114: Suddenly Last Summer

By the last week of August, everyone had come home to the ranch. Angela and Del were taking a month to move to her new position at The Hutch in Seattle. They were spending the first two weeks at the ranch. She did a lot of hovering over Doug and reviewing his medical records to see if she could spot anything the doctors had missed in his bone marrow transplant.

“I’m going to find a cure for this, Doug. Just hang on. As soon as I get to Seattle I’ll make arrangements for you to come out. You’re still strong. We can get through this,” she said. Del had made arrangements for their move and had already been out to find a place for them to live. Before the holiday weekend was over, Rose would be performing a wedding.

TK came for a week’s vacation from Chicago where she’d been working as an assistant manager in a major hotel. She was on track to move as soon as one of the management positions in the chain opened up. She, too, was all over Doug and begged to have some one-on-one time with him. Doug took her into the house, stripped and held her in his own version of the big chair. That was all. He apologized, but said that all his equipment was working at the same pace as his brain. He kissed and cuddled TK, though, and she stayed in his arms most of an afternoon. I was familiar with that scene. It wasn’t uncommon to find Doreen, Rachel, or Sandy in that position with their cónyuge. Liz had been there several times as well. I was happy to find Dani cuddled with him. It certainly wasn’t unusual for Xan to lend her comfort and support. When it came down to it, I think all the old-timers spent time with Doug. Certainly Carl, Geoff, Josh, Lionel, and I all hung out with him. We even got him out one day for basketball. We didn’t play a game, but we shot baskets for about half an hour before Doug was too tired and had to take a nap. Brenda, Sam, Rhonda, Jen, Courtney, Sugar, Donna, Elaine, Rose, Cassie, Mary. As soon as Whitney got in on Wednesday she went to visit and cuddle with him. The only person who wasn’t home for the Labor Day weekend was Renee. Lamar had told me she’d talked to him, but just wasn’t ready.

The taping of the first two episodes of What’s Wrong with the Picture? was finished. Joyce was working on editing and effects. Sandy had created some great graphics for the titles and transitions. Melanie had a lot of experience working on stage, but aside from a commercial she once shot, had no film experience. She had been thrown by the non-sequential nature of shooting, and by the fact that nearly half her scenes didn’t involve any of the other characters and were shot in front of a blue screen. It wasn’t uncommon for movies to be made that way, but Courtney’s non-linear editing technology and the upgrades in our computer system were making some amazing things possible. Up to this time, most miniseries were filmed, edited, and then transferred to tape. Going direct to digital cut a huge amount of our costs.

And then it was Saturday night.

ME: This is our first show of Date Night In. You can see our web address at the bottom of the screen. You’ll find all the recipes and a little about the movie we’ll watch tonight while we cook up a little romance for our date night.

COURTNEY: While we’re watching the movie, we’ll also be monitoring the comments on our website. We’ll include you in our little party. Please keep it clean. Brian and I don’t need your suggestions of what to do after the movie is over.

ME: It’s quick to prepare our oven baked chicken tonight. Let’s get it in the oven and take our appetizers to the sofa.

I quickly seasoned the chicken breasts, stuffed them with asparagus spears, put chicken stock in the casserole and popped it in the oven at 325.

“That could almost have been considered mean,” Rhonda laughed when we stumbled in after the show.

“I’d agree if it weren’t for the make-out session we had during the first movie segment,” Courtney laughed.

“I have to be the luckiest guy in the world,” I moaned. “If you’ll excuse us, my date with my courtesan is not over yet. I have to further examine the alleged pregnancy. In depth. I shall probe the cause of this phenomenon. I will immerse myself in the details. I’ll...”

“Go to bed horny if you don’t shut up and take me upstairs,” Courtney complained as she grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the stairs.

Moms and Dad joined us for the bonfire Sunday night. I was happy to see Rachel’s folks and Sheriff Donaldson with Jim and Jill Swift. There were a few other parents around, but mostly they were residents of the village. Joanne and Amy got in late in the morning. Even Eric and Nancy had come back to the ranch for the night. Sora and Tim got there Saturday afternoon. Just after the fire was lit, I saw a car pull into the studio parking lot. I watched as Renee and her mother got out and approached the fire.

“Renee, I’m so happy to see you,” I said.

“I’m happy to see you, too, Brian. I’m sorry I’ve been so elusive. I had to hide out for a while until I was sure Tom was going to obey the restraining order. I didn’t want to bring trouble to the ranch.”

“Oh, Renee, you know we’d do anything to protect you. Are you doing okay? Will you come back to live with us?”

“You don’t have to tell me, Brian. You’ve proven it over and over. I guess now I have to find a new job and figure out what to do with my life again. I sure can pick ‘em.”

“There’s always a place with us.”

“We’ve got excitement,” Rose announced after sundown. We’d roasted hotdogs and had a Labor Day party around the fire. The kids were beginning to wear down, fascinated now by the lightning bugs and trying to catch them. Rose got things started. “We’ve taken a poll and we have the entire clan together for the first time in years! This is better than homecoming.” We all cheered. Once I connected with Renee, she hadn’t left my side all evening. She wanted to say hi to everyone, but didn’t want to be far from either me or Lamar. I was glad she was still on good terms with Lamar. Donna hugged her tightly and welcomed her home. There was no threat or jealousy between the two. Rose continued, “Including the children, there are officially eighty-two in the clan. We’re going to change that some tonight. First of all, I want to ask Angela to join me.”

“Matrón and Clan of the Heart, I want to introduce you to my novia and fiancé, Del Olmquist. I would like to petition to have Del adopted into our clan,” Angela said.

“We have heard your petition and agree to adopt Del into the Clan of the Heart,” Rose said. “Del, in honor of this, we are presenting you with a white clan belt and hope you will wear it with pride.”

“Thank you, Matrón,” Del said. “We would also like to ask our Patrón and Angela’s mother, Dinita, to join us.” I stepped up beside Angela and Dinita stepped up beside Del. “We’d love it if all of Casa del Fuego also joined us as we unite in both our handfasting and marriage.”

The rest of the group gathered around. Rose conducted the brief rituals, wrapping a red thread around the hands of Del and Angela and then having them pronounce their wedding vows and accept each other’s wedding ring. There was a big cheer and a lot of hugging and kissing. They were a perfect pair.

“I am not separating from Casa del Fuego,” Angela said. “We’ll be far away physically in Seattle, but a bit of my heart will stay right here in the big house.”

“We’ve had a bit of a delay in welcoming Debbie and Dolly into the clan until George got around to establishing their own new casa,” Rose said. “George?”

“Hi. I’d like to introduce my cónyuge, Deborah and Dorothy Wood and my children, George Jr. and Danielle McCall. I would like to petition the clan for adoption of my family and recognition of our union.”

“Debbie, Dolly, George, and Danielle, please come and join George,” Rose said. Debbie and Dolly had their babies in their arms, but managed to hold out their hands, joined to George as Rose wrapped a sky blue thread around their wrists. They all kissed and broke their thread.

“In the tradition of the families, we would like to announce the formation of Casa de Borbón. It was part of the deal in order for us to inherit the still.” We all laughed. “Our color, in recognition that I came from Casa del Agua, is sky blue. We will always consider you our parent casa.”

“And then there were eighty-seven,” Rose said. “But not for long! In case any of you missed the news during the premiere of Date Night In last night, Courtney has a bun in the oven. And just a month ahead of her, Doreen is expecting her next child. We’re going to have a wonderful spring.” There was a lot of applause. I half expected someone else to pipe up and say she was pregnant but apparently it was only the two at the moment. We were going to keep Cassie’s school operating at capacity, even though Stephanie decided she would like to attend the public school so she could make friends her own age. “We’ve got one more presentation. Doug has asked for the opportunity to talk to everyone. Doug.”

“Hi everybody,” Doug said. “In case you missed the news, I’m sick. I don’t mean the sicko you tried to avoid in high school. I’ve got non-Hodgkins lymphoma. It’s a sucky disease. It made me lose all my hair. Not that there was much left to lose. My mom’s dad was a cue ball, too. My kids, James and Brian, don’t have anything to worry about because Rachel’s dad still has a full head of hair. I’m sorry about Claudia, though. If she has any sons they’ll probably get the chrome-dome look as well.” We all laughed at that, but we were really thinking about Doug being sick.

“Well, here’s the thing,” he continued. “I had a bone marrow transplant the first of June and it didn’t work. I’m dying.” There were some gasps. “Get ahold of yourselves, guys. You all are dying, too. I’m just doing it a little faster.” Matthew ran up and hugged his dad around the waist. Doug knelt and kissed our son. Then he stood and kept going.

“Dying isn’t a problem. Matt and I have talked about it a lot and he’s helping his brothers and sisters understand what’s going on. No. The problem is that I don’t trust any of you to do my eulogy when I’m gone. Just look at Brian and Carl, my best friends in the world, and they’re both standing there with tears running down their cheeks. They just can’t see the humor in this. I can. So I’ve decided to do my own eulogy now while I’m strong enough to stand up here and be heard.” Christ! He was right of course. Just saying what he did had all of us crying.

“Back between fourth and fifth grade, Carl and I put on a growth spurt. Suddenly we were almost six feet tall. It was awesome. We both wanted to play basketball. Then Carl’s brother and two of his friends hauled us aside. They were going into junior high. It didn’t make any difference how big we were, they were tougher. Once Carl and I were lying on the ground with the three guys sitting on us to make sure we didn’t move, Bill told us how the world was going to work. He said that we had a choice to make. That we could be self-centered jocks who were worshiped but never liked, or we could find a particular little kid in our class and make sure nobody picked on him. He said that if we chose the first route that he’d just write us off and go find someone else. We’d be okay, but we’d never know what life could have been. But if we chose the latter, we’d be like the trusted guards of a prince and everything he accomplished would brush off on us, too. He capped it off with words that I’ll never forget. ‘Joanne said you should be friends with Brian Frost and make sure no one hurts him.” I looked over at Joanne, standing with Adam, Amy, and Warren near the fire.

“That was really all it took. If Joanne wanted us to do that, we’d do it. Her brother wasn’t all that happy about it, but it worked out for us. And the thing is, it wasn’t a chore. Once we got to know him, we discovered he wasn’t just a runt geek. He actually explained sex to us the way Angela over there taught him at summer camp. It was awesome! But you know what else happened? Five of the hottest girls in fifth grade invited us to sit at their lunch table. Not one! Five! And they weren’t just interested in Brian. That was the day ... the very day that I fell in love with Rachel. How many people in the world we live in have twenty years with the love of their lives? I know, it’s only been eighteen so far, but I’m not dead yet! I love you, Rachel.” Rachel rushed to Doug with Raven in her arms and kissed him fervently as the rest of us applauded. Of course, Doug wasn’t finished.

“I’m not going to go through everything that happened in school. A few things, though, are as fresh in my mind today as they were the day they happened. I thought I was going to flat-out die the day I took a pen and signed the agreement. Let me tell you something. It is not natural for a fourteen-year-old boy to sign a paper that says basically that he’s going to share the love of his life with a bunch of other guys and a few girls, but that in return he would get to date and kiss and ... stuff, with a dozen other fabulous women. Then two dozen. Then more. I’ve had more naked girls sitting in my lap in the past week than most guys have in a lifetime. And I love each and every one of you. I am so blessed to have you all in my life.”

There was a little shuffling around and a lot of grins as those of us who signed the original agreement remembered how we felt. It seemed like we were giving up so much, but at the same time it was opening doors for us that none of our peers could even glimpse.

“I have three of the most fabulous wives that could ever be imagined,” Doug continued. “Sandy and Doreen, bring the rest of the kids and join Rache and me. I grew up loving my sister more than any human being on earth. Mom and Dad, we’ve talked and you know what I’m saying, so please don’t be sad about this. You gave Doreen and me one of the most precious gifts imaginable when you gave us each other. And even though we obeyed the conventions of society for the better part of twenty-seven years, I am proud to say that the baby my sister is carrying within her is my child. I don’t think any of the rest of you would have mentioned that in my eulogy. I can just hear it. ‘Oh man, he fucked his sister.’ This child, whether I am still here when he’s born or not, is my child and I am so proud Doreen chose me to be his father. Kids, don’t try this at home. We’re trained professionals.”