Chapter 28

Ged was already at the pub when Cassie arrived. He stood to kiss her but she brushed past him and sat down opposite where he had been sitting. He noted the rebuttal and stifled a pang of anger.

"What are you drinking?" he asked. They were the first words spoken.

"Half of shandy, please," she said primly. He went to the bar and bought the drink.

He sat down.

"You wanted to talk." she said flatly. There was no warmth, only resignation, as if this was a chore to be got through.

He baulked at her tone, but took the invitation with a sinking feeling.

"I've had time to think and I think I'm over my anger now. I want to try again with you. You know we're meant for each other, and we'd not be in this position if it wasn't for Zak."

"Ged, every time we've met, you've been angry – in a rage. At me, not Zak."

"I know. I don't want to keep going over all that. I think you understand the feelings I had while on tour when you cut me off, and when I found you'd been using our flat with Zak, and then marrying him in such haste. How hurt I was, and how deep that hurt was. You notice I'm not getting angry or resentful any more. Since you came to the States I understand why you behaved as you did."

He took her hand which was on the table, and held it.

"Please, Cassie," he said with pleading in his eyes, "We can get over this."

She took his hand in hers, and he felt a surge of hope, only to have it dashed.

"Ged," she said gently, "When I learned what Zak had done, I tried and tried to get you back, and you rejected me again and again. I had been grossly deceived and I'd lost you, but you ranted at me. And after I humbled myself and confessed the abortion, you've been distant.

"If you'd really loved me you would have come running as soon as you got back, even with jet-lag, but no. You waited a week. We're not the same any more Ged. I've realised that it's over between us. We can't repair this; something's been lost and I don't think we can ever get it back."

"Please Cassie," Ged begged, "don't do this! We can make it work."

"No, Ged," she replied with great gentleness, "I've thought long and hard about this – I've had enough time – I'm sure we'll pull each other to pieces if we get back together. Best leave it here and part as friends."

"You don't love me any more," he stated abjectly. "I've never stopped loving you, even when I was angry with you. How can you do this?"

"I do love you," she stated emphatically. "Just not the same as before. Something's died between us. Best we part."

Their hands were entwined and their heads close together.

"Cassie, my darling," Ged urged. "Why don't we give it some time? Separate for a while and see if your feelings change? Please?"

She shook her head. "It won't work, Ged. You'd be looking over your shoulder and you'd never move on properly. We need to be free to move on. So let's just admit defeat and part as friends."

All the feelings Ged had while on tour returned in intensity, that hopeless, yawning hole in his heart. His shoulders slumped, and then he made a decision.

"If that's how you want it, I have to agree, don't I?" his voice a drone. "You might move on, but not me. When I knew you were married to Zak, I had other relationships. None of them were enough: it was you I needed and wanted, I just wouldn't admit it.

"Well, not any more. No more relationships. Until you come back to me I will remain single and I won't touch another woman or enter into another relationship. Remember that when you find yourself another man – I will still be waiting for you. You might think it's over, but not me. Cassie, you can come back any time. I'll be waiting."

"Don't Ged," she began to weep. "Please don't do that. You're tearing me apart. How can I move on when you're there in the background all the time. You're not being fair. Please say you'll start again."

"If it's not with you, Cassie," he asserted with a set jaw, "it'll not be with anyone. You're wrong about this. You're the one wanting to move on to someone else. So do it. I won't. It's your problem. For me this is a temporary separation."

Silence fell between them. They held each other's hands and gazed into each other's eyes and both had tears in them. At length, Cassie's shoulders sagged and she sat back.

"Time to go," she said.

He nodded and they stood and left the pub.

"Goodbye," she said, facing him.

He said nothing, but stepped to her and took her in his arms, and hers went round him. They hugged and then as if by common consent, they kissed gently on the lips. Then she tore herself from him and walked away.