83: Touching the Sun

Midterms weren't bad for me. They came the week after my birthday and after Nicki's long weekend fall break. We got some loving in, but, of course, Monday we still had shows to produce and as soon as the morning production was over, Nicki had to head for the airport. The good news was that she'd put together a group of five student writers who were pumping out fresh material for Elaine. There was still a bit of lag time between the current events that were slipping into her monologues and the actual broadcast time. We were going to have to deal with that. Nicki had convinced us to put in a FAX machine and new material was being FAXed to Elaine every afternoon. I couldn't imagine how Nicki was ever going to get a novel written!

One of the odd things about education is that the more advanced the class, the less rigorous the tests. Maybe I'm not saying that right. It's not like the test itself was easy, but that less emphasis was placed on the test. There isn't a specific set of answers that you can choose from a list in a soft science like Telecommunications. For instance, there was no midterm exam at all for Intro to Research Methods. We had a short paper due. On the other hand, the Media Organizations class had a two-hour exam with three case studies. In each, we read a problem facing a media organization—one local broadcast station, one newspaper, and one radio network—and had to analyze the effects different decisions would have on the company. Rhonda and I were both a little daunted by that one.

But on the other hand, everything was focused on writing the thesis or dissertation. While I had to maintain a grade-point average of 3.0, that's not what the degree would be based on. The degree would be based on how well I expressed my understanding of the subject and defended it in my thesis. I was lucky that I liked to write.

Nor was my degree in chemistry a waste. Chemistry requires a certain precision and careful analysis that could be brought to bear on the softer science. I found that many of my classmates, while very sharp, depended more on their feelings and intuition in analyzing the case studies. If you've got great intuition, no problem. Unfortunately, only about one out of five people in the class could look at the problem and jump to a conclusion with any degree of sense. I didn't feel at a disadvantage.

"We need a break," Elaine sighed. It was Halloween and none of us had the energy to even eat candy. Though I had to admit that leading cowgirl Ellie and cowboy Matt around the village on Toby and Tyler to trick or treat was a blast. Rhonda and Theresa even swung up in the saddle behind the kids and rode down to Del and Maribelle's house. They were appropriately oohed and aahed over at all the tribal homes. Even Jess and Maggie had a little something for them. Of course, they stopped at their own homes, at the big house, at Casa del Sol and Casa de la Tierra, at the dormitories, and at the other side of the bunkhouse duplex where Adam and Warren had taken up residence. They were mighty tired toddlers by the time dinner was finished. Just before dark, we had one other group of kids through the village and ranch. The folks down in the southeast corner had brought about a dozen kids over and we served the parents cider and donuts while the kids went door-to-door. Needless to say, Sunday had not been a nude day on the ranch.

In the wake of dealing with our children, we finally got natural and relaxed around the fireplace with our own cups of cider. Elaine was curled up in my lap as we sipped the sweet spiced drink. We'd been talking about what was on the docket for the next morning's show. We'd done forty consecutive shows and it was telling on all of us.

"Fifteen more and we all get a week off," Rhonda sighed. "I'm sorry, honey. I know this is getting hard. We have to come up with a lighter workload for everyone. It's getting harder to get guests that frequently, too. Just think. That will be fifty-five different audiences and nearly 1500 guests. And we're still out in the boonies."

"You've done such an incredible job producing this whole thing," Liz said. She was sitting on the sofa with Dani stretched out and pillowing her head on Liz's lap. Liz idly petted Dani, spending lots of time smoothing the baby bump. Liz, who was practically phobic about not being interested in ever touching or being touched by a woman! Dani was now in the last trimester and everyone had to touch the baby. Dani's feet were in Josh's lap and he was intent on massaging them. What a lovely domestic scene. Cassie and Mary were leaning back against his knees.

"Nothing would happen without Jennifer," Rhonda said. "Honey, we don't tell you enough how much you mean to us on the show. I hope we let you know how much you mean to us in the family."

"Hmm. Maybe you could remind me with a tasty little treat tonight," Jennifer giggled. Rhonda put a finger to her chin, contemplating the suggestion.

"We-ell. Would you like that with or without a cream filled center?" Rhonda asked. Jen squealed.

"Seriously," I said as I touched Elaine's nose with my own. "How are we going to handle the strain of keeping up daily production? Great that we get a break over Thanksgiving. I assume we get a week at Christmas, too, right? Then what? Every day for five months from January through May? That's really killer."

"I have an idea," Sam said. We all looked at her.

"Tell me, my love," Rhonda said as she cuddled up to Samantha.

"I stay up late," Sam started. "I stay up and watch The Tonight Show. Late Night, The Late Show. Did you know Chevy Chase had his own late night show? I'm glad I caught it. It was only on for two weeks. Elaine started the same day and at least she's still on the air! Anyway, I don't do it every night because I want to be in bed with my lovers, but for a while it was really uncomfortable on my arm, so I started getting up to watch TV. Jay Leno, Conan O'Brien, David Letterman. None of those guys do five shows a week. They average around fifteen to seventeen shows a month."

"They're on every night," I said.

"The show is on every night. They either have guest hosts or repeat an earlier episode. The last year Carson was on, he only did two shows a week, and he still took off on vacation for eight weeks. Leno, Joan Rivers, and a whole bunch of others were his guest hosts," Sam said. "We should do something like that."

"Guest hosts don't give the crew a day off," Elaine said. "Not that I wouldn't appreciate not having to come up with new material every blasted day."

"That's just it," Rhonda said. "None of the rest of us have to come up with new material and perform every day. The rest of us come to work, do our jobs, and go home. The burden is really on you. And Nicki with her team of writers. Everyone else just has a good full-time job."

"I'd have to say a little of that falls on our group, too," I said. "We have to come up with new recipes and menus every day. With Mary, Dani, and me in classes, we're depending a lot on Debbie and Dolly to have everything ready to go. I worry about what will happen when they open the café."

"Nothing wrong with having a guest chef," Rhonda said. "It would be good, though, if you didn't have the same time off as Elaine. That way it wouldn't look like a whole different show when we made the substitutions."

"Aw. I thought we could sneak off for a midweek tryst," Elaine sighed.

"How about a midnight tryst tonight," I whispered. "At about nine-thirty." She giggled.

All we needed now was to find guest hosts and chefs. I thought we were trying to make things easier.

Whitney was on fire. I'd learned to expect this with the opening of basketball season. As soon as practice started in October, she'd begun to brighten up. With the first game on the 16th, it was like she suddenly awoke from her summer nap. It had been almost eleven months since her injury and not playing ball all that time had drained her. She truly loved basketball.

Playing the Lady Hoosier Stars was always a good game. We got to see some of the veterans, not only of IU, but also from ISU, Purdue, and some Indiana natives who had gone out of state for college. These gals knew all the tricks, so our team had to really be on its toes. I was afraid Whitney was going to be pushed into center again, but we had a freshman who could really dominate the position. Whitney brought the ball down court and called the plays.

She was moving well and you really couldn't tell she'd ever been injured. And she was even more deadly in her shooting. She hit three of four from the three-point zone. We had a narrow victory, but the team was psyched and ready to go. She was bouncing around when she got home after the game and couldn't decide if she wanted to spar or fuck. That usually means a real wrestling match and it was no disappointment.

It didn't seem like it should be so hard. We'd done one and two shows a day through our summer camps. Elaine had continued to tape a show a day through several periods. But getting through those last fifteen shows before Thanksgiving break seemed like it would never end. I found myself retreating to the Silo for a while every day. Sometimes, right after taping, I'd jump bareback on Toby or Tyler and head for the woods. We were all getting a little snappish with each other. I was doubting that I'd go back for the second semester of my degree work.

Dumped on top of everything else, the paparazzo popped up at a shoot Heaven was doing. When she spotted him she raised a huge fuss and he was arrested. Of course, that was temporary because there wasn't adequate cause to detain him in that jurisdiction. But we finally had a real name for the guy known as Chase Sanborn and an address for him. Teri Pratt immediately filed suit and pressed charges for trespassing and vandalism. We were going to have court appearances coming up in the middle of the winter.

If that wasn't enough, LWN was pressing to have a court date—you guessed it: during finals week. Art was handling it and filed an extension. Eventually, you'd think LWN would figure out that they were the only ones who were paying anything.

And then there were the wedding plans.

Donna and Lamar were to be married at her father's church in French Lick the Saturday after Thanksgiving. Most of us didn't have a lot to do to prepare. Sunshine and Rose were jointly doing the ceremony, which I thought was extremely cool. But Rhonda was going batshit crazy. Joanne, of course, was to be the maid of honor but she wasn't around to do things like plan a bridal shower and keep Donna calm. Lamar and Donna had been living together for six months. When Donna left the house with Lamar on her birthday back in March, she never really came back to Casa del Fuego. Lamar had graduated from law school and was studying for his Bar exams in February. Donna was helping out with Redress, but had landed a contract to do focus groups for a consulting firm in Indianapolis. They were doing well.

Joanne finally arrived on Sunday but by that time, Rhonda had the shower, the rehearsal, and the other bridal party events planned. Gradually over the week, more people came to the ranch for the holiday. I talked to Geoff, Kevin, and Robyn. They were staying put over Thanksgiving, but planned to fly out to be with us at the beginning of winter break. Kevin was in the hardest classes he'd had so far as he pursued his psychology degree and just didn't feel like he could travel three weeks before finals. I understood. I had a couple of huge papers due in two weeks.

It was hard to believe I could get up on Monday morning and not have to rush to the studio to prep the morning show. Our week off. After forms, I went straight to the silo and stripped. The more involved I was with the studio and studies, the more frequently I was working out. If I didn't warm up carefully, I could still cause a lot of pain in my back where the scar tissue pulled against my muscles. The doctor had said I minimized the damage by being so devoted to my physical therapy. Unfortunately, I'd been in a coma for three weeks after the wound and a bunch of scarring built up internally before I started PT.

You can minimize external scar tissue with the cream I was rubbing on Dani and Samantha each day. In fact, they treated the scars on my stomach and back the same way. But once scar tissue builds up internally, it's very difficult to reduce it. I hated to admit that it was almost a burden to get to my weekly massage on Friday afternoons. My muscles were compensating for the scars, flexing around the damaged tissue and building a few new pathways. Each day was a challenge to keep the muscles limber.

"Master, will you spar with me?" I turned to look at the diminutive woman facing me. I shuddered. The only person I'd sparred with since the shooting was Whitney. She was the only one in the clan I wasn't afraid of hurting. I knew she could take care of herself. I'd seen Judy spar with Whitney, though. I knew she was good. But did I dare actually spar with her?

"I don't think you should call me master," I said, diverting the conversation. "Whitney is the only master here. Except maybe Amy. Amy is just scary."

"No kidding," Judy laughed. "She about tore me apart when we sparred." She calmly removed her clothes and left them with mine by the door.

"You sparred with Amy? I thought Whitney was the only one who had sparred with Amy. And she ended up bruised."

"Yeah. But Whitney said the only way anyone could spar with you was if they could stand up to Amy. I did it," Judy said.

"Ah. Things have progressed beyond where I am. I'm out of the loop. Why would anyone want to face Amy in order to face me?" Judy looked at me with a puzzled expression.

"You're the best," she said simply. "Even Master Xi said so."

"Master Xi could pick me apart with ease."

"He doesn't think so. He says you are the first enlightened master he has ever met."

"Enlightened!" I barked. "Ha! That's a good one. I'm not enlightened. I'm not even a master. Look at me! I'm a twenty-two-year-old runt with more self-doubt than confidence. I have nightmares, for god's sake." Something broke within me. It all came out in a flood. "I'm self-centered and dangerous to the people I love. I have responsibility I don't know how to handle. I question everything. I don't believe in a god and don't believe in an afterlife. I died. There was nothing there. This is it, Judy. This is all we have. If you sacrifice yourself, that is your reward. If you are selfish and harm others, that is also your reward. How we are remembered—that's all we are in the long run. Enlightened people go out and teach others. They ponder great questions. Fuck! They meditate while levitating three feet off the floor. I'm not enlightened. I'm just me. With all the flaws. With all that I love people. With all that I care about. I'm just me."