Chapter 38: Ghosts of the Past

Andrew was not having a good night's sleep. He kept tossing and turning. He was caught in that halfway world of not being awake and not being asleep, sometimes being more awake than asleep and other times the converse. His dreams were weird and fragmented – lucid without being in full control of them.

He finally abandoned trying to cling to sleep and sat up in bed. It was then that he noticed that Raven wasn't in bed with him. He looked over towards the bathroom expecting to find the door closed and framed with light from inside. The door was open and room was dark.

Her absence explained his poor sleep.

He went out of the bedroom in search of her. He found her in the media room watching video tapes from the project. She was watching the tape of his first time with Bambi. She was frowning at the screen.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm watching the videos from the first few days of the project."

He remembered quite vividly his first time with Amber. He hoped that she hadn't watched it, but based on the way that she was acting it was highly unlikely.

"Oh."

"It was kind of disturbing," Raven said not wanting to look at him.

"You're talking about the cheerleader scene?"

"Yes."

She glanced over at him with a look of disappointment on her face. She had really thought he was different.

"I can see where you would find it disturbing. Amber and I never did any of that kind of stuff when you were around."

"Why would she do it?" Raven asked. "How could you do it?"

Andrew could see that she was very upset. This was exactly what he had hoped never would happen. He knew it looked really bad. In a way, he even felt a little guilty about it.

"Amber and I shared a deep dislike for cheerleaders. They were cruel to me and vicious to her. We were acting out a fantasy in which we got our revenge on a cheerleader."

"You were horrible. You treated her like my ex treated me. I thought you were different."

Getting compared to her ex really stung. However, he could see why she said that. It wasn't true, but knowing that didn't help.

Andrew said, "It is not what you think."

"I know what I saw."

Andrew said, "Would you watch it with me so that I can explain what is happening?"

"I'd rather not," Raven said tightly.

"Please."

"I guess."

"Before we watch it, I'd like to explain one thing."

"What?"

"Amber had a safe action to take that would end the scene right then and there. All she had to do was tap my foot and we'd stop."

Raven studied Andrew trying to decide if he was telling her the truth. If Amber had a safe word, then she was doing that willingly. Based on what she had seen, that wasn't possible. No woman would be willing to have a cock battered down her throat like that. She knew exactly what that experience was like.

Sarcastically, she asked, "So she was willing for you to batter her throat with your cock?"

"Let's watch the video," Andrew said instead of answering her question.

"I'd really rather not."

"You need to."

"Okay."

Andrew started the tape. He stopped it when Amber was finishing her cheer. He said, "One fantasy that a lot of guys have is that a cheerleader takes one look at him and falls into complete and total lust with him. Now at this point, all she's done is a couple cheers to establish her role in this drama as a cheerleader."

"That's obvious. Although no cheerleader ever did a cheer like that."

"That was just part of the fantasy. She was playing a sex obsessed cheerleader."

He restarted the video. Now Amber was crawling to him on her hands and knees. Rather than respond nicely to her approach he belittled her with insults and derogatory names. Andrew stopped the tape.

He said, "Amber was treated like a whore by the cheerleaders. The thing is that she knew the cheerleaders were banging every athlete at school. They weren't any better than her, but somehow the stigma of being easy didn't stick to them. Her fantasy was to have that hypocrisy exposed. That's what all of the dialog about being a cum-dump was about – a cheerleader admitting that she was as a big a whore as they come."

"I see," Raven said with a little less hostility in her voice.

Andrew could see that her body language was starting to change. He started the tape at the beginning of the blowjob. He paused it after the part where he was slapping her face with his cock.

"Amber was really getting off on this. You might notice that she was the first one to take my cock and slap her face with it. She was telling me that was what she wanted me to do. It was a humiliating act targeted at the cheerleader Amber was pretending to be and not Amber the person."

"That's a pretty subtle distinction."

"It might be subtle, but it was very real to her. For my part, it was nice seeing a cheerleader treated with the kind of disrespect they had always shown me."

"I'll withhold judgment on that," Raven said, "At least, for now."

Andrew started the tape. He played it through the throat fucking scene without comment. He could see Raven cringing at seeing it.

"You'll notice that she was begging me to fuck her face. It wasn't me demanding it," Andrew said.

"Play that part again."

Andrew backed up the video and replayed that part of it. He had been telling the truth. She had basically ordered him to fuck her face. Not only that, but she told him to do it hard and fast.

"I didn't notice that," Raven said looking puzzled.

"It was all about humiliating the cheerleader."

"I know that hurts," Raven said.

"She told me afterward that she'd done that before with a guy who did it harder and faster. She didn't have a problem with it at all. You might have noticed that there was no gagging or choking."

"That's hard to believe. I thought I was going to die when my ex did that to me."

"What your husband did was rape. What we were doing was play acting."

Raven sat there for a minute thinking about what she had seen. It really did look like Andrew was abusing Amber. However, his explanation of what was going on told a completely different story. Having heard his story, the whole scene looked like it was Amber directing it. For the short time she had known Amber, the blond had never acted like Andrew had treated her badly.

Finally, she said, "You were both living out two sides of the same fantasy."

"That's right."

"I guess I can understand that. I don't think I could let anyone fuck my face like that again."

Just watching the video had brought back memories that were exceptionally strong. She would never forget vomiting or choking while her ex fucked her throat like that. She'd really thought she was going to die. There times when he held his cock down her throat for too long and she couldn't breath. She knew that one day he would killed her.

"No one is asking you to do that."

"I'm glad to hear it. I know on this project, I've done a lot of things that my ex had forced me to do. I've done them willingly. In way, I was taking charge of my sexuality. I was saying to myself that if I want to eat a woman, then I will eat one. If I don't, I won't. No one is going to force me. That's one of the things I've appreciated about this whole project thing. There's been no force or coercion. Everything is discussed before anything happens."

Before joining the project, there hadn't been a time when sex had been anything other than unpleasant. From her first date where she had been forced to suck a guy off to the day she had been rescued from being beaten by her ex, she'd been forced to do things she didn't want to do. It was rape. A lot guys raped her, not just the first guy she dated, but every guy after that.

Not dating was out of the question. All she had wanted was to be loved. Deep down inside, she knew that she couldn't live the rest of her life hating something that was so much a part of being in love. People liked sex. People in love engaged in sex. Her life was changing.

"I'm glad you understand that," Andrew said.

Raven said, "Today's conversation about having an actor join us took me by surprise."

"It was the same for me."

"My reaction surprised me."

"It surprised me, too."

Raven stared at the screen without really seeing it. Her thoughts were back in the office.

She said, "In a way, I guess that whole cuckhold fantasy thing is like your cheerleader fantasy. It's a role reversal. Rather than a cheerleader humiliating you, you got to humiliate the cheerleader. For me, rather than being ordered to eat cum by a guy, I'll be the one ordering the guy to do it."

Andrew stared at her wondering if it was really that simple. She wanted to live out her version of the cheerleader fantasy. If so, then he totally understood why she wanted to do it. Once again, his thoughts turned to how much he hated her ex-husband.

Shifting nervously in his seat, he said, "That's a reasonable analogy."

"It still makes you uncomfortable," Raven said.

"Yes. Yes, it does."

"Why?"

"I'm not sure I could perform with some guy watching me."

"Are you kidding? You're a stud. I mean, I've heard all about Millie's performance early tonight."

"She was a little vocal."

"I'm surprised the neighbors didn't call the police."

Andrew laughed.

"You don't have to worry about performance. You're great."