12: Rat Bastard

Nicki, Cassie, Josh, and Mary were already back in Mishawaka. School started for Cassie and Josh on Thursday. Nicki's family was leaving for Rhode Island on Monday. The other eleven of us in Casa del Fuego cuddled in the harem tent upstairs and talked softly. I had no idea how Drew had died. I didn't care. I just knew I needed to be there for Joanne. I looked at Donna.

"Donna, honey, do you want to go with me? You are Joanne's closest friend from school," I said. She shook her head.

"This is really between you and Joanne," she said. She'd been crying for her friend. "I love her and I talk to her every few weeks since I started college. But I know what she needs. It's you, not me." She stood and looked at the other girls and Rose nodded to her. "Brian, please come shower with me and hold me," Donna said. I went with her to the first bathroom. We'd pretty much divided up where our toiletries were located, but taking a shower didn't seem to be limited to one bathroom or the other. Towels were kept folded on shelves in the bathroom and when we used one, we put it in the laundry. We washed towels every day.

I pulled Donna into my arms and ran my fingers through her hair, getting it wet before I shampooed it. She leaned into me, kissing my shoulders as I massaged her head. Eventually, we made sure each other was very clean, especially in those hard to reach spots.

All of my hearthmates wanted to cuddle with me and offer comfort. We didn't all make love, but there was something about all of us being together that made this something special. At one point, I think all eleven of us managed to get on the top mattress together. I ended up with Rhonda cuddled on one side of me and Rose on the other. Surprisingly, Whitney had claimed Rose's usual spot between my legs and was still nursing on my spent cock. I needed to spend a lot more oral time with Whitney.

"Cónyuge," Rose whispered, "Your hearthmates have all talked. We were busy while you were in the shower with your compañera. Liz ran across the lawn to visit Rachel, Doreen, and Brenda. We know that you don't go out looking to get laid—especially when you are comforting a dear friend at a funeral. But we also know that there is a ... history between you and Heaven. If things are as bad with her parents as you say, she may need you. Need you in ways that you would hesitate to give if we didn't talk to you first." I could see what was coming. It made me uncomfortable and I started to shake my head.

"Novia," Rhonda took over. "Years ago, we sent you to Heaven's arms just expecting you to make love with her, in spite of our agreement. You showed us that night how much you love and respect each of us. We've never had the opportunity to truly show how much we love and respect you. After all you have done for us and the way you have cared for us, we still are selfish about you. We can't be that way this weekend—maybe not ever again."

"What we're saying," Whitney added, letting my cock slip from her lips, "is that when you see Heaven, be whatever you need to be with her. If you are just friends and she needs you to hold her, then hold her. Comfort her. But if she needs you to make love to her, and you feel it's right, then make love to her. We all know how much you've loved each other for years. We made a special area in Stall Five for your file cabinet full of her pictures. Brian, if you love her and she needs you, then it is all right with us."

"There's one thing, though," Courtney whispered. All the girls started giggling. Apparently they knew what Courtney was going to ask. "If you do it, please ask for her explicit permission to tell us every detail. We don't see Heaven like we see each other. We tell each other everything. We just want to share her experience, too."

"You know that goes two ways," I laughed.

"Yeah. If you need to tell her that I love to have you play with my bottom and bump my asshole until you slide inside and pump out your sperm in my bottom, go ahead and tell her. Maybe it will be an inspiration."

"Courtney, I think you started something," Whitney said, popping off my now rigid cock. "You might have to get your little bubble butt over here and take care of it."

"Oh, yes!" Courtney laughed. But she didn't move. No matter what she said, Whitney had claimed the attention of my cock and continued long slow strokes in and out of her mouth.

"No restrictions, Brian," Rose said. Rhonda had begun licking and sucking on my left nipple while Whitney bobbed on my cock. It was getting hard to concentrate on anything else. Rose wiggled up higher and fed me her nipple. She gasped when I latched on. Jennifer leaned over our matrón and began playing with my right nipple. Hands were on my torso. Sora was kissing and sucking on the toes of one foot while Liz massaged the other. Samantha pulled at the hand that was around Rhonda and guided my fingers into her hairless slit. "No restrictions, Brian," Rose repeated. "Whatever you do is right for you and Heaven. Using a condom is up to her. Making love is between the two of you. Being in love has already been decided."

It had also been decided that I was going to come so hard, attended by my ten lovers, that I would not wake up until morning. Whitney, who rarely gave me a blow job, drained me completely.

We were out and did our forms at six-thirty, and I went in to get my overnight bag so I could head north. Each and every one of my lovers had put a little something special in the bag for me. A note. A little chocolate heart. A picture. I was only going to be gone the weekend but they treated it like I would be gone for years. I tossed my bag in the back of the Suburban and kissed each of them again.

The door of the trailer slammed and Susan came running to the car with her backpack. She threw it in the backseat and got in the passenger side.

"What is... ?"

"Susan asked if she could ride back with you today, instead of waiting until her parents arrive on Sunday. We kind of thought it was a good idea for you to have company on the ride," Jennifer said, kissing me again.

"We thought that, did we?" I asked.

"Well... ,"

"Little Girl Scout?"

"I had a birthday, so I'm older than you again," she said. "But I feel a little sad."

"Why is that?"

"You didn't even give me a birthday spanking. You must not love me," she sighed.

"Jennifer?" She was shaking like a leaf.

"When you get back, Brian? Please? Just one. Smack. On my bare bottom?"

I pushed my hand beneath the waistband of her shorts so I could hold the cheek in question. She shuddered.

"Just because it's for your birthday. But you know my rule. I'll tell you when and where." She hugged me fiercely and ground herself into me. "I love you, little Girl Scout."

Susan was pleasant company on the ride back to Mishawaka. She didn't try to sit in the middle seat or to tease. She did hit me with a couple comments that seemed out of the blue.

"I thought we'd just fall apart this year. By the time you were a junior, you had more than twenty in your group and were having sex. I'm not ready for that and, with the possible exception of Lexi, I don't think anyone else in our group is. Well, maybe Mary and George, but they'll both be eighteen this fall. I mean the juniors, you know?"

"I think we were all pretty highly sexed from the beginning in the old group. We actually created the agreement to keep us from having sex, not so we could go at it," I explained.

"We've been told. But I don't think there is anyone in our part of the group who looks around at the others and thinks her life mate is among them. And don't get me wrong, Brian. I think you are really cool and can't thank you enough for letting us come down and work on the ranch this summer. But when I choose a guy, I'm not going to sit around waiting night after night for my turn to make love. Once he nails me, that's the last new pussy his dick is ever going to see." She giggled. I'm not sure Susan had ever used words like that before.

"Everyone is different. Lionel and Sugar are exclusive. Josh and Cassie are exclusive, even though Mary plays with them some. I don't think anyone will have to wait her turn to be with Josh."

"That's what I like about the clan," Susan continued. "I think ... Feel? Believe? Anyway, when we actually get to the point in our lives where we've got significant others, they'll be welcome. Like you all just welcomed Sandy when Doug said she was part of his casa. I never heard one negative word, like 'Who does she think she is?' or 'She didn't go to school with us.' You all just hugged her and said welcome. I like to believe that when I bring my true love to a clan campfire, he'll just get a big hug from everyone. Including all those with pussies his dick will never see," she laughed.

Talking with Susan helped make the ride shorter and kept me from obsessing the whole way about seeing Heaven.

"Since we've taken over the attic, I guess you get your parents' old room," Anna said. "We had two burly men deliver a new bed and force it upstairs. I don't think they stopped swearing until they were out of the driveway and gone. This bed is fine, though, and there's plenty of bedding for it." She stopped inside the door as she watched me toss my bag down. "It has lots of good memories, too," she whispered.

"Are you still happy, Anna?"

"Delirious," she laughed. "I've never felt so loved in my life," she suddenly sobbed. "Thank you, Brian. Thank you for bringing me to Harry and Nona. Thank you for bringing them into my life." She hugged me and then pushed away. "I've been watching the activity at the neighbors'. I'm certain Joanne has not arrived yet. Let's have some lunch."

It was hard just waiting, even though Anna kept me talking and suggested we try a recipe for paella that she found for dinner. We had fun talking and then I heard tires on the cinders outside. A car pulled up to Joanne's house and I went outside. I paused as a guy got out of the driver's side, but then Joanne stepped out of the other side.

I decided not to wait this time. I went straight to her and she saw me coming. She glanced quickly at her companion and then crossed to meet me between our houses. I hugged her and we just held each other for a moment.

"I know you have a lot to deal with but I want you to know that I'm here if you need me. Just let me know, okay?"

"You came. They all hate me, but you came."

"No one hates you, Joanne. They're all just dealing with their grief. And you know that no matter what, I still love you."

"No matter what," she repeated. "Midnight in the barn, okay?" she whispered. Then she went to join her companion and go into the house.

I occupied the rest of my day with the horses. They all wanted attention and I eschewed saddles and pads and just swung up on each of the horses bareback for a little trip around the field with the other two tagging along and pestering me the whole time.

"Dad? Would it be okay for me to take the horses back to Bloomington with me now? The construction traffic and rubble is cleared. I know a few people who would love to have them closer," I said at dinner.

"Hmm. Could you stand to give the old folks a lift down with you? We'll pack up the camper and drive back on Monday morning."

"You know we'll all be running around like crazy Monday morning. That's when classes start," I reminded them.

"Of course," Mom said. "Why do you think we need to come down with you? We need your first day of school photo."

"Mo-om." We all laughed. It was good to be with them.

Almost four years ago, I was told at midnight on New Year's Eve to go sleep in the hayloft when I got home. Aside from getting hay for the horses, there was never a reason to go to the hayloft. I was tremendously excited. In fact, I was a wreck. The very thought of Heaven awaiting me in the hayloft set all my nerves on edge. I walked around with a perpetual erection or the fear that I would never get one. Joanne was my fantasy for, oh, the last eighteen years or so. I still often awoke at night realizing I'd been dreaming about her. I loved her. I admitted it. I guess everyone knew it.

That's why I was so surprised when I realized how incredibly calm I was. When Moms and Dad went to bed, I sat up in Dad's chair with the TV on and got involved in a silly old romantic comedy with Audrey Hepburn and Cary Grant. I realized with a start that it was almost midnight and I hadn't even checked on my sleeping bag. I thought that it must be down in Bloomington. I went into the bedroom to see if I could find something and neatly folded at the foot of the bed was Joanne's quilt that she brought to the hayloft years ago.

I smiled. We were kids. I wondered what she would want tonight. Certainly not to sit on a hay bale with nothing to protect her skin or clothes. I picked up the quilt and headed for the barn.

I wasn't actually late getting there, so I didn't think she given up and left already, but I was surprised that she wasn't out there already. Still, she probably had other things to do and might not even join me. I spread the blanket, used the electric Coleman lantern that I grabbed from the garage on the way out, and settled down to read for a while. I'd picked up my literary criticism text at the bookstore and brought it along to get a head start on the reading.

I fell asleep.

I woke up, knowing it was four-thirty and automatically whispered a good morning to Rhonda. After all this time, she was still my first thought when I opened my eyes.

My second thought was the soft blonde hair tucked under my chin and spread across my shoulder. My arm was wrapped around her and I wondered if I had been awake enough at one point to do that or if she'd arranged me in my sleep. I shifted slightly so I could see her better. She stirred and went back to sleep.

Sometimes I believed what I saw in the magazines and all the photos I'd collected. I believed she was a glamour girl with perfect skin and a perfect body, always perfectly coifed and perfectly attired. That was the only way anyone ever saw her. The girl lying next to me had tangled hair with a stray bit of hay caught in it. She had a little pimple on her jaw next to her ear. She wore an old t-shirt and a ratty pair of sweatpants. She snored softly against my chest and there was a wet spot where she drooled.

She was beautiful.

One arm was thrown across my chest and I lay my hand on it, feeling the warm texture of her skin and the fine blonde hair that grew on her arm. She didn't stir again, so I just lay there watching her—touching her arm softly and holding her. I fell back to sleep.

When I woke up, it was daylight and she was gone.

I went into the house and started making up bread. It was only six o'clock and everyone was taking the day off. I knew they'd like bread. When it was ready to rise, I went to the backyard and started doing my forms. I did them very slowly and deliberately. I tried to focus on each one and let my consciousness sink into the background as I flowed from one to the next. I emptied my mind until there was no one there to talk to me. I was the earth. I was the water. I was the wind.

"That is so beautiful," Joanne said softly as I came to rest. I was exhausted but energized. Sweat was pouring off my body. I refocused on the here and now.

She hadn't dressed for the funeral yet, but she'd obviously showered, dried and styled her hair, and applied a touch of makeup but not enough to call attention to it. She wore skinny jeans and a pressed cotton blouse. Even with this casual attire, she wore high heels.

"I didn't know you were watching," I said, after I'd taken in every inch of her beauty. Somehow, what I'd seen early this morning made what I saw now seem a little artificial. "I'd hug you but I don't want to mess up your outfit." She smiled.

"You hugged me earlier. Thank you for last night. I just wanted to come over and tell you that. I really needed you."

"Any time, Joanne. You know that."

"I do," she said. She tilted her head down a little and looked up at me in a pose I recognized from one of her magazine spreads. I wondered if they came naturally or if she'd had to learn them from the photographers. "Tonight?"

"Of course."

"I'll see you after ... You know." She turned and walked back to her house. I went into mine and straight to the shower. I was a little self-conscious using the master bath for my shower. I almost ran upstairs before I realized my parents had occupied that part of the house. The downstairs master had been scrubbed of pretty much everything that would make it look like my parents' room.

After I had clean clothes on, I went out to put the bread in the oven and start making breakfast. There was no bacon. The sausage was made of turkey. There were no eggs. Instead there were cartons of Egg Beaters. I should probably figure out ways to cook more healthful meals for my casa instead of such rich food. That freshman fifteen would be no joking matter before long.

"I smell bread," Anna said dreamily as she came into the kitchen. I handed her a cup of coffee enhanced with chocolate. She practically purred. Mom and Dad came to the kitchen table and I repeated the coffee rituals with their own special fixings. The bread came out of the oven and I started slicing it while it was still hot and steamy. "Our son is home," Anna said as she took a big bite of the crusty end that she liked the best.