Chapter 2

Barney and I spent two happy months, packing Midge's pussy with baby batter as often as the fancy took us. She, I might say, had fulfilled my prediction by taking on the role of sperm bank with huge enthusiasm, having once started. While Barney fucked her three or four times a day, I managed only a couple – but then, I thought, I won't last for ever, and she's going to need Barney to help bring up the children. So it's good that he fucks her more than I do, double the bonding. Probably, we should make sure her next baby is his.

Actually, nobody had said anything about fucking more than one baby into Midge – and of course, for a while, she continued to believe she could fuck the men in her family with complete confidence that she couldn't be impregnated.

Until she got up one morning and had to make a dash for the bathroom.

Barney and I listened to her barfing down the pan, looked at each other, and shrugged.

When she emerged and came downstairs, she was whey-faced and looking annoyed.

'You okay?' I asked.

She glared at me, then at Barney.

'Probably!' she snapped.

She discouraged any further conversation, got herself some toast, coffee, and a glass of water for breakfast, then announced she was going out.

Barney and I had been watching her, waiting for the storm to break, but so far she'd kept her tongue between her teeth, and succeeded in keeping both her lovers on edge. She slammed out of the house and I felt the tension go with her.

'She's pregnant, I guess, ' Barney said.

'Reckon, ' I responded. 'That was a load of bullshit, about it being safe for her to fuck us, wasn't it?'

He coloured up and grinned ruefully. 'Umm, yeah.'

'What the hell!' I said. 'I guess she'll be a bit pissed off. She was not the image of someone filled with delight this morning.'

Barney grinned smugly.

'Still, I feel good that I've knobbed a girl, ' he said.

'Maybe I knobbed her. At least, that first time, I made sure she came before I spunked her.'

The phone rang. I picked it up.

'Hi, it's Demelza. Can I come over, I want you to check some paperwork I've had from the lawyers.'

'Sure, ' I said.

'I'll be round in about half an hour.'

I hung up. Barney looked a question.

'Your aunt, Demelza, ' I said.

He thought for a minute. 'Shall I pop out for a moment and get some chocolate in?'

Demelza had always had a strong predilection for dark chocolate.

'Yeah, good plan, ' I said. I handed him a tenner. 'Good stuff, mind you.'

He nodded. He's a good lad, is Barney. Knows just what to do. He went down to the village shop, which, happily for Demelza, sells a small and exclusive line in hand-made chocolates from a local chocolatier.

She arrived while he was still out.

My sister is a couple of years younger than me at thirty-eight, and she has a fantastic body. I'd lusted after her quite often in our younger days, but then she'd met Rodney, in whom she saw the flash but not the foolishness, went off and married him. Perhaps wisely, she had kept up her contraceptive pills, and not rushed into motherhood. Rodney turned out to have a secret drug habit, which began to cost a bigger and bigger slice of his pay-packet, and eventually his job.

Demelza came home early one day and found him spark out on the sofa in the living room with a needle hanging from his arm. He remained in a coma for five days and then his internal organs began to fail, beyond the ability of doctors to save his life.

She hadn't grieved for long before another candidate for the role of husband had come into her life. Fortunately for her, the truth about him was revealed on their wedding day when she found her intended husband in a "compromising situation" – that is, balls deep in the priest's arse. Needless to say, she walked out of the church and never saw either man again.

Then she met Harold. On the plus side, he was compos mentis and very rich: on the downside, he was paraplegic, spent his days in a wheelchair, and had no use of his lower limbs – any of them. He was also nearly eighty. But he was kind to her, and she would have come off the pill and tried to have a baby with him, but six months into their marriage, he had a stroke which proved fatal. He left his entire estate to her, which made her financially independent.

I didn't know it at the time, but Demmy was beginning to feel broody. I'm guessing she had plenty of boyfriends after Harold passed away, but she was always a traditional sort of girl, with no desire to be a single mum. So, still childless. Or child-free, depending on your point of view.

Along had come Leonard. They'd been married for about five years, during which time he informed her that he'd changed his mind from the opinion he'd held before they married, and he no longer wanted children. She spent a long time trying to get him to fuck a baby into her, but Leonard had been determined, to the point when he got a vasectomy, and the situation between them had gradually deteriorated until divorce was the only solution.

She'd wisely insisted on a pre-nup, but it turned out that Leonard wanted the court to declare it null and void, so he could claim half her wealth, which would have kept him in slick suits, fast cars and even faster women, for life.

She had a document wallet under her arm when she arrived. We hugged each other in greeting and went into my study to look at the papers from Leonard's solicitors. We were sitting side by side, so close that our thighs were pressed together, and if she turned towards me at all, her boobs were crushed against my arm.

My sister is very well-endowed in the boob department.

I spotted a possible flaw in the legal arguments that could see off Leonard's claim, and she was grateful enough to turn and kiss me, increasing both the pressure of her leg against mine and bringing both boobs to bear against my susceptible brotherly bod. I realised my cock was trying to get out of its prison. Fortunately she drew back and eased the pressure, which was when the outside door closed and we heard two sets of footsteps.

'Dad!' we heard Barney call. 'Dad! We're going to be a father!'

The study door burst open and he stepped across the threshold before it dawned on him that I was not alone. Midge was just behind him, looking very annoyed. Demelza just stared at me, then at the children.

'Oops!' said Barney, in an understated sort of way. 'Sorry, didn't know Aunt Demelza was already here.'

She found her voice. 'What do you mean, "We're going to be a father"?' she asked, looking from Barney to me. 'Has one of you got someone pregnant?'

Barney, me, and even Midge stayed silent.

'Well?' continued Demelza.

Midge finally found her voice. 'Yes, me! They've got me pregnant.'

I was thrilled. 'Congrat—' I suddenly realised this might not exactly be welcome news to my daughter, and my voice dropped, mid-word. '—ulations. Umm.'

Demelza was more sensitive to Midge's mood, and she rose to her feet and went to hug her niece, turning to look at her nephew and me with a frown.

'You both got her pregnant?'

'Well, obviously, ' I said, 'only one of us did. but it could be either.'

She stared at both of us. 'You fucked your daughter ... your sister?'

I nodded. Barney looked down at the floor. I think men – some of them, anyway – have an instinct for when to keep quiet. This seemed like one of those times.

Demelza put an arm round Midge's shoulders.

'We're going up to Midge's room. Stay down here' she commanded.

Barney and I were silent for a few moments after the women had gone. He closed the door. There was confusion in his expression, but also pride. I felt a burst of it myself. It's a heady feeling for a man when he realises he's fucked a baby into a willing woman. And Midge had been willing – even if it was because of a false understanding. And I wasn't responsible for that – the yarn about her being safe from family pregnancy juice had been Barney's entirely.

'Congratulations, son – daddy, ' I said.

We hugged each other like rugby players who'd just scored a try, broke apart and high-fived, both grinning broadly. After a couple of minutes of this, we went to the kitchen and began to work on preparing dinner.

Midge looked a lot happier by the time we were seated round the dinner table. Barney and I had decided to go the whole hog in celebration, and the curtains were closed, candles illuminated the table, glinting off the glassware and polished stainless steel cutlery.

I'd decided to stick to a recipe I knew and had prepared pork and apple à la Normande, which has a lot of cream and is hugely delicious. I presented it in the English way, of course, with potatoes and vegetables, rather than serve them as a separate course as I understand is done in France. (It's a long time since I'd visited France, so things might have changed.)

As a treat for both ladies – to say nothing of Barney and me – we concluded the meal with "little pots of chocolate" made with some of the very dark chocolate Barney had brought from the village just before meeting Midge on her way out of the pharmacy. She'd bought an EPT and persuaded the pharmacist to let her use the staff loo to carry out the test.

Midge avoided wine during most of the meal, but I persuaded her that a small glass of vin doux to wash the rich and bitter taste of the chocolate down wouldn't do the foetus any harm. Getting Midge pregnant wasn't discussed during the meal, but after we'd cleared the table and were sitting in the comfortable chairs and sofa, the television stayed off and Demelza opened the subject.

'As I understand it, from what Midge has told me, both of you fucked her.'

Barney was not good at quick answers, so I told her what had happened.

Midge looked up at me as I finished explaining how she certainly had not been treated like a one night stand – Barney and I had fucked her several times, daily, for two months or more.

'And that's supposed to make her feel better?' Demelza asked. She turned to Midge. 'You poor girl. It must have been awful – being treated as their sex slave all that time.'

Midge blushed and shook her head. 'It wasn't like that, ' she said. 'They were both very nice to me, and I wanted them to fuck me. Don't forget, thanks to my lummox of a brother, I believed I was quite safe as long as it was only them doing it.'

Demelza shifted her gaze from me to Barney.

'I suppose you tell all the girls a version of that tale, ' she accused.

He shook his head, also blushing. 'I've never ... done it ... with any other girl, ' he said.

Demelza cracked a smile. 'Oh. Well, at least, that means you would be clean.' She looked at me. 'And you? Do you sleep around?'

'You've got to be joking, ' I told her. 'Chance would be a fine thing.'

She looked at Midge. 'Well, it seems that both of them were free of any STI, so that's a good thing. I mean, you hadn't... ?'

Midge looked down, her blush returning. 'No. I was a virgin.'

'Good. Ideal, I'd say, ' Demelza said.

I supposed she was talking only about our disease-free status, and not about the fact that Barney and I had both committed incest, many times, with Midge and got her pregnant. What Demelza said next shocked even me.

She looked at Barney. 'Have you fucked your sister today?'

He shook his head violently. 'No.'

'Don't you think you should? She must be on the point of climbing the walls with frustration. Pregnant women get very horny, you know. The ones I know, anyway, ' she added.

She raised her eyebrows in the manner of one expecting him to respond at once. Barney touched Midge's shoulder and somewhat to my surprise, she rose and they went upstairs with scarcely a murmur.

Demelza looked at me from where she sat on the sofa, and patted the empty cushion beside her. Her eyebrows rose again, and I moved to sit beside her. As soon as I was close enough, she put an arm round me and kissed me – on the lips.

It was like a rerun of what had happened earlier in my study: a searing, tongue-lashed kiss and her boobs and thigh pressed against me. My cock ached, demanding to be released, more so when her hand rested on it, rubbed it, and then went in search of my zip and waistband fastener.