The microwave, a gift from Mary’s dad twenty years ago when she went off to college, finally kicked the bucket. “It’s like losing a dear old friend,” she told her husband, Tom.

“Really? How many dear old friends have you lost?”

“Well, there was Snapper.”

“Who was Snapper?”

“My dog. Now that I think about it, he died right around the time Dad gave me the microwave. I wonder if...”

“If we get a new microwave we can name him Snapper,” Tom said.

“What do you mean if? We have to have a microwave. And why do you think a microwave would be a boy?”

Tom didn’t answer. That afternoon he stopped at Best Buy and picked up a new microwave.

“Wow,” Mary said. “It’s so sleek. Takes up a lot less room that the old one.”

“Than good old Snapper,” Tom couldn’t help saying.

Mary punched him in the arm.

“Okay, so what shall we name the new one? Fluffy?” Tom suggested, after he’d plugged it in and set the time.

“Felix,” said Mary.

“Why?”

“I don’t know. It just came to me. Let’s try it out. Look at all the controls. Too complicated.”

“The old one had controls too, you just never used them,” Tom said.

Mary poured about half a cup of the morning coffee into her favorite mug. She pushed the buttons and the microwave sprang into action. “That-a-boy, Felix, show your stuff.”

“What did you give it?” Tom asked.

“Thirty-three, just like the old one,” Mary said. The machine beeped.

“Oh, I like the beep,” Mary said as she opened the door. “Oh no!”

“What?”

“It boiled over. Get some towels. Ouch, hot.”

After they cleaned the microwave, Mary poured the coffee into the sink, rinsed the mug, and poured in a fresh half cup. “I’m going to give it twenty-two this time...”

It didn’t boil over but it was still too hot. “Oh, Felix,” Mary sighed. “Now what do I do? There’s not enough old coffee for another test.”

“Just use water,” Tom suggested. “Make it room temperature.”

Mary did more testing and decided that 17 seconds was just right.

“I’m so proud of you, my little scientist,” Tom said, giving her a hug.

“I can’t wait to try it out for real tomorrow morning,” Mary said. “Make some coffee now.”

Tom poured the beans, a mix of French dark roast and decaf, into the grinder while Mary put a kettle of water on the stove. While they waited for the water to boil, Tom said, “You’re going to save sixteen seconds with each reheated cup of coffee. Let’s see, you reheat every other day, that’s about, let’s say 200 reheats a year—that’s a savings of 3200 seconds, divide by 60, that’s more than fifty minutes, almost an hour a year. Gosh, Mary, what are you going to do with the extra time? I know. On blowjob mornings you can give me sixteen extra seconds.”

“Shut up and grind the beans,” Mary said.