Chapter 20

Ged felt much better. Catherine had been delighted that he was returning, and promised to get some connections going with others in the industry, for on the West Coast, entertainment was an industry. She also promised to make him feel good, and he knew from experience that it was not an idle boast.

He booked his flight for the following week, and spent the intervening time sorting out his affairs, visiting his mother, seeing Gus about managing his money and any contracts for royalties that might arise, spending time with the folk group and finally making love with Karin, who was upset about his departure, especially since the trip was so open ended.

He tried to keep busy until he left, but by the time the week was up he was upset and felt persecuted.

Gus was first. Ged sorted out all the business, and then Gus asked him very kindly why he was going back to the States, when everything could be done from home. And Ged told him, he needed to start over, and he couldn't get over Cassie so close to home.

"I just don't understand you, Ged," said his agent. "I've never tried to broach the subject of you and Cassie, but I'm going to do that now. You two are made for each other, but you are trying to put her behind you. Why?

"Look at it this way," he went on. "Is Cassie the same person who first met you? I know she's changed as we all do, but essentially, is she the same person who you saw in the union that day? Are her values the same? Things have happened to her, but her character?"

He paused briefly before explaining what he meant.

"She is still honest, truthful, faithful, am I right?" he asked.

Ged started to look resentful, but he nodded.

Like Cassie, thought Gus, he's the same: honest and faithful.

He went on. "If Zak had not been there, what would have happened? Would she have gone looking for another man? No, you know she wouldn't. When she fell apart, did she go looking for Zak? No, Zak sort of crept up on her.

"Is she looking for another man now? No. Zak took her when she was broken, and dominated her. It was part of his plan. She just followed. Why? Because she knew him and he was convincing. True?"

Ged felt anger at Zak this time. Again he nodded, and Gus saw the anger.

"Are you sure that your anger and resentment is really against Zak? That you resent that he got between Cassie's legs and eventually married her? That you're transferring it all onto Cassie, who doesn't really deserve it?"

"The problem Gus," said Ged with a resigned air, "is that she went with Zak and did not talk to me first.

"If I knew why she did that, I could make proper decisions, but she keeps telling me she doesn't know why. I don't know whether to believe her or not. It's just gone too far, Gus."

Gus went on doggedly. "What you're saying is that the only thing separating you is that she broke a promise and suffered the consequences.

"She broke it in extreme circumstances – did you envisage the evil intent and this sort of deception engineered by Zak when you made her promise that? You told her to distrust the press; but this was carefully planned, there was other evidence as well, Zak saw to that. She is a victim like you.

"You were her lover, and her fiancé. What does a loving fiancé do in such circumstances? Please think about it Ged."

Ged shrugged, "I've gone over this Gus, over and over I've gone over it. She went with Zak and married him, and she tells me she doesn't know why. I've nothing left for her. I'm sorry about it, but I can't get over it."

His folk group would not let it be either. They were desperate for him to stay.

It was Vivienne who let rip at him. It surprised him. She had always been dead straight with him, but he could see she was really worked up.

"You know Ged," she said angrily, "you were always such a good friend to have, you always saw both sides of any situation. You had empathy – hell, you couldn't have written the stuff you have if you couldn't put yourself in other people's shoes.

"Where's it gone, Ged? You're totally self obsessed now. Can't you get into her shoes and see things the way she sees them? Can't you feel how she feels? God, Ged, you've written songs from a woman's point of view, you should be able to do that!

"She's been treated cruelly by that bastard, and she's hurting and still confused over what's happened. And where are you when she needs you? Wrapped up in yourself. Perhaps if this is the new you, she's better off without you."

"Wow, Viv," said Ged with a rueful smile. I didn't think you knew her so well, that you feel so strongly. Perhaps you're right. She's better off without me."

Viv looked startled. She had not expected him to give in and agree. Not like that.

But Ben was saying his piece.

"I can't see the problem. You didn't cheat on her. She didn't cheat on you. It was Zak, wasn't it? You and Cassie were both hurt. Who was the author of all the hurt – you? Cassie? No, it was Zak. So why are you taking it out on her? Why did she take it out on you?"

"That's exactly it, Ben," Ged said with all the patience he could muster. "I don't know why she reacted so violently, went to such lengths – I mean, marrying him! She says she doesn't know why, but I can't see that. She knows, she's just not telling."

"So" said Ben, "You don't believe her."

"I suppose that's it," replied Ged, "but I'm going to the States for a while. I'll be back someday, and we'll keep in touch – I'll send you any stuff that suits you guys.

"I think we should make an album together if I come back. I just need to get over Cassie properly. I'm just marking time at the moment."

The folk group were delighted with his offer, and thanked him. He told them to think of some songs from other people they could cover.