Chapter 39: Tami and David

Saturday July 18

Tami:
I saw David as he walked out of the terminal and into the pick-up area. I waved, and when he saw me he gave me one of his dazzling smiles. I was sometimes amazed I knew this boy who was in all the magazines. I'd not been prepared for how good-looking he had become. He had really grown into a sexy young man. Before the summer of his growth spurt, he had been a slightly pudgy nerd. David was now six-four and a hunk. He had a lean, muscular build and a noticeable bulge in his loose fitting jeans. His easy confident stride had several girls, and many of the women, check him out. Some actually leered in a predatory way at my best friend. He didn't seem to notice the attention, and just headed my way.

I was the envy of every woman in sight, when he wrapped his arms around me, and gave me a passionate kiss. When I was in his arms I couldn't think clearly. We had too much history, and I cared for him too much not to have him affect me. I loved him with all my heart, but.

He loaded his bags through the back door of the Charger, and I jumped into the driver's seat and fired the monster of an engine up. That was another thing. He had the coolest toys, and was more than willing to share. I didn't know a single high school boy who would hand over the keys to a Dodge Charger Hellcat to anyone. I eased his muscle car into traffic and could hear the engine rumble as it wanted to be set free to run. When you drove this car you wanted to aggressively push its limits, and eat up miles of hardtop.

I saw in the corner of my eye he had a little smirk on his face. He knew how much I loved his car. He also knew how much I hated driving in Chicago traffic. People needed to move over, and let me through.

I also knew he was being a frickin' Dawson. He sat quietly and waited for me to talk. It was the most infuriating thing they did. I sometimes wanted to strangle all the Dawson men. It was unnerving to see them all do it at once. They would just stare at you until you broke. Argh!

I know I call David a 'stupid boy.' When he sets his mind to something he can be a crafty little shit, especially if I push him too hard. I had nobody to blame for my current predicament but myself. He warned me not to push the sex. If he was like a normal boy I would have been fine. I could have managed the situation, and in turn him. I should have learned my lesson.

David and I grew up being closer than a boy and girl probably should've. We were like twins. If you saw one the other was nearby. He wasn't like other boys who thought girls had cooties. Part of that was me. I was a tomboy through-and-through. I never understood why girls played with dolls, or had tea parties. I would rather ride my bike, and play baseball with my buddies.

Our relationship was complicated. I felt a need to protect him, because he always looked for the good in people. I knew better. I had wanted to contact my father when I was old enough to understand that most families had two parents. My mother was supportive, but warned me he might not want to see me. I saw David's family, and couldn't believe a parent wouldn't love their child. When I finally was able to talk to my dad I was devastated when he didn't want anything to do with me. He had his own family now, and didn't need me to interfere.

I had gone into a serious funk, and no one could seem to get me out of it. That was, until David had gotten me to play the Secret Game with him. I don't remember what secret he had, but when I confessed what my dad had said, the flood gates opened. That was what I meant by him being a sneaky little shit. He figured out what I needed, even though I wanted to wallow in my self-pity.

What I learned that day was I loved him. He was the one person I could tell anything to, and not be judged. He cared about me, and would always be there for me. I know my mom loved me, but it wasn't the same as finding that person. Most people don't find that person until much later in life. I realized what David meant to me was both a blessing and a curse. I think from that point on I knew we would eventually end up together.

My mistake was I acted like he was mine, but never claimed him. I made three serious missteps with David. The first was in middle school. When he started to date Jan I was confused, and pulled back. I think if I had been more involved, he would never have started to drink and do drugs. He would probably have tried them; he was nothing if he wasn't adventurous. My mistake was when I got Jeff and Alan to help me convince him Jan was wrong for him. I, in effect, pulled his support system away from him. His three best friends all told him she was not the right girl. Dammit, I was the right girl!

The sad part was she proved us right. Anyone who looked at it from the outside would have seen this Mack truck barreling down on him from a mile away. She was the cute head cheerleader. He was the brainy kid who was clueless when it came to boy-girl relationships. Jan led him around as if he was her pet. When it all came crashing down, his best friends were all there to tell him we told him so. I saw the hurt in his eyes when we did it.

He was my rock. He was the guy I could always count on, and I needed to say I told you so. It was no wonder he started to hang out with the wrong crowd. I became so frustrated that my friend had become an anti-social little dick that I compounded the problem by thinking I needed to give him some tough love. I'll never forget the look on his face when I screamed at him that I never wanted to see him again.

It was as if I had extinguished the flame that lit his soul.

It was almost a relief when he was sent away for the summer. Thank God for his Uncle John. David came back a different person. If I were to be honest, he came back a better person. I think it was the best thing that ever happened to him. He came home with a quiet confidence and purpose.

I think it was the worst thing that could have happened to us. I had time away from David. I came to realize that I needed to do what was best for me. That was when I made my second major misstep. I decided to go to Wesleyan. If I had been honest with David up front, he would have gone with me. He was smart enough to hold his own academically at Wesleyan. His parents, while not rich, would have found a way to get him there.

Instead, I kept the secret of my plans from the one person with whom I had always shared everything. To this day I have no idea why I thought I couldn't be open and honest about it. When all was said and done, he supported me.

If it wasn't for him, and his goofy video chats, I would never have made the friends I did. I also don't think he would have become what he is. For him, it worked out great. I couldn't complain, Wesleyan opened a lot of doors for me. I would never have gotten the same education, or the opportunity to go to the UK.

That brings me to my third misstep. I completely misjudged how independent David had become. In my mind, I wanted him to grow into the man he was becoming. I just hadn't unshackled him to allow the growth to happen. We needed to communicate our expectations. What we did instead was butt heads and dig in. Our strong personalities wouldn't allow us to bend. It almost broke us.

When I came back for the summer I knew I needed to fix things. David was cautious. I didn't blame him, but I couldn't let things remain the way they were. I was too afraid we would never get back together as the friends we should be. I wanted things the way they were when we were younger. I wanted David to be my rock and confidant. I wanted the boy who would pick me up when I fell, and support me no matter what. I wanted his unconditional love.

There was always a but. But I wanted my freedom to become a woman. I knew how David was. If we were together I would never be able to be with anyone else. I wasn't ready for that, yet. I was only seventeen and learning what it meant to be in a relationship with a man. I could certainly see myself learning with David, but.

David was right. I had a secret. When I had sex with him, I exposed it. I'd had another lover in the UK. His name was Paul Grogan. He was the grad assistant who helped teach my biology class. In many ways Paul and David were a lot alike. Paul was very bright. He was also in good shape, but thin. The girls in my class all thought he was cute.

We had gotten together when I came back from Christmas break. He had noticed how down I was after the breakup with Simon. Paul was just being a friend when he took me out for dinner. Somehow we ended up at his place, and nature took its course. Paul was six years older than I was. He taught me things. I fell for him, but then I found out he was engaged. I was appalled when he just laughed when I confronted him about it. He told me it was just sex, and I should accept that I'd had a wonderful time.

I don't know why I didn't tell David. I think I was embarrassed I had let myself be fooled by Paul.

Paul was so different in bed than David. With David, my inner animal came out. He was so strong and manly I wanted him to use me. I think his uncle was right. David was an Alpha Male. In a lot of ways I was an Alpha Female. I liked to have a man do my bidding in bed.

With Paul, I was free to explore new things. I was in control, so I felt safe to try them. I encouraged him to teach me what he knew. Paul had been selected to be a TA for a reason. He was a good teacher, and never pushed me too far out of my comfort zone, but far enough so I could push my boundaries.

I knew David would do as I asked to please my desires, it just wasn't the same. I knew David would not truly submit to me. He would let me dominate, but if push came to shove, he was the one in charge. Of course I would never tell him that. His head would be too big to get through the door.

So there was my dilemma. David wanted us to be together, now. I wasn't ready. If I didn't handle this right I would lose him. How many chances would I get?

David:
I knew Tami better than Tami knew herself. She had always thought she could read my mind. For the most part she could, but two could play that game. She had stressed out about our relationship since I left for Houston. Tami had pulled her usual end-run. She'd had Harper try to talk me out of it. I'd seen her game of employing our friends to gang up on me since we were in first grade.

I guarantee Miss Tami Glade was currently beating herself up about all the horrible things she had done to me and why she didn't deserve for us to go out. She probably had five reasons she messed my life up. I didn't care. I loved her.

I reclined my seat after we got out of traffic. I closed my eyes and acted like I was taking a nap, so she could start to think about why we should be together. I almost chuckled. My plans had come together nicely.

Tami:
I bet David thought he had fooled me with his eyes closed. There was no way he was asleep. I let the car drift to the side of the road, onto the apron, and then jerked it back. I bit my bottom lip so he couldn't see me laugh as he almost jumped out of his seat. I was rewarded with an evil glare. Sleeping, my ass.

Why did I love David? It wasn't his good looks, charm, talent on a ball field, money, or any other superficial thing. I needed to make a list.

I loved him because:
1. He is my best friend, no matter what.
2. My deepest darkest secrets are safe with him.
3. He never holds a grudge.
4. He thinks he knows me completely – 'stupid boy'
5. If I need to talk, he will listen, and not offer advice.
6. He would never intentionally hurt me.
7. He can make me laugh with just a look.
8. If I need to just sit and think about things, he will sit with me.
9. He never makes me feel pressured.
10. If I take him shopping, he lets me pick out his clothes.
11. If I tell him I want to be around him 24/7 he puts up with me, even if he needs time alone.
12. He lets me drive his car.
13. If I asked he would give me the world.
14. If I asked he would go to college where I wanted to, regardless if they had a football team or not.
15. I loved to wake up in his arms.
16. He smells like a man.
17. He's the biggest kid I know, and he never loses his wonder.
18. All my friends adore him.
19. He makes a point to tell me he loves me.
20. He knows I have flaws, but loves me despite them.
21. He is man enough to cry.
22. He is kind, gentle, attentive, and caring; not just to me, but towards his family and friends as well.
23. He is the perfect man for me.
24. If he ever left me, I would die.

I could go on-and-on. Why was I fighting this? I really loved him.

David:
I could feel us get off at our exit. I sat up and returned my seat to its upright position. I could see a ghost of a smile on Tami's face. I had to suppress my urge to do a little victory dance. I was close, but not there yet. I just needed to stay calm, and let her tell me what we had decided.

Tami:
When we got to his house I told him to go in and see his family. When he was done he could come up to the apartment and we would talk. I let myself in, and stripped down to a matching panty and bra set. I knew if I made love to him before we talked he would be more receptive to what I had to tell him.

Then my phone rang.

David:
Duke was a wild child. I had to let him out of his crate and take him out into the back yard. He ran circles around me, and made whining noises. I don't think I had ever seen him happier to see me. Kyle and Mac came out with Greg. They wanted their Uncle David to hold them. The two little ones told me something they were excited about, but I had to look to Greg to help interpret for me.

"I took them to the park and we fed the ducks. What do the ducks say?" Greg asked.

"Quack, quack!" they said in unison.

I finally got my boy under control, and administered the proper amount of loving for being gone for four days. We went inside and Mom and Angie ambushed me.

"So?" Mom asked expectantly.

"Keep your fingers crossed. I'm going up stairs to get the good news. Come find me if you don't see me by Wednesday," I said.

"David Allen Dawson!" my Mom chided me. "I'm not waiting half a week to find out this news."

I agreed, and went to my apartment. I found Tami in a pair of sexy underwear as she sat on the edge of my bed, and she was crying.

"What's wrong, baby?" I asked.

She looked me in the eye and then launched herself into my arms and began to bawl. I'm not the greatest when it comes to dealing with crying girls. I had learned the best approach was to just hold them and gently rock them. She finally was able to slow down and we sat on the edge of the bed. She took my hand and I got worried.

"It's, (sniff). It's, Jeff. He's dead!" she said, and then she clutched me again.

When she had calmed down enough, I took her by the shoulders so she would focus.

"What happened?" I asked.

"I don't have all the details. Alan called. He said there was an accident at the lake."

In a blink of an eye, all talk about us getting back together evaporated. I had to dress Tami like she was a doll. She was completely out of it. I sent a text to Angie to ask Mom to come up to my apartment. Of course, both of them showed up. I had to step back to allow both of them to put her in a group hug.

I needed some time to process what I had just heard. I grabbed Duke and put him on his leash and we went for a walk.

While I walked I called Alan. He handed the phone to Gina because he was crying. Gina told me what happened. Everyone had decided to go to the lake and spend Saturday at the beach. Ella Keen showed up with Jan and Rhonda, along with the other cheerleaders. The three of them slipped away and when they came back it was obvious they were high. At some point they got on inflatable rafts and floated around to sun themselves.

No one was sure what happened, but Ella fell off her raft. At first everyone thought it was funny until she didn't come up. Jeff got concerned and rushed out to help her. She broke the surface and it was obvious she was in trouble. Jeff had hung around my family at the park, and knew enough to come up behind her to help her. Unfortunately, he let her get ahold of him. What happened next was over before anyone could get to them. Ella got a grip on Jeff, and pulled them both under.

By the time they recovered Jeff and Ella, Ella was dead. They were able to get Jeff's heart started again. He was currently on a ventilator, but there was little hope. The fear was his brain had been starved of oxygen for too long.

I sat under a tree and cried after I hung up.

I went home and told everyone what had happened. I needed to take a shower and change, so I could go to the hospital to see my friend. Tami had become more animated and wouldn't let me out of her sight. I took her hand and led her to the Charger. I could tell how bothered she was when she didn't offer to drive.

We weren't allowed to go to the ICU floor. The hospital staff sent us all to the cafeteria. That was where we found Alan and Cassidy. It seemed that, whenever a teen was injured, there was a crowd of people who would show up. For Jeff, it was the same. The cafeteria was full of friends and families.

When Alan saw us he came over and pulled Tami and me into a group bear hug. One of our closest friends was down, and we needed to reassure each other. I untangled myself and left Alan and Tami as they grasped each other. I opened my arms, and Cassidy wrapped herself around me.

I felt someone come up behind me and wrap their arms around me. It was Mrs. Rigger, Jeff's mom. She took my hand and we led Cassidy, Alan and Tami up to ICU. I saw Mr. Rigger with a haunted look in his eyes. He sat us all down.

"The doctors tell us Jeff suffered brain hypoxia, which resulted from a lack of oxygen to the brain. The situation was compounded by a cerebral ischemia, caused from insufficient blood flow to the brain. As with hypoxemia, full recovery after brain ischemia is possible, but only if the brain has suffered from the condition only briefly," Mr. Rigger said.

"I understand the lack of oxygen, but what would cause the blood flow issue?" Alan asked.

"His heart slowed or stopped beating," Tami supplied. "Has there been any indication of swelling of his brain, or has he had seizures?"

"Not that they have told us," Mr. Rigger said.

"So there's hope?" Cassidy asked.

I could tell by the look in the Riggers and Tami eyes, that it was at best, a slim hope.

"He's alive, so there is always hope," Tami said.

Tami:
I wished I didn't have the education I had. Everyone seemed to grasp to my encouraging words that there was hope. I knew that even if Jeff survived the drowning, the outcome could be devastating. Even if his brain suffered minor effects, he could have learning disabilities, poor judgment controls, and issues with motor coordination. The next few days were critical.

After we met with Mr. and Mrs. Rigger we went back down to the cafeteria. David took charge. He sent most everyone home, and promised they would get updates via text messages. I knew he was dying inside, but he was everyone's rock. He coordinated with Mona to keep everyone informed about Ella's funeral arrangements.

I was furious with Ella Keen. Nearly fifty percent of teens who drown are under the influence. I knew she had panicked, and it was an accident, but I held her responsible. Jeff had been Jeff. He had reacted and went to help, when everyone else had stood and watched. I know it was senseless, but why did his good deed have to result in this?

Wednesday July 22

David:
Schneider's Funeral Home was a zoo. Tami had begged off due to the fact she was still mad at Ella. I had to go. Mona had asked me to escort her. She explained I was the team's quarterback and she was the head cheerleader. I used Angie and Greg's van to pick up Tracy, Kim, Kelly, Rhonda and Jan. The only varsity cheerleader missing was Pam, who was still in California.

Mona made a big show of grabbing my arm as she guided me to the casket. It was heart wrenching to see they had dressed her in her cheerleading uniform. If you knew Ella, this felt right. So much of who she was, was her being one of the cool kids. She had always been a cheerleader.

Ella was the only the second classmate I'd known who had died. When I was in third grade, a car had hit Tom Crowley while he played catch with his friends. I wasn't allowed to go to his funeral. This was a little different. I was seventeen, now. My best friend was in a coma. A girl who I had known since kindergarten was no longer with us. It gave me pause to consider things.

I knew God had a plan for all of us. It was something like this which caused people to question what purpose he had in mind for each one of us. Some even questioned their belief he could have a plan, for someone so young to be taken. Whenever I faced a real-life dilemma, my faith would become my rock. My faith helped me stand up and support everyone around me. I wasn't the kind to throw my faith in others' faces. I knew my friends were hurting. What they needed most was my love.

I found during the visitation, and afterwards at Ella's celebration of life at her parent's home, each of my friends sought me out. They needed someone to listen to their grief, or just hold their hand. Some needed a shoulder to cry on. What it came down to was they needed someone to let them know they were loved. That I could do for my friends. I would grieve, later.

Afterward we all went back to my apartment. Tami had waited for me. She took one look at me and knew I was at my wits' end. She pulled me into the bedroom and made me lie down. Exhausted by today's emotions, I fell asleep in her arms.

I woke up on my side with Tracy wrapped around my back. At some point she had replaced Tami. Tracy was now one of my best friends. I rolled over and she looked me in the eyes.

"How are you doing?" she asked.

"Truthfully?" I asked.

She knew. She leaned forward and gave me a loving kiss. There was nothing sexual about it. It was one friend who supported another. Tami peeked in my door.

"He's awake," she announced.

Tracy and I didn't bother to pull apart as the other cheerleaders filed in and crawled into bed with us. We were all fully clothed, but I never felt closer to any of them. Of course I ruined the perfect moment by having to pee.

Tami followed me into the bathroom. I looked at her and just shrugged. She planned to be a doctor. She would just make fun of me if I complained.

"How was it?" she asked.

"It was nice, but a zoo. During the visitation they had a huge line to just get in and pay your respects." I said as I finished and then washed my hands.

"Are you mad I didn't go?" Tami asked.

"No. Are you mad I went?" I asked.

"No. You needed to go. I even understand why you went with the cheerleaders. You are the glue."

I gave her a look, because I didn't quite understand what she had just told me. She didn't elaborate, so I let it go.

"So, we have a lot of cute girls in my bed," I said giving her a leer.

She rewarded me with a punch in the chest. I saw her smile though. I think we both needed that. I winked at her, rushed into my bedroom, jumped into the middle of the cheerleaders, and began to tickle them. I really was a 'stupid boy.' I was outnumbered! The good news was we were able to be kids for a little bit, before reality came back to make us sad.