Chapter 3

It was easy to fall into the monotonous rhythm of the days. Cassie woke up late in the morning, took a shower, went to work, came back, bit her tongue during the dinner conversation, watched dumb summer TV with her dad, chatted online with Rainey and Leigha until she was tired, got caught in a Wiki wormhole despite knowing she should really go to bed, and finally got some sleep. Her conversations with her family members and most of her co-workers were brisk and businesslike – no need to get in an argument when the promise of college was so close. She hadn't seen or heard from Sara since that morning at Ms. Bright's house, and she never appeared logged in on Skype. Cassie was fairly sure that she had been blocked.

The only part of this routine that really held intrigue for Cassie was Devin. Her shifts seemed to always overlap with the new girl's, and she was often called on to explain some arcane element of the cashier system or correct some shelving error. Devin's attitude seemed to change daily. Sometimes she would be distant, not making eye contact and only nodding curtly at each instruction. Other days she would be smiling, taking any excuse to touch Cassie on the hand or shoulder, and chat on and on about nothing. There had been no more kisses. Still, Cassie couldn't deny that this was how she herself had acted around her first crush, poor Jill Wozniak. Back then, in the hellish halls of middle school, she had raged between trying every strategy to get freckle-faced Jill's attention and wondering why she wanted it so bad.

But if Devin was gay, or bi, this surely couldn't be her first crush. She was older than Cassie, with a year of uni under her belt. Maybe this was just awkwardness over the kiss. And maybe the kiss was just a spontaneous act never to be replicated, that didn't stem from any kind of homosexual desire.

Sure. And maybe Devin was an alien from Saturn.

Finally, Cassie decided to do something about it. During a dry spell in the middle of the day, she leaned across her cash and beckoned to Devin, who was working the next aisle. "What's up, D?"

Devin turned around. She was in her nervous mood, stammering and playing with her hair as she talked just a little too fast. "Oh, nothing. I mean, not nothing, I'm working. What about you?"

"Well, I'm working too," said Cassie with a slight smile. "But fortunately, I'm not gonna be working all day. When do you get off."

"Um ... five? Six? No, five."

"Great! What do you say we go grab some burgers after this? Anything to save me another family dinner." That was, indeed, one of Cassie's motivation. The other was to get Devin pinned down outside of a work situation and figure out how she felt. And then maybe get her pinned down in more literal ways.

Devin clutched those raven strands in her hand, obviously locked in indecision. Then she let slip a smile and nodded. "Okay! I mean, sure. Ernie's?"

"Where else?"

"Great!" Devin just stared at her for a moment, awkwardly.

"Devin, you've got three customers behind you, and they all have four bags of different types of mushrooms."

The other girl, spun around, anxious. Cassie had to laugh. "Just joking. You gotta learn, the hardest part of this job is staying sane when nothing's happening."

"I've worked retail before," Devin said, looking over her shoulder. "But I always thought that the worst part was dealing with dumbass customers."

"Well, you get those occasionally," said Cassie.

--And so they whittled away a quiet summer afternoon trading retail horror stories, making each other laugh and occasionally get distracted from an actual, always irritated-looking customer. By the time they hung up their uniform aprons and headed to Devin's well-worn car, the awkwardness between them seemed to have evaporated.

Ernie's was a fast food restaurant chain unknown outside of this corner of the state, but those who knew it loved it. The hamburgers were tasty, but in truth the food as a whole wasn't much better than the usual food court garbage. But unlike the McDonald's or Burger King, it felt to the people of the down like something that belonged to them, and was a place you could always find someone you know.

Aggie, behind the counter at seemingly all times, was one of those people. She had seemingly known everyone in the town since their birth, and had been working at Ernie's the whole time. "Well how's it going Cassie," she said the instant they walked in the door. "And you've got little Devin with you too. I didn't know you two were friends. Of course, I guess you're both working at the grocery now."

"That's right," said Cassie, wondering if Aggie had a network of spies all around town. "Can I get a cheeseburger combo with Sprite, please?"

"Veggie burger. No combo," said Devin, who suddenly seemed nervous again.

"Coming right up." Aggie shouted the order to the kitchen behind her. "You know, I remember when you girls were both about knee high. It's crazy how you've grown."

"Yeah, well, aging works like that," Devin said.

Cassie ushered her co-worker away. "We'll take a seat."

Devin picked out a corner booth and promptly began staring out the window. Cassie sat across from her. "So Dev, what are you studying in school?"

"Don't call me Dev," the other girl said, not meeting Cassie's eyes. "Makes me sound like an Indian guy."

"Um ... sorry?"

Devin laughed at herself. "Sorry if I sound grouchy. It's just that my ex-boyfriend always called me that. Well, when he wasn't calling me 'baby' or 'frigid bitch'. Bad memories."

"I get it," said Cassie. "I have an ex-girlfriend who can be a real pain in the ass."

Devin raised an eyebrow at that, but didn't comment. "As for your question, I'm in English. I just really love all of that Romantic and early modern stuff. Poetry, plays, circuitous essays, dirty lyrics that are ostensibly about God ... I'm probably the only girl you know who's wrote a sonnet cycle."

"About the ex?"

"God no. It was about Chris Hemsworth. I had just gone through puberty, you see..."

Both girls laughed. Aggie arrived with their food and, after some semi-invasive small talk, went back to doing her job.

"So what are you going to study?" Devin said.

"Well, I'm undeclared right now," said Cassie. "Honestly, it seems like a big decision. I just want to be in that environment. You know, to be surrounded by intellectuals and ideas and cool people my age instead of, you know, this."

"To be honest, I'm happy to see places like this after a year away," Devin said. "You get homesick, even if you don't think you will. And college isn't really the ivory tower they talk about in the brochure. Most of the people I know are just concerned with getting drunk and having sex, and the school just wants to squeeze as much money out of you as possible."

"So it's no worse than here, is what you're saying?"

Devin chuckled. "That's one way of thinking about it."

The two girls then dug into their burgers, thick juicy patties full of unhealthy goodness. In between bites, Devin related the inconveniences of college life – a noisy and smelly roommate, a lack of money, term papers demanded on an insane schedule. Cassie listened intently, but if Devin was trying to convince her to abandon her dreams of a rose-coloured campus life, it wasn't working.

After the last fry was eaten, and both young women's mouths tasted of grease and regret, they headed out back to Devin's beater. Cassie thought the older girl seemed relaxed. Now was as good a time as any to broach the subject that she couldn't get off of her mind.

"So, uh ... have you ever fooled around with other girls?"

Devin gave her an impenetrable look. "Smooth transition there, Cass."

"Well, we were talking about college, and you know what they say about girls in college..."

Devin laughed, but it came out strained. "I don't know what you've been reading, but most girls stay straight when they go to school. Or stay gay, or bi, or whatever. I stayed straight, if that's what you're asking."

Cassie climbed into the passenger seat. "But you kissed me."

Devin slammed the door and buckled her seatbelt. "Yeah, well that was ... temporary insanity, I guess. I told you that."

"Really."

"Really."

Devin pulled out of the parking lot and started down the road to Cassie's house. Cassie couldn't help but prod a little bit further. When she got within sniffing distance of pussy, she was like an attack dog. "Do you think you'll have any more bouts of temporary insanity?"

"How can I say? Do I look like a psychiatrist?" Cassie thought that Devin sounded flirty, not annoyed, but wasn't sure.

"I should have your number," Cassie said. "Just in case you wake up with a mad pussy-craving. Or, you know, you need a ride to work or something."

As they paused at a red light, Devin turned and stared down Cassie. "Are you trying to pick me up? Because you're acting like a creepy guy right now."

"I'm not going to do anything you don't want me to do."

"Definitely like a creepy guy."

Cassie had to giggle to herself. Maybe she was being too forward. "Look, I'm just joking around. But I should have your number. For work stuff, if nothing else. And I'd like to be friends."

At the next light, Devin reached over and pulled out a marker from the glove compartment. She scrawled her phone number onto Cassie's wrist. "Stalk away."

"Well, if you insist..."

That night, Cassie was spending her usual evening curled up in bed with her laptop, chatting with her friends and watching episodes of Broad City. Rainey popped up on Skype, and Cassie almost instantly opened up a text chat. She liked to bounce problems off of Rainey – she often had good advice, and was never judgmental.

RaineyRoyale shared a photo

After another episode, Cassie went back to the chat window and found that Rainey had indeed messaged her with several pictures of penises.

In the end, it wasn't that difficult to get some alone time with Devin. Cassie dragged herself out of bed the next evening and sent her a text message – You want to hang out? After an agonizing moment of waiting, Devin's reply popped up on the screen. sure. chilling at home now. come around the garage. She sent her address in the next message.

Cassie made her way down the stairs as quietly as possible. She already had her coat on and was partway out the door when she called out to her parents "Going to see a friend, bye!"

Charlotte appeared in the doorway to the living room, where she and Cassie's dad were watching a movie. "It's past nine o'clock."