twice. “Molly? Who’s Molly?”

I sheepishly scratched the back of my head and laughed nervously. “So, uh, Molly is ... the actual name of my housemate. I figured using a codename was safer.”

“I can understand and appreciate that.” Mira nodded, then thought to herself for a moment. “It obviously breaks confidentiality to talk about who’s seeking our counsel, but if I were speaking to a friend, I would mention that I think I saw someone named Molly checking in to book a counselling appointment a little bit ago.” She smiled at me.

I smiled back. In truth, that was actually great to hear. I wasn’t sure if I could trust Molly 100% that she did in fact book an appointment, even if she told me she did, given she had a history of saying anything to salvage a situation. Knowing that she actually did book a session was music to my ears.

“That’s fucking great.” I replied, smiling from ear to ear.

“I understand if you feel you don’t need to book another appointment with me, but if you wish, you know my email address.” Mira continued. “It’s good to follow up with a counselor when things are going well too. We’re not just crisis workers, and it’s as important to note patterns of security as well as insecurity, and make sure the security continues.”

“You don’t have to give me the hard sell. I’ll book another one.” I told her. “You’ve really helped me. If Doctor was a purely respect-driven title, I would have called you Doctor from the second session onward.”

Mira chuckled. “Well, thank you. I just felt the need to let you know that. Too many clients think that as soon as they’re better, the need for counseling ends, but in too many cases that’s when counseling is the most important.”

“I get you.” I replied, standing up and offering to shake her hand, which she gladly did. “I’ll see you soon, Mira.”

“I’ll see you soon, Aaron.” she warmly said back to me as I left her office.

As I passed the waiting area beyond her office, I did a double take. A familiar face caught my eye - Holly. I hadn’t seen her in so long, but even her conniving expression was still just as familiar to me.

I wasn’t sure what was the dominant emotion I was feeling at that moment. I felt a feeling of karma as I realized she was likely here because of her own appointment, but instead of laughing at her internally, I was proud of her. She was working to try to better herself too.

I also felt a slight pang of worry as I realized Mira could have meant Holly booked an appointment instead of Molly, but in that moment I also realized I needed to trust Molly. She said she booked an appointment. She seemed to be conscious of her problems and was actively working on solving them. She was not only fucking up on her own terms, but unfucking herself on her own terms too. I needed to give her the space to do that without my paranoia getting in the way.

I gazed back at Holly one last time. I was tempted to say hello, to catch up with her and see if she was doing better. After all, I all but told Chris to do the same. In that moment, though, I think I understood why Chris said reaching out to his old friend was an impossibility. It felt too wrong. Holly was a past chapter, and I didn’t want to open any fresh wounds, especially right before a counseling session, by reappearing in her life when she probably wasn’t too happy that I was involved in her life in the first place. Plus, who knew if she was actually better? Who knew if she would yell at me or plot to make my life worse somehow? I had a right to move on just as much as she did. Thinking about my own needs, I realized that I didn’t even want to say hello to her in the first place, it just felt like an obligation to be polite and do so. Well, I was the master of my own destiny now, and I was sure to internally remind myself of that over and over as I left the building.

I took in a breath and realized I’d probably remember this day, and this moment, for a long time. It was going to be one of those things that replays in my mind, over and over. I cleared my mind and steeled myself as I knocked on Molly’s door.

Molly opened the door and gestured inside. “Hey. Come on in, if you want.”

“Sure.” I replied, coming in and sitting down on the bed. “How’s life?”

“I think things are actually going pretty well.” she told me. “I’m definitely calming down. No more meltdowns. I’m playing video games a bit more, that’s kind of helping, although it makes me feel guilty for not being productive.”

“Stiff.” I joked.

“You’d know. Anyway, I’m feeling more relaxed. I’m also planning on hanging out with a friend I met at AA tomorrow.”

“You’re hanging out with a friend that you haven’t even met yet? Woah, next level socializing.” I joked.

She stared at me blankly for a bit, before breaking into a smile and rolling her eyes. “Dork. I made a friend in AA recently, and tomorrow we’re hanging out.”

I was grinning. “I get what you meant.” I told her.

“I’m also drinking less.” she told me. “I don’t know if it’s just how things are going, or if AA helped, or even if you helped.”

“I doubt I did much singlehandedly.” I let her know.

“Still, you were there for me.”

“That could be seen as a good or a bad thing.” I held up a finger as I told her.

She smiled lightly. “I think it was a good and a bad thing.”

I shrugged. “The Good, the Bad and the Molly.” I joked.

She winced in pain. “That was fucking terrible.” We both shared a laugh. “I think it’s because I’ve seen how destructive I’ve seen it be.” she continued. “Like, the drinking leads to such awful stuff. At some point, after you see what damage it causes, you really have no choice but to stop, you know?”

“I really do.” I nodded. “Hey, speaking of, I’m thinking maybe now that things have changed, we should take another stab at taking a break from sex again.”

Molly nodded slightly as she stared at me. “This time it’s something you want, huh? Not just a me thing.”

“You could tell immediately, couldn’t you?”

“I saw it in your eyes.” She broke out into a smile. “I’m proud of you, Aaron. I really am.”

“What? Why?”

“Before it always felt like you were always just trying to guess what others wanted and you were trying to fit your own needs in like a puzzle piece that didn’t fit. Now it shows that you’re actually valuing yourself and your wants.” Her smile didn’t wane. “I hope this is okay to say, but this is the first time in a while that I’m thinking, ‘wow, we’ve really changed since last year’ and not thought of it as a purely bad thing.”

“Hey, I’ll take that.” I smiled. “So, that’s what I want. But I’m completely ambivalent on this next part - would you like to stop now, or would you like to do it one more time? A kind of a ‘last hurrah,’ if you will.”

“‘If you will?’ What, is this a business proposition?” Molly laughed. “I think ... I’d like to do it one last time. I mean, who knows, we might be weak and go back to this again, but it would be nice to try again.”

Part of me wondered if Molly was just accepting we would keep having sex like this over and over. I knew I was making a genuine effort this time, so it seemed only appropriate to offer, as I put it, a last hurrah. Still, with smiles and a little bit of awkwardness, we approached each other and just embraced, looking at each other as we held one another.

I smiled and sighed, half in bliss and half in sadness. “What if this turns out to genuinely be the last time?”

Molly’s smile faded. “It wouldn’t undo what we are.”

“Then what are we, Molly?”

Molly’s look became frustrated. “Touché.” she spat bitterly. “Are you worried that without sex we’re nothing?”

“I’m worried about what we’re making each other.” I told her, giving her a light kiss on the forehead after. “Especially since I have genuine romantic feelings towards you, and this will be the second time we had sex that was even ‘fake happy’ in a while.”

“It’s not fake, Aar-”

“Yeah, poor choice of words.” I interrupted. “Um, like a facade of what we are. We know we’re not a couple. We know that this is ... like, it’s a coping mechanism for you, right?”

Molly’s smile reappeared as she shook her head. “Hey, dummy.” she began. “Maybe you haven’t noticed, but you like to talk about these things head-on. I like to avoid them. There’s no real way of compromising, but if you want to have sex with me, maybe we shouldn’t talk about this kind of stuff beforehand.”

I chuckled slightly. “Yeah, maybe we shouldn’t.” With that, I lifted her chin and kissed her tenderly on the mouth. “You still want this?”

“Yes.” she told me quietly. “Kiss me.”

Gladly I did. I savored the feeling of her lips on mine and her hand caressing my face as we began what may very well have been our last time together. It wasn’t with animalistic fervor that we graduated to making out, but slowly and with meaning. Maybe Molly and I weren’t in love, but that didn’t mean that our kisses at this point meant nothing.

Over time, our bodies got closer and closer until they couldn’t, with both of us aching to have our bodies be even closer, our arms wrapped around each other as our kisses became more and more passionate and we became hotter and hotter. When we broke the kiss, we both knew exactly what the other wanted and ditched our clothes as quickly as we can. As soon as the both of us were naked, we went back to embracing each other and kissing, no clothes between us, nothing to prevent me from feeling her hot skin on mine. We melted together perfectly.

We broke the kiss off again and Molly hopped onto the bed as I slipped the condom on. Molly was smiling hungrily at me as I crawled over to her, deciding to kiss up her body to tease her. I started at her ankle and worked my way up, temporarily stopping at her sex to give a little attention to her clit, gently of course. Molly shuddered and gripped the bed as I kissed and lightly licked around her clit. I used my tongue carefully, wanting to tease her and make her want it even more than she already did, but I didn’t want to push her overboard before the main event started.

My kisses trailed up her body, stopping again at her left nipple, only for a quick tease. Eventually, as my mouth reached her neck, I used a hand to guide myself inside Molly and pushed myself in, feeling her envelop me as I heartily kissed at her neck, occasionally giving a little nibble. Molly’s body reacted in turn, arching and slightly writhing as she felt my full self sink into her.

Molly closed her eyes and gave a few sex-chuckles. She shifted her hips to accommodate me, smiling slightly and opening her eyes to look at mine when she felt comfortable. She nodded at me, and I proceeded to slowly pump in and out of her, savoring the feeling of being inside her. Molly savored me just as much, lightly moaning and whimpering at the feeling of me sliding in and out of her.

“Aaron...” she cooed.

“Molly,” I grunted back, voice full of passion, as I adjusted my hands and lowered my head to hers. I slowed my pace down as we shared a deep yet tender kiss. As she kiss ended, I smiled mischievously at her as I pulled my head up and began to quicken, my pace becoming rapid as I rammed myself in and out of her.