Chapter 30

It had been on Friday 6th of August that Cassie instituted divorce proceedings against Zak.

Graham had sent the relevant form and letter to the court, outlining Zak's deception as evidence of the irretrievable breakdown of the marriage, and he had sent a letter directly to Zak explaining how divorces work in England, and urging him to get a lawyer or go along with the process; to contest it was always very expensive since if he lost he would be liable for costs, and in any case there was no way of stopping the divorce.

Casssie settled down to wait for his response, anticipating problems.

She was brought up a Catholic and was married to Zak in a Catholic Church, so she also began proceedings towards getting the marriage annulled because of Zak's deception.

Two conversations.

"Hey, Big Sis, How's things?"

"Hi, Marie, I'm fine."

"You'll never guess who I spent an evening with last week."

"Go on."

"Ged. I was down in London visiting Joanna and you know she's nuts about 'Vivienne's Friends', well we went to see them and Ged was with them, playing his songs. He says you've dumped him. That true?"

"Well, It's over between us. It's the best way."

"You are the world's biggest idiot, you know that, Sis? Stupid!"

"It wasn't working Marie. We're both better off making a new start."

"You might be better off, but he's hanging on waiting for you."

"You don't know that."

"Oh, I do! I offered to stay the night with him, but he said he's waiting for you. He'll not move on until you marry again. You really are a silly bitch, Sis, obstinate!"

"You did what?"

"I offered myself to him for the night. He refused. Cassie he loves you, can't you see?"

"It'll never work, Marie. Too much has happened."

"Well, get yourself another man, Sis, 'cos then I can get him!"

"You're not serious! He's too old for you."

"You'd better believe it, Cassie. He's not that much older. I'll wait for him. I know he's worth it even if you don't."

"Good night, Marie."

"OK, but you're wrong. 'Bye."

"I'm so glad you patched things up with Ged."

"What?"

"You and Ged, down In London last weekend. It's in the papers."

"Cheryl, I've not been in London, and Ged and I are not together."

"But, the photos – look."

The photos were in the music press.

"Look, it shows you and Ged, and the article says you are together again."

"They got it wrong, Cheryl, that's not me, it's Marie."

"Marie? Oh shit! She looks so grown up!"

"Yeah, Marie! Who threw herself at Ged when she heard we were finally over."

"You're joking! She's only..."

"Seventeen, Cheryl. Old enough."

"And?"

"And what?"

"Ged shagged her?"

"No. He said he was being true to me or some such rubbish."

"You know, Cassie, you really need to ask yourself some questions. You're so angry all of a sudden, and I think you're trying to convince yourself you've done the right thing."

"I have done the right thing."

"No, you haven't."

"I know what I'm doing. Conversation closed."

"OK, but... '

"Cheryl!"

"Zak?"

"Graham has sent the petition for divorce. We haven't heard of a reply yet, but it's not due until next week, but I think it's going to drag out. I'm sure Zak will be awkward."

"Typical."

Cassie returned from Cheryl's place feeling annoyed. Why was everyone trying to get her back with Ged? Couldn't they see that relationship was hopeless? She thought back over the five or six weeks since she split with Ged.

She remembered she had felt relieved that it was all over and their constant bickering and misunderstandings were behind her. She had felt at peace, but even now was far from truly happy. She just needed time to readjust to the single life, she told herself.

She reassured herself that she had adjusted when she thought Ged was cheating, and had married Zak. While that was a major mistake on her part, at the time she was happy with Zak. She could be happy again.

She went to work and build buried herself in it, working long hours and returning home to her flat exhausted, to grab a supper and fall into bed. At the weekends, she visited friends and especially Cheryl and Brian, who had obligingly kept off the subject of Ged, after seeing her expression when they at first mentioned him. In any case, Ged had disappeared off the face of the earth which was a relief to her.

She had been enjoying the single life, free from responsibility to anyone. She was too tired after work to feel lonely, and her subconscious kept her from questioning why she was working so hard and such long hours. She was having a great time with her fellow workers at the publishers when they went drinking after work.

The only hiccup in her new free life was the phone call from Gus asking her about the song cycle that Ged had composed. She had told him brusquely that he could do what the hell he liked with it. She was shocked when Gus went on to ask where she wanted the royalties to go. That did unsettle her.

Then the CD arrived in the post and that annoyed her. Ged was trying to play with her emotions to get her back and she resented it. She put the CD away without listening to it.

Now, of all things, there had been, in close succession, Marie's phone call and Cheryl's excited response to the music press's misunderstanding. Perhaps it was because she had not dated anyone that they thought she felt something for Ged. Angrily, she resolved to put that right. She never considered how stupid the idea was.

Harry at work had flirted with her when the office heard she was getting divorced, and had hinted at a date, but she had deliberately and blandly misunderstood his intentions.

He was a very good looking man, she had admitted to herself, and artistic, working in cover design. What was more, he worked out and had a good slim body. With all that he was gentle and sensitive, and his flirting never crossing the line into anything too suggestive.

They had chatted about various aspects of the arts, and he had much the same tastes and interests as she had. She would date him, she thought, but keep the relationship low key; no sex for a good long time; she felt no need of that in the throes of the divorce, but some nights out with him would be quite exciting and different.

Once she made her mind up, she felt a frisson of excitement and her anger left her. She looked forward to the date, though as yet she had not asked him out.

The next time Harry passed her desk, he stopped as usual to ask her how she was.

"Harry," she said. "I've a couple of tickets for 'Die Fledermaus' at the Lowry on Wednesday, and I've no one to go with. Fancy a night out?"

Harry's face registered shock, then pleasure. "Er, yes, er, that would be nice."

"Good," she smiled, "I'll pick you up at six fifteen. Ok?"

"Er, yes – you sure you don't mind driving?"

"I don't mind."

He looked at her as if he had never seen her before, then he smiled, and as he walked on to his office, she heard him laugh to himself and thought he had a spring in his step. It was a nervous rather than triumphant laugh.

She smiled, and her spirits lifted for the first time for months. Life was looking up. It felt as if she was embarking on a new beginning in her life and she was happy. Well, happier.

As they left the car in the multi-storey car park to walk through the shopping mall to the theatre, Cassie took his arm, which pressed the side of her breast against it. He started with surprise but quickly recovered. He looked at her and smiled, and her heart seemed to miss a beat. This had the makings of a good evening; he was such a sweetie.

By the time they had ordered their drinks for the interval and had taken their seats Cassie had silently reprimanded herself, and she sat beside him demurely, keeping a distance. She felt quite giddy, not so much being with a man, but with her trip to the theatre.

She had not been to a concert or an opera since he went with Ged, and it was that thought that sobered her up a little. The thought of him seemed to dampen things. She took control of herself again, and reminded herself that she was going to take this friendship slowly, and see where it led.

On the way home, they discussed the performance in some depth, and Cassie realised that Harry knew his way around music and the opera. She was pleased to find someone on her wavelength, and she warmed towards him.

They reached his flat building and they parked in the car park.

"Would you like to come in for a coffee?" he asked.

Cassie had thought it out before they arrived, and politely refused his offer, citing work the next day. Everyone knew what being invited for a coffee meant!

"But we must do this again," she added, to mitigate the rebuff. In any case she wanted a repeat of this night.

"Yes, I'd like that," he said, looking into her eyes. She felt herself melting under his gaze, but remained firm. There was a silence, which began to engender a little discomfort.

"Well," he said, unbuckling his seatbelt and breaking the spell, "Better be going."

Their faces were close, and then hesitantly closer. Who kissed whom first, Cassie never knew, but it was soft and gentle and lasted a little too long. Cassie was breathless and sensitised. Harry smiled, as if he knew what the effect had been, and with a "Good night, then," left the car.

Her thoughts were in turmoil as she drove back. She wondered why she felt a sense of guilt at the kiss, that in some sense she was not being honest, or that the new relationship was not real. She savoured the kiss though; he was a good kisser! She giggled like a school girl.

The next day he invited her to a play in town on the Friday, and it was one she had wanted to see, so she agreed.

"My turn to drive," he said with a grin which she found enchanting, "Pick you up at six thirty?"

This time he dropped her off but she did not invite him in, though she offered herself up for a kiss, which turned into a few, and his hand grazing her breast, while hers played with his hair. Then she made her escape.

"This is moving a little too fast for me," she said out loud to the empty flat. "Slow down girl, you're behaving like a teenager."

The words provoked a vision of Douglas which flashed before her mind and immediately she felt cold and uncertain. Harry seemed kind and gentle, but was he genuine? Every serious relationship she'd had, had been disastrous in the end.

She needed to be more circumspect, though she now lusted after him, and wondered if she could resist him if they got too intimate. Again came the feeling of guilt and unreality, which she couldn't fathom.

It was a relief when Cheryl asked her to come over in the afternoon and babysit that evening, staying overnight and having lunch with them on Sunday. She said nothing about her evenings with Harry, and Cheryl kept away from the topic of Ged Smith.

Harry was back at her desk on Monday morning.

"I was going to ask you to come out for a drink," he said as he leaned on her desk, "but you were out all weekend. I missed you. Fancy a drink tonight?"

"I was babysitting for friends," she replied, looking up into his mesmerising eyes. "Not tonight, Harry. I have to do my laundry and iron my things."

"Tomorrow?"

Cassie felt a little persecuted, but flattered he should be so attentive, nay enthusiastic. She had an idea.

"How about grabbing a bite to eat and then a quick drink in town after work. Save cooking?"

He looked both relieved and enthusiastic. "Great idea! Ok, it's a date!"

Once again, Cassie found Harry's company enthralling. No one she knew, apart from Ged was so in tune with her thoughts and ideas, and so well versed in every aspect of the arts, musical, spatial and literary. They chatted all through the wholesome pub meal and over drinks afterwards.

Gradually as the evening progressed she felt herself drawn more and more to him, and took his hand when they waited for the taxi. In some ways holding hands is more intimate than walking arm in arm. He looked at her and smiled at the gesture and she melted inside. She wanted him.

In the taxi he kissed her and she kissed him back, hard. His hands began to wander over her body, down her sides and over her breasts, while she ranged over his back and hair. They parted panting, looked at each other and laughed.

The taxi drew up at Harry's place.

"Coming inside?" he asked, tenderly pushing a tendril of hair off her face, and suddenly she felt uncertain and even afraid. A clear picture of Ged doing just that at Catherine's flashed across her mind. Her spirits dampened.